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Beach Grit

WSL: “Surfers and Fans Excited for Oi Rio Pro!”

Derek Rielly

by Derek Rielly

A brutal twist of dark humour?

Yesterday, or maybe the day before, who knows, everything after the Surf Ranch feels deflated, the WSL released a presser that blazed with fake diamond rings.

Its title?

World’s Best Surfers and Fans Excited for Oi Rio Pro Opening Day.

“It is really special,” said Stephanie Gilmore, six-time women’s champ.

“I’m excited to be back here,” said Tyler Wright, the reigning women’s world champ adding the surf was mostly “tricky” but “rewarding.”

“I am just excited to be here,” said Gabriel Medina, Brazil’s first world surfing champion.

“The yellow Jeep Leader Jersey is an exciting thing to wear,” said Julian Wilson, tour leader along with Italo Ferreira. “…it is an opportunity to have more excitement and energy behind you.”

“I am excited to wear the jersey and do my best,” said Italo.

The competition, which ran yesterday, hit its usual bullshit, including a seven-hour hold and conditions even the WSL was compelled to call “challenging” in a much less upbeat presser that it headlined,

Challenging Conditions for Opening Day of Oi Rio Women’s Pro: women power through slow conditions.

Tyler Wright said, “I thought there was actually going to be a couple more waves than that.”

Sally Fitz, “Although it is low scores, it is still super exciting because you do not know what is going to happen next.”

Super exciting!

I missed it all, of course, partly due to the time difference, midday in Rio is midnight in Bondi, actually no, fuck dat, it ain’t cause of the time diff.

I’ve been Ranched.

The pungent spice that comes from Slater’s green-tinted sex nest still clings to me.

And nothing will ever be the same again.

Small south swell leftovers are predicted for Itaúna Beach today.