A brutal twist of dark humour?
Yesterday, or maybe the day before, who knows, everything after the Surf Ranch feels deflated, the WSL released a presser that blazed with fake diamond rings.
Its title?
World’s Best Surfers and Fans Excited for Oi Rio Pro Opening Day.
“It is really special,” said Stephanie Gilmore, six-time women’s champ.
“I’m excited to be back here,” said Tyler Wright, the reigning women’s world champ adding the surf was mostly “tricky” but “rewarding.”
“I am just excited to be here,” said Gabriel Medina, Brazil’s first world surfing champion.
“The yellow Jeep Leader Jersey is an exciting thing to wear,” said Julian Wilson, tour leader along with Italo Ferreira. “…it is an opportunity to have more excitement and energy behind you.”
“I am excited to wear the jersey and do my best,” said Italo.
The competition, which ran yesterday, hit its usual bullshit, including a seven-hour hold and conditions even the WSL was compelled to call “challenging” in a much less upbeat presser that it headlined,
Challenging Conditions for Opening Day of Oi Rio Women’s Pro: women power through slow conditions.
Tyler Wright said, “I thought there was actually going to be a couple more waves than that.”
Sally Fitz, “Although it is low scores, it is still super exciting because you do not know what is going to happen next.”
Super exciting!
I missed it all, of course, partly due to the time difference, midday in Rio is midnight in Bondi, actually no, fuck dat, it ain’t cause of the time diff.
I’ve been Ranched.
The pungent spice that comes from Slater’s green-tinted sex nest still clings to me.
And nothing will ever be the same again.
Small south swell leftovers are predicted for Itaúna Beach today.
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Can’t stop looking at their knees never noticed how unbeautiful they are
And now in my head I’m hearing ‘Knees knees knees’ by James Brown.
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Id be more excited to see big Kev come back from the dead an take a shit on the desk in front of the 89 world champ an his parrot mate
big Kev isn’t dead, he has just been frozen till they find a cure, then he will be back, more excited than ever https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
im soooo excited
Hight tide at the Rio pro its one of the most painful things one has to watch..and low tide too.
Medium tide is awesome though I bet.
So if the Margaret River Pro to finish at Uluwatu, where does the Oi Rio Pro finish? How about the Oy Vey Pro in Israel.
Maybe Rio can beat the Bell and surpass 4900 worldwide viewers for the final..!
When the wave pool breaks down = Sexy
When nature decides that a decreasing swell meets an incoming high tide = Boring
????????????????
Ps For the CT event at Le BORE could Slater collaborate with the Triffids and perform “My Baby thinks She’s a Train”?
Not sure if I missed something but why you no talk about the Texas wave? Looks fun as fuck. Is it a stab versus beachgrit thing? I’ve missed something haven’t I. Yep must have.
No Grit until grit.
After reading about the non-surfing but seemingly cool owner I’m looking forward to seeing his stoke on surfing. What kind of person will a millionaire noob that owns endless waves turn into? Will he morph into Gollum leaving Slater as Baggins or possibly Moses to Slater as Pharoah?
You could draw comparisons to slater and gollum. The pursuit of a power once held turning them shrivelled and grotesque but somehow letting them live way beyond their years.
Don’t know about lord of the rings I’m just picturing a rich tanned fat guy with gold chains shredding. That would be awesome! Would be Like the return of Shawn Briley. Is the guy fat?
beachgrit boys watching waco saying “damn, we coulda saved mad loot if we’d done our teach a girl to do airs vid in the heart of tejas”
And Dez you have been on fire!!!!
Some of your best
“The pungent spice that comes from Slater’s green-tinted sex nest still clings to me.” and yesterday “I fed Lewis pastry and crème patissiere straight from the spoon which he described as “gay”. Soon, his mouth was open and he was begging for the eclair, greedily rimming the spoon.”
Absolutely.
Yeah that was all time writing there!
Praise? I can almost feel the rash off your suck and bite bruises, the sweet ferocity of your teeth gnashing… ooowee!
I was excited for Channelbottoms Karma sutra thesaurus
Excited – fuck me!! Can someone give them a fucking thesaurus and some new adjectives
Thomas, old chap. Pardon my impertinent question, but is a ‘fucking thesaurus’ somewhat akin to the Kama Sutra?
No Its a form of bestiality that is disgusting/revolting/depraved…… beyond words
“It’s”
Gen z choose immediacy over grammatical pedantry
I was being Kelly.
How come your pathetic meh gets 8 and my pathetic beh gets 3 ?
I thought yours was in response to mine. I was hoping we’d all chip in to go through the alphabet.
Yea – it was in agreement with yours.
I should’ve replied to you.
meh
And ‘Beh’, to you good sir.
qeh
It is – and about to enact position 69
Who needs new adjectives when you’ve got Conner Coffin dropping his new EP?
Is there no end to the talent on tour ?
Thought Soph might jump on that one.
She probably tried but Conner held out for the $$$ – good boy, Conner !
But wait !
WSL are excited to announce the upcoming release of 89 World Champ, Martin Potters latest, “Super Cool Human”.
Conn(e)r Coffin / Conn(o)r O’Leary
Whoops – amended. cheers
“stok-ed”?
Oi! Oi! Oi!
…dança kuduro!
Beh
Meh.