Are any pros excited for Lemoore?
I have always been a fan of Matt Wilkinson though became very much less so when he jettisoned the good-natured, blue-collar thing for front-running, weight-lifting, no-cocaine-sniffing potential World Champ.
Do you remember? A few seasons back when he won three events in a row? It seems like he lost his sense of humor during that run. Like it drowned at the bottom of a protein shake. Like when the great Australian journalist Fred Pawle called him a “yobbo” and Wilkinson took great offense threatening physical violence etc.
What a strange time it was and sad for what is surfing without being laughable?
Today, sitting outside the qualification bubble after a tough luck stretch, Matt Wilkinson feels back. Honest, real, though semi-depressed. His post-heat interview with Rosie after his loss to someone is a study in manhood.
I would imagine he would rather not talk through his frustrations but he does, eyes betraying genuine feeling, soft voice working through the pain. The most interesting part of the chat, though, is when he speaks about his prospects for the rest of the tour.
Rosie: Matty you are outside of qualification at the moment. How are you gonna turn your season around?
Matt: Yeah, I’ll keep plugging away and the wave pool should be… fun? I kinda don’t really know what to expect there. I’ve done a few days there and put some practice in and hopefully put more than a five on the board and… I don’t know… do the wave pool…
His voice loses all steam as he goes along, deflating entirely by the end. There clearly seems to be no relish in going to Lemoore and, now that I think about it, I haven’t heard any pros talk with gusto about the Surf Ranch event.
Why? Are they hedging bets in case the performance is found wanting? Genuinely not excited about four days in Lemoore? It is a known quantity by now. There are no surprises left and I wonder if the woke feel the tug of history pulling away from tubs.
Or maybe the deflation has directly to do with how the World Surf League has marketed the event. Inside sources tell me ticket sales are lagging far behind expectations but this information came before the blink-182 announcement so who knows.
Whatever the case, I’ll be there cheering for the Matt Wilkinson I used to know and love. High-fiving Tom DeLonge (emotionally).
I know your beat down was traumatizing Charlie, but don’t shit on everyone else’s parade! Just slink off to the dock like a ninja and literally shit in everyone else’s parade(pool)! That’s Gonzo mate! Imagine your very own turd, sailing merrily down the line as the tub whirrs to life. Wilko needs a high 5 to advance–just one more right-hand drainer and he’s out of competitive purgatory. He’s up, trademark pizza tossed to the heavens. Once. Twice. He’s in the pit! It’s running, and the thing looks good. Commentator Chris Cote is the first to sense the danger, yet mischievously holds his tongue. “Up and over the foam ball…he’s locked back in folks” he chirps, gleefully aware of the runaway poo’s almost sentient course. The heaving lip seizes Charlie’s poo, which smells sweet, like fruity hard liquor, splitting it in two as it goes over the falls. One half continues it’s arc, while the other drops through the roof, straight into Wilko’s gaping mouth. He chokes. The wave runs by, projecting the remains of your wino poo out in a furious spit; one that reaches all the way to Ziff’s air conditioned Luxury Box. 75% of attendees have no idea, because it already smells like fuckin’ shit.
ND this is brilliant. Chas please make this happen.
Genius choreography there. Stone cold fkn genius
C’mon Chas, it was only Snapper and Bells!
Down the paddocks. I’m gonna watch intently though.
“….his loss to someone.” A sign of the times. Epic.
Good thing after Tahiti I’m actually looking forward to the Wavepool.
This has been the worst event ever
I have a friend who had a brief flirtation with fame (not really, but in his own mind), he became an insufferable tosser for about two years, fortunately for his friends his dreams never became a reality!
if you’re one of the surfers in the water, the few minutes between waves goes by super fast. but if you’re a spectator, the “lulls” are brutal. and god forbid the machine conks out again, like it did at the founders cup. thats a true prison sentence – not even an ocean to zone out and look at, much less a fresh breeze and chicks in bikinis
First sentence says it all! But hell we got $5 suedo organic beer and music from what’s their name again, one hit wonders? Count me out. I’ll keep my change.
Suckers borned everyday…just wait tell everyone there finds out most are being paid or are getting a free pass… gezzz
ya gotta figure the price of an eight-ball in fresno is way more reasonable than in san clemente. plus with the blink-182 fans coming through, i’m sure the boys are bringing up plenty of product. chas should be supporting this!
IS…book signing…to boot!
Cocaine and Wavepools, Chas Smith 2018
Cardoso’s going to take this thing out.
the only thing Cardoso is taking out is the leftovers from the catered lunch.
But what about the dreams of caroline marks and griffin Colapinto?
those dreams will have to wait until Willian’s had his fill of Kelly’s finest farm to table local Lemoore delicacies. And his to go box has been firmly secured on the roof of his rental Toyota Yaris.
i was driving my mom’s car around socal and the radio played blink — fm radio, baby! — and i turned it up really loud. in solidarity, i guess!
Your mom’s car? It’s okay to admit that it was your car Jen. No hate here.
oh ha ha no! it was literally my mom’s car!
the music ain’t that great in my own car though, it’s true.
As a governing body of a professional sports association/league, Rule #1 is “Never take away professional athletes’ ability to be proud of the sport.”
The WSL calls itself a “League”. A term that pro sports industry customs and practice show is reserved for teams in competition. But Dirk Ziff co-WateredDownSportMan of the Year is the only team. The athletes are merely an Association of Surfing Professionals competing against, and for the benefit of, the only team in the League, Team Ziff. This dynamic has taken away the professional athletes pride in their sport. Blink-182 is but a symptom of this bigger disease. Professional League forcing Association of Surfing Professionals to take part in a high school grade pool party. The League wants pool parties. The athletes want that sense of pride back. It’s fucking pathetic! And sad! And heading towards the saddest!
Just chocked on my beer…so fukken funny but true.
Please can he wear a redneck cowboy (or cowgirl?) wetsuit like he did back in the day?
If he does I think we should award him some sort of People™ prize, like a camo Grumpy Local jersey and a bag of salted driftwood. And maybe shares in the Incredible Funeral Plan that is Sweeping My Area.
Wave Pool Owners Don’t Want You To Know This One Secret!
Is the wave pool going to be the exact same tube after tube? Is there a rule against someone bringing a fun board or a sperm whale and just toes on the nose’n? Are we gonna see any boosts? Can you even air there? I’ve litterally not watched more than 3 seconds of a clip from the wave pool.
Nothing better than a surf contest where you think to yourself “I might actually be able to get barreled there, for just as long, but look excessively awkward doing it”
Slater has added a air section…
But much like Connor Coffin’s secret turn, no one’s seen it yet. I’ve heard whispers that if you blink at the 182-second mark you’ll miss it.
Well played sir……well played.
*Chances of entertainment rise slightly*
I wish someone would win on a board over 7 feet long. WSL mad. Beach Grit mad. The People mad. Jeeves, bring my popcorn.
Parko is amping for it.
He’s gonna be the roadie for Blink-362? I thought he’d be surfing.
Sometimes I get really jealous of guys who surf well enough to be pro. The turns, the speed, the power and flow. And the free stuff. But then I read this and think that I’ve never, ever, been depressed about my life in the surf. My average surfing doesn’t sap my emotional energy. It doesn’t make me sad. Maybe I should be happy I’m of the 99%?
God, surfing has made me sad so, so many times.
I’ve always said surfing is just a continuous series of letdowns, frustration & disappointment. Offset by the odd good tube.
sounds strikingly similar to how my misses feels about me. minus the last bit.
No pipe?
I’m sure Mrs Phat wanker sees the good in you. Just make a god damn tube.
Try kayaking where not even the best days are worth living for.
That’s the new WSL marketing campaign, hope it works!
Chas should arrange upon his arrival to the Tub…. a band of Circus clowns with monkeys and all, let’s face it this WSL is a Circus show.
in other words, Life.
mad, embarrassed, frustrated all yes. I don’t think I’ve ever been sad though.
Yeah what about your 9-5 though?
Yeah, that’s true. But what’s Wilko’s relief from his 9-5? A good sit at the office desk? That’s really the trouble with the comps, isn’t it? Whether you’re 8 and doing your first ones or a pro, every single heat is a performance review. My 9-5 only gives me those once a year! How many times can you hear “not good enough” before you want to give it up?
Poor Wilko gives us a glimpse into the soul-sucking power of pro surfing, which is akin to dropping a match into an army latrine hole on chili day and using your mouth to mount the doo doo hole like an air-tight gasket.
It’s all a facade, after that interview he ripped 6 champion size nose-cones
Legendary
Whores all whores.
Probably got a twitt from WSL shortly after the interview… “Good job…we got you a invite to the Tub.”