First Kurt Russell now this!
I have made it my business to shit on California’s central valley feat. Lemoore and Visalia for the past two years. Every single chance I saw. Every opportunity I smelled and even opportunities that were merely drunken illusions.
Shit.
I described in detail the smell of cow shit that hovers. I detailed the inverted fog and sad migrant workers with children locked up in Trump branded bouncy castles.
Nothing could ever rehabilitate California’s central valley. Not all the methamphetamine in the entire world.
And then this morning I learned that Kurt Russell’s Jack Burton’s truck company was based out of Visalia. Kurt Russell. The greatest actor of his generation. A songbird. And I was back, wondering if the real estate market is booming in the central valley too and wondering if I might be able to slip into a double-wide Ranch adjacent.
I am now putting money down on that double-wide Ranch adjacent because the famous David Lee Scales just emailed this gem through.
The Navy is confirming to Action News that filming for the sequel to the 1986 blockbuster Top Gun is being partly filmed at Naval Air Station Lemoore.
Tom Cruise is reprising his role as Maverick for the sequel and the name of the new movie is “Top Gun: Maverick.”
The Navy can’t tell us if Cruise is in Lemoore. But, the Navy can say that NAS Lemoore’s F18 Super Hornets and F35’s will play a big role in the movie.
Twitter user David Cenciotti, a verified aviation blogger, tweeted these pictures of what he says is Tom Cruise’s P-51 Mustang and the special colored FA18 Super Hornet used in the film spotted in Lemoore on September 14th.
In a Facetime interview from San Diego, the Navy says the new movie will feature the Central Valley in a big way.
“A great deal of the flying in this film will be done by Lemoore based aviators,” said Cmdr. Ron Flanders, Public Affairs Officer Naval Air Forces
The Navy says they’re acting as technical advisors for the cast of the movie.
Production is ongoing and the film isn’t due to be released into theaters until June 26, 2020.
So ok. About putting money down on that double-wide Ranch adjacent… I haven’t officially yet because BeachGrit is still struggling under the financial weight of The People’s Billboard but should we maybe crowdfund a double-wide Ranch adjacent? Like, I joke about crowdfunding stuff all the time but what if we did? What if we had a very sick double-wide Ranch adjacent? With HBO and ESPN?
If you give money it’ll be yours as much as anyone’s. We’ll work bookings off a tried and true time share system.
Do time shares still exist in the age of Airbnb?
We can time share our double-wide to the WSL for their Airbnb surfer experience thing.
But I’m out if they’re not filming a re-make of this scene at Surf Ranch and you should be out too.
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Don’t take down the billboard
don’t see tom cruise as a top gun, he’s more of a ‘bottom’ gun
Also, Steve Perry spent his formative adolescent years in Lemoore, probably with that blue jean girl by the river. I think Chas must be exaggerating about the smell.
If Kelly doesn’t have the kid that learned to surf at The Ranch who lives double-wide adjacent (and who Kelly surely doesn’t know the name of) digging a sand volleyball court right now, I’d be amazed.
Plus, for a more modern!? spin, Kelly could get blink 182 to write the soundtrack!
If the Navy has Airplanes and a landlocked base what the fuck does the Air force do?
It was built during the Cold War — they figured San Diego, where the rest of the NAS and Pacific fleet were hanging around would go in the first strike. Nice to have a little inland backup, ya know, for the survivors stuck slogging through the radioactive wasteland.
Why thank you. In New Zealand we have like a boat and a dinghy for our Navy, One Big plane that can carry stuff a small out of date fighter plane that is grounded and a couple of helicopters stuck in the South Island as they aren’t allowed to fly over water for our Air force, Some lads that would be in Jail but instead choose the Army driving around in a Jeep (thanks WSL) and that’s our Army*. Anyone want a fight?
*May also have guns? unsure.
How good will it be when maverick does a fly by and buzzes the tower!! Maybe a low flight across the ranch will make the wave better?
I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean by: “double-wide Ranch adjacent”.
EDIT: I now assume you’re talking about a house.
A house next to the ranch is no good without an entry pass for us.
Whom among us can afford 55k for a day’s sesh?
BTW if you can afford this, please go fuck off a cliff you criminal lizard.
thanks
Tom Cruise could get a full on stand up barrel at the KS Surf Ranch — soul arching with Jesus Christ spread arms, looking up at the lip high above — and still plenty of room for a fully turgid nude Oompa Loompa to stand on his shoulders.
After 20years working in cocktail bars one often gets “so your like Tom Cruise?” and my reply was always “ No ! I don’t need to stand on a keg of beer to see over the counter ? “ . He could easily have played the Hobbit or Tyrion Lannister with no need for special FX .
Here’s Tom Cruise doin’ de party wave doubles with a pal. Tom’s so tuff he don’t need no wetsuit.
Tommy only take de high-line.
I don’t know why I’m writing about him in this voice but I like it.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Hit the brakes, he’ll fly right by
Anyone who buys in is enabling the Beach Grit Cult.
You won’t suck me in like that.
That’s a trick question no matter which you go for you’re proving that you are a scientologist or scientologist sympathiser!
K pond the smell of toxic cow turds to jet fuel… just lovely! Got to be the most toxic surf pool on the planet. Make sure your health insurance is up to date.
Very homoerotic of you to choose the volleyball scene, Chas.
I suggest a “From Here to Eternity” type kissing scene at The Ranch while The Machine™ trundle away in the background making waves.
Tom can be kissing a future butch lesbian.
Talk about your product placement!
And Mick Ultras…lots of Mick Ultras.
I hope they keep the Kenny Logins music.
There is no other music
As kids my friends and I referred to doing a shit (or bog) as a Kenny Loggins
“Fucken bustin’ for a Kenny Loggins” or “I gotta go in, need to snap a loggin’s” – aquaturds were very frowned upon as they should be. But yeah Loggins music is not as shit as we coined the namesake bodily function.
I agree with naming hanging a turd dropping a Kenny Loggins just only when it is a very special moment in shitting – for example, 12 years ago I saw a Corgi hang a shit in Barney’s shoe department. My wife and I still turn to each other and say ” Remember Kenny Logins?!” and it transports us back to that very special place and moment in time, and we laugh.
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https://m.youtube.com/watch…
Now you are going to make me run out and by some deck shoes..
Kelly and Tom Cruise – BBFs!
Scientology!
It’s inevitable!
Do you reckon Scientology would give me a fucken sick rig like these cunts? I have a sinking feeling that Cruisey and Slater are just being blackmailed by Scientology over a kiddie porn collection or something. It all seems very sinister.
Ties back in with Patrick Swayze – the rich mans Kurt Russell – who played a paedo guru in Donnie Darrko!
They’re all poor mans Harold Sakata mate. No man alive has the acting prowess or charisma of oddjob in Goldfinger.
Hopefully what Kanoa will look like surfing in the over 55s super masters division around 2053 ?
Azamat Bagatov. I know he is not an actor but as a producer he is in a class of his own.
Talking to a local man in Lemoore during the contest there, he began telling me that on Saturday night the Ranch was holding an Air Show. He was super excited! Then it dawned on me that he thought the Air Show was going to be a bunch of fighter jet flyovers from the naval air base. Aside from failing to successfully meet ol’ Backward Fins B, this was my best moment in Lemoore.
I’ve been to the Lemoore Airshow! The flexing of George HW Bush’s military muscle!
Oh that’s brilliant!
Honest “Abe” you just got invited to my dinner party sir. I hope people are paying attention to this..