The day has finally arrived. Surf is officially too absurd to make fun of. Too off the rails weird where even The Onion, the pinnacle of American satirical expression, could not make surf satirical or absurd.
Totally true.
As you know, I consume surf news like no one earth. And by “consume” I mean that I Google “surf” first thing in the morning and then click “news” then Google “surfing” and then click “news.”
This morning I did that and read this story.
Standing firm in his commitment to the historic property amid mounting apprehension over the approach of Category 4 Hurricane Florence, Myrtle Beach resident Dennis Brock told reporters Monday he refused to evacuate from his family’s ancestral Ron Jon Surf Shop. “I don’t care what the government tries to tell me. This place is in my blood, and I’m not leaving no matter what,” said Brock of the beach apparel and souvenir shop where he and two of his cousins are currently employed as cashiers, where his uncle once worked as an assistant manager, and where his father once helped vice presidential candidate Geraldine Ferraro pick out a pair of sunglasses. “I’m not some coward who’s just going to flee and abandon everything my family has worked so hard for. These flip-flop bottle opener keychains, these waterproof wallets, these boogie boards—they’re a part of who I am, and I’ll never abandon them. If I have to die, let me die in the place that I love, surrounded by collectable shot glasses and fridge magnets, wearing the Bob Marley T-shirt and board shorts of my people.” Brock reportedly prepared for the storm by stuffing several foam beer koozies and tie-dyed beach towels in the cracks beneath the store’s front doorway.
I thought, “What a legend. I’m doing a story.”
Then went on to try to find where this legend lived and realized he was a satirical The Onion creation.
And then I stepped away from my computer and danced to Abba because we’ve arrived. We’ve all officially arrived. So satirical that it can no longer be satirized.
God bless surfing. God bless it each and every day.
I have actually bought a sup for my wife and several skateboards for my kids at that store. Damn I’m cool, they gave me a sticker to prove it.
gold.
Who said surfing hadnt reached the mainstream
My local has been Satirical for years.
Re: Day 3 Surf Splendor podcast at Surf Ranch…
I was a part of the parking staff on Day 4…got something to say? Seems like you took a cheap shot at the people working the comp.
Man of the people???
you are a parking pet? me too! being a parking pet is the best. the tips at the surf ranch must be phenomenal. wait until the corporate days! except, when kelly is there. he don’t tip no one!
I prefer “parking person” thank you.
I imagined that Kelly has tipped more than his fair share.
The section I listened to they actually said positive things about the people working the comp. They used an example of the local guy at the normal beach comp on the coast who thought his shit doesn’t stink because of his association.
I think that is what Roland Barthes called the metalanguage. I don’t know for sure because that class I took in college was super hard, but I’m pretty sure!
Somewhere, in a dimly-lit bunker, Dirf Zikk, and Bendover Mucus are cackling, Muaah-ha-HA!-ing, and rubbing their hands in that certain way that only evil people do in cartoons.
Now we really don’t need the Olympics
Do you think there is an Olympics category for those bottle-opener slippas?
They might still let you cox an 8 if you can’t refund your airfare.
So being satirised in ‘The Onion’ is peak surfing?
I think you underestimate the wide range of abilities Big Surf, Pro surf, Little Surf and The People have to mock what we love.