"Don't be sad, Kelly. Like us, this board was not built to last."
"Don't be sad, Kelly. Like us, this board was not built to last."

Question: What was your first custom order hand-shaped surfboard?

Surfing divination!

Have you ever gone to a psychic? A man or woman gifted in the arts of divination? I never have but imagine the comfort of receiving advice about this or that decision would be comforting. Still, it’s the psychic’s ability to tell the client about his or her own past, without foreknowledge, that  has always impressed. Anyone could say anything about the future, who could argue? But the past is set in stone.


On this note, I feel I could tell you everything* about your past if you told me the dimensions of your first custom order hand-shaped board.

Do you recall first time you waltzed into the surf shop or weird backyard shed, chatted with the sketchy, possibly wanted man running the place and filled out the paperwork?

What did you write?

For me it was 6’4 18 2.2 and built lovingly from epoxy.

1994, Huntington Beach, California.

Exactly what you would have guessed had I not told you. I’m sure the board stunted my development as a surfer by years, if not forever, but who needs skill when you’ve got a potato chip?

Now what about you? Tell me your dimensions and I’ll show you the world* .

*The rough decade in which you had it shaped.

Kolohe Andino: “You want to portray happiness but you’re locked into that dark side of a heat. It’s a weird limbo!”

#tournotes is back as a rare and intricate depiction of pro surfer life!

It’s been a while since Peter King’s #tournotes has found a satisfying gear. In years past, the surf fan would wait patiently for the former pro surfer and songstress King to drop his disposable behind-the-scenes pop art. It was the perfect foil to the high-production values of the WSL, and a fitting conclusion to an event.

I think you’ll agree that #tournotes went half-assed there for a while after the WSL bought the franchise off Hurley: two-minute edits instead of six, it was oddly curated and there was a lack of candid hits. It felt as if King, who says he succeeds because “I’m overweight…and persistent” had made a Faustian bargain in order to keep his little show on the road.

In this episode, which is called French Magic and follows the travails of the Quiksilver Pro, King has his perfect pitch back and the result is a rare and intricate depiction of pro surfer life.

Kolohe Andino watches his post-heat interview and says, “I get nervous before an interview and don’t want to  say anything stupid and I don’t want to offend anyone but I also want to be real. And be myself. And I also want to portray funness, happiness but sometimes you’re locked into that dark side of a heat and you don’t click out right away. It’s a weird limbo.”

Maurice Cole says he loves the French event, catching up on pals etc because, “For us homeless people it gives us a sense of belonging.”

Ryan Callinan demonstrates a divine ability to lose with grace and Julian Wilson gives an emotional injection to proceedings with a contest win in front of wife and baby daughter. 

“I want them to laugh, to be excited, and move onto the next thing. It’s not for sitting around watching. It’s not high-art, it’s not a movie. Watch it and move on,” says King.

Buy: Your own personal wave tank for under $75000!

Introducing Surf Boss!

Ooooee somebody sure should have participated in Sober October this year and I don’t mean Kelly Slater. Well, I had fun and enjoyed testing BeachGrit‘s fibers with some radical honesty and did you ever fall for that early-2000s self-help program? Radical Honesty? If I remember correctly you were supposed to walk around telling everyone they were fat to their faces then reach enlightenment.

I feel we came close yesterday and I only wish that we had been conducting the session aboard Montara Boats’ new Surf Pontoon. One of us hitting the lip on the perfect wave peeling off behind us. All of us mocking the poor form etc. practicing our Radical Honesty.

And you know how little I care for fresh water. You know that I am a salt man to my bones but this Surf Pontoon sounds better than a wave pool and much cheaper too. Here’s a little taste from boatingindustry.com:

Minnesota-based Montara Boats is excited to announce an industry first, a pontoon boat you can surf behind. After extensive research and development, Montara has developed a patent-pending design that blends the comfort of a pontoon boat with the performance of an inboard surf boat.

“For the past 15 years I’ve watched neighbors and friends buy tow boats for water sports in addition to pontoons for entertaining. We’ve cracked the code on this and figured out how to blend these, creating the Surf Boss that does it all,” said Montara CEO Mark Overbye.

Ending the frustration of having to compromise performance for comfort, size and space, Montara’s new Surf Boss is available in three lengths, 21 feet, 23 feet, and 25 feet.

Equipped with PCM inboard engines, the Surf Boss features competitive surf wakes, a fully enclosed head, over 100 cubic feet of storage, dual swiveling captains chairs, jumbo-sized dual transom loungers that flip from forward to aft viewing.

Initial deliveries are expected to arrive dealer show rooms beginning in late December. Surf Boss street pricing is anticipated to range from about $65,000 to $75,000 for respective 21-foot to 25-foot Surf Boss models.

For some time now, I’ve wondered if the future of inland surfing was right under our noses all along (buy here!). The Surf Boss can run 42 mph with 6000 lbs ballasts, a weight that causes most wake boats to wallow. Imagine if you could get that up to 12000 lbs? It’d barrel right overhead like a moving miracle!

I’m telling you true, this is the future. I know because I’ve reached enlightenment.

Would you buy?

Are you in?

From the nothing-about-surfing department: Here’s what I believe politically!

Let's put all our cards on the table!

Oh hell. The minefields surrounding politics and political beliefs are so extreme right now it is basically impossible to dance. Anything and everything can be construed in some sort of anti-this or pro-that light and I am very proud of BeachGrit for remaining, more or less, untainted.

You don’t come here for partisan screeds, the rest of the media is doing a fantastic job filling that bucket. You come here, I’d imagine, for a few laughs, a few comments and to get away from partisan screeds for one God blessed moment.

But we also need to be able to step without exploding in leftist or righty rage.

Today’s Failure of Morality made me realize that politics are ever present and ever more present around the most interesting stories. That there is no escaping and so would you mind if I came all the way clean?

Wanna know what I believe, not that it matters?


I got kicked off my high school newspaper for publishing articles that would make Breitbart blush including, but not limited to, “People who have AIDs deserve it!” (which I was appropriately fired for.)

When it was actually time to register to vote, I registered with the Green Party because my 18-year-old self found it hilarious that a political party was named after a color.

I’m still registered Green but only because my 40-odd self finds it hilarious that a political party is named after a color.

I think that Republicans are power-mad liars.

I think that Democrats are weak-willed liars.

I think the WSL is trying to sell a product that its ownership/upper level management doesn’t understand/doesn’t really want to understand.

Wanna go surfing tomorrow?

Failure of morality: Waco, Stab and the brave post-truth era!

Lies of omission are still lies!

Son of a bitch and I’m just gonna come in hot here because I’m boozed and because Stab‘s repackaging of BSR Cablepark’s press release was not only a crime against literature it was a crime against truth. A crime against fun. A crime against anything good or decent.

A crime against surfing and son of a motherfucking bitch.

Did you read? Are you caught up?

Let me fill you in. A young man from New Jersey tragically died from brain-eating amoeba after surfing the BSR Cablepark’s fabulous new wave that seemed both more enjoyable and more democratic than Kelly Slater’s. The Centers for Disease control and Health Department tested the facility and while not finding any Naegleria fowleri, the hideously responsible villain, concluded that, “epidemiologic and environmental assessment indicate that exposure likely occurred at this (Waco) facility.”

Stab, ignoring the gist of the report entirely, released a statement aping BSR Cablepark’s own reading:

Today, after CDC tests and scares that hit too close to home for anyone who has visited BSR Cablepark in Waco, the wavepool, Royal Flush Water Slide and Lazy River have been cleared of the brain eating amoeba that took the life of New Jersey’s Fab Stabile at the end of September.

The news of Fab’s death fell on the back of Stab High and raised anxiety into the highest tier. After plenty of research, it became apparent that the amoeba, Naegleria fowleri, is incredibly rare…and incredibly deadly. According to the CDC, out of 143 known cases in the United States, only four infected individuals have survived.

Every year, come winter, BSR shuts down then reopens in spring, on March 1st. On September 30th, following the tragic death and pending investigation, the park closed its doors a month earlier than it did in 2017, October 31st.


It was an embarrassing lie, plain and simple. A lie of omission and exactly in line with our brave post-truth era. Oh some will read that as a repudiation of Donald J. Trump but he is just dancing in the ballroom frequented by Nazi Germany’s leadership before him. The left is dancing in the same ballroom popularized by Stalin’s Soviet Union before them.

Post-truth ain’t nothing new. It is the language of the fearful. The language of bastards too scared of honesty to be able to read, react and play.

And fuck it all. Fuck them all.

I get why BSR Cablepark denied denied denied. They’ve certainly got some serious lawsuits on the horizon but for Stab to jump in and release straight propaganda as legitimate is… is… well, it is fucking infuriating.

All of this stupid surf lie bullshit reminds me most of the Andy Irons’ autopsy release.

Do you remember? It was delayed for many months before being loosed with a note from the family reading, in part:

The autopsy concludes that Andy died a natural death from a sudden cardiac arrest due to a severe blockage of a main artery of the heart. Dr. Vincent Di Maio, a prominent forensic pathologist in San Antonio, TX, who has consulted on many high-profile cases, was asked to review and explain the autopsy results to the family.

He states: “This is a very straightforward case. Mr. Irons died of a heart attack due to focal severe coronary atherosclerosis, i.e., ‘hardening of the arteries.’ He had an atherosclerotic plaque producing 70%-80% narrowing of his anterior descending coronary artery. This is very severe narrowing. A plaque of this severity, located in the anterior descending coronary artery, is commonly associated with sudden death.”

The surf media pounced on the “Oh! He died of a heart attack!” angle. Another lie of omission but not quite as infuriating. That could have been viewed from the “covering heartbroken loved ones” point of view. Not the clear and utter bullshit of corporate protectionism or even worse Stab’s crowing about the airing of its Stab High on television tomorrow, though I do suppose it makes sense coming from a chubby, bejeweled boy hungry to call the police for something he couldn’t handle himself.

And here is something I struggle with as a “surf journalist.” Is it even vaguely important to get to the bottom of a story or are our rose colored lenses part of our charm? Is that what people always want?

Fuck it all if it is what people want. Our truth is far rosier and don’t need obfuscating lies as cover. Yes our heroes are cocaine addled. Yes our pools are deadly.

Wanna paddle?