Surf Gambling: “There’s no greater certainty in sports right now than Gabriel Medina taking title number two!”

And more bold bets for MEO Rip Curl Portugal Pro! (Wilko at 30-1 to make the final, for instance.)

So I missed the start of the comp. While the pros were hoofing out of Hossegor on the A63 into northern Spain, before cutting out for the divine Peniche peninsula, I was visiting old haunts. I marvelled at the uniquely Glaswegian juxtaposition of ornate, olde-worldy architecture and the chillingly dull thunks of a man’s head being kicked repeatedly against concrete under Central Station bridge.

Ah, Glasgow…how I don’t fucking miss you.

But, betting! My solace and my shame.

France worked out well in the end, thanks mainly to Ryan Callinan. I cashed out the majority of the bets I wrote about previously, my instincts about Zeke Lau proving correct. I used some of those profits on a couple of multis that didn’t work out, though I did get a good return on Callinan in that banger of a round four heat. £225 @ 37/20 for a £641 ($US840) return. A rich stake for some folk’s tastes but if you don’t know, now you know…

Ultimately, I plan to wrestle the login to the BG betting account from Blake Thornton before he spunks it all away, lukewarm dribble by lukewarm dribble. By my reckoning his total so far is -250 for Surf Ranch (actually +100) , and +70 for the Quik Pro.

So a 200 loss overall? Tremendous.

(Editor’s note: $170 up.)

Portugal may well be a crap shoot for some people, but it’s one of my favourites, not least because it’s the only CT I’ve ever attended I.R.L. Yep, I’ve got down in the sand with the shit munchers and The People and been marginally entertained but less so than if I’d stayed home and watched it on my 4.7 inch phone screen.

So my stakes.

Outside bet for the finals? Wilko. He has a pep in his step in Portugal. Think wetsuits with screen printed sardines and tits, think impossible backhand smashes on close-out end sections. And think of the time I bumped into him blundering around outside the hotel, three days after the comp had finished and everyone else had gone home, in all his Worzel Gummidge glory. I miss that Wilko, but I sense his spirit still wandering around somewhere in Portugal.

I’m also betting on Italo, like I almost always do. He will be world champ one day, of that I’m sure. And until then I’ll be backing him, because on many, many days I’ve seen him as clearly the most explosive and talented surfer in the water, regardless of what the judges say.

And De Souza! How is our one time world champ and previous winner in Portugal still so disrespected? He’s surfing’s Pusha T. He puts numbers on the boards. 20/1 to make the final? 40/1 to win?! Keep his name in your mouth.

Honestly, has there ever been a guy who looked less like he belonged on Tour than Michael bloody February? He’s like an ornamental vase, an indulgent waste of space. The sooner he and his little T-Rex arms are gone the better…

My bets placed thus far are:

Rd 2+3 multi:

Wilko over Seabass; O’Leary to beat Lau; Dora to beat Morais; Rodrigues to beat Bourez; Medina to end Callinan’s run, sadly. £20 @ 35/1

The same, but with the addition of Duru over ADS (puncher’s chance); Griffin to beat Gudauskas; and Flores to best February. £10 @ 220/1

(Honestly, has there ever been a guy who looked less like he belonged on Tour than Michael bloody February? He’s like an ornamental vase, an indulgent waste of space. The sooner he and his little T-Rex arms are gone the better.)

I’ll also be betting on Wilko to make the semis (14/1), and the final (30/1); Italo to make the final (9/2) and to win (9/1); ADS to make the semi (8/1) and the final (20/1), and possibly to win (40/1); and Michael February to be whisked away by a stiff Northerly breeze (Evs).

As for the big picture.

There is no greater certainty in the wide world of sports right now than Gabriel Medina taking title number two. If you’ve got the stomach for it, carve out a sizable chunk and throw it at Gabby for the overall win (11/10).