Also, a meditation on Wavestorm.
I went for a surf yesterday morning, riding the dying energy of that fabulous storm system that blessed southern California with seemingly endless waves. It wasn’t perfect but it was good, maybe 3 – 4 feet, with the crowd spread thin between multiple peaks. There was something I noticed, though, that profoundly annoyed. A handful of grown men were out on Wavestorms in both traditional blue and white and newer rastafari colorways.
Nobody would confuse any of these men as talented but they could all paddle, catch waves and steer down the line and I found myself angered by them. I understand Wavestorms on very flat summer days where the surfboard is brought mostly for the kids to build sandcastles upon and tow each other around in ankle deep water but I do not understand them when there are waves. Like, if soft-top boards are your kink wouldn’t you get a quality one (find yours here)?
I decided then that grown men riding Wavestorms on good enough days cancels the basic rights afforded in the lineup. The Wavestorm rider is rendered invisible. What do you think about this? Is fair? I think we should bring before the full committee for a binding vote.
After my surf I came home and read about Black Girls Surf founder Rhonda Harper claiming the beaches being re-colonized by white males and, I’ll admit, smirked but then was cajoled into going on a beach walk with wife, child and friends. It was that whatever monster full moon and theoretically fabulous for beach walks with the tide very far out.
It was decided we would go down to the Scripps Pier near La Jolla and walk north. So there I was walking north past the pier, over some rocks, past Blacks.
Oh that wave was on fire, standing tall and detonating directly onto the brave souls in the lineup. For those who don’t know Blacks is one of San Diego’s most famous waves and, I forgot, the beach in front of it is of the clothing optional variety.
Now, there was not one naked woman to be found but I counted 38 naked penises, (37 white, 1 Asian) in all manner of action.
Hiking, lounging, jogging, playing frisbee.
The one playing frisbee was particularly mesmerizing as it bounced back and forth against the legs so violently on long runs that I have no idea how its owner wasn’t doubled over in pain.
I thought of all those penises (37 white, 1 Asian) and wondered if Rhonda Harper is correct and wondered if the brand of re-colonization is Austrian?
I want to see your Austrian like looking penis on top a ripping wave storm at blacks.
Good point. Besides,It only makes you gay if you kiss the guy.
dicks hanging and wavestorm are now part of beach culture. stop crying like professional surfer who complains about how its sooo hard to be on tour.
I was kinda hoping that they would be watching us. Maybe I have a slight streak of exhibitionism. If Fiona lost the catsuits, we can use Saran Wrap instead. Did you ever get your brick of Cream surfwax delivered to you yet?
Ok. So nobody else on the beach can watch us and your friends play with our sordid aluminum pot and the surf wax?
That’s Tiger Woods! Quick, call TMZ!
Chas – the point of your article clearly is that if any guy is on a Wavestorm in good surf he MUST have his penis fully exposed – otherwise everyone else has the full right to cut him off.
Ahh..I see. So Chinese penises are the smallest of the Asian peni?
I live in Melbourne, and swim at a pool.
I’ve never counted(that’s kinda nqr) but I’ve probably seen more.
Mate , those peaks look so dreamy but if it’s like most of the wonderful shifty peak waves I’ve surfed , it probably doesn’t break in the same spot leading to duck diving disasters and hoping that the gods send one to where you are sitting ?
My lifetime sessions at Blacks probably number in the thousands James, so let me shit on the place a little for your benefit. There’s a deep water canyon that forks into three beachbreak peaks. They to some extent stay put, but yes, can shift around. Think of it like some far hollower cousin of Nazare, funnels power very effectively. Everyone’s seen gorgeous photos of the place, but here’s the knock: it eye surfs better than it really surfs. The wave is primarily lefts, and they peak and bowl hard, then energy pushes the bowl down the line. It looks incredible in photos, but in practice it’s quite hard to slow down enough from the sucking drop to stall into a shallow looping barrel, and it pushes hard down the line so top turns are also very tough. Lots of very good surfers surf Blacks, but you see way more guys bottom turn and then just kind of race sections than get barreled or rip it up.
Consider the pictures you see of Blacks – almost always a guy looking like he’ll get barreled, but very rarely a guy actually getting barreled. And never someone laying down a railed turn. The place is a bit like a hot woman who’s bad in bed.
Of course some waves and some days come together just so and then it’s magically good, but really far less often than you’d think given the pics.
But enough to keep the locals walking down the hill to chase the dragon ….
You can’t Scripp this ? Thanks Professor Pest for the breakdown . As they say “ One has to slay a lot of dragons to get to the princess “ . Keep slaying .
Is it a gay only nudist beach ? Where I lived in France it seemed fairly even between females and males except of course for one day I spent nude in between surfs with a girlfriend and her two lesbian friends …
I think this was just a total misunderstanding… that was the Black Girls Surf bodyguard – he wasn’t jerking off, he was just loading up his pistol.
Perverts are perverts , dressed or undressed !
To change the subject , soft boards have been popular in France since the early 90s . It became almost impossible on smaller but rippable days to surf out the front of the carpark in summer because every man woman and dog was paddling around on a 9ft long soft things causing havoc and being able to catch almost anything . It’s like a dumbing down of surfing and the only way to catch a wave is to dumb down your own approach and join them or walk away . I was lucky enough to live on a long stretch of beach where it was possible to walk away to surf alone ……..
Can you ‘fold in a wank’ on the board, easily?
In they all weren’t carrying IPhones then they are probably not Homo Sapiens ?
…and do tell, where would these naked folk store their (brown) iPhones?
In their frisbees … ? Or under their yellow beanies …..?
How many dicks makes a ‘bag’?
As in: “go suck a bag of dicks”.
3 or more? 6-8? Triple overhead on an outside reef?
There should definitely be an ISO standard stating precisely how many dicks comprise a bag.
Great advertorial
Don’t start with that cultural appropriation nonsense.
soft boards are fun in all sizes of surf, grab an INT with the fiberglass bottom and futures..
It’s the sign in the background that really makes the whole thing sing.