The entire arc from beginning to end in nauseatingly specific depth, featuring surfing's august historian Matt Warshaw!
Now that Stab magazine editor Ashton Goggans has brought honor back to a long line of Gogganses, rounding the circle as it were, from wilting cop-caller to bold haymaking thrower it is time to retire him forever, allowing him to slip back into the mists of obscurity from whence he came.
It has been a full year of fun having since I leapt across a reclaimed wood coffee table somewhere near his vicinity and haven’t we had fun? Oh sure the laugh lines became frayed and tired along the way but thankfully the narrative ends with a bang, or I guess more a… I don’t exactly know what the proper MMA terminology for Ashton’s punch was. A putsch?
Before we see it out, though, it is only right to have the most important scholar in surf, our award-winning Matt Warshaw discuss the entire arc, from beginning to end, in nauseatingly specific depth.
Some may say it is beneath his position, that he dishonors the office of Surfing’s Official Historian and those people would be right but here it is anyway.
Listen and enjoy… And so long Ashton Goggans. It has been ridiculously fun.
I can’t see what the fuss is about, this appears to be some kind of Square(s) Dancing.
Firstly can I say that the only reason to wear a hat that yellow is to camouflage an anaemic knob end underneath. So the initial beard rubbing was partly a medical health check and the first part of a traditional Groggans folk dance seen by the hyper flex wrist embrace, then followed by Ashton’s face going all monster child, Charlie need to show more inertia so that Ashton could follow through with a stab to the chest (the best way for a fried to stab you according to Oscar Wild) with no harm done , but visually it was Su(r)ffering Splendiforusly.
Sadaly now Aston will spend the rest of his days defending his family name which is remarkably similar to the resultant of an Australasian bowel movement (grogan).
All in all a non-event, the person you have to sorry for the most is Pyzel, what a face to have at the offshore wind change.
spaz looks like a gold coast meth head. scrawny, malnourished, bad skin, greasy hair….straight up palm beach crack head.
It can be an expensive look ,Doc, but yeah im not feeling it either.
He looks good in a suit but.
What would you prescribe?
Hey Chas! You getting your ass handed to you in drunken arm wrestling with Brodie Carr in Peniche was way cooler! Just goes to show how far the pussification of surfing has gone! Haha!
So much cooler! The end is nigh, I suppose.
I like you in a suit babe! Tres chic!!
The best part of the interview is the coffee table is not allowed to be called a coffee table. It must always be referred to as the “reclaimed coffee table”.
Why was David confused about Ashton giving him the cold shoulder? Dude, you are basically Chas’ right hand man…and now you videoed incriminating evidence against Ashton.
Ashton 1) proposed the original idea for the debate, 2) agreed to let me publish the episode, 3) called the cops 3 weeks after said debate, prior to which, the internet sided with Ashton. 4) Chose to confront myself and Chas 1 year later in the most public environment possible! I’ve seen Ashton multiple times in quiet venues in 2018.
Clearly Ashton wants to be a public surf personality, which is fine. That goal has only been serviced by all of this. Many more people know Ashton’s name now, than they would have without this controversy. He’s only gained Insta followers. It’s up to him to leverage those things, be empowered by them (not victimized) and direct his persona. If Ashton didn’t want his fight to be public and filmed, why would he choose Surf Expo as the venue for confrontation? He could do exactly what Zach Weisberg has done, which is ignore Chas and quietly out earn us all.
Sadly, I realize now in hindsight, that perhaps Ashton isn’t as actualized as I presumed. It’s more apparent to me now that, while he desires to be a public figure, he’s unequipped to compartmentalize the inevitable criticisms that come with the role. In this scenario, I’ve tried to report the facts impartially. Clearly I spend more time with Chas, but I have always criticized both parties when I felt they misstepped and I’ve tried to share my perspective while always being fully aware that the controversy builds everyone’s public profile.
I’m “confused abut Ashton giving me the cold shoulder” because he says and does conflicting things. The video isn’t “incriminating evidence”. He was gloating about it. He posted a video in his Insta stories laughing and showing the video to Mayhem that night. My confusion comes from him being proud to have video evidence of his bravado, and him simultaneously being pissed at me for capturing said video. My role is as the news source, capturing the content and reporting the story. Stab posted the Tanner vs MRod story along with video. I would have failed at my role, near the center of the story, if I hadn’t documented the moment.
Whew! That was a lot of typing. Thanks for asking, Karl 😂Rant over.
I stand corrected. Makes much more sense now.
But what about this beard fetish. Are we all ok with this?
Be careful hon, youre becoming a micro celeb,
like The Chaser
It’s just “whence.”
“From whence…” has gravitas. Like “impresario.”
if you slow the video down you can see all the pathetic pain and the emergence of the redemptive arc.
is the sock hat reclaimed? if so, from where?
A toddler.
seems pretty fair, if some hipster cupped my face and leaned in to kiss me I would probably bitch slap him too.
almost everyone in that little show looks they belong some kind of register that advises against trick or treating at the last known address’.
really good one guys, I was laughing out loud at the car all the time
You will always be the cooler guy.
The most “punk” band out there at present in my humble opinion.
Can of Strongbow I’m a mess…
If the homeless are drinking it, best to stay away me thinks….
Scored a fun little session with Andy out your way on Sunday!
Glad to hear it, Negs.
Would have loved to join you two, but was stuck at the orifice.
Interesting question without any comedic slant:
Chas, why did Ashton Goggans think you gave away his girlfriends IP address?
Guessing he means this olde chestnut….
And I think the first cut may have had the actual IP tagged into the story.
https://beachgrit.com/2018/…
Ah understood. Brings back such memories.
The billboard at Lemoore this year should be epic
Achilles was great on the toe rail but his weakness ,as we all know , was his heel rail work …..Obviously ,in this edition of wrestle mania, Chas was Hector and that bad boy bAshton was playing the heel ?
Not enough weights, not enough speedwork
So right!
So when are the Yellow Hats gonna be up for sale you better milk this media horse dry. Also thank you Chas for explaining with such detail the luxurious nature of Ashton’s Beard.
Was hoping you were going to tell us on the podcast that you were high when you grabbed his beard
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Despite the Blanca the disregard for the sanctity of Açaí Bowls, Thank you for making this I am currently laughing uncontrollably.