The greatest surfer ever has other ideas, howevs.
It coulda been so good. The best epic double-bill ever.
In the end, it was a damp squib, but maybe all for the best. Red Bull Cape Fear and Corona Bali Protected both playing at the same time gave us Chris Cote and David Wassell simultaneously broadcasting over the web with Joe TURPEL and Martin POTTER*.
Pretty quickly a decision had to be made and I made the call to mute Cote, abandon baby Shipsterns and pay attention to waist-to-head-high Keramas on a silky, sleepy Indonesian morning.
It was the Seeding Round. I don’t understand it, nobody understands it: JJF and Medina still met too soon on the wrong side of the draw at Bells so it’s a dud idea but someone must love it because in the booth it was presented as the greatest innovation since the silicon chip.
Note: in his post-heat presser John John Florence, two-time world Champion and understudy to great strategist Ross Williams, said he doesn’t understand it either.
John looked a little sleepy in his heat, threw a clean flat-spin full-rotation for a mid-seven and that was pretty much the heat. It was an unfortunate decision because it set a scale for the day that paid mediocre aerials and relegated some of the best high-fi turns of the year to the bargain bin.
Jordy Smith being the biggest loser. Even though he won. His razor sharp repertoire was judged merely good by judges. It was the best surfing of the day.
Luke Egan proclaimed that today we would see a “level much higher than it was last year.”
We didn’t.
Lack of waves was the biggest issue. And lack of size of waves.
There was a lot of really ugly threes and fours desperately ridden in scraps to avoid last place. That has been the main impact of the change in format. Someone gets the best waves and skips ahead. The other two scrap for last place.
Jack Freestone’s last-to-second-place heroics with a three and a five to advance over Ace Buchan being an example of the tone of the day.
Something has changed in Italo’s style and approach and I don’t like it. Last year he had the perfect blend of verticality and aerials. His vertical backhand whips spat white noise.
This year, the turn approach has become more lateral. He sacrifices more real estate for the aerial or fins-free whip/reverse. Judges are paying it, for now, but it’s looking scrappy. The idea of good surfing here has yet to be set but if they are defining it by two pumps and a launch as they did today then there will be big ramifications for the rest of the year.
I think head judge Pritamo, after a good massage and a go on some oxygen, will settle the panel down and they’ll get the mix correct.
Have you noticed anything missing from the broadcast this year and last?
No water footage.
The great Sam Smith used to provide but got an email saying don’t come Monday. Did you also notice the credit at the end of the dreamy M-Feb edit in West Africa: the same Sammy Smith. I don’t know why I bought that up except the day seemed to need a little more M-Feb flow and not so much adrenal pumping.
By the time Filipe Toledo hit the lineup it was looking like a perfect little day at Trestles and that is how FT dealt with it. Spiked, slid, soared.
The only excellent score for the day for a single lofted punt with a pillowy landing. I think a FT/Jordy final with a judging panel suitably chastened by over scoring airs today would be a logical outcome for a forecast chock-a-block with more head-high Keramas.
Thirty-six percent of the fan vote in heat nine was directed at Kelly Slater. Thirty-five to Kolohe Andino. Slater, on a sexy little Akila Aipa squashtail thruster, construction unknown though spruced up in Firewire technology clothing, promised to “put a little Sunny backfoot into it.”
The broadcast went missing for three-and–half long minutes. When it kicked in four waves had been ridden. Kelly looked skittish and weird to open with a 3.73 and a 4.83. Turpel seemed to allude, if in a Freudian manner to the nature of Kelly’s quest, by stating that Kelly had “started another year, where, in his mind, he’s going for another World Title”.
“Yes Joe, he’s clearly delusional,” said an unleashed Martin Potter in an alternative universe of unmuzzled commentary.
Except he wasn’t!
Kelly pulled a carving three-0, which Joe disrespectfully called a “speciality manouevre”. The slo-mo showed perfect execution. Wel,l if they paid a flat spin air with a seven, I thought they should pay that at least a low six. They left that carving three-0 floundering in the Lombok Strait like a turtle drowning on a plastic straw.
Andino let Kelly have a wave under his priority and Kelly leant back into a savage back foot heavy layback hook. It was the turn of the day. The turn of Kelly’s year. It lit a little candle of hope in the deep dark cave of Kelly’s retirement year.
A lowly 4.60.
It was hard not to see that as Kelly’s whole year up in smoke.
An unmuzzled Potter was shocked. “I don’t agree with it,” he muttered to a silent Joe.
What he did next was astounding. Kolohe had looked amazing. He let Kelly have a wave under his priority and Kelly leant back into a savage back foot heavy layback hook. It was the turn of the day. The turn of Kelly’s year. It lit a little candle of hope in the deep dark cave of Kelly’s retirement year.
Sometime in the next couple of heats I tuned back into Shippies for an entertaining final. Not a fan of the mixed tow and paddle format. Nate Florence was paddling bombs, Laurie Towner threading deep ones. One of the Tassie boys – there were so many! – got towed into a bomb and Nate took the bikkies.
Two other highlights of the day.
Luke Egan’s deadpan delivery is not to everyones taste, but I enjoy. Referring to Joan Duru’s habit of punching himself in the head to claim a good wave he deftly described the Frenchman’s claim as showing an “alternative excitement.”
Brilliant.
The other unexpected treat was brother of Sam George and writer/director/actor of In God’s Hands Matty George’s turn in the commentary booth during Steph Gilmore’s heat.
He riffed on the Wallace Line, got it a bit wrong, with the marsupials, monotremes and eucalypts on one side and tigers and rhino’s on the other.
But no matter.
He also introduced us to a new movement called “Bali Power.”
Not something to be on the wrong side of presumably.
He sagely noted the viewing pleasure to be gained from Nikki Van Dyk’s bottom turn. Steph looked a bit shakey. Caroline Marks looked solid.
It was a double billing that didn’t quite live up to it’s promise. Still better than digging holes though.
* Caps Lock but it looks better in caps, yes?
Corona Bali Protected Men’s Round 1 (Seeding Round) Results:
Heat 1: John John Florence (HAW) 11.50 DEF. Michael Rodrigues (BRA) 10.16, Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA) 7.47
Heat 2: Jordy Smith (ZAF) 14.00 DEF. Jadson Andre (BRA) 10.44, Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 9.04
Heat 3: Julian Wilson (AUS) 10.90 DEF. Jack Freestone (AUS) 8.60, Adrian Buchan (AUS) 7.74
Heat 4: Italo Ferreira (BRA) 11.50 DEF. Caio Ibelli (BRA) 8.97, Ezekiel Lau (HAW) 7.80
Heat 5: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 16.17 DEF. Peterson Crisanto (BRA) 10.40, Jacob Willcox (AUS) 7.60
Heat 6: Rio Waida (IDN) 9.60 DEF. Gabriel Medina (BRA) 9.54, Deivid Silva (BRA) 6.77
Heat 7: Yago Dora (BRA) 11.63 DEF. Owen Wright (AUS) 10.33, Soli Bailey (AUS) 9.50
Heat 8: Conner Coffin (USA) 11.24 DEF. Jeremy Flores (FRA) 10.00, Jesse Mendes (BRA) 8.17
Heat 9: Kelly Slater (USA) 11.66 DEF. Kolohe Andino (USA) 11.23, Ryan Callinan (AUS) 10.67
Heat 10: Ricardo Christie (NZL) 11.93 DEF. Wade Carmichael (AUS) 8.63, Seth Moniz (HAW) 5.10
Heat 11: Mikey Wright (AUS) 12.00 DEF. Joan Duru (FRA) 9.50, Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) 1.77
Heat 12: Michel Bourez (FRA) 12.43 DEF. Griffin Colapinto (USA) 9.63, Willian Cardoso (BRA) 8.73
Corona Bali Protected Men’s Round 2 (Elimination Round) Matchups:
Heat 1: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) vs. Deivid Silva (BRA) vs. Jacob Willcox (AUS)
Heat 2: Willian Cardoso (BRA) vs. Ezekiel Lau (HAW) vs. Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA)
Heat 3: Seth Moniz (HAW) vs. Adrian Buchan (AUS) vs. Soli Bailey (AUS)
Heat 4: Ryan Callinan (AUS) vs. Sebastian Zietz (HAW) vs. Jesse Mendes (BRA)
Fisrt wave I surfed in Bali was late arvo Keramas… I found the place after 20 hours of travel, and a few hours of sleep. I was by myself, and the surf was about the same size as the bigger sets in this… A bit of onshore wind, low tide, and no one out. No one out!!! I found my way through the reef and it became clear why. Every wave was bare reef in front of me. I had to pick waves carefully and make them, or pay. Surprised they could surf low tide in the contest.
Kelly’s turn of the day was on a 2’ wave tho.
Kelly’s carving three-0 was fucken sick. No-one else is doing that.
Yes. But to the judges credit he’s had that turn wired for thirty years.
I find Luke to be annoying on the microphone. I usually praise the best surf journo, alive, LT, and wont denigrate him here, but, I thought Jordy was extremely boring and way, way overscored. Maybe its watching it again in the heat analyzer. Yesterday watching Bourez live, I thought he killed it in his heat; when i watched the high scores today on heat analyzer, he looked boring and overscored to me as well. Kelly got robbed. I know its hard to say, but, true this time.
Would be interesting to know who watched what? mediocre Keramas or mediocre Shippies? I tried to watch a bit of shippies live but the lack of action and listening to Cotes and Wassel got tiring pretty quickly so switched back to keramas. Watched the replay of the shippies final last night but couldn’t get through it after they missed the live shot of Nates bomb! For all the bitching about the WSL it’s still the most polished turd out there at the moment broadcast wise.
Pretty sure the “protected” bit is all about promotion of use of rubbers for when you meet that special someone on a night out in Kuta / legian only to realize they want money for having gone home with you…
Right isnt that what makes it soooo special?
Totally agree about Italo, Long!
Lateral, and totally a “board’s bottom surf” over rails…
It’s one Italo in free surf and mid to heavy conditions, and another in small surf contests…
Yeah LT’s right on about Italo’s gameplan this year. It ain’t pretty.
It was fun listening to Matty George get overly excited about Ms. Johnson, the half Balinese “power surfer.” (Can’t remember her first name, “Kailani” I think. Why not a Balinese name?). Although western people who fall in love with other cultures can sometimes result in cringe worthy statements/interactions/etc., it is admirable/inspirational to follow your heart, and leave your former country/life behind. I’m glad the WSL is mixing it up, bringing in fresh voices, perspectives, etc. Even though Matty seemed a little overexcited about claiming himself as Balinese, it made me want to move there too.
Why not a Balinese name?
Probably the same reason why half of young Australians are called Montana, Dakota, Tyler, Taylor or Taylah, and out cars are called Tribeca, Colorado and Rodeo.
nice retort Ando
Not that it, umm, bothers me at all…
Fuck, we had our Prime Minister use the term “do the math” a while back.
Clearly, we are in that zone again where Longtom’s analysis of a given round of WSL competition on Beach Grit is better than the actual round of WSL competition…
How can the wozzle not have hired Wassell? It just makes sense.
I love him ! He is wise , funny ,a team player and humble ,and sitting watching pipe for a job ( lifeguard) as well as being a great big wave rider gives him a perspective from outside the circle ?
The “seeding” round is lame. The first round almost doesn’t even matter, and all it does is add more time. If they’re going to insist on having 36 surfers, why not just continue the three-man heats, but eliminate whoever finishes third? Doing so would leave 24 competitors after Round 1. Then, they can do the same for Round 2, eight three-man heats, with the third place finishers being eliminated, cutting down to 16 competitors. From there, have man-on-man heats ’til the finish. That would cut down the number of heats every contest from 47 to 35. Wait, competitors wouldn’t like it cause for some it would mean traveling across the world for one 30-40 minute period? That sucks. Maybe they should’ve won their heats.
… and about Pottz, it was nice to hear him absolutely unleash* in the commentary booth
*Psych! He’s the same flaccid Shrek-faced (and bodied), marble-mouthed noodle we’ve all come to despise and love… I will forever Jordy bow-claim calling him a “wether” under the E-Lo pod… what a sad existence I lead…
I too have had about enough of the Seeding Round. It is tedious. It was tedious 27 years ago when it was invented. This should be the first victim of the WSL’s forthcoming effort to modernise the CT format. (Oh yes they are going to modernise the CT format.) If everyone wants to have a little warm-up, then do that, I say. Have a warm-up day. Give away $100g in specialty prize money. Involve the punters somehow. Bring lots of pros into the broadcast to talk about their expectations for the event. How hard could it be to make that an entertaining day?
Then start the thing next day and knock people out straight up. Make the competition actual competition.
Re Italo, that ankle is holding him back, the first thing you lose when favouring a high ankle sprain is flow, and flow is essential to vertical angled surfing. Think about how much the ankle has to flex in order to control the top and tail of one of those turns, especially the forward foot’s ankle. He’s staying lateral because he doesn’t want to hurt himself.
Pithy comments Nick. Great explanation re: Italo and the effect of his injury.
Nick is it a repetitive strain injury from too many airs or the aftermath of getting washed on and around the button at Bells ? Or both ? And does he eventually have to choose between being the most exciting surfer on tour or world champ ?
Ah the high ankle (syndesmosis) sprain is an impact injury. Separates the bones above the ankle. Common in most contact football codes and also in motocross. Happens in surfing when you land hard and square to the board off an air, or are hit by the lip and driven into the board. It’s a very irritating one, sometimes best fixed by surgery — they pin the lower parts of the tibia and fibula closer together so the ligament can heal to its original fit. I think quite a few surfers re-injure it because they don’t opt for the surgery, which is a three month no-surfing healing process. The alternative is to try to get it better quicker and just take a few weeks or less off, but that can drag on for ages if you don’t take care. I don’t anyone has to choose between being the most exciting surfer in the world or the world champ, that’s a tedious myth, was JJF less exciting in 2018? Was AI less exciting in 2002-3-4? Was Kelly less exciting in 1995-6-7? Was Pottz less exciting in 1989 or Tom Curren less exciting in 1990? Did my brother’s surfing decline in excitement value following his two world titles? Did Steph’s surfing grow less influential after her first world title, or her second, or third of fourth or etc?
If you’re a great surfer, you win world titles by turning the dial up, not down. If you’re not a great surfer, you don’t win one.
Pump up the Volume ! Great News for Surfing ! Go hard or go home (without the title ) as it should be . I am old enough to remember your brother coming back from his original knee injury and how he worked so hard to get bigger , stronger , faster and it showed in his explosive surfing at the time .
Youre on fire today KVF. Keep it coming.
Oh shiiiit they ran women’s heats while I was sleeping! Now I’m super off the back.
So you are saying Kolohe didn’t learn from Dbah and this will cost him a world title? And if the judges only knew how hard it was to be Jordy’s size and fit that many silky moves with flow and power into a chest high wave. No women’s scores at the bottom? Thought this year was all about gender equality on tour.
So LT must have missed heat of the day – the epic paddle battle between the ladies in heat 5. Well that would be what Pottz would call it.
At least Luke took it to Strider in the wrap up – almost Swellian style. That was my highlight of the day from a commentators perspective. Red Bull was a big yawn sadly bar a few waves and hence performances. It was a massive let down actually. I wonder if the forecasters or the contest director should get the sack for that crap call? Maybe that could be your next long-form piece LT.
It was always going to be hard to beat the demolition derby of 2016 at Kurnell ?
But that’s exactly what they promised Bicko
Would have been great to see bigger paddle bombs. However, watching Laurie, Nate and Russ B getting stupidly barrelled was well worth the long lulls.
And Albee was great on the mic.
definitely – but they could have at least tried !
After fumbling endless perfect prompts from Ronnie and Strider how long will it be until Ronnie goes full Swellian on Luke Egan? He’s as coherent as an alcoholic frontal lobotomy patient.
Most apt description of him ever. Nice.
Wow, didn’t watch a second of it and I feel fine–well, until I read this article about which surf star did what to whom. How do you keep track of all these mindless details? “The best waves ever ridden– will always be the waves you catch and ride yourself”.
Don’t forget–the Wsl, (Elo–Dirk) are ‘not’ your friends–they want more exposure for surfing–more Sups, more surfers–surfing at a break near you…………
Yeah ,fuck those guys!!
It’s like that Britney song
Gimme Gimme More
Gimme,
Gimme Gimme More
“The best anal beads ever shoved up any bum hole — will always be the anal beads you shove up your own bum hole yourself”
WABL
“ALL IN!”
Along as they don’t get spat out of Backdoor after the spit ……And become DisABLed?
I’d been so diligent with my work today, and now look what you’ve made me go and do…
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Fanny-tastic work!
I dare you to wear that as a t-shirt.
Or maybe a big ol’ tattoo?
I don’t believe in tattoos,but if that’s what it takes…
Oh damn, you really are Freerider.
Uluwatu , Padang , Bingin ? Na , we end up as you said , Longtom ,with “Trestles goes to Bali” , with seemingly the same problem , a lack of quantity of quality waves in a 30 minute heat on the 3rd consecutive ( saw two guys go left looking for a ramp ) righthander in a row . Maybe they should hold the 3000 QS event at Keramas and the CT event at Krui ?
I smell frustrated goofy!
The left can be a bit of fun on the smaller days. When it’s bigger, not so much.
Would you rather watch what goes on out the front of the pool at the Kommune or Tavarua .I imagine access to the pool at Keramas is affordable ,even for plebs like myself and the site of much mischief in comparison to the Tavarua country club , but THIS IS NOT A POOL EVENT ? Even the ever correct and diplomatic Ace Buchan through some subtle shade on the unpredictable and fickle East Coast of Bali in his post heat interview in the BRAND NEW EXCITING ELIMINATION ROUND .
Keramas makes me feel a bit queasy with all the shoeys, tavarua just makes me green with envy.
First Pottz unleashed, now Ace – maybe there’s something in the water?
The pool might be working like a giant agar plate for multiplying ideas not to mention bacteria …. ?
Give Luke Egan some shrooms he fucken needs it bad. Open some new neural pathways for the stale cunt.
It does sound like Luke attended the Jack Gibson Commentators Academy , the antithesis of the little Bruce McAvaney School of thought ? Or maybe it is a Kommuniste Plot ? I tried to vote for you to get you a spot at the Big Wave Bells Bash but couldn’t find Wiggs on the list , anywhere ? Any preferences ? I figure you might be on it and assume that you are probably not Xavier Huxtable ……
He’s got post traumatic reef disorder.
Equal opportunity at the Woozle.
How else would you explain Joey?
aka CTE – Championship Tour Encephalopathy – where seemingly normal people turn into morons when they get the call up to commentate for the wozzle. It’s an accumulative injury. Pray for Joey Turpel.
It’d be hard but
It’s be hard not to talk about the talent in the pool
For example.
Extra Chlorine and Salt , during the event , to hopefully stop the (microscopic) pool talent from multiplying …… and comboing the field once and forever ?
If they’re in the pool then you know they don’t mind getting dirty
Apparently.
Get em off ! Or get em dirty …..?
Where’ve you been we’ve missed you!
I don’t know, cunts got one hell of a tolerance now thanks to thanks to a regular diet of Tooheys New and goey snorted off Hoyo’s cock
Couldn’t agree more
Newy, ,cunts!
Hey Wiggs I just got fully sick pitted at the end of that last one.
Just fuckin shoot him and save us from our collective misery.
Didn’t see any of it today but saw a pre comp Keramas session vid and noted Italo wearing an ankle brace and looking pretty tame, was he still in it?
Must have been an exciting heat of Steph’s to be discussing the Wallace Line. Did they explain that’s why Jeremy Flores is so short?
Edit: just checked my Fantasy team. Has anyone ever seen a poutier looking child than Zeke Lau?
Fucking Zeke, always on about being in “Beast Mode” and exclusively posts photos of himself semi flexed up but crumbles in a heat faster than The Panda gets to a desert bar
Maybe he just misspelled ‘breast mole’.
It Ain’t as scary as “ Bea Mode “
https://m.youtube.com/watch…
Is it safe for work?
Is that Chris Farley in drag?
Im speechless, brilliant.
The original top dog of 80s Prisoner in Australia which conquered the world under different names , Cell Block H etc and possibly inspired series like Orange is the New Black …..
Dessert bar.
Maybe it was a “dry” bar therefore deserted ?
His boards are too short
And his shorts are too bored.
At the Kommune ,does that make him the Chairman Lau of the Board or the Bored ?
I’d prescribe a couple more inches of board
And to take more advantage of his microfame
Make a CI Happy , Happier ….
Maybe he chose the wrong god to deify with his tattoos.
Flores Man – bravo!
FINALLY somebody appreciates my evolutionary biology humuour
Kelly is the winner with 6paragraphs
George is second with 5
Italo squeaks in third with 2
Special mention to Nikki’s Backside.
Did Nikki go left ?
No,
but on her front side
It’s a good view of her backside
Daily Mirror , Page 3 ?