#surfranchwedding
Are you a fan of weddings? Cute ringbearing boys and cuter flower girls? Matching bridesmaids’ dresses, matching groomsmen cummerbunds? The blazing 2:00 pm sun shining overhead, mother-in-law tears dripping on new Michael Kors dresses, father-in-laws toesies hurting in new Cole Haan shoes? Korbel Brut raised high while best men and maids of honor regale attendees with lightly embarrassing stories?
I’m going to be honest with you here, like I always am. I don’t like weddings (besides my second and final), especially since they are usually at 2:00 pm thereby gutting the day/weekend and somewhere annoyingly difficult to find, headache inducing, filled with shallow conversation, not fun and generally not funny.
Then again, I was never invited to a wedding at Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch and it’s true. Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch is now open for the wedding business and could you imagine anything more wonderful, more glorious?
If you’re thinking about getting married but haven’t yet please convince your significant other that a Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch wedding is the only way to go. I know from experience the food is good, the staff is impeccable and no beach on earth can conjure this on demand.
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bx7uAVYHclW/
If you need more convincing then you love Korbel Brut.
Here’s to the happy couple!
You know can’t disappoint his fans. Dude will do it with anyone from a better ho.e than he grew up in. In other words just about anyone
The biggest date-rapist who ever lived is hosting weddings? I’ve never seen the Surf Ranch before. Is Machado coming out of retirement to charge the place? Or is he too busy douching barely legal rich girls?
You wanna enlarge on that anonymous statement?
I’ve told Sean Slater how I feel. I gave him my name and address. I’m not afraid of anyone in the surf industry, except Megan Abubo naked
I’m merely asking you to please provide some slices of meat from your stories. I’m delighted that you ain’t afraid of nuffin, so… let rip. We’re all ears. Nothing is sacred here except freedom of speech and the joy of not being Stabnertia.
it was the 90’s, we called it getting lucky not date rape back then
KS wave pool is the last place I’d want to get married
Would love to know how much that cost. What a greedy cash grab. Whats next? Throw some bass and trout in there and charge little kids by the hour to learn how to fish?
If I get to quit my day job & travel the world as the sprogs Manager\Coach\Step Dad I think I can turn a blind eye while the king exercises his right as a noble. Couple of waves at the ranch would sweeten the deal.
His right as a noble? Dude is from a broken home with a dead scumbag Dad. His Mother is a Fat-Ass.
While studying German , I met a good bloke from Bosnia . I asked him about his wedding and whether there was dancing , drinking , rooting and he replied of course ! Dancing , drinking , rooting and shooting with 500 invites and the rest of the town ,5000 or more , as expected just showed up with their BYO Rifles …..
Shit yeah. Our wedding costs were the celebrant, couple of roast chooks and some seafood. Do you know a bloke called Leon who used to, maybe still does, work for Rip Curl NZ?
“If you’re thinking about getting married but haven’t yet please convince your significant other that a Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch wedding is the only way to go. I know from experience the food is good, the staff is impeccable and no beach on earth can conjure this on demand.”
This is a good effort, but you still aren’t getting invited back, Chas…
Surely Kelly has a custom built boudoir out the back for that sort of shit. Question is would you let him have a go for a chance of birthing an heir apparent?
That top photo makes it look like some creepy old guy forcing marriage on the motel cleaner, whom he just kidnapped.
That was actually Kelly with Kalani’s younger cousin.
Jeez eh I bet they got the fuck out of there once the party was over, I wouldn’t fancy a first honeymoon night in the Tachi Palace Hotel
It’s good to be the king
King of what? A pretty much bankrupt surf industry that re-finances every few years. Or is it King of the Circus? Or is it King of Pathological liars anonymous ?
I hear your point loud and clear. I was making an obscure movie reference to Robin Hood Men in Tights in response to the mention of jus primea noctus.
Billie Jean King?
OK, hands up. Who amongst us had a beach wedding?
We did it on the beach we got engaged on two years earlier. Northern NSW, national park, secluded-ish, family and close friends, 12 in total, mid-week, so no crowds. Plan for early morning wedding, chicken and champagne breakfast whilst myself and the selected few snuck in a few beachies. Beautiful morning, but no swell. Highlight was as we got to the “I now pronounce you…”, my sister says “Oooh, look dolphins”. The small group looks seaward to see tuna cavorting just outside the break. Swell was less than knee high, so we scoffed the food went back to the cabins, had a nice long seafood lunch and that was the start of married life.
Had the reception 4 days later on the Sunny Coast with 150 odd people. Also, was GF day for the Lions first of the 3-peat run. So the wedding speech was “Thanks to everyone for coming, great to see family and friends”. Little anecdote about the cake being a tribute to recently deceased grandmother, which had my 6’4″ uncle in tears. Followed by “and now I’ll be downstairs watching the footy”. Was followed down by about 20 blokes and it was very good times*.
*Comparable with birth of first sun 3 days after the next GF win and getting away with naming him after the best on ground winner.
..wedding in the back yard, Honeymoon at G-Land, 8 years later and the divorce will come through in a month.
You were lucky ! I got married in Denmark ( was way to hard in Germany ) In December and it was that cold , at sea level mind you , that the fountain in the middle of the town square was literally frozen . The only link to summer , were the tapestries in the town hall created by the daughter of Sydney Opera House Architect Jørn Utzon .
I got my divorce on the beach.
They could use those sticks for when th KKK rents it out.
..yeah, that frontier Chuppa was a bit off kilter.
Sack the Lemore wedding planner.
Do you think they will get cross ?
And severly burnt.
The sticks are for when Sunny’s cannibal family has his welcome home roast. KKK? With free of charge lawyers like you all over the planet, the blacks haven’t had to worry for years. You Buffalo Soldier you
Aye aye ya
WTF is all I can actually say – people getting married on beaches to this????? The world is fucked and surf is pumping and I cant fucking go
Neither can I.
And the weather is fucking freezing / windy.
Don’t sweat it, just get better.
You’ve got other priorities!
So now the wsl is in the wedding venue business?
and the waco pool is the perfect place for your post divorce party
Your comment is amazing. I don’t want to sully it with my shit attempt at expanding on your statement. You have summed up the cold reality of a “perfect marriage” and the awesomeness of post divorce life exactly. Why is this comment not featured?
I would have booked skylar the surf dog to be the ring bearer. Might have thrown in RCJ on his SUP foil thing. Goes to show that money is wasted on the rich.
I think it was Nugable that got an interview with Slater years ago. Nuggie emailed, hey HIp, what should I ask him. I gave him two questions…. “Was avoiding marriage a key to your sustained success with surfing”.
I’m happy to say, he thought is was the most pertinent question he had been asked about his career.
Hey Nug, you remember that?
what was the second question?
Now that is a good question.
Don’t it go to show
That the whiff of easy cash
Soon corrupts us all