Are there any doctors out there? Help!
There is much talk of disease, epidemics and pandemics in the United States of America with almost vanquished measles, mumps, etc. making a comeback. The rabidly fearful blame an anti-vaccination movement but since when did getting sick become such a horrible thing? Aren’t our immune systems there to beat away the naughties? I mean, I understand being all freaked out about polio but measles? Chickenpox?
Well, let’s not turn this into a vax vs. anti-vax debate because there’s an even more deadly plague raging through the VAL population. One that if we don’t stamp out today will destroy us all.
“I was paddling first” disease.
I’ve seen the symptoms in the wild more in the last week than I have in my three decades in the water. A few days ago, for example, I was out enjoying a little run of swell. The lineup was uncrowded, featuring only a woman riding a Lost Puddle Jumper and three college-aged VALs on softtops. A wave came, breaking left. The woman was inside but all three VALs paddled anyway. One of them caught it and was hollered off. As he made his way back out I heard him loudly remark to his friends, “I don’t know why she yelled at me. I was paddling first.”
It was more than I could take and growled, “She was inside you damn kook.” He tried to argue his point, that he paddled first and I told him to shut his mouth, which he did, but that wasn’t the proper response. I fear I rammed the disease further down his throat and now he’ll begin paddling even earlier in order to avoid being in the wrong.
Is there a cure? A vaccine? A proper way to address or is the only solution a mass culling?
Are there any doctors out there? Help!
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Very late to this party, but there is at least one situation where paddling first should give you the wave. Sitting out at a peak for awhile, waiting on a particular section of the sandbar that hasn’t broken much, but offers a rare wedge on the right set, though it took a little observation to notice which sets did this. Then, here comes one of those sets, but a newcomer has *just* paddled out and is, technically, sitting deeper than you, though by accident, and doesn’t notice that the little bump you’re paddling for is going to turn into a bit of magic until you start paddling. That’s your wave.
It’s obviously Matt Damon’s wave.
I know a gal who deploys the frenemy approach, doesn’t always work but it’s magical when it does.
Calls ’em into waves they have no hope of catching, “Oh how’s THIS one? You should go. Paddle hard! Paddle! Aw man so close…”
Or calling em in late, “Goooooooooooooooo!” VAL goes over the falls “Sick drop! Next one, next one…”
It keeps em out of position, (mostly) out of the way, and tuckers those little puppies out so they’re out of your hair sooner. She also establishes a weird matronly authority over some of these folks and when they get out of line they’re more receptive to a little chat on etiquette.
I got chickenpox for the first time at the ripe old age of 43.
I woke up 2 days after my daughter was born, head to-toe in spots.
It was not good. At one point in that first week I apparently slept for about 48 hours straight.
My wife was left to care for a 4 year old and the new baby pretty much on her own.
Eventually after a week I staggered down to the local shop (still covered in spots but no longer contagious) and started buying whiskey to help ward off the feelings of the symptoms. This started a new drinking trend with new and increased vigour after I recovered from the chickenpox.
No wonder she’s permanently mad at me.
Welcome to brown town, friend!!!
Ahhh settling myself in with a wee pour or six of the brown – bottoms up.
Was that a Lennon lyric?
Erm just wanna point out that measles is a potentially fatal disease …
Live a little!
Should be some swell next week, I’ve started paddling now so you can all fuck off.
If you punch a VAL in the head you are giving them the education they missed in their youth.
That was the education we feared we could receive if we fucked up back then.
Not Indonesian though.
Eddie Haiku is doing alright. He inspired this haiku I wrote about whether or not VALs should start surfing after the age of 23. It’s called ‘No’.
No No No No No
No No No No No No No
No No No No No
“Hey! I was hiding the toothpaste first!!”
Always joking, of course. But not completely 🙂
This should take a few of them out via injury https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
i’d like to read a verse from cote : 540, the plague of vals
540, 540, 540
Sorry, that was a 360
… but this will get ’em back:
http://www.theclaw.biz/thec…
and yet more plastic debris coming to a line-up near you.
To the manufacturer/owner: Why? … seriously: Aside from profit, just what the fuck are you thinking?
god you fucking ruined my night
… my sincerest of apologies squire.
the cunt* (yes: CUNT!!!) whom thought that was a good product idea, requires a loooooooong introspective gaze into the night sky.
On a positive note: it will surely tank.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Really? holy shit.. I am a super “Heat” fan.. wtf?? is that a botox face or an alcohol bloat face.. crazeeeee
i like the stubble that looks like it’s been poked in by a claymation apprentice.
“start with the stubble, then you can move to the pubes, you little piece of fucking shite”
Whats wrong with Top Gun?!
throat cancer.
Isn’t the inoculation the mad raving scream out? Delivered by the local grump? (I hope you put a little edge on it Chas) I never got one myself, but I witnessed more than a couple, but does that work on VALs? Or maybe, as stated below, they’re feelin too oppressed to feel fear shame and guilt.
Damn, I got nothin!!!!
I have a buddy that does this with girls. If we go out somewhere he instantly hits on every girl he sees. If someone else in the group happens to get lucky that night he gets all pissy and lets everyone know that HE was hitting her first. Makes perfect sense that he is actually a VAL too.
ha
You are friends with a VAL. That is disgraceful. Cease your friendship with him immediately.
Chas, the first step is to do some research. In the Val’s case of the surfing rules, in your’s of basic fcuken science.
Don’t be the sneaky anti vaxxer – or climate change denier. Look up how many people died from Measles, Chickepox, Rubella etc before we got vaccines for them.
I think we need to label spots like they do with skiing. Label anything wee actually want to surf as a double black and only allow lessons and rentals at greens.
They have signs up at some breaks in Santa Cruz… doesn’t help… you still have slugs on soft tops paddling to a “black diamond” break and sitting way out the back trying to catch the sets way early on their wavestorms… and when they get yelled at they become angry because “I was up first”
well I’m stupid
Nah it’s a good idea and even if it only works to regulate 50% of the cunts, that’s 50% less cuntery in the lineup and a win.
My fave is the flouncy vibes I get when I call women longboarders off waves — which, gawd, girls, quit burning me, come on. Like, I’m the asshole. I mean, maybe I am? But gawd, stop burning me.
I have no solution to this problem.
Supporting women’s rights doesn’t mean you have to support them dropping in on your rights, or lefts.
Ha ha, yah, I call ’em off every time, honestly — same as I would with a dude.
Jen would you like to burn Chas? Could be fun.
Ha ha, nah, he had to write a book and stuff, he deserves his waves!
I misread this and saw “… like to bum Chas?”
Getting into WPS territory there.
Down with flouncy vibes!
“Parrrrrrrrrty weeeve wooo 🥳” is my least fave phrase in the lineup as the person uttering it is ALWAYS the one dropping in.
PS they are the arseholes JC.
VAL only wave pools! I believe they refer to that as a quarantine in med school..
VAL only brain eating amoeba wave pools. Test their resolve.