(If if doesn't already!)
Social scientists and computer scientists aren’t exactly sure when it happened but both agree that the Internet is now more fake than real. Fake “people,” fake algorithmic views/clicks/likes, fake analytics, fake everything and let’s turn to William Finnegan’s magazine The New Yorker quickly for substance.
How much of the internet is fake? Studies generally suggest that, year after year, less than 60 percent of web traffic is human; some years, according to some researchers, a healthy majority of it is bot. For a period of time in 2013, the Times reported this year, a full half of YouTube traffic was “bots masquerading as people,” a portion so high that employees feared an inflection point after which YouTube’s systems for detecting fraudulent traffic would begin to regard bot traffic as real and human traffic as fake. They called this hypothetical event “the Inversion.”
This is problematic but doesn’t concern us much here in our walled garden. OttoBeenThere you’re real. Right? Absolutely no way a bot could spew Wiggolly’s Paddling Style-esque filth. Right?
But.
We have our own troubles. After much research (surfing and being a surf journalist), I have concluded that 95% of the surfing public is now officially VAL which is the highest percentage in recorded history. What does this mean? I have no idea except that surf companies will likely up production of wide-brim’d sun hats and cut production of cool water surf wax. Also, now that we’re so far past the inflection point we’re going to start seeing “cool” surf characters being introduced in mainstream film and television. “Cool” devil may care surf characters in reef booties and surf sunglasses throwing “shakas” and driving Jeep Wranglers.
Or wait.
That happened years ago but still we’re even further past the inflection point than we were years ago so I honestly don’t know except that VALs will now be serving up content and product for other VALs just like internet bots are serving up content and product for other internet bots therefore changing the very idea of “reality.”
Will you accept this inertia or will you rage, rage against the dying of the light?
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VAL Icon: Matt Biolas/Chino, CA
What does the V in VAL stand for?
Vigilante.
New York Mag (not New Yorker). Such an obvious and contentious mistake I have to assume I’m being intentionally manipulated.
Go to Bali now if you want to see the what stage of evolution the VAL will be on your beach in 2 years.
Breakdown of Beachgrit site visitors:
80% Russian bots
2% Grumpy Locals
8% WSL staff
1% Ashton Goggans
9% Inertia readers and other assorted VAL’s
Future VAL here. Once I get over my fear of sharks and swimming I’m gonna be better than the smokin hot Noa Deane
Future? Just get out there!
The stats are in. This morning was the first in a while I have managed to get to the beach early and observe. Total surfers: 8. 5 mals, 2 shortboards and 1 foiler. (I’m not counting the clubby on his paddleboard and the SUP as surfers). Not one under the age of 30. And all but 2 could be classified as VALs in terms of ability.
Where are the kids? They should have been all over the fun ones before heading off to school. Article stacks up.
Having recently reread Kong’s Book , I had the impression that the every kid on the Sunshine Coast surfed before , after and during school , at least in the 80s ? What Happened ? More Sharks …… Internet …..or more scholarly ambition……or sloth ….
creating a vacuum to be filled by ………..The waves are for everybody , especially yours virus ?
They seem save themselves for school surfing. About 15 in the water this morning in arguably worse waves. All getting the contest heat training they need. It seems these contest kids are the only ones doing it. I’m calling future issues with he VAL takeover and lack of kids meaning we will only have VALs. Aaaaaargh.
Who’d have thought that surfing would become an organized sport ? Since time immemorial , young surfers did everything they could to get out of school if there was a chance to surf . I remember an interview with Wayne Lynch , and he was out surfing at Lorne with teachers yelling at him to get out of the water and the next day he turned up with a sick note from his wonderful mum and stuffed the system .
…and so we fill the weeks between comps like the WSL commentary crew fill dead air between sets. Inane noise. My comment here a prime example.
…aaaaannnd Gra JAMS IT under the hood!
High-line wrap!
Lip-line float.
Wow.
Your the runaway son of a nuclear A-bomb.
I’m the world’s forgotten son*.
*This may not be the next line, but it fits with Gra Murdoch’s comment as well as the song sort of.
I’m the floater that won’t flush.
I don’t think Russian /Chinese bots are interested in BG somehow.
Yet.
Wait till The Olympics.
Found this cool old pic of Derek and Chas
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/…
My life was complete when I realized the daughter played by Angela Cartwright, from Derek and Dr Chas ‘ Zachary ‘ Smith’s LOST IN SPACE was also in the SOUND OF MUSIC .
Oh how I loved that stupid show
The Robot : Dr. Smith has always been a loyal and self-sacrificing member of the Jupiter 2 crew. He is incapable of telling the truth.
Dr. Zachary Smith : Oh, very good. What did you say?
The Robot : Imperative that I do not aban…
Dr. Zachary Smith : [switching off the robot] You’re wearing my patience very thin. You will erase that last statement and correct it to read: “Dr. Smith is incapable of telling a lie.” Repeat.
[Smith switches robot back on]
The Robot : Dr. Smith is incapable.
Dr. Zachary Smith : “OF TELLING A LIE,” you ninny! Finish it!
Oh the pain. The pain…
Zachary’s Disease. His arse was Zachary the same as his face ?
😂😂😂
Even if I were a bot…I like it here and I’m gonna stay.
Here’s a discussion question…JJF ruins the WSL whilst BeachGrit gets 1000+ comments on and open thread for the comp.
Methinks Chas and Derek owe John some serious love.
we’re all living in an simulation
an evil demon, of “utmost power and cunning has employed all his energies in order to deceive me.”
When I first started commenting on BeachGrit I was a real asshole. I thought at the time that was protocal.. But let’s be real, being a real asshole was really contributing nothing real to the conversation. Chazz and I used to get into some really stupid arguments. Mostly concerning his opinion that my comments were really shit. He got me really pissed off, so much so that I wanted to hurt the bastard, for reals. Negatron provided really good insight during those dark days. Made me think is this really me. BOTtom line, being a real asshole was getting in the way of having a good time here, especially being a real grumpy local, if I’m being real. So I decided to keep it real, for right or wrong, but stay true to me and stop being a fake asshole. So I upvoted Chazz. Genuinely upvoted. Not some fake lets squash our differences shit. Real. Even complimented his writing. I’d like to think my days as That Dead Whale helped bring Chazz aboard as a BeachGrit contributor. Maybe not. And BeachGrit is better with him than without. Id like to think BeachGrit is better with me being real, than with me being a real asshole.
I like this place. It’s real unfiltered good shit. Fake fuckers are drowning our voice. Stab. Fake. Inertia. Fake. WSL. Fake. Beach Grit. Real. Even if the critics can’t really accept that. For reals.
You’re a 5 star general of BG Otto!
What an awesome post.
Thank you Otto. And thank you all for the banter and not being fucktards.
Whatever.
Somebody on here recently suggested I was a VAL because I wasn’t on board with a certain version of grumpy. And really I’m not a grumpy local, but I ain’t no VAL.
I’m a MAID. Middle Aged In Decline.
I’m a MAID man.
I’m MAID, Man!
Neil Young needs you.
The next line:
…but I still get laid.
Neil Young needed a maid. Ends up marrying Daryl Hannah who played a mermaid. Go figure.
Bravo O2 !
bravo2 (?)
brah, vo2 !
Daww, I like this place!
hahahaha, his opinions were shite.
… actually his last article was pretty spot on.
Becahgrit has gone soft and is a part of the WSl/Pro surfing establishmnet
this is not pirate radio
BeachGrit is like Costco. It’s where Stab shops for writers in bulk.
Bahahaha!
Fuk you, WSL is fake,
Asshole.
gay…
nttawwt…
It just wouldn’t work out between us. You’re toofattosurf. It’d be like riding a moped. Embarrassing.
Fun to do until your friends find out?
Nah. I’m straight. Stab clowns like toofsttosurf and Billy got school yard style insult game. They’d rather pull a girl’s hair than talk to her.
WE FOUND CAVY!
“Wiggolly’s Paddling Style-esque filth” – so perfect. I laughed so hard at that my colleagues think I’ve gone quite mad. I’m sure he’ll rate it too. But his bot is possibly Wesley’s DD style? It’s an absurd world we live in, 5% of surfers are not some kind of …AL.. shiiiiiiieeett
Origin of the name William: From the Old Norman French Willaume, derived from the Old High German Willehelm, a compound name from the elements willeo (will, determination) and helm (protection, helmet)
Finnegan is the transferred use of a well-known Irish surname. It is the anglicized version of Ó Fionnagán which comes from the Gaelic “finn/fionn” meaning “fair, white”. The “-án” is a diminutive suffix so Fionnagán essentially means “little fair one”.
Our old mate Willy (wait for it) is a shining white man’s bell-end, a determined, yet small helmet thrusting his pale surf cred through the soft, moist, fleshy vulva of the mainstream. While a noble and entertaining pursuit this might be, the result is a goliath litter of vulnerability. Fully grown humans who believe Willy’s experiences in remote isles can be easily replicated anywhere, as long as the ‘correct’ equipment is purchased. The more you spend, the more genuine the experience, the more bots will love your post!
Is willy the father of our enemies? Has he, in his later years, purposely destroyed the world he depicts, the world we crave? Should we seek retribution? Has anyone ever tried surfing with fins in backwards, maybe it’s amazing? Has anyone ever seen a chas… in meatspace? Or is this pale little cock here to protect us?
little ditty from mum’s chemistry class for Guillaume le Conquérant . This one’s for you Bill !
Little Willy is not with us anymore ,
For what he thought was H20
Was H2SO4 .
Sadly, I am 100% a bot. I was created by an algorithm combining the personalities and abilities of several historical failures, including Publius Septimius Geta, Lord Melbourne, Wile E. Coyote, Herbert von Bismarck, and Cheyne Horan.
100% Sexbot
What if John John is a bot sent from the future from the VALS?!?!? After watching the finals last night I calculated 90% of all the commentators material was positive JJF remarks. “He’s the Best!!!!” “No one turns like that!” “Kolohe can’t turn.” John Florence was on top of Hob nob hill last night he could very well be a VAL robot.
Some scientists propose that we are living in a hologram (Holographic Principle). I don’t see why anything proposed in this article isn’t ‘real’.
I have read about this, it’s quick rabbit hole from there to quantum physics. Also, I landed on a rock at the end of my session on Sunday and ripped off most of my right big toenail. I have seen that rock for years, It’s usually below water but its a good low tide marker. Whenever I get near the area of that rock I exit off the back of the wave. Sunday I got greedy and I lost. They really have that hologram dialed in.
You could change your name to C4 Semtex and blow the living shit out of that rock …….. but only in that universe where surfers are nasty and do not respect reefs and the rocks they are made from ? Uncertainty Now !
Believe me, in the moment the thought crossed my mind. That rock has claimed a lot of flesh, blood and pride over the years..last fall it claimed a pelvis and caused a very expensive evac up the cliff trails via 4 firefighters and a hand held stretcher. Honestly though, I would miss that damn rock. Semtex can be fun though….
See if those chinese developer guys might want to build a resort there. I think they can bring in excavators on barges and tear the shit out of it.
I forgot about those guys…and they are looking for work too
No matter would be destroyed , the molecules dispersed and realigned but the local sea life might be somewhat disturbed and angry if one plays the role of Shiva , creator and destructor …….?
My kids get so tired of me when I talk like that…”you know, things never really go away, just get rearranged, you’re made of cosmic Legos”.
Yep . My 5 year old son is often asking why people have to die and then says “Dad you are very old ! Will you be dying soon ? “
Yes well I have just inserted myself into a brand new Rip Curl Heat Seeker Flashbomb Wetsuit and I feel like a robot. A very bad robot.
Keep your dirty slave labour Rip Curl advertorials to Swellnet Nick.
*Negatron is currently battling the elements of the South Islands frigid waters in a toasty warm hooded 4/3 Vissla.
https://beachgrit.com/2018/…
That’s why surf Journos can’t be real Journos.
All that free shit.
I’ll see if I can get you one
My God! I have just emerged from the Rip Curl Heat Seeker Flashbomb and feel like a butterfly having emerged from its chrysalis. The rubber, it is like silk! The internal lining, it is as the cheek of a baby! I will never be the same again. btw it’s $699.
Still trying to find you a very bad robot
Boom tish
http://www.jenkemmag.com/ho…
Surfing is dead. Long live surfing. We’ll enter the 90’s tiny wheel era soon, “everyone” (VALS) will quit and all will be right again.