Watch: A New Jersey Wetsuit Fairytale!

Advertorial? Fuck yeah it is!

When I very first heard of New Jersey as a younger surfer I, like you, thought, “What?” and “Where?” but after spending a week two blocks away from The Stone Pony in Asbury Park I think, “New Jersey is my favorite little surf nugget of all.”

The Stone Pony, you certainly know, was where Bruce Springsteen was unleashed upon the world. He, all blue collar and man o the people, continues to be an inspiration much like Tommy Ihnken, the fantastic Asbury Park local who agreed to take six wetsuits on a test run for us.

Now, Tommy may not be a household name but the kid sure should be. He is talented, handsome, unafraid of a good time and, maybe most importantly, a hard hard hard working son of a bitch. He was up those New Jersey days before dawn, running things into the City, running things up the Hudson, running back to meet me and filmmaker Jack Boston as we dined upon local delicacies in local holes for breakfast.

We were told, early on, to be sure and get a pork roll. I had never had one so when the waitress approached I said, “How are these fucking things supposed to be ordered?” This was clearly a strange question and she looked bewildered while answering, “With egg and cheese?”

The days were mostly grey in Asbury Park and bitterly cold. So bitter that it hurt these Oregonian bones. That grey sky unrelenting, that bitterly cold wind blowing. It is no wonder that they need exquisite rubber and it is good that we had. Hurley, O’Neill, Vissla, Patagonia, Xcel, Matuse.

But I thought she was a lying broad so ordered mine with no egg and no cheese and hashbrowns on top. Jack Boston did the same. When Tommy came in after running things into the City and running things up the Hudson he looked at our pork rolls and declared, “What the fuck are you doing? Why didn’t you order it with egg and cheese?”

The days were mostly grey in Asbury Park and bitterly cold. So bitter that it hurt these Oregonian bones. That grey sky unrelenting, that bitterly cold wind blowing. It is no wonder that they need exquisite rubber and it is good that we had.

Hurley, O’Neill, Vissla, Patagonia, Xcel, Matuse.

Advertorial?

Fuck yeah it is and I don’t make no bones about it because someday I’m moving to New Jersey full time. The best damned surf nugget on the face of this God forsaken country.

A New Jersey Wetsuit Fairytale
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NorCallous
NorCallous
8 years ago

Acknowledging it as a advertorial does not not make it a badvertorial.

Hikaru Ichijyo
Hikaru Ichijyo
8 years ago

lol review, the Gladiator would be entertained. But so surfermag ish . This suit rocks the club. Go for it. This other suit rocks, but like Queen. That suit rocks, but more of a bluesy Chicago beer spray on a pretty lady’s tat ta’s. This one rocks and is like a hot night club. They all have a lead guitarist, lead vocalist, back ups, rhythm guitar, bassist, sound guy, roadies, want all brown M&M’s removed from the giant M&M glass bowl, and drummers. And they all rock. I know for sure one had cold flush or you pee in it and instead of circulating around it stays in the crouch area. Or one takes 20+ minutes to remove with more steps than a NASA space launch, so you have to irobot it in and out of your car and back to your home / office or school with a gym changing area for removal, then there’s the one that is Superman ready with a second in a phone booth or your girl’s Mini to change and out of.

Betdawg
Betdawg
8 years ago

Definitely one of the better ‘Advertorial’s’ getting about!!! I guess surfing is the real winner here with every suit being a ‘winner’ in this clip.. Well done BG.

Crackie Onassis
Crackie Onassis
8 years ago

What did SurfSplendor think of you going to Aint that Swell for musical direction?

David Lee Scales
David Lee Scales
8 years ago

I approve! Although the podcast/musician battle royale would be between Vaughn & Cote. I’ll run the lighting.

Kook of the Day
Kook of the Day
8 years ago

colder than a fatherly embrace from Charlie Medina- gold…..

Martin C
Martin C
8 years ago

This vid reminds me of the saying “As much use as a chocolate fireguard” !

Jen See
Jen See
8 years ago

that was hilars, dudes. nice job on making a gear thing actually fun.

mundus
mundus
8 years ago

Good little vid, but jersey as a surf nugget? Are you nuts? Months of flatness, freezing cold 9 months of year(lifelong jersey surfer).

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
8 years ago
Reply to  mundus

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times. Surfing is about more than surfing.

mundus
mundus
8 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

Fair enough, Asbury Park is a lame scene as well, overpriced restaurants and full of hipster d bags

Crackie Onassis
Crackie Onassis
8 years ago
PacificNorthPest
PacificNorthPest
8 years ago

great script by the way, very funny Derek

The Bitchy Crab
The Bitchy Crab
8 years ago

Aw, thanks. I mean, I know I’m not the brightest crayon box but it ain’t rocket scientist, am I right?

PacificNorthPest
PacificNorthPest
8 years ago

I see what you did there!

The Bitchy Crab
The Bitchy Crab
8 years ago

Jersey Shore!

longtom
longtom
8 years ago

best little accent going around.

Otto
Otto
8 years ago

Speaking of crayons. I wonder if somewhere tucked in the story of how surf wax came to be, if there was someone’s kid who zero’d out their crayon box on their dad’s, or mom’s surfboard. And from there originated the idea that much like the living room couch, the crayon may never relinquish it’s grip on the board. Fucking crayons. Fucking paraffin wax. Sticks to everything. Hate that shit….or maybe I don’t.

PacificNorthPest
PacificNorthPest
8 years ago

So in conclusion, every wetsuit in the test was the winner. And by test I mean Santa Monica preschool.

The Bitchy Crab
The Bitchy Crab
8 years ago

Ain’t it just a Jersey Miracle!

Otto
Otto
8 years ago

Chas, you got to stop beating yourself up about Jersey Pork Roll Gate. What’s it been? 6-7 months?

astro
astro
8 years ago
Reply to  Otto

No, no – let him roll.
See that, what I ….
ah, fuck
nvm

Zach Makki
Zach Makki
8 years ago

Pork roll with no egg or cheese? Dam you must of looked like the worlds biggest shoobie.

dickie toledo
dickie toledo
8 years ago

why you trying outsmart the room. Just get it with egg and f n cheese.


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