John John Florence Ross Williams
Ross: "John? John?" JJ: "I want it over and done. I do. I'm tired, boss. Tired of bein' on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. Tired of not ever having me a buddy to be with, or tell me where we's coming from or going to, or why. Mostly I'm tired of people being ugly to each other. I'm tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world everyday. There's too much of it. It's like pieces of glass in my head all the time. Can you understand?"

Theatre: Is John John transitioning from tour?

I'm tired, boss. Mostly, I'm tired of people being ugly to each other… 

I ain’t Freud. But it don’t take much to see that the two-time, and reigning, world champion John John Florence is wrapped in an intolerable existential crisis.

Last at Snapper to Mikey Wright. Second-last to the fanatically intense Zeke Lau at Bells. A long dick in the guts at Lemoore. Second-last to Jesse Mendes, Bali. Twenty-first in the world.

This morning’s official withdrawal from the Margaret River Reboot had the undercurrent of a drowning man who’d do anything to find a little air, to breathe.

The explanation had all the verve of a wise-ass kid telling his teacher the dog ate up his homework.

“I was holding my breath the minute he paddled out. I knew he was feeling jumpy. At one point I looked at him from the beach and gestured to take it easy!”

“Unfortunately I hurt my knee during a freesurf here in Bali, and I have to pull out of the next event to get back and heal up as quickly as possible. I was trying bottom turns in the yard last night to see if there is any way for me to possibly surf this event, but nothing about it felt right. Haha! I think it’s best I heal 100% before I get back in the water. When I was a little kid I watched my favorite surfers winning events and trying big airs and big maneuvers and dreamed of doing those things. I will never lose that. I’m excited for everything to come. I hope to come out of this injury smarter and more excited than I have ever been.”

His coach, Ross Williams, behaved in the manner of the loyal sidekick, punching this supporting explanation into his cell phone.

“I was holding my breath the minute he paddled out. I knew he was feeling jumpy. At one point I looked at him from the beach and gestured to take it easy! Haha. In my position it’s sketchy watching him surf like that cause I want him to be ready for the next comp, but you can’t tell someone like John to just surf safe.”

Gesturing on the beach to “take it easy”? Oh if this was a movie it would be too fantastic to believe.

Three weeks ago, I asked the question, What if: John John Florence quits the tour? 

Is the kick from a contest win, a title, enough to keep Florence on the chain gang? To keep him in pressurised aluminium cylinders from Australia to Honolulu to Lemoore and now Rio, just so he can be pecked at and paddled ragged? 

Two world titles, a house at Log Cabins big enough for whomever wants floor space, the boat that’s rattling at its anchor chain, dying for a Pacific crossing, a sponsor that might be persuaded that a series of John John Florence films might be a better return on their multi-million dollar investment than a series of forgettable WCT results offers a velvet-lined escape hatch. 

Who needs who more? The WSL with John John or John John with the WSL?

In the meantime, let’s enjoy the wrenching moment where John John appears half-dead on a table (MRI?) while his coach taps plaintively on the glass, whispering, “John? John?”

https://www.instagram.com/p/BjowARNlCFi/?taken-by=john_john_florence

 

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Who is this handsome man with a phone camera?
Who is this handsome man with a phone camera?

Day 3: Kook-gate expands in scope and reach!

What did he know and when did he know it?

If there is one thing I am proud of with my work here at BeachGrit it is that I let no dead horse go unkicked. If I see a dead horse, anywhere at anytime, that even only tangentially relates to surfing I will gird my loins, steel my spine and begin kicking. Kicking. Kicking. Kicking. Without care for my own safety or well-being. I will kick that dead horse when filled with energy. I will kick that dead horse when overcome with exhaustion. I will kick that dead horse then I will kick that dead horse again.

So let’s chat a little more about the incident currently rocking our surf world! If you have missed any of the action catch up here and here but, basically, we were introduced to the World Surf League’s Chief Commercial Officer over the weekend. Beth Greves was captured on video enjoying a wonderful surf on a longer surfboard. It was a sunny day, perfect for The Sport of Kings, and Beth was dressed appropriately for it in a forrest green rash guard with floral sleeves and matching floral bottoms.

One other small detail, the fins of her longer surfboard were put in backwards.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BjjcwmjlAC2/?taken-by=ryzphoto

Now, a funny moment for all of us and we chuckled along but the more I watched the video the more I was struck by its composition. You can watch above once again but let’s go over some of the play by play.

The piece begins with Beth standing there facing away from the camera and toward a handsome, taller, dark-haired man taking a picture with of her backward fin setup with his phone. They both laugh at someone off screen and then he motions with his hand and face, very exaggeratedly, that her fins should be pointing the other direction. Beth plays along, motioning with her own hands and trying to explain something.

Cut to black.

And something about it feels so… staged. A good many of you wondered this same thing in the comments and I have, for you, poured over every frame. Second by second. Trying to see if it is a set-up for another WSL spoof ad. You remember those right? I can’t find them currently but remember wigs and jokes etc. Anyhow, if it is a spoof then boy oh boy they got us all good. The best mass prank in surf history wouldn’t you agree?

I am 98% convinced, though, that it is not a prank because there appears to be genuine bafflement on Beth’s face right before the cut to black but I need to know more about the handsome, taller, dark-haired man taking the picture and exaggeratedly explaining. What did he know and when did he know it?

I’d also like to see his photo. I think that is important for us and our investigation. Or at least for me and my dead horse kicking. Does anyone know him? Do you?

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How to: Handle a kook crisis!

Step 3: Give an interview to Chas Smith!

Into every surfer life a little kook must fall. It is a stone-cold fact. An irrefutable component of this odd dance we do. There are, first, the myriad rules, sub-rules, sub-sub-rules and shifting rules. There is, second, the impossibility of the act itself. There are, third, surfers involved in most things related to surfing and surfers are known assholes. So, yesterday’s introduction of the World Surf League’s relatively new fourth in command, Chief Commercial Officer Beth Greves, was wonderfully fun though I imagine the League thought otherwise.

Ms. Greves is highly qualified and very skilled, with Adweek naming her a “purveyor of cool” in the teen space and there she appeared on the universally adored @kook_of_the_day with her fins of her longer surfboard in backwards. I reached directly out to the WSL and begged for an interview, knowing that I could make this a star moment, that she would become a hero, though was rebuffed. Turned away. Left out in the cold.

Still, I am here to help and so will give my services for how to handle this crisis free of charge!

Step 1: Be horrified with yourself!

It is important, when caught being a kook, that the offender let the moment sink in fully. An attitude of “everyone makes mistakes” or “who cares?” will go nowhere. Nowhere at all. The offender must stare at the ugly image, the fins backward, the scarecrow jive down a perfect Surf Ranch wave (me!), the egg shaped surfboard he accidentally bought, the back foot traction accidentally affixed mid board, etc. She must be mortified. He must be near suicide and then he must laugh because everyone makes mistakes and who cares?

Step 2: Know that you are part of a brave tradition!

This knowledge does not change the horror but it does put it in context. @kook_of_the_day says it best. “We’re all kooks in our own way!” And we are. We scarecrow jive down perfect Surf Ranch waves. We forget to mix oil in the 2-stroke motor gasoline can. We get lipped, clipped, drop in, go straight, barrel dodge, drip saltwater out of our noses and also saltwater + cocaine. Every surfer on the face of this earth has done something kooky except Gerry Lopez. Oh wait, Gerry Lopez moved to Bend, Oregon and fucking river surfs. Every surfer on the face of this earth has done something kooky

Step 3: Give an interview to Chas Smith!

But only if you did something virally kooky. For normal moments the interview with Chas Smith can be exchanged with an honest admission to friends. But if you did something virally kooky then it is important to admit to BeachGrit that you both know what you did is horrifying but also that a sense of humor prevails. That you can learn and care about the myriad rules, sub-rules, sub-sub-rules and shifting rules because these make up the surfing life but that you also love surfing enough to break them.

Step 4: Repeat!

 

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Miracle: Nobody doesn’t like Italo Ferriera!

The universal man unites us all!

We live in fractured times. Very contentious. Very fraught with contention. Trade wars dot the globe. Justin Trudeau is getting mad at Donald J. Trump who is getting mad at Theresa May who is getting mad at Vlad Putin who is getting mad at the western mainstream media which is getting mad at gay bakers not selling cakes to poor, beleaguered Christians.

Kanye West.

Nobody can agree on nothing except that Italo Ferriera is a lovable professional surfer with a mean rail game, extraordinary air prowess, bravery, humility, nice post-heat interviews and an enviable head of hair. I was lounging on the beach yesterday afternoon and one of the most knowledgable professional surf observers that I know said, “Right now Italo Ferriera is the best surfer on the planet.” And he said this without trying to be hyperbolic or amusing.

And in our time has one single surfer ever had universal support? After I was finished lounging on the beach yesterday I conducted an informal poll on the general likability of Italo Ferriera and found he scored 100% amongst professional surf fans with equal votes coming from men, women, whites who were having a little trouble staying unsunburnt and whites able to tan easily. Kelly Slater only every topped 75% once and now floats somewhere around the 64% level by way of comparison. John John Florence hovers at a very respectable 93% but 7% of self-described “haters” get frustrated by his lackadaisical face.

Which makes me very thankful for our surf community. While the rest of the world is getting mad we are embracing a glowing star. A shining star. One Italo to unite us all.

Aren’t we? I had to come here for final confirmation. Does anybody not want Italo to win it all?

Why?

Bastard.

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Meet: The WSL’s fourth in command!

The Chief Commercial Officer Beth Greves is a "purveyor of cool!"

If there is one thing that co-owing a business has taught me it is that human capital means something. Before the founding of BeachGrit I thought, “If I can do something then anyone can. No such thing as skill only hard work and a can-do attitude.” Boy was I wrong. Human capital is… everything. Skill is real. Hard work and the right attitude are essential. A thick skin is valuable. Commitment. Intelligence. Sense of humor. Quick reaction time. And enjoyment of the work…

…I could go on all day and get on me knees each and every night and thank God for our Longtom, Jen See, Matt Warshaw and Pete Campbell so I completely understand how thrilled the World Surf League is to snag an executive the likes of Beth Greves. And have you not heard of the League’s Chief Commercial Officer before? Well let’s turn to her LinkedIn account for a little pre-WSL background.

Beth Greve joined AwesomenessTV, one of the most subscribed to and fastest growing video destinations for teens on YouTube, as Chief Revenue and Partnerships Officer in September 2013. In this new role, Greve creates partnerships with brands to build marketing programs that resonate with the audience through a variety of methods including original programming, brand integrations, custom content and creative media deliverables. Her team develops and produces innovative strategies including long form and short form video, social marketing, influencer marketing, and experiential marketing, to drive business on and off the YouTube platform for Awesomeness Media and it’s many properties.

Beth was recently listed on Adweek’s Top 50 for 2014, for her success as “purveyor of cool” in the teen space.

And you can certainly see why the WSL jumped at the opportunity. Surfing needs to get younger and needs to get younger ASAP. You may have mixed feelings about this “YouTube” and “influencer marketing” but it is the future that you really aren’t part of.

Speaking of “influencer marketing” Beth appeared on the number one influencer market network Instagram just today. The very fine @boardbuilderscommunity sent this little gem of what appears to be Beth practising what she preaches.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BjkLtjVAvRr/?taken-by=kook_of_the_day

Surfing.

Because, at the end, surfing is what we all love.

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