It's soft focus hagiography, Kelly is treated with a gentle reverence, adored by every camera angle.
How grand it would be to praise a decisive action when the world's surfing population was most in need of what the WSL could offer.
Elo looks solid, on the right side of cancel culture and a ballsy decision that, even within the space of a twelve-hour day, looks to have shown the wisdom of Solomon.
The WSL finds a solution to a non-existent problem…
Global pandemic stops at Queensland border…
"We've woken up the surfers. We're at the forefront, we surf everyday, we're at the coast. We see the changes."
What… doesn't… work is "education"…
"Like a liquid fever dream. She's in denim cut-offs, of course. The left leg comes out first, emerges like a butterfly wing from a chrysalis. Then the left boob emerges, barely contained by a flimsy crop top."
And, question, is there any female athlete in the current Top 17 with a functioning Pipe game?
"I fell in love with the board. Clearly."
But, "If surf-time and go outs are at a premium then experimenting with asymmetricals is likely a poor return on investment."
If Elo can't turn the Wozzle into something like Redbull Media house and lay down some black ink how much longer before the WSL slips sweetly into unconsciousness?
People will pay for sex. The question of whether they will pay for waves has now been answered emphatically in the affirmative.
Can a lifelong intermediate surfer break out of entrenched patterns? Or are you doomed to repeat the same dreadful mistakes over and over for eternity?
As chaos threatens to carry-over into the new decade the only surfer constant this past decade, as he was in the previous and will be in the current: Mr Robert Kelly Slater.