Rejoice: Do you hate pro surfing contests? Pro skating contests are worse!

It's glass half full time!

I just came home from a Street League event in downtown Los Angeles and I truly hope you have no idea what I’m writing about. I can only pray that your eyes have never seen the horrors. Street League is to skateboarders what the World Surf League is to surfboarders except instead of being entertaining and laughable at the same time it is only crushingly boring.

Like the worst three hours anyone could ever spend doing anything.

Now, in the wild, skateboarding (and please forgive me for calling it skateboarding but I am not part of that tribe so prefer awkward language instead pretending I belong) is not only dynamic, not only magnetic, not only compelling but very fun to watch. I take my daughter to the local skate park often and am so happy to do so. Not only because she is kicking around (goofy not mongo) and having fun but because the commitment, action, skill of those around is undeniably attractive.

Skateboarding is fantastic… unless it is at a Street League event then somehow it becomes more tedious than watching water boil.

I don’t know how the creators did it. I don’t know how they took an activity that regularly stops random people on the street, standing, watching some complete unknown try to do… something… over a set of stairs and turned it into the least interesting thing on earth but they did.

Street League may well be the worst live events I’ve ever been to and that includes the Coos County Fair, the Point Break 2 premier and Bob Mould in concert.

I’ve been going to them for a decade now, don’t understand the scoring, don’t understand the format and can’t begin to care because it is honestly, slow, dumb, fake and pointless.

Not funny dumb like ’89 World Champion Martin “Pottz” Potter but really dumb.

Dumb like an Elizabeth Warren stump speech.

You don’t agree?

I dare you to convince me otherwise.

Which makes me think our World Surf League ain’t so bad.

Not only not so bad, when compared to Street League, but positively fantastic.

Is it possible we are sitting on one of the greatest live sporting spectacles on earth?

That Dirk Ziff was right when he called us “a few grumpy locals” who don’t worship at his horsebit loafers for gifting us “The Show?”

That the Olympics really will bring millions and billions of new fans on board?

That professional surfing really will be bigger than the NFL?

Help!

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
guest
132 Comments
Newest
Oldest Most Voted
Chris
Chris
7 years ago

“Dumb like an Elizabeth Warren stump speech” ooh buddy don’t cut yourself on that edge Chas. I hear libertarian politics and surfing are a great mix.

Smurfaholic
Smurfaholic
7 years ago

This bonkers…
https://m.youtube.com/watch…

John Non John
John Non John
7 years ago

#clipartnecktat

Tomas' silky smooth arms
Tomas' silky smooth arms
7 years ago

Do I need to shit?

Italo Post Heat Interview
Italo Post Heat Interview
7 years ago

Please break up into paragraphs next time, thanks.

samwaters
samwaters
7 years ago

Very true– but it was just “some”–not ‘all’….looking for acceptance…..

Heysoos
Heysoos
7 years ago

if by “we” you mean the surf industry then yes. personally i’ve got nothing to do with the industry. i’d prefer the mainstream to get fucked. there is literally nothing good to come out of it for the recreational surfer.

samwaters
samwaters
7 years ago
Reply to  Heysoos

Very well put–nothing good for the soul surfer or just the cat who wanted to catch some waves and be left alone…..Dirk, the Wsl, is kinda messing it up for us……big time……..

Heysoos
Heysoos
7 years ago
Reply to  samwaters

yeah i like to be grumpy about it.

channelbottom
channelbottom
7 years ago

I realised the other day, that I really really really am, kinda over skating.

Not in a bad / shitty way, but in a: I’m really too old for that and my mind is burned out from almost obsessively thinking about it for 30+ years kinda way.

It gave me a lot of pleasure, injuries, and most importantly, lasting friendships.

Alas it’s time to face the reality of old bones.

… but I’d build a small bowl in the backyard in a heartbeat if I had the funds.

Dick Simmons
Dick Simmons
7 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

So your not over it. After 20 years + you’re a lifer. It’s in your blood. I have your same mental battle going after all these years. It keeps you alive. Gives me more pride than surfing ever could. But I’m in love with both.

channelbottom
channelbottom
7 years ago
Reply to  Dick Simmons

If I thought I wouldn’t look like a total loser, I’d go try and skate the drainage ditch vehicle entry I spotted recently at Kotara shopping centre.

Waterproof Polo
Waterproof Polo
7 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

What about the hip in the car Park near woolies? Got chased out of there so many times as a grom.

Dick Simmons
Dick Simmons
7 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

As long as you’re out there you’ve skipped the loser part. Give that old ditch a role.

Heysoos
Heysoos
7 years ago

the ultimate sellout is the x games sponsored by the usa war machine. makes me want to smash my fucking laptop.
skateboarding since the 70’s has been the most anarchic sport. way cooler than surfing.

Toin coss
Toin coss
7 years ago

two wrongs don’t make a right.

I imagine Ziff and his wife giggling on their private jet as they read BG’s comment section. “More bubbly dear?”

samwaters
samwaters
7 years ago
Reply to  Toin coss

Good one……on a private jet heading towards their private island……..

Dick Simmons
Dick Simmons
7 years ago

Been skating for 23 years, and watch new skating every day. Have never watched a street league. Its not important.

Audit In Progress
Audit In Progress
7 years ago
Reply to  Dick Simmons

Pretty much the same for me. It’s such a strange world of its own and so far removed from anything I relate to.

MaxNeoprene
MaxNeoprene
7 years ago

Who is the ELO of Street League. And does he throw shakas ?

samwaters
samwaters
7 years ago
Reply to  MaxNeoprene

There is none. Elo was bought with Dirk’s big bucks…….

Waterproof Polo
Waterproof Polo
7 years ago
Reply to  MaxNeoprene

Rob Dyrdek.. and yes he does

Kama'aina
Kama'aina
7 years ago

Street league = jock. Vans park series = skateboarding. If you look at the roster of skaters at each my point is explained. And for the record the only new “sport” in the olympics in 2020 worth watching is Breakdancing. Surf and Skate will be napable.

samwaters
samwaters
7 years ago
Reply to  Kama'aina

I think almost everyone rode a skateboard at least once while growing up– I think more people will be able to relate to skateboarding than surfing. Looks like Dirk picked the wrong sport(?) to try and exploit…….

OffRocker
OffRocker
7 years ago

Chas you are on the wrong side of history here. Skating > surfing. And here is why – skating does not have the VAL. They have the VTL (vulnerable teenage learner) at best. Skaters are inclusive of everyone except bmx riders cuz they fuck the coping. The VAL and their money are deeply deeply uncool – and surfing by extension is deeply uncool. Skaters still get to be genuine renegades by making fat security guards run or bombing crowded city hills in traffic. $30 can get you started, no one needs to spend more than $200, and you can get there on the bus. The Midwest gets skating. Afghanistan gets skating. Skating is the true state sport of California. Skating will capitalise on the olympics where surfing will not. Nike has pulled out of Hurley, but not Nike SB.
The writing is on the wall – longtom nailed it. Wait another 20 years, and surfing may come out of the doldrums. Core surfers just need to weather the next 5 years of the VAL onslaught and 2024 – 2030 will be the golden age of the grumpy surfer.

OffRocker
OffRocker
7 years ago
Reply to  OffRocker

Correction there are VAL skaters – https://www.instagram.com/p…

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
7 years ago
Reply to  OffRocker

Oh I don’t deny the gloriousness of our skateboarding brethren, even though we were first and still very much more sexy. No no no. I only say that the World Surf League > Street League.

Ivan Billy Jones
Ivan Billy Jones
7 years ago
Reply to  OffRocker

VTL (vulnerable teenage learner)

I rest my case again

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
7 years ago

6 comments and 100 mentions of arsefucking and a gay old time… It’s a little tiresome.

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
7 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

It’s only a short step away from a VPL and that’s right up someone’s alley.

bruddah
bruddah
7 years ago
Reply to  OffRocker

Of course none of this “state sport” bullshit really matters, but skateboarding not getting the nod as California’s is right there on par with Ziff being named Waterman of The Year.

?uzzled
?uzzled
7 years ago

Lick my love pump

Ivan Billy Jones
Ivan Billy Jones
7 years ago
Reply to  ?uzzled

I rest my case

Shampoo Poo
Shampoo Poo
7 years ago

The glass is 3/4 full, 1/4 empty.

Hippy
Hippy
7 years ago

Did you expect a hippy to be republican?

f u
f u
7 years ago
Reply to  Hippy

no, I expect you to be aware of the plight of Native Americans and how people like warren have shit on them non stop for hundreds of years.
she had her self listed as a minority and a native american while teaching at Harvard.
but it was a lie, that probably cost a true native american the oppurtunity to teach at Harvard.
should be kicked out of her party

Hippy
Hippy
7 years ago
Reply to  f u

Excellent point, but I am not aware of the effect on NA’s teaching at an Ivy League school, I just think it disqualifies her from another election.

Native American’s have been fucked since day one of whitey’s expansion and most of whom are labeled “illegals” are descendants of the indigenous Americans. Hows that for irony?

Not sure it qualifies for sociopathy. We have regular examples, almost daily, from the Orange Clown that have raised that bar to unimaginable heights.

f u
f u
7 years ago
Reply to  Hippy

he is a full blown psychopath

Hippy
Hippy
7 years ago
Reply to  f u

It does make for theatre…. will Americans renew their devotion for democracy or allow it to be prey for predatory capitalism and businesses ambition?

I’m betting on the ambivillance of entitlement, apathy beyond the daily commute until the tipping point has cleared the apex. It’s Money V Humanity, and $ has the sheep blaming each other while the wolves steal in broad daylight. Interesting times, sometimes bleak.

f u
f u
7 years ago
Reply to  Hippy

divide and conquer

Hippy
Hippy
7 years ago
Reply to  f u

doing an impeccable job at it.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago
Reply to  Hippy

Better tool up over there.
The natives sound restless

Hippy
Hippy
7 years ago

restless and very angry, everyone dug into a position that doesn’t necessarily represent they’re natural best interest. Most valuable thing I own Bex?

My passport.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
7 years ago
Reply to  Hippy

Burn it when you make it to Mexico or Canada.
That’s what they used to do when the Refugees lobbed here.
Govt Could not work out if they were Arthur or Martha.

f u
f u
7 years ago
Reply to  Hippy

i agree.
thats why i have two

f u
f u
7 years ago
Reply to  Hippy

sorry for calling you a sociopath.
i get riled up about indigenous peoples issues

Hippy
Hippy
7 years ago
Reply to  f u

#metoo. That’s what angers me about “immigration”. And I can solve that “crisis” as easily as I can fix pro surfing. Which isn’t about me, it’s saying a fucking surfer can connect dots that elected officials choose not to. Pathetic.

Phat-wan kerr
Phat-wan kerr
7 years ago

the NFL is pretty boring to my untrained eye.

samwaters
samwaters
7 years ago
Reply to  Phat-wan kerr

And thats why the Wsl is most likely doomed, because the average American is way more clueless and untrained to surf maneuvers or surfing in general……..Might be Dirks and Herr Speakers fatal mistake………

Hippy
Hippy
7 years ago

You spend an inordinate time in LA. Considering traffic for those not familiar with southern California, Chas spent minimum 5 hours in a car during blazing heat. Parking is the next hurdle. And you braved all that for the front end of the comp? Why not waste your Sunday and at least see the finals? You must have been comped because paying for this experience on top of the grueling commute is insane.

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
7 years ago
Reply to  Hippy

Oh it’s too complicated to explain and would end up reading like Street League. Slow and pointless.

Hippy
Hippy
7 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

much like the drive… I’m becoming allergic to traffic.

Otto
Otto
7 years ago

The WSL has achieved the international presence the NFL wants. The NFL has achieved the viewership the WSL wants.
The NFL is many owners of many teams.
The WSL is one owner of many individuals.

Seriously, what’s so great about the WSL?

samwaters
samwaters
7 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Nothing…….

Phat-wan kerr
Phat-wan kerr
7 years ago
Reply to  Otto

to its credit, it is being lead by a true waterman.

Otto
Otto
7 years ago
Reply to  Phat-wan kerr

Thats a half truth, seeings how he was “co-“. Plus, doesn’t the award have a one year shelf life, after which he’s just a co.- man again.

samwaters
samwaters
7 years ago
Reply to  Phat-wan kerr

Uhh, some things aren’t funny..


132
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x