Superlative: England’s newest tank promises “1,000 perfect waves an hour!”

Surf until your arms fall off!

You first read about The Wave here, I think, when the world’s newest wave tank in bucolic southwestern England got into a little fight with neighbors over a license to serve alcohol. The neighbors were worried, understandably, with all that surfing followed by all that drinking, the region would devolve into a drunken, lust-filled hell.

Well, The Wave won the fight, will be serving alcohol and will also swing the gates wide for that alcohol this November.

You can pre-book now and it seems very reasonable. Sessions will cost £40-45 for an adult and £30-35 for a child, including board and suit in case you have a 7’7 SurfTech fetish. An hour and a half session with coaching is also being offered for £55-60 in case your name is “Beth.”

All fine and good but what caught me off guard is the number of “perfect (6 feet, 15 seconds of ride time) waves” The Wave is promising.

Over 1000 per hour according to the local BristolLive.

That is 16.66 waves every minute, 8.33 every thirty seconds, 1 wave every 3 seconds.

Many many waves.

Is this normal or, between Surf Lakes’ eight-footers and The Wave’s 1000, have tank builders/operators lost all sense?

Help!

The Wave Bristol construction update

 

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Phat-wan kerr
Phat-wan kerr
7 years ago

I hope they have set aside some pool time for “controlled environment coasteering”. perhaps it will get a run in the next olympics.

?uzzled
?uzzled
7 years ago

Maybe their claim numbers are metric?

timsluis
timsluis
7 years ago

“Surf” until your arms fall off!

samwaters
samwaters
7 years ago
Reply to  timsluis

If you can afford it. Its not free like the Ocean you know.
hahahahahaha__these guys are gonna be laughing all the way to the bank with your’s and Chase’s money. hahahahahaha—hahaha!

Kook Dahanamoku
Kook Dahanamoku
7 years ago
Reply to  samwaters

Yeah … they don’t pay for stuff

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago
Reply to  timsluis

If I have to pay …. then I ain’t Paddling ?

channelbottom
channelbottom
7 years ago

You get that hand / face healed up!

Lard Hamilton
Lard Hamilton
7 years ago

So it’s just Watergate Bay on a choppy November Thursday afternoon?

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago
Reply to  Lard Hamilton

Has Nixon left Trestles ?

On the squatty potty
On the squatty potty
7 years ago

Id imagine with England’s gray skies and choppy conditions due to the wave every 3 seconds surfers would second guess about paddling out cause it looks sharky.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago

England abounds with Dart Players and Pool Sharks ….

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
7 years ago

And wind and currents that will send you to Ireland.

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
7 years ago

Thank you for remembering me about that friend.

John Wayne
John Wayne
7 years ago

I look forward to reading your write-up after your first visit. Or maybe record it………

ricmatic
ricmatic
7 years ago

Waves in pools are gonna be like laps. As in boring.

Karl Von Fanningstadt
Karl Von Fanningstadt
7 years ago

Can’t wait to read about the different future lame poolie gangs (Wave Park Boys of Bristol, Yeppoon Yobbo Yellers or Y³, Slater Skullies, The New Davidians) to pop up around these and their methods for localism enforcement.
… btw, that goofy on the middle wave is going left on a right? No way. Fuck, brah…

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago

PoolSide Story “The Musical” . Jets v Sharks …..Starring Felipe Toledo and his new single “ I want to live in America “ ……and Kanoa , direct from his starring role in Miss Saigon , will sing “ I feel pretty “…..

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago

Thanks Karl , The Yeppoon Yobbo Yellers or the YYY , a real zipper of a name , have now gone into radical pool politics and have started a movement to be known ,from this day forward , as the Y-FRONTs ….and presided over by none other than Calvin Von Klein ……………I personally ,though, will be abstaining from wearing underpants with the German word for small , Klein , written on the waistband … Auf Wiedersehen

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
7 years ago

Urgggh. Grose.

Audit In Progress
Audit In Progress
7 years ago

New Davidians haaaaaaaaa!

Phat-wan kerr
Phat-wan kerr
7 years ago

kelly’s katchment klan.

Otto
Otto
7 years ago

They forgot the Fibonacci sequence sum of VAL’s clogging the inside like bacon grease poured down the sink each morning of a work week. Later than sooner, the flow gets all fucky.

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
7 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Easily the two best sentences in comment sections anywhere, ever. Bravo*.

*I’ve really taken to JB’s new infatuation with musicals.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago

Kids today get Ritalin and Prozac while I got Rodgers and Hammerstein ……helps me to see ELo emerge from playing a kid in Oklahoma , to Calamity Jane and the Windy City with Oprah , before arriving in Tahiti to play Bloody Mary in South Pacific … Happy Talky Talky happy talk ….

channelbottom
channelbottom
7 years ago

That photoshopped image definitely proves something.
I’m not really sure what.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
7 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

That William Turner , the painter , is dead and had nothing to do with this two dimensional artistic interpretation of a false seascape ….?….. Or the guy on the purple board who has somehow defied the laws of physics and hydrodynamics and done a forehand snap even though he is a Goofy supposedly going Backside on a right …..a Magician , Illusionist …..or possibly a reincarnated Druid from Stonehenge an hour up the road ? Or it is England and it’s not raining !


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