Superlative: England’s newest tank promises “1,000 perfect waves an hour!”

Surf until your arms fall off!

You first read about The Wave here, I think, when the world’s newest wave tank in bucolic southwestern England got into a little fight with neighbors over a license to serve alcohol. The neighbors were worried, understandably, with all that surfing followed by all that drinking, the region would devolve into a drunken, lust-filled hell.

Well, The Wave won the fight, will be serving alcohol and will also swing the gates wide for that alcohol this November.

You can pre-book now and it seems very reasonable. Sessions will cost £40-45 for an adult and £30-35 for a child, including board and suit in case you have a 7’7 SurfTech fetish. An hour and a half session with coaching is also being offered for £55-60 in case your name is “Beth.”

All fine and good but what caught me off guard is the number of “perfect (6 feet, 15 seconds of ride time) waves” The Wave is promising.

Over 1000 per hour according to the local BristolLive.

That is 16.66 waves every minute, 8.33 every thirty seconds, 1 wave every 3 seconds.

Many many waves.

Is this normal or, between Surf Lakes’ eight-footers and The Wave’s 1000, have tank builders/operators lost all sense?



Celebrate: The Southampton surfing ban was a hoax; surfers and surf schools allowed to flourish!

It's a "fake news" moment!

As you well know, we live in a fake news epoch where odd dribs and drabs get reported, picked up on social media, copy and pasted on BeachGrit then proven false or false-ish. Exactly like yesterday’s report that surfing was banned all summer long in the posh New York state summer enclave Southampton.

Now, I forgot to mention in yesterday’s report that I once attended a birthday party in Southampton for a fabulous television executive also attended, mostly, by male models. She was a big shot and it was her birthday and male models were her wish and wow. Though you may be confused, I am not a male model but that male model economy is something incredible. Something surreal and someday, you heard it hear first, male models are going to have their “me too” moment and be in front of the  downtrodden line. Imagine that. Gorgeous white males in the front of the downtrodden line. We always find a way but back to the point at hand.

Apparently, the story claiming that surfing was banned all summer long in the posh New York state summer enclave Southampton is false or false-ish and let’s go to an on-the-ground news source for the absolute latest.

More than 50 surfers swarmed the waters of Agawam Beach August 18 to protest an alleged ban on surfing at Southampton Village beaches from 9 AM to 6 PM June 15 to September 15. Village Mayor Jesse Warren said while the 40-year-old Southampton Village regulation is actually part of the town code, it is not enforced.

“There is no ban on surfing in the village,” he said.

In fact, one of the newly-elected mayor’s first efforts in his new administration was a push to bring back surf lessons after they were banned by the prior administration. More than one school will be allowed to obtain a permit from the village under Warren’s plan unveiled at the end of last month, and since his announcement early in July, two schools have begun the application process. There’s also a scholarship program set up where those who cannot afford lessons can apply for free ones.

Chloe Kimball, the organizer of the August 18 protest who began a petition that received 5000 signatures by press time, said Southampton police were telling surfers to get out of the water Saturday, “telling us they were going to fine us $1000.”

“This understandably caused disruptions and concern among those of us who love the sport,” Kimball said.

Jennifer Arnold said less surfing means more kids will end up in trouble.

Do you worry about Jennifer Arnold’s kids? Don’t anymore!

Surfing has been saved!

Opportunity: Buy Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day’s one-of-a-kind surf van!

Am I just paranoid, or am I stoned?

Are you a collector of anything? Baseball cards, vintage guns, Star Wars toys, anything? Surfboards? Oh I think I would like to be a collector of first-edition Camus books but am easily duped by frauds and don’t speak French. Also, I think I would like to collect 1974 Porsche 914 Targas and will start as soon as BeachGrit does a multi-year, multi-million dollar content deal with WSL Studios.

While you’re here, and I know you didn’t ask, but I think you should start collecting lightly used vehicles previously owned by lead singers and/or guitarists for Bay Area-based 90s revival punk bands including, but not limited to, Operation Ivy, Rancid, the Offspring and Green Day.

And, right now, there is a great opportunity to purchase Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day’s 1961 Chevrolet Greenbrier surf van as it is being auctioned off by one Mr. Van de Laar with a starting price of $37,995 in New Zealand.

According to the music website NME:

The surf van boasts a customised GRNDAY number plate alongside Armstrong’s signature on the glove box. It also features a State of California Certificate of Title to prove that it was once owned by the frontman.

Van de Laar explained that the van has attracted huge attention in New Zealand, where he’s seen people “waving from the side of the road” after it was imported from California.

“It was Billie Joe’s personal surf van he used in California,” Graham said.

“It is very unique as it is likely to be the only one on the road in New Zealand, and the only one in the world that was once owned by Green Day frontman Billie Joe Armstrong!”

I’m going to be honest, Negatron. If you are aren’t all over this then I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to completely forgive you. Imagine surf hunting on your island’s bountiful coasts and having everyone wave as you pass.

You’d be the most popular surfer in New Zealand and that is a dream, I imagine, that you never imagined fulfilling.

Buy here!

Laying down, the wave is a phenomenal three-times overhead.

Miracle in Yeppoon: Surf Lakes creates world’s first artificial “eight-foot” wave; uses bodyboarder for perspective!

Giant plunger reaches "theoretical safe maximum"…

Two weeks ago, it was reported, here, that the Australian company Surf Lakes was set to achieve what no other wavepool on earth had done or even come close to – create an eight-foot man-made wave.

The Occy and Barton Lynch-endorsed Surf Lakes is a a full-sized demonstration wavepool located midway between the towns of Yeppoon and Rockhampton in Central Queensland and uses a giant plunger to create waves, unlike the sled-foil combo of the Slater pool and the air pressure game of American Wave Machines.

The giant plunger is a beast ain’t she!

It was a bullish claim, an impossible dream you would think, and BeachGrit readers were, naturally, sceptical.

A few samples.

From Matt Warshaw, Am I the only one who read “bullish numbers” as “bullshit numbers”?

From Channelbottom,

When I told my wife “I’m sure Yepoon feels much bigger than it looks.” She slapped me.

I can’t get no respect…

From Snowbored,

8 foot Hawaiian?

Or 8 foot Lenmorian?

But, just a few hours ago, the company revealed photographs of what they call eight-foot waves, the “theoretical safe maximum for the prototype.”

To prove the matter beyond any reasonable doubt, a champion bodyboarder, riding prone, was used in the photographs for perspective.

Let’s pick over the two images provided.


Let’s be frank.

I see a pretty good four-foot wave.

And I am neither Hawaiian nor bullish with numbers.

Am I wrong?

Like this except with water underneath.
Like this except with water underneath.

Just in: WSL Studios announces its slate of programming featuring a Kelly Slater doc and “Free Solo of surfing!”

Academy Awards imminent.

The World Surf League is an impossible to conjure gift. Imagine the content we get now, the riches, the bounty, streamed unlimited and free (unless it’s the Tahiti trials then streamed on a broken feed in French). All that beauty, all those angles, the 1989 World Champion in the booth sharing insights as the world’s best surfers ride the world’s best waves.

Oh, you are a bastard if you say those world’s best waves are often world’s besting in less than ideal conditions thanks to round after round of non-elimination surfing. A stone-cold bastard. And you’re also a bastard if you even think that the World Surf League doesn’t continue to have your entertainment in mind each and every day.

For today, the World Surf League’s WSL Studios’ slate of programming was released and, quickly, did you know that WSL Studios has its own logo and is “World Surf League Division?”

I didn’t.

But no matter, you need to know the slate. You want to know the slate. So here you are.

World Surf League Studios Announces Debut Slate of Programming.

Development of Landmark 11-Time World Champion Kelly Slater Documentary

Partnership with the Producers that Created Netflix’s ‘Drive to Survive’

Creation of WSL Podcast Network

Eat your hearts out, grumpy locals but do you need more?

Today, the newly-formed World Surf League (WSL) Studios unveiled its debut slate of programming. Designed to connect to surf fans as well as appeal to all audiences, the content focuses on telling the transformative stories of surfing, showcasing the incredible lives of the world’s best surfers across all disciplines, as well as using the sport as a window into an array of diverse and fascinating cultures.

The debut slate is comprised of documentaries, docu-series and daily short-form content that is designed for distribution across multiple platforms. The projects feature content with established and award-winning production companies, up-and-coming filmmakers and innovative producers, harnessing their talent, deep knowledge and unique points of view.

“WSL Studios is anchored around storytelling that highlights the raw athleticism of the world’s best surfers, extending through everyday people, and the richness of emotions and narratives that surfing invokes,” said WSL President of Content, Media and WSL Studios, Erik Logan. “With our initial slate, we have endeavored to demonstrate the range of stories that are possible through the Studio and the common passion for people, surfing and the ocean.”

The press release goes on to describe the Kelly Slater Documentary, the creation of a whole podcast network and a big wave thing self-described as “the Free Solo of surfing” though that one doesn’t seem nailed down as, noted, “…director conversations are underway for this project.”

Don’t you love press releases promising uncertain, likely not happening projects?

Hope springs eternal!

I see that smirk, you bastard.

You stone-cold bastard.