Instructional and fun.
As you know, I am a parent and proud. There’s nothing like watching a young sprout grow, develop, learn. It’s pure, unadulterated joy though the parent’s job, of course, is to provide some limited form of guidance along the way. Guardrails or bumpers. And this often comes through the reading of bedtime children’s stories that contain instructional hints as the little explorers, all tuckered out from days filled with magic, are in a listening mood.
There are many, many, many classics. The collected works of Dr. Seuss, Goodnight Moon, Blueberries for Sal but to name just three. Unaware of any surfing classics I decided to write my own. It needs illustrations but feel free to test it out on your young one tonight.
Hey little grom…we’re happy you’re here!
The world is big with so much to explore!
You can climb mountains…
…cross deserts…
…or surf the waves!
And if you surf the waves…
…never ride a mid-length, longboard or SUP and consider those who do with much disdain.
Keep your little mouth shut in the lineup. Emphasize NOT talking about the last time you surfed Mexico, how you surfed earlier or what board you are currently riding but feel free to whistle loudly if anyone ever drops in on you.
And if they don’t hear your whistle and keep cruising down YOUR wave yell “HEY!” when you are right behind them.
And if they don’t react growl, “Fucking kook…” as you’re paddling back out.
Never pull back if you’re sitting on the peak and in position…
But if daddy or mommy is on the peak paddling don’t even look at that wave. Just pretend it doesn’t exist. This is a very important lesson and will serve you well when you travel to Hawaii because there you pretend native Hawaiians and an assorted grab bag of locals are all mommies and daddies.
And when the sun sinks, so big and so orange into the water so deep and so blue it is time to stop surfing for the day.
If you see a grown man, in the lot, using a bucket and hose contraption to carefully rinse the salt off his wetsuit and the sand off his feet stare at him until he feels the appropriate shame then shake your head in disgust.
Don’t put your board on the roof of your car with its nose pointed forward even if you are driving a Jeep.
You’d better not be driving a Jeep.
THE END
You’re right about the nose pointed forward, though. lol. Seriously. Fins forward has saved many boards by snagging the other, unbroken strap when one strap breaks or slips.
Hey, what do you seriously advise: I can’t pop up on my kitchen floor, much less a surfboard. Intense, unbearable pain. I broke my back, hips, and ribs in 40ft. plus surf in the 90’s. Surfed off and on, inbetween wheelchair months, hospital visits, etc. till 4 years ago. When I have to pick something up off the floor, I grab furniture and hoist myself up by my arms. I live in front of a beach where there’s hardly anyone ever in the water. Only way I can stand up on a board is SUP. More than 5 guys where I’m surfing? I move down the beach, cause you can’t duck dive these things. But you guys always with the “Fuck Sup’s” “Sup’s are lame” etc. Does this count in your head, even for partially disabled? I’m not gonna stop surfing till I’m STOPPED. Obviously. But where’s your head at on this? Just like with any other equipment, I might kick someone out of the water if they were endangering me. Whether they’re on a Sup, normal board, whatever. But shiite… This general eggyness. I never see it in real life, cause I only surf the beachbreak in front of my house. People are hella chill here in Mexico, though.
Ah Sean, don’t worry. It’s a broad church and we all know it. You are here and that’s what matters. We (I think I can generalise to that) begrudge the fuckwits not the wise.
You strike me as the latter.
Shit, I just saw this. Thanks for saying so. I truly take less waves than a kid who’s trying to get better. I’ve had sooo many waves in my life, I pass ’em cause I don’t need that many. When I’m alone (most of the time) I’m a wave catching machine. But when there’s a couple people out, I just catch a few. Just so they know I’m not greedy. I’ll pull back and yell: “Go!!!” on nectar set waves that were completely mine. This one guy out ripping (he was boosting different airs, landed a full rotation, and getting shacked) tripped out when I passed him this incredible jewel green A-frame. I got barreled on the next one, which was smaller (still stuffed a small dinghy and broom into teh tubo) but he was insta-bro when he paddled back out! Forget his name. Bald. From Ventura. It’s fun passing waves to people. I take some good set waves, but sometimes even pass the best one. I’ve had a million. It’s no prob.
Speaking of Kelly; Head over to the WSL and watch the mic’d up Kelly at the leemore event (sound waves or something like that), it’s hauntingly sad/fascinating.
a) that photo of Kelly is one of the best ever. Speaks volumes.
b) there is a difference between a mid-length and a step-up: notably a hard pin, lethal rails and a lack of volume.
c) I have a funny story to tell, but I’ll accused of name-dropping or some shite. Guess I could tell it and leave the gallery guessing, but it was telling.
Spill the beans Ms Bitch . Surfing thrives on name dropping ?
You could just use rhyming slang for the names, thereby not actually spilling any beans…
Eg “ I once saw Bong Bong Lawrence’s mum smile at Smelly Skater”….. ?
You need to calm the fuck down.
Ok Bazza , have it your way …..
Hey BB you gotta excuse JB. He told me once he can only ride a shortboard
Hi Huli . Just to set the record straight , I prefer to ride a short board , that’s true …. but body surfed for years before starting to surf and from then on ,have ridden a multitude of boards from body boards , guns from 6’6 to 9ft , longboards and kneeboards of all shapes and sizes …. finless , single , Twins , 3 fins and quads ….. epoxy , PU and soft tops , with bat tails , round tails , rounded pintails , pintails , squash tails , rounded square ( my favorite ) , swallow tails , diamond tails , with stringers , wingers and stingers ,channels and single and double concaves with wax and / or deck grip , with and sans leash …. paddling and being whipped in by a ski …..dressed in my birthday suit up to a 6/5/4 Steamer with hood , gloves and boots trudging through snow to get to the line-up .
I am still wondering why I need to calm the fuck down though ? Could someone please enlighten me ? Surely Ms Florence smiling at Mr Slater ,during their respective lives on the North Shore over the past 30 years , is neither impossible or insulting ?
hey JB that’s just Blondie being her rambunctious self. She might need a good spankin’. I think she really likes you but she’s too shy to tell you.
I’ve gone full circle too. Since being thrown into the shorebreak at Sandy beach when I was one small kine keiki, I’ve come to know and love every watersport and ride every waveriding vehicle out there. Now I’m back to lovin’ bodyslamming hopefully with old guy finesse. Oh and handboarding is not bodysurfing. Just my baggies and my fins do the trick
Huli Opu …. Hawaiian Minimalist ( not to be confused with those on the mini – mal …. list )
Have fun brother ! and thanks for setting me straight .
Never mention or insinuate anyone’s mother, her relations or intentions. There are no rules here, so I just made the first one: no mothers mentioned. Talk your innocuous shite about something else.
Ta!
Ok . As I said I was not trying to be creepy , insulting or misogynous just trying to rhyme with Bong Bong Lawrence . I promise not to do it AGAIN .
Yeah, that works…
(what type of ‘smile’ though ? vertical ?)
Mid-length ain’t no step up! Step-up is step-up. Mid-length is capitulation. Hell. I’m gonna half to write an addendum.
Ok, i have a 6’3, a 6’8 and a 7fter, which is def a mid length, is the 6’8 a mid length too? Should i just give up and buy a foil sup?
Hi Ralph .I rode a 5’11” x 21” with 36.5 L in tiny surf in France a few weeks ago and it was so fast and fun and a 6’x19’x 21/2 on the good days . Should I be accused of riding not a step up but a step out .. ? After 50 years of surfing , you have the right to ride whatever you want …..
https://www.coastalwatch.co…
Hi James, I find as i get older i become more tolerant of sups/mals/foils, as in i sometimes talk to them, [even though i still despise them], but then the 20/30/40 yr olds must look at me and my equipment with similar suspicion. I am reluctant to admit my 6’3 is 23 inches wide and over 3 thick! I can barely carry it under my arm, but its so much fun as a quad plus knub. And it gets me out in waves i wouldnt usually bother with.
This guy in the video at first seems like your typical hipster but his surfing really grew on me and his wide flat low railed mid length has some merit imo.
I watched it yesterday . This guy can surf , really surf . I think there are whole lot of hipsters who are riding on the backs of a real hardcore ,ride anything nucleus. My mate’s kid , about 24 , stopped competing about the age of 16 , and working as a plumber, is spending every moment of his free time surfing , shaping and riding anything and has a thirst for surfing knowledge . He had a great chat a few years ago with Tommy Peterson ( who calls my mate UP AFTER owing to an incident that occurred while surfing for NSW v QLD in a teams event about 30 years ago ) picking his brains for ideas to make different craft to surf different ways . I actually find this super exciting and I feel that these guys and gals should not be confused with the young hipster , copycat / dirty rat , with limited ability , who turns up to look cool , going straight on a board with enough length and volume to steal waves off silly old buggers like us …. ?
agreed, when younger guys who can surf invest time and creativity into surf craft then we can all benefit. As now most surf design is spawned from the elite worlds best and there is less room for expansion.
I find watching the lines this guy draws appeals to my ageing single fin 70’s mind. But the key difference being the knifey rails and modern rocker. I doubt i could ride a single fin though, at least not well.
I just watched the WSL Kelly thing, he really is a different breed of cat . Troubled mind is an understatement. I am surprised Kalani hasnt become a mother yet, maybe its not medically possible?
Yep , I have happily entered that stage of my surfing life , of accepting what I can do , with the body I now have , yet still trying / hoping to enjoy it as if I was a grom frothing on school holidays …..
Just saw a French video of Tom Carroll surfing beautifully on a wide short quad on his forehand. The most wonderful round house cutbacks , as per usual , but looking stiff ( for his standards ) on a big blue single on his backhand
https://www.surfsession.com…
As for Kelly …. I hope he is happy and not a does not become a prisoner of his success and his public persona … ?
You’re gonna **have** to write an addendum, but we’d most likely be fine with half of a “have to” addendum. You can hire me for edit at the same time.
Who would have thought that this cute little freckled nosed grom would turn into a narcissistic cunt!
This post is why I choose to participate with this chat group.
Good on ya Chas…you fuckin mongrel.
Amen!!!
You have to take that up with Chase, he’s the one that brought it up but I do agree with him.
If you have to drive to the beach then you aren’t a local and should just stay the fuck away.
Boards always inside car even if it squishes the kidos…
Guessing fins forward is some kind of yank thing…do you carry your boards that way too?
Its cause we Yanks always forget to tie one or the other strap tight enough. (Ive forgetten both straps bye bye surfboard)..That way the fins can catch and give you a bit of time to save the board.
Lazy effort
I’m upvoting for your name, your brevity and your chill basset hound
That’s your Pulitzer, Chas!
Nose forward
Strapped with the leggy
No probs ever.
Or occy straps. Had a Christmas board ruined in its first week from that as a grom once
Beware of the Dick Flick from mates through the window while tying down boards with Occy straps .
It’s all fun and games till someone loses and eye or left nut …..
Perhaps if we gift lots of occy straps to the GWSs then they’ll blind themselves trying to use the things while on tour up and down the glorious east coast.
A wind tunnel analysis would agree.
I have always thought otherwise.
with the nose pointed down at the back the wind will flow more smoothly over the board.
with the the nose in front it is taking all that pressure that is created at high speed and pushing up from underneath on the nose.
I just learnt the hard way….crappy racks in the old days meant the boards could slip out, and the fin or fins forwards to the front of the car,would catch on the strap…(or rope) and at least keep it from blowing off.(I remember this weird rule; you could steal one rack if a guy had two, but never take his only rack)
Boards were not quite under 7 or 8 ft then..San Diego 70’s.
so funny. i miss the old ways
I lost a Skip Frye that way, freeway 5, it ended up parallel to the traffic, just fluttering as cars ripped by. My kamikaze friend was going to make a grab at it, but a semi blew it sideways, next car? Kaboom….just the fin left. It was my first good board !!!
I’ve lost a few just being too stoned or surfed out and just forgot to tie em down…man that makes you feel really stupid.
Fins up, nose forward.
Vs. Nose to back.
Will somebody be PLEEEZE do the turbulence test.
Feels like it needs a chapter on wavepools. It’s important to create a sense of shame early.
Actually if you do want a good kids surfing book try this one
https://www.bookdepository….
What about shitting in the line up?
Removing a full wetsuit to lay cable out the back.
Some child will drown trying to emulate their hero Griffin.
WILL NOONE THINK IF THE CHILDREN?!?!?
THE WSL NEEDS TO BAN GRIFFON FROM MAKING COMMENTS ABOUT THE CHINESE GUMMIT DURING COMPETITION LIKE THAT.
What about claiming in the media ?
Claims – that have no truth ?
Will no one think of the children ?
The WZL needs to stop claiming 1976 !
WZL est 2015.
Mine says it sux cause it don’t rhyme
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Wall Eye or as Cote would call it, Quarter Pipe Eye.
You can tell its slats more from one eye than the full grom pic!
you can see those demons he is fighting even back then
Funny Chase, I always kinda chuckle to myself when I see someone with the nose of their board towards the front. Maybe one of the Inertia dudes I think………
“Among other things, you’ll find that you’re not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You’re by no means alone on that score, you’ll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You’ll learn from them—if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It’s a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn’t education. It’s history. It’s poetry.”
― J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye
I don’t think they even make kids here in the U.S. read The Catcher in the Rye anymore.
It’s too Asleep for the Woke crowd.
The Sleeper must Awaken ….
https://youtu.be/o6UCkugXn4Y
they don’t read Huck Finn either..
Sad . Then never the Twain shall ( they ) meet …..?
No minority characters and therefore racist
Your reasoning, trump u quality. Crackerville campus
Not sure what the official reading list in US schools is, but based on my experience there I’m not expecting much. But as an international representative of ‘The Woke’ I can confidently say “yes”, we don’t get our diapers in a bunch because of references to extramarital sex and prostitution. Still a great book though, you should read it.
Hi M . I had an interesting chat with a friend in France , a French Librarian, who had had a series of discussions during the European Summer with the woke son of his partner , concerning whether certain terms eg. the N-Word among others , should remain in their original form in novels written over the last 400 years or should be removed / changed for modern consumption ? The Librarian , a very liberal thinker , at least in my opinion , thought they should stay while young intelligent and worldly woke , thought that they must change . Just wondering where you stood on such matters ?
I firmly believe that context matters. Let’s take Twain’s Huckelberry Finn as an example. Would I want a 12 year old to read the word nigger the 200+ times it is written in Huckelberry Finn? Definitely not. Does that aspect of the book change when we change the word to negro, black, african american, or person of african decent? I don’t think so. Should we change the word nigger to martian and pretend abduct slavery never happened? Nonesesical.
So in short, don’t change the books, but don’t pretend repugnant ideas are a-okay. I don’t even think it’s an issue, per se, to teach/read Huckelberry Finn in the 11th grade (as was common in the US), if your country has an educational system that provides the resources and bandwith necessary to do not only the art but also the historic context justice.
What’s your take on this hot patatoe of a topic?
PS Here’s a link to the book https://www.gutenberg.org/f… if you want to refresh your memory.
Thanks M. for replying . I am not sure where I stand but I recognize that all living languages are in permanent flux so I should probably leave this process to the educated ( hopefully) youth . Thanks for the link to Gutenberg which also happens to be the name of the street where I live .
Idk brother, shouldn’t the youth be free to do youth stuff. Like bumming of to France for a while, getting drunk of cheap wine, arrested for public indecency, and similar?
Let them be Rebels ….
Changing words is so 1984. Next they’ll change history so that lebron shame was always commie.
Who are they? Is this another deep state conspiracy theory?
I just gave my French/Murican son Huckleberry Finn for his 15th. He reads. He also understands culturally historical context, so all good. I’d never deny him Twain.
Is that the last thing you read?
Nope. Just read Stephen Ambrose’s “Undaunted Courage” about the Lewis and Clark expedition.
Any good reason why you’re being a smart ass?
Hi James – off market!
This is the book that seriously got me into reading – seriously!
The first sentence grabbed me!
“If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.”
My adorable older sister was studying to become a Psychiatrist the first time I read the book and this passage has always made me smile thinking of her as the catcher ….
“Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody’s around – nobody big, I mean – except me. And I’m standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff – I mean if they’re running and they don’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That’s all I do all day. I’d just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it’s crazy, but that’s the only thing I’d really like to be.”
savior complex?
“Crumby.”