Or, on becoming a god.
As previously declared, I am currently in New Smyrna Beach, Florida and for those not familiar with America’s naughty li’l dangler it is an hour and a half drive from Jacksonville to the north, a three and a half hour from Miami to the south, next to Daytona Beach where mustache men drive souped up sedans in one large circle 500 times.
Two days ago, I surfed very fun waves in trunks and felt good. The water was warm, the air was warm and even though the lineup was plenty crowded it didn’t feel that way. Many peaks. Much spread. Little ego. It was one of the most enjoyable surfs I’ve had in weeks.
Yesterday there was bad wind and not waves but it was Saturday and the number 1 college football team in the country was playing the number 2 college football team in the country, both of which happen to be in the SEC or Southeastern Conference. Now, those who care about such things know that the SEC dominates the college football conversation and to be in Florida, which also happens to have a team in the SEC, during a potentially historic game felt fated. I wandered through town to a sports bar, pulled out a stool, ate chicken wings, drank vodka soda with a twist of lime and only received slight frowns from the otherwise friendly locals for that second choice.
Did you know they call vodka sodas “skinny bitches” in Denmark?
Watching LSU throttle Alabama surrounded by southerners was a culturally rich experience. Fulfilling. There was a man who cheered loudly and had a long braided beard that he paired with a Trump 2020 hunting cap. A couple that looked fourteen but must have been twenty-one in matching shirts that read “Let’s get slothed” featuring a stoned sloth. A grandma who cursed Alabama like a sailor. A bartender who insisted on shouting “Roll Tide” in her weathered face. Smiles and backslaps. Groans and hollers but it was as if everyone was family.
Then last night, under the stars at the Florida Surf Film Festival, the very best surf film festival in the entire world, I chatted with Shea Lopez about outwitting Surfline, flying down to Puerto Rico before breakfast, surfing all day and being home for dinner and the all to easy plus plentiful plus short routes to Central America.
Hunter Martinez’s Lost in Thought played in the background, a fine film, and I thought to myself, “Some places are better than others to be a surfer and between fun warm waves, easy flights to funner warmer waves, college football, chicken wings and only slight frowns from otherwise friendly locals for being a skinny bitch, central Florida is that place.”
Have you ever thought those Nascar guys should have a passenger? You know, someone to break up the monotony of the race. Like a rally car navigator.
“In 1000 yards, turn left. In 1000 yards, turn left…”
This site could benefit from a authentic florida crackhead writing rambling articles. Chas already looks and occasionally acting like one but we need the real deal
And not even a mention of New Smyrna Beach being the “Shark Attack Capital of the World”?
Shit. Hit me up for a place to crash and book reading at our local shops next time you get in the southeast.
Yeah , well a bloke I used to play footy with would only drink them ‘skinny bitches’. He’s still at his playing weight, while I split my jeans on Saturday night.
Those air kicks playing guitar carry unforeseen risks in a rocker’s advanced years that were unimagined in one’s youth.
Well, I was actually just watching a band. And at least those jeans were identified as not up to standard and I only had to walk a kilometre through a crowded nightclub district at 10pm.
C’mon man!!! Don’t give us out like that!!! Shhhhhh!!!!!
Chas I demand a correction, the Wavescape film festival in Cape Town is the best in the world.
Exhibit A)
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
My feminine side is just glad you’re eating.
famine-n?
Cartographic excellence! I come here to learn and feel fully edified by the map. So, it’s all cock and balls in Florida?
I tried to go to a place yesterday for surfads family holiday and as if by god have been forced back home through some of the worst bushfires we have ever seen. Have a story about being gridlocked on a highway with fire up ahead. But I’m saving it for the bushfire enthusiasts website I write for.
I was thinking about mentioning for all you Sydney people etc to stay safe out there. We in Nor-cal had our power turned off for days to try and prevent another disaster like the last two years. We are almost through it. A few more weeks to go.
Yeah it’s nuts. I actually drove past Elvis, the Californian firefighting chopper, refuelling yesterday.
I made a silly decision to travel based on the fact I would have been getting surf right now at angourie. But being in the situation we were in yesterday with a one year old in the car was not good, and it’s looking like today and tomorrow will be worse again. A cancelled holiday is nothing compared to what others are going through tho. It’s insane to see how dry the country is and we still have dozens of fires burning in the area.
Dozens of people died just north of me, many in their cars. No thanks.
Jeeezus, I got out of there right in time. Stay safe, Surfads fam.
It’s the only idea for surfing that works Jen.
surfing that works
Ha! That’s rich.
It’s been soooooooooo bad here Otto, gotta get on a plane if you want to ride.
I’m in Cali too. Its been a zero wave climate with no change. Wish all that crazy weather would start happening.
So the east coast?
Trump~ie just declared Florida his new residency,
maybe you can too, Meees~ter Smith, heck he might even invite ya to play…
The last two articles are further proof that BG was bought out by the WSL. What’s going on with all the positivity, Chas?
Saving up the negativity for Friday!
That article had the right mix of positivity and self deprecation I am gonna go cook waffles and hog for brekky breaking a 30 day binge of meditation and veganism
Don’t you mean right cake mix?
Agreed, the thought of being able to do whatever the hell you want without somebody telling you your going kill yourself sounds kinda good. You’ve inspired me to buy some barbecued pork ribs for lunch.
Be careful. Coming off the kale is a real bitch.
How are feeling after that month? Curious.
pretty bloody satisfied
I was vegetarian for a few weeks and then a few days ago I had fried calamari and a rib-eye steak dinner. I regretted that and didn’t enjoy it. In the future, if I do eat meat, it’ll be a clean piece of grilled fish/seafood. In the meantime, I’m gonna continue with the veggies. I feel amazing and it’s fun learning how to fuel myself with plants.
I tried to go places this morning. Went around to Granite on the off chance that the swell had enough east in it to get in. (It didn’t, so walked to the beachies a bit further around and had some fun). Some vegan had spent who knows how long gathering rocks to spell out ‘GO VEGAN’ on the sand out there. Which in turn inspired others to do their own spelling. While my thoughts were mainly concerned that the moving of rocks could interfere with the natural processes and therefore affect the precarious nature of the sand, I was amused by the ‘KFC = [Smiley Face] effort.
That gives me hope
Florida is my 17th favourite place on this earth.
Fearing his imminent return to central Florida to join other fellow retirees, efforts were made to head Kelly off at the pass before he ruined a central Florida good time, perhaps forever.
How’d they do it you ask?
You don’t see a KSWC Surf Ranch being built do ya?!
ps – you sure it was the skinny bitches, and not the skinny britches?
right….skinny britches???!
Please write more stories about Florida.
People wanna make America great again….sounds like Florida is already there.