Breaking: Your little ol’ BeachGrit is officially bigger than the entire World Surf League!

Die VAL, die!

And there it is, officially. Your BeachGrit, your snarky, satirical, sometimes grouchy, usually grumpy, always anti-depressive BeachGrit is bigger than the World Surf League. Higher than the Wall of Positive Noise. Throwing all kinds of shade over Santa Monica as well as anything Santa Monica/Venice-adjacent.

The People™ want their ultra hard surf candy.

The People™ crave real, fun, rude, funny, honestly rude more than they love to be Transformed and/or non-elimination heats featuring Deivid Silva and Wade Carmichael.

I’m already drinking in celebration and I suggest you start.

Give us a few more months and we’ll host you somewhere fabulous.

Somewhere VALs get stuck behind the section.

And rum flows like water.

More as the story develops!

"There is a cabal of world leaders..."

Listen: “Famous and beautiful actress Natalie Portman has chemtrail eyes” and other things overheard on Oahu’s North Shore!

Including, but not limited to, the Robinson affair.

I actually don’t believe anyone suggested that famous and beautiful actress Natalie Portman has chemtrail eyes there on Oahu’s bustling North Shore because everyone was too busy weighing in on the Jack Robinson/Zeke Lau affair but don’t you agree that she might? There’s something about the piercing yet far-awayness of her stare. Something about the color and tone that suggests she believes in the airborne conspiracy.

In any case, food for thought.

And David Lee Scales sat across from each other, yesterday, at the most beautiful surf shop in the entire world discussing much about surfing. Discussing where the World Surf League’s President of Media, Content, Studios and Savvy has outwitted us all by jumping off social media first. A visionary. A trailblazer. Discussing Zeke Lau’s official surf category (David Lee says “Power.” I say “No.”)

Discussing if Kelly Slater is the world’s single largest individual polluter.


Look at his eyes.

Very suspicious.

I think you will find much value, anyhow, in this episode. Much good. Please enjoy responsibly.

"Shaw" (pictured) likely dreaming of vinegar-based BBQ sauce.
"Shaw" (pictured) likely dreaming of vinegar-based BBQ sauce.

Beware: In “extremely rare” case, 10 foot-plus male Great White shark refuses to leave waters off of North Carolina!

Best to stay out of those sweet waters.

Cackalacky, both North and South, are some of my favorite bits of America. I sometimes wish I was born in that genteel south with an inbred taste for pimento cheese, vinegar-based BBQ sauces and cornflower blue. Those folk know how to live with their Cracker Barrels and she-crab soups, their Oakley Razor Blades affixed to mullet-heads with neon green Croakies. They also know how to surf with their Outer Banks and… I’m sure there’s another surfable stretch of sand somewhere but a certain horrifying beast may be putting an end to all of it, whatever the case, save the pimento cheese.

According to science, it is very rare, extremely rare even, for Great White sharks to stop and park off of North Carolina, preferring to race further north, in order to eat Bostonian Celtics, or take their talents to South Beach and patrol greater Miami for a spell.

Well, a 10 foot-plus man-eater named “Shaw” is bucking all trends and has researches scratching their receding hairlines. The latest from Sea World’s mouthpiece OCEARCH.

Great white sharks are known for racing past the Mid-Atlantic states to get someplace else, so experts pay attention in rare cases when one not only stops, but stays put.

That’s happening now along the Virginia-North Carolina border with a 10-foot, 3-inch male tracked by OCEARCH.

“It’s interesting watching white shark Shaw since unlike other sharks on the Tracker, he has been hanging out off the Virginia coast for over a month,” OCEARCH posted Tuesday on Facebook.

“The other sharks breezed past, only making a quick stop on their way south. What do you suppose he likes so much there?”

OCEARCH offered no ideas in the post. Data collected by OCEARCH suggests young sharks will stay close to their nursery in the first two years of life. However, Shaw is categorized as a “sub-adult,” not a juvenile.


And while the researchers may be confounded, surfers are in the crosshairs. Or jawlines, as it were.

Genteel southern surfers should very much reconsider paddling out this winter unless they are paddling out in the relative safety of an inland wave tank.

And as long as  Shaw” is lingering, I think the most understandable thing is to hang that surfboard on the wall until we learn what that man-eater knows and when he knew it.

More as the story develops.

Buy: Surfboard shaper to the star’s $3 million-plus “Masterclass in contemporary design” waterfront palace!

A swinging beach house in Australia's own version of the Hamptons.

Almost a dozen years ago, the Australian shaper Hayden Cox presented his teamrider Craig Anderson with a surfboard of a surprising hue. Narrow in the tail and with a forward wide point it resembled something from the seventies but spruced up with the carbon Fiber Flex (now FutureFlex) rails and a regular three-fin setup.

The Hypto Krypto.

It was an easy-to-ride surfboard that was a little bit Dave Parmenter Stub Vector and Matthew Biolos Round Nose Fish. And with Craig Anderson, one of the most admired surfers in the world riding ‘em in such a sublime fashion, they become so popular they accounted for more than 30 percent of Hayden’s worldwide sales.

Well, success buys pretty things.

Three-and-a-half years ago, Hayden and his wife, the marketing whiz Danielle, bought an old waterfront house with 180 degree views of the estuary called Pittwater at Palm Beach, Sydney’s version of New York’s The Hamptons.

That house was $A1.8 mill and you can examine the before and after photos here.


Pretty but it ain’t gonna win awards.




No one’s gonna want to sex in this bleak shower room.



Now, after a renovation that sings with the couple’s monochrome design aesthetic, this “masterclass in contemporary style and innovative design” with its “crisp, minimalist lines” and “robust palette of natural materials and organic finishes” is on the market for a little over three-million Australian dollars.

It has four bedrooms, three bathrooms, fits a couple of cars in the driveway and is a five-minute haul to the beach on the other side of the peninsula.

Such a pretty, pretty house.

Buy here.

Watch: The heretofore ignored upside of just discovered “one million times more microplastics” in our oceans!

Let's think rationally.

As we continue our brave sojourn into the very heart of important news, using our elevated sense of being, our surf-ness, to discuss and/or solve the world’s most pressing issues, it is important that we do not forget the environment, as dull as it sometimes seems.

The ocean is our playground, after all, and we are expected to have extra insight into what it needs and doesn’t need. Scientists rang the alarm bell, yesterday, suggesting that there is one million times more microplastics floating around and let’s turn to Gizmodo for more.

“For years we’ve been doing microplastics studies the same way (by) using a net to collect samples,” said Brandon in a press release. “But anything smaller than that net mesh has been escaping.”

Indeed, as independent research from 2015 pointed out, thousands of trawls done between 1971 and 2013—all with the same kind of net—were only able to capture plastics larger than 333 micrometers in size, or one-third of a millimeter. So while these nets were small enough to filter plankton, they were subsequently too big to capture the smallest plastic particles, known as mini-microplastics.

“I saw these published size ranges and thought, we are under-sampling this smaller range. There’s a big knowledge gap,” said Brandon.

All very bad, no?


We surfers, we enlightened few, are not swayed by the seemingly obvious and look for the story behind the story, as it were. Look for subtlety and nuance where dogma reigns.

So, re. microplastics, what if the ocean is merely responding to market forces? Wave tanks, from Surf Ranch to Surf Lakes to The Wave, are becoming very popular on land. Might the ocean replicating their appeal in the water?

An evolution of sorts?

Worth discussing, at the very least, alongside World Surf League data mining and the plight of Nicaragua.