Starting with when the ancient Greeks wrestled naked in the sand?
When the sun set yesterday on, inarguably, the greatest day in professional surfing’s history, I began to ponder the 2019 season as a whole and how truly fabulous it was. There were explosive performances, titillating scandals, scintillating rivalries, anger, joy, beauty, pain, wild wild almost too much wild fun…
…and a dull, monosyllabic hum emanating from the Wall of Positive Noise.
A fantastic season covered beautifully by Longtom, Jen See, Nick Carroll, Sean Doherty… even sometimes Li’l Mikey Cinnamon but fumbled at every turn by the sporting organizational and storytelling body that runs the entire show.
And how could the World Surf League fail to capitalize so spectacularly, so comprehensively on something so prima facie brilliant?
That damned Wall of Positive Noise put on absolute display yesterday, as it had been all year, when a simmering rivalry played out onscreen between world champ hopeful Gabriel Medina and his tormentor Caio Ibelli.
Gabriel burns Caio purposefully, payback for an interference in the last contest, that cost Gabriel his locking up the World Title, and admits it onstage during his post-heat interview while jaws from California to Calcutta remained on the floor.
A brilliant tactical move. A clear violation of WSL Rule 171.11. An arguable violation of WSL Rule 171.11, at the very least.
There was enough in that moment to power an entire two seasons of a Netflix series and yet, and yet, the WSL insisted on leaving it all to rot unpicked.
Silent.
Crazy.
Crazy that the surf fan world was buzzing across multiple platforms, from BeachGrit‘s first mention to Stab‘s clumsy attempt at getting in on the action to Kelly Slater dropping into Caio’s Instagram to comments, tweets, Facebook posts, phone calls, texts racing between friends spread across the globe.
But not one mention from Ronnie, Joe, 89 or Barton etc.
The mouthpieces of Vichy surfing.
I am certain there is much back-slapping and congratulating in Santa Monica today for a job well done but there should only be shame.
Shame and embarrassment at what might have been. A season worth the non-surfing sport fan’s interest. Shame for being the most flat-footed sport-governing body in the history of mankind.
Either unable or unwilling to perceive the utterly compelling narratives playing out in real time in a universe entirely in its own control.
Either unable or unwilling to dance.
See you next year when we tear this motherfucker down.
And listen to more unhinged ranting here!
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Who cares. Italo for pres!
“…….. A clear violation of WSL Rule 171.11. An arguable violation of WSL Rule 171.11, at the very least.”
wrong again chas. no violation at all. its called competition surfing. but it was a brilliant competitive move.
btw flipping off judges ala olympian kolohe might seem a violation. or not.
Sure, sure… which was my awkwardly worded point. You had all sort of surf fans arguing. It was a perfect moment for the WSL to address and show some sort of understanding in real time.
“Hating Gabe and hating Gabe are completely different things” – thanks for clearing that up
Ok. I have listened.
Shame on you for shame-on-you-ing Caio, when he was (allegedly) the only CT guy still following you on Instagram, or whatever the hell it is that you kids do these days.
I am keen to listen to your ranting (spot the guy with zero social life) but the moment that the manscaping / astrology shit comes up I’m switching off.
(Grumpy look)
This episode manscape astrology free!
I just don’t see the problem here. Doesn’t everybody want the WSL to be dysfunctional? ps after that Pipe event I now like Dirk Ziff, he handled himself with a lot of grace around that scene.
Well Nick I’m happy for your new found love of Ziff. I’d probably handle myself with a lot of grace around the “scene” too if my net worth was 5 billion dollars(!) and further capped with more value by pulling off the numerous for-profit corporate contests on our public beaches. Must be nice to inherit that kind of coin from daddy. Topping off his cheeky greed, the WSL just grifted another $100k from the Hawaii Tourism Authority : https://www.staradvertiser….
Not once has that spoiled little selfish prick donated a penny to any worthy charitable cause in Hawaii or shown any appreciation to the public for the hospitality of months worth of reserved prime surf spots. The most he’s ever done is plant couple of scrawny little dying bushes on the Sunset beach bike path. We’ve long had way more tourists than we need or can handle here. Our natural resources are being trampled by uber rich cunts like Dirk and other shameless tourist profiteers of his ilk. The contest action was a stoker to watch though, I’ll admit that.
Yes Huli Opu I’m with you on a lot of that, and hating the rich is my own default position. But from those brief observations a couple of days ago, my sense is that Dirk Ziff might be a lot easier to hate in theory than in person.
No link in the story and absolutely no mention of it on the wall of positive noise.
Beachgrits fake news
Do you really think the Wsl is making any kind of profit?? But– if the Wsl ever wants to make a profit– they have to show ‘web hits’– from Brazzil or wherever…..
Chas, nobody gives a flying fuck about the Florida Hobnob brothers.
White Russians are good though with tanned Brazo babes.
wait what about their amazing matchup this year !!!! thnx wsl!
Si Si!!
I question Matt Warsaw and what was said in the audio about a final heat for the world title never happening before. In 2003, although it was a four man heat, Andy & Kelly surfed off for the title in the final heat, where I recall the highest place getter would win. It seems Andy was on 7764 points and Kelly was on 7740 points (best of 8 results prior to last event). The difference between 1st & 2nd was 168 points.
http://www.aspworldtour.com…
https://www.worldsurfleague…
Si
Si si
All part of the WSL’s master Recipe…
Take a juicy Steak and turn it into a jam sandwich.
Both of the speakers sound so effeminate I can’t tell them apart. Not all Gabriel fans are Brazos. Italo is more popular among racists because Gabriel is the Saladin ad-Din Yusuf of pro surfing . For surfing aficionados, in the words of Joel Parko, GMed is one of the “most talented surfer ever”. The surf was very inconsistent and often crap, including in the final. Best surf was GM vs JJF and IF vs YD (who often kooked it). Which femmo is suggesting Caio punch GMed in the face? This audio is kooky. Is Kelly, MR or Shaun ever accused of being “narcissistic”? The passive-aggressiveness of this audio is typical of Judaised Cultural Marxists, where virtue signalling is used to justify aggression & violence. Alby Layer never said anything about Gabe. The bottom line is if it was perfect 8 to 12 foot Hawaiian size Pipe, Kelly & Gabriel would have smoked Italo. Italo was the best competitor and the crappy surf helped him. Yago seems like he is permanently stoned on marijuana (which is probably why Jen See is hot for him). True about Gabriel beating himself. Those photos I see of Gabriel & Neymar make me worry. LongTom bullocks. In the final, Italo fluked a rare overscored Backdoor wave. The lefts were the only good scoring waves & Italo found himself out positioned for the lefts, only for that wave to be a rare right. Pure luck. Gabriel came back with the biggest & best wave of the final. Then Gabriel paddled into a bomb which even Strider said looked perfect from the channel but the backwash suddenly appeared & wrecked it. Then Italo took a small inside wave, which Gabriel let him have, which happened to funnel perfectly and Italo did a rad air. After that, the surf was total crap. Italo got lucky. For example, if Gabby took the 1st wave against John and lost, everyone would have criticized him. The surf was crap apart from in the quarter finals. It turned off the audio half way through. Its too gossipy & effeminate. If I listened to any more, i would start to grow breasts.
Si
The biggest factor in that final, speaking from actually being there and seeing what was happening, was the short turnaround time between semi two and the final. Recovery is a big thing at Pipeline when it’s like yesterday. Italo got 50 minutes’ rest, Gabriel got 10. That’s why Italo got the better out of that first juggle, and that decided the final right then and there.
Surely Gabriel would’ve been involved in the decision to run the final so quickly? Even at low level regional contests the Surfers are Consulted.
Mate he came in, sat on a chair for five minutes and drank some water, then went straight back out again.
No choice ?
I mean normally it’s what 30 mins ? 20 minimum for recovery.
Pre ordained
Indeed Sir Nick. I asked about this on the live thread; why Gabriel didn’t have a 30 minute rest and why they didn’t send Coco Ho or Rory Russell out for a wipeout exhibition? Did Gabriel choose this, being over-hyped as he usually is; like he chose to surf those small waves in France two years ago against Julian while Julian wanted to wait for bigger surf the next day (which would have suited Gabriel)?
The overscore on that first wave didn’t hurt Italo either.
bravo. excellent observation, lost on sophie and elo.
See that’s what we’ve been saying all along.
They should have had the Media Heat between the Second Semi and the Final.
A 45-minute heat with Chas Smith, Derek Reilly, Token Girl PhD, Haggis Breath, Kiwi Buttcrack, N.C.A.S (Nick Can Actually Surf) and the 3,000 other people writing about surfing today all getting stuck into Backdoor and Pipe.
Get them all out there and see how they go (over the falls)
You want comedy? That would be comedy: https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Kelly Slater would have elbowed aside Sal and even Dirk to storm the booth and grab the mic to have his say on the nay-sayers.
45 minutes of head-clearing, finger-pointing, rib-elbowing, smartphone-filming, knee-slapping, multi-lingual schadenfreude belly laughs would have restored Medina’s mojo and could have swayed the final.
The lads in the booth and the online, live commentators would have a field-day with that mess, no?
Liability issues, you say?
Good point.
People who get hurt on artificial waves in the middle of the San Joaquin Valley, at Backdoor?
Maybe have them sign a disclaimer, like those unfortunate dingalings who walked to the rim of a live volcano in New Zealand.
Next year maybe.
Also suggested they put helmets with Go Pros on the heads of Owen Wright and Slater and others.
Imagine a live feed of Kelly’s 10 at Backdoor.
What effect would that view have on middle America?
But apparently helmets and Go Pros effect their performance:
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
I imagine that would have given the lifeguards even more work.
Not you, most likely, but some of the others.
Hey Chuck when am I getting my Nostradamus club membership? Refer to my article https://beachgrit.com/2019/… then see WSL’s latest Ep of Sound Waves coming out with a mic’d up Medina
Was the mathamatical calcuation done by Gabby to weigh up his Caio drop in all that complicated? We’re making him out to be Stephen Hawking when in reality he’s probably just a bit smarter than Occy
Well, you’re going to have to be a bit clearer on which era Occy. I mean first edition pro tour Occy was not much of a challenge, but his podcast occasionally insightful. It’s a rollercoaster with him.
Is anyone else getting their Discus in Portuguese today? Or is it just a tribute to the new World Champ?
Si
It’s actually
Sim
Pronounced sing
Si si
That makes a shitload of sense.
I mean the Fijians are devils for dropping an n in wherever they want.
But the use of an unrelated letter to represent ng is well, I dunno – a bit retarded. Doncha think ?
But whatevs- it’ll be a cold day in hell before I start learning Portuguese.
Negs otoh seems to be wielding his weighty super mod powers and has set a sitewide default to that once mighty language.
Shall i get started with english
There’s tear (to rip) and tear (as in crying), bass (a type of fish) and bass (a low sound), bat (a piece of sports equipment and bat (an animal) bow (a type of knot) and bow (to incline) to name a few.
Just wait for mandarin, there’s 4 levels of inflection which you must apply correctly to every word. Cat (māo) and hairy (máo). It’s a disaster
Ohh
I’ve got one too !
Prick !
To be one or to experience a sharp pain
hahahaha haha
Boom boom.
Yep. I am respondendo
While I appreciate your efforts, I’m really just here for the ‘votou positivo’, so I can justify another day on this god forsaken planet.
It’s not a bug, it’s a feature. For Italo!
Medina cheat gate?!?
Why bite the hand that feeds you.
Si
Well, don’t forget, Dirk Ziff and Natasha are still the owners and in control of the Wsl– and probably have all these kiss butts on a leash……….Pretty sure Dirk pulls the strings for these guys–what they can say and can’t say…….. are they gonna bite the hand that feeds them–I think not.,…….
Si si