Syria calling!
While I am very certain there was much joy in John John Florence’s camp at his punching one of the two tickets to this summer’s Olympic Games in Tokyo, the world’s largest media organizations only had teary headlines.
The New York Times: “Kelly Slater Misses Olympic Surfing Berth as John John Florence Qualifies”
CNN: “Surf legend Kelly Slater to miss out on Tokyo Olympics”
The Guardian: “Kelly Slater misses Tokyo Olympics as John John Florence takes final US spot”
Etc.
And while the lack of exclamation mark in each is unsettling, the point is clear. People wanted to see the greatest of all time competing in surfing’s Olympic debut.
Yet there is still a bold and beautiful way forward. An opportunity for Kelly Slater to not only punch his own ticket but possibly bring peace to the Middle East.
As floated here five months ago, on my birthday coincidentally, Kelly Slater is of Syrian descent and would no doubt be embraced by the war weary Arab Republic.
Just imagine how much joy it would bring, how much wonderful warm joy, for Kelly to take an entire nation on his shoulders. To carry the hopes and dreams of children from Damascus to Homs, Latakia to Aleppo. A storyline so moving not even the World Surf League’s Office of Content, Media, Studios could botch.
Now, it might be argued that Slater’s surfing for Syria would further legitimize an evil dictator but Bashar al-Assad ain’t so bad, just a doe-eye’d ophthalmologist from London thrust into a tough spot. Just doing what he can to get by. Having Kelly Slater, and Kelly Slater’s energy healer Charlie Goldsmith, in the room would certainly help him make better decisions or at least be happier with the decisions he is making. To live in the moment, enjoy his accomplishments etc.
What is impossible to deny is the unifying power a Kelly Slater for Syria Olympic run would have. Government and anti-government forces would gather together in coffee shops and clasp hands as Slater dispatched surfers from Australia, France, Brazil. Kurds would forget their many and varied beefs while holding their breaths alongside Syrian Turkmen.
Kelly Slater’s ability to captivate would even overwhelm the most hardened ISIS man for it is impossible not to be swept away.
Would peace in the Middle East be a stretch too far?
Well, who could have ever imagined that a 47-year-old from Cocoa Beach, Florida, by way of Syria, would still have the sweetest carving 360 in the game.
More as the story develops.
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Any bets JJF bundles himself up again before the big day and Slats coasts on into the event?
It’s Lebanon not Syria. But I’m sure the writer was desperate to be funny.
As a Wisdom Traditions researcher, for years I have been locked into Syrian Nazorean research. All of Which Outshines anything to do with the later development of the Roman State Religion of Christianity, Paul as their messenger and deceiver. ***With that said >>>I am All For Kelly Surfing For Syria. (KSFS)
There’s always gender reassignment, and the women’s team…
Ha ha….so true. And the truly woke tell us you don’t even have to have surgery. If you say you’re a chick you are!
That’s correct
When the ladies toilet queue is too long i just go to the mens.
But I get a lot of looks.
How much Syrian blood does he really have? I bet a quarter at the most. Meh
it’s not even Syrian, it’s Lebanese.
Was his Dad a Syrian national? If not, sorry Slats but computer says no.
https://www.multiplecitizen…
Fear not though Kelly! With a spare 100k you can buy citizenship in way nicer places than Syria:
https://www.businessinsider…
I’m sure KS will somehow scam a ticket to the greatest show in earth.
Plenty of time for double j to trip over one of his trophies.
The Japanese have enslaved all of their sharks for use in their underground porn industry. Those shark porns make tentacle porn seem mild.
Unfortunately, Since KS competed for the USA at the 2019 ISA World Surfing Games in September 2019, Kelly missed his chance to ‘Change His Nation’ in order to compete at the Tokyo2020 Games as anything other then USA, he would not fulfil the 18 month wait period
https://www.isasurf.org/cha…
All those US kids putting up posters of this Middle Eastern pro surfer. That beautiful hair and skin tone…
Kelly’s penultimate moment, his ‘Wyld Stallyns’
I just drove through San Dimas!
Is that a real place? Or like Santa Clara in The Lost Boys?
So real! Even home to Raging Waters! Remember Napoleon?
Eat the pig ,eat the pig
Waterlube!
Most outstanding!!
San Dimas high school football rules!
Or he could get someone to ‘Gilooly’ Khloe or J Dub…
I like where your head’s at.
Perhaps someone will be kind enough to Giloolly both of them so $moniz can get in too and the U.S.ofTrumperica team will be a more culturally diverse reflection of the nations people by having members of Middle Eastern as well as Polynesian descent
Johnny is prone to injury, wink wink
Pretty sure Gabe would be able to help out.
Kolohe holding his knee and sobbing “whyyyyyyyy whyyyyyyyy” would be nice
And thanking god as the stretcher is loaded into the ambulance while TMZ films.
Maybe the two Nigerians who smashed Jessie Smollett are free?
it would have be kelly’s girl who does the deed and to be honest I am not sure she could pick up a tyre iron. there isn’t a lot of her.
Going by ‘I Tonya’, it will be an acquaintance of an acquaintance of Kellys girl who will do the actual hobbling…
Surfing’s very own Kerrigan + Harding controversy.
Yes
Though done efficiently there should be no controversy haha