Black Mamba (pictured) with Great White shark.
Black Mamba (pictured) with Great White shark.

Tribute: 12-foot Great White shark named “Kobe Bryant” honoring Laker legend who dove with them to learn “devastatingly vicious basketball skills!”

The patience. The timing. The angles.

Great White sharks are very skilled at many things including eating men, scaring people, getting their pâté eaten by Killer Whales and starring in movies but did you know they are also experts in basketball offensive and defensive schemes?

It is, apparently, true. Laker legend Kobe Bryant, whose life was tragically cut short in a recent helicopter crash, used to study the apex predators in order to learn how to stuff fifty points down Allen Iverson’s gullet with devastating, unstoppable, vicious skills while holding the Philly star to nothing.

Zero points.

Extremely heartless. Great White style.

Now, Kobe has a Great White named after him. A 12-foot young adult swimming off of Guadalupe Island and let us meet this famous jr.

The photographer who first captures full-body pictures of the left and right side of a shark can pick its name, but many are just known by a number.

This shark was #24 — which was also one of the numbers Bryant wore as a Los Angeles Laker.

That’s not the only connection between Bryant and the shark.

Martin Graf, the diver, who photographed #24, actually took Bryant in a shark cage back in 2013 and gave him an up-close look at two great whites.

“He got into our cages and he spent a good short chunk of the day, hanging out on the boat and in the cages,” she said. Bryant told Graf that he became interested in sharks when he was living in Italy as a kid, she said.

The designs of some of Bryant’s Nike shoes were inspired by sharks and he wrote in a 2017 article for The Players’ Tribune that he studied great whites to help him prepare to guard Philadelphia 76ers star Allen Iverson.

In the piece, Kobe writes:

On March 19, 1999, Iverson put 41 points and 10 assists on me in Philadelphia.

Working harder wasn’t enough.

I had to study this man maniacally.

I obsessively read every article and book I could find about AI. I obsessively watched every game he had played, going back to the IUPU All-American Game. I obsessively studied his every success, and his every struggle. I obsessively searched for any weakness I could find.

I searched the world for musings to add to my AI Musecage.

This led me to study how great white sharks hunt seals off the coast of South Africa.

The patience. The timing. The angles.

Wonderful but as surfers, as ocean warriors, we better up our games as we play against actual sharks.

Time for all of us to head into the video room, notebooks open, Shark Week on.

Etc.

Many skills to learn.

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Owen Wright's Brains

studied dolphins for their rape skills too…

Numbnuts

Flipper trained Weinstein and the old whites..

Wayne Lunch

Bloody evil little bastards Dolphins!

Otto

If this guy really* wants to honor Kobe Bryant, he’d go the extra mile and track #24 by boat, then once located near a seal colony he should lure a seal to the relative safety of his boat’s underside. Quickly take a pic of the seal, name it Allen Iverson, and after a 10 minute or so rise in predator v. prey situational suspense, light up a pre-installed LED Lakers purple and gold mounted to bottom of the hull. Once the seal is cross stepping it’s soon to be devoured AI self out and away from the boat, film the predation while playing:
https://youtu.be/tpsSfqJfjoo

Include some classic Kobe trash talk to Iverson over dubbed:
https://youtu.be/l-Um1Qbuz2M

*Really being honest, this guy best not make a dime off this, seeings how I can’t imagine Kobe’s widow has been in the mood to give the ‘green light’ on monetizing Kobe’s death this soon.
If you check out the guy’s MCSI website, he doesn’t have a lot of current posts.

Dogsnuts

That is the most god awful music I have heard in my existence!

Otto

I couldn’t agree more. It gets worse. That lead singer had the audacity to say Layne Staley was his primary source of inspiration for his vocal style. Layne could never inspire such dogshit music.
I think the shark naming is god awful which pairs well with such an awful band.

Dogsnuts

Haha that is so gross. What a fuckwit.

Otto

What happens when an entire audience thinks you’re a fucking sod. And then complains to the venue’s production lead that it’s not your fault that they think you’re a sod, by throwing sod.
https://youtu.be/uXj3flNHSB8

Dogsnuts

Haha omg. Going down a rabbit hole and my new hobby is listening to and laughing at this band.

channelbottom

“Ha ha! They’re all gonna die!”
– Hooper

Hooper.
See.

It’s a Jaws quote.

Do you see what I did there?

Hooper

Numbnuts

NOAA also announced they are renaming
the spiny dogfish (Squalus acanthias) shark Gayle King.

Lemon Next to the Pie

Must have been tricky bouncing the ball learning to play basketball underwater. No wonder Iverson couldn’t beat him again.


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