From the Hear-Ye Hear-Ye Dept: Second largest surf website in the world issues rare edict, orders surfers to stop surfing!

"Bottom line: We need to take this thing seriously."

The Great Coronavirus Kerfuffle of ’20 sure has taken many strange and twisting turns. Economies locked down, otherwise healthy people “sheltering in place,” fear, paranoia, latex gloves and face masks once reserved solely for weed-whacking the yard worn into grocery stores that are employing Soviet-era systems to ensure there are enough blue jeans and toilet paper for all.

The strangest and most twisted turn, though, is Surfline’s CEO issuing a rare and king-like edict to surfers everywhere and let us read, together some choice bits from “A Statement From Surfline on Surfing and the Coronavirus.”

With regard to surfing, it’s simple: If you can’t get to the beach alone and surf alone — no standing next to your buddies in the parking lot, no chilling on the beach with a group of people — please don’t. Stay six feet apart. Always. There are many asymptomatic folks out there who can spread this thing.

Michel Bourez is leading by example: “There is a big swell coming this weekend,” he posted. “Personally, I will not go to Teahupo’o to avoid the spread of the virus. We are all in the same boat and this is very serious. The sooner we make the effort to stay at home the sooner the spread of the virus will decrease.”

Bottom line: We need to take this thing seriously, which means we all practice social distancing. Be safe and let’s watch out for each other as best we can.

And shall you heed? Were you just waiting for this royal pronouncement to sort your day’s activities which is now limited to staying in doors and watching Surfline cams feature empty lineups?

Isn’t it ironic that the surf website most credited with crowding lineups from Lowers to Lunada Bay would only now recognize the trouble of surfing in a giant pack of folk? That the website known for pushing epoxy funboards onto legions of VALs would now be circumspect?

BeachGrit has always been a social distancing pioneer, having doubled the now accepted “six feet apart” rule from inception and preaching “when three or more surfers are gathered together, one of them shall become eaten by a shark.”

Ironic like rain on a wedding day. A free ride, when that ride has already been purchased.

Good advice that just wasn’t taken.

Etc.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
guest
79 Comments
Newest
Oldest Most Voted
Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt
Greebnurt Hurkurmurgurt
6 years ago

It’s a blessing.

Strawman
Strawman
6 years ago

Now is the time for being proactive and I believe our government is way ahead of the rest. Everything has stopped, but no word on surfing, which makes sense in Norway. Also, since this will be catastrophic for the economy they have already envisioned alternatives. The ministry of fisheries are trying to make it easier for people to take part in whaling. You are no longer required to have any previous experience, and you can go whaling with old boats. As long as there is a will, there is a way – if you want to go whaling. After all this is over and we have to worry about food on the table, the Norwegian government have found a solution.

LONGBEACH4417
LONGBEACH4417
1 year ago
Reply to  Strawman

Not sure how I ended up here 5 years later, but do you feel like a fucking retard now that the dust has settled, or are you in your 5th booster?

Strawman
Strawman
6 years ago

Blind support from this eurotrash. Maybe the crisis will actually MAGA? Don’t want a starving pit bull to lead our NATO gang that’s for sure.

channelbottom
channelbottom
6 years ago

I’ll see if I can wrangle something with the R&D Dept.

Ed
Ed
6 years ago

Locast plague is wipes out the middle east food supply-

https://www.google.com.au/a…

Rhett Corbett
Rhett Corbett
6 years ago

Is that so they don’t get bitten by those things with teeth & fins (sharks) ? Or caught in their legrope (not an attack) ? This one swallow ya whole, No chewing no tenderising .🦈🦈🦈

Shroom
Shroom
6 years ago

You’ve never excreted a fece?
It is what is produced during prolonged bender induced dehydration, an entire poo condenced into a single marbel sized fece.

DavidC
DavidC
6 years ago

Well he did say “please”!

Who's Your Jaddy
Who's Your Jaddy
6 years ago

So when are they turning off the cams?

frank
frank
6 years ago

well, rain on your wedding day is a good omen, symbolic of fertility, it’s why we throw rice, bring on the rain!

channelbottom
channelbottom
6 years ago

“I’m waiting, for what, my kind of people, what kind is that, I can tell my kind of people by their faeces, by something in their faeces.”
― Ayn Rand

“Evil never dies. It just changes faeces.”
― Dean Koontz, Forever Odd

“We all know what a big giant sword you have, I’m sure. No need for you to wave it in our faeces yet again.”
― George R.R. Martin, A Dance with Dragons

“It is the common wonder of all men, how, among so many million faeces, there should be none alike.”
― Thomas Browne, Religio Medici; And Other Writings

“A clown needn’t be the same out of the ring as he has to be when he’s in it. If you look at photographs of clowns when they’re just being ordinary men, they’ve got quite sad faeces.”
― Enid Blyton, Five Go Off in a Caravan

Rick_Deadman
Rick_Deadman
6 years ago

Chas – you’re missing the real scoop. I had the virus. Nothing more than a mild man-flu. My hangovers are worse. Now I have immunity and will be free to bog all the rail i like while the general surfing population, particularly the old boys on their 8ft guns in 6ft waves, are at home hiding for months on end.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
Reply to  Rick_Deadman

I had it too
Last september
It was pretty bad but I still went skiing.

Rick_Deadman
Rick_Deadman
6 years ago

Isolate the old and ill and let the rest of us get it and get on with it.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
Reply to  Rick_Deadman

Yep, I just necked half a dozen panadols, half a tramadol and some modafinil.
Felt pretty good after that

Kook Kahanamoku
Kook Kahanamoku
6 years ago

New Aussie laws coming into effect midnight tomorrow I think, maybe today, to not leave the house unless ‘absolutely necessary’ – i.e. going to the shops or work. Outdoor exercise allowed.

Sounds like we can still surf for now (Surfline man be damned) if we go by ourselves and stay away from anyone else. Would be keen to get another session in before the cops see 200 blokes out at snapper and blanket ban it nation-wide.

John Wayne
John Wayne
6 years ago

It was like a Saturday morning down the local this morning at 9am for round 2. I am not a fan of the new Scomo Surf Team hitting the water so frequently.

Kook Kahanamoku
Kook Kahanamoku
6 years ago
Reply to  John Wayne

Lotta people off work and school with nothing better to do, hey. Is that up in Sydney?

John Wayne
John Wayne
6 years ago

much further north

Nick Carroll
Nick Carroll
6 years ago

No there’s not Kook Kahanamoku. Those laws that is. You can still do what you like, as long as it doesn’t involve large outdoor gatherings or smaller indoor social gatherings. There are laws however, differing from State to State, concerning your behaviour if you are in post-travel or actual Virus infected quarantine. They are the “absolutely necessary” laws.

Waterproof Polo
Waterproof Polo
6 years ago

Alanis Morisset is a most difficult name to type on predictive text in ones phone when trying to say she sucks and sucked extra bad being a mute god in Dogma. Isn’t that ironic..dontcha think?

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago

Don’tcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

RS
RS
6 years ago

It’s like raaeeain on a rainy day. – Jimmy the Cab Driver

channelbottom
channelbottom
6 years ago

There’s no such thing as ‘bad weather’ , merely inappropriate clothing.

(Insert Hurluley ad for HazMat wetsuit)

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

Actually bad weather is now called
Climate modification

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
6 years ago

Maybe it’s just a metaphor? Now that’s why people get to be a Doctor for words.

Matt Warshaw
Matt Warshaw
6 years ago

Jagged Little Pill has not aged well.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
Reply to  Matt Warshaw

Except for the going down on people in theatres bit
That never gets old

Nick Carroll
Nick Carroll
6 years ago

This is all going to be like the Y2K bug isn’t it. Except with a fuckload of people dying.

in a year, there’s gonna be a whole lot of people blundering around saying “I TOLD YOU IT WAS ALL A HOAX! Now let’s take some more drugs!”

Hopefully none of you cunts will have to bury anyone close to you.

Yesterday's hero
Yesterday's hero
6 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

oh how thy prince of yesteryear gazes in the reflection when tomorrow is so grey…

Odysseus et al
Odysseus et al
6 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

This is gonna change the face of the world forever. America’s economy is toast, down the gurgler. Trump’s going down in history as the president that fiddled while the US burned. 20 – 30% unemployment, small businesses trashed.
China’s already getting back to normality, NZ and maybe Australia will recover as China’s our biggest trading partner. Logs and dairy will be moving in a months time.
Meanwhile China’s poised to become the world’s biggest superpower

vive45
vive45
6 years ago
Reply to  Odysseus et al

Market up 11% today, biggest point gain since 1933. We’ll see!

Also, me thinks China screwed going forward. The repatriation of US industry from China had already begun, this virus has turbo charged the move. At a minimum, much of the Pharma industry will be returning, and soon. People are now openly talking about wanting stuff not made in China (I hear it all the time), something that wouldn’t have been said in polite company a month ago (they’re all racists I know, sniff).

Odysseus et al
Odysseus et al
6 years ago
Reply to  vive45

Before anyone shoots the messenger, I’m not wanting this scenario. The writings on the wall

Justin Housman
Justin Housman
6 years ago
Reply to  Odysseus et al

While you might be right. America’s too big and mighty for the economy to perma gurgle. There’s even a chance that after this dust clears, we’re riding a wave of New Deal-like government spending that we’ve needed for decades.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
Reply to  Justin Housman

It’s cool as long as you don’t run out of ink

Justin Housman
Justin Housman
6 years ago
Reply to  vive45

That ship sailed so, so, so long ago. If you want stuff made locally, epic. You’re gonna pay more. If you want stuff that’s less expensive, it’s gonna be made somewhere with low wages. This cork ain’t going back in the bottle, nor should it, really. Having said that, it’s absurd that our pharma isn’t at least partially made here. No govt oversight of that kinda thing in our hypercapitalist hellhole.

Otto
Otto
6 years ago
Reply to  Justin Housman

When I see abandonment of cheap China imports in Africa, I say good things are on the horizon for America.

https://mobile.reuters.com/…

vive45
vive45
6 years ago
Reply to  Justin Housman

‘hypercapitalist hellhole’. You should take residence in Venezuela or Cuba maybe N. Korea. Get out the hellhole already!

Ceej
Ceej
6 years ago
Reply to  vive45

The USA fuels the demise of humankind. Not Cuba, Venezuela, or even N. Korea.

Justin Housman
Justin Housman
6 years ago
Reply to  vive45

That is easily the dumbest take one could possibly have.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
Reply to  vive45

When they see the prices that will change

vive45
vive45
6 years ago

When company X is paying a 30% tariff to have their bobbles manufactured in China prices don’t stay cheap.

kyle
kyle
6 years ago
Reply to  vive45

🙌🙌

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
6 years ago
Reply to  vive45

Doesn’t Trump have his shit stuff made in China?

Otto
Otto
6 years ago

“In 2000, President Bill Clinton claimed that the agreement then being negotiated to allow China into the WTO would create “a win-win result for both countries.” “

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
6 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Nice whataboutism and dodging the direct issue, both. How does that tiny orange mushroom that’s been all up in porn stars taste in your mouth, Otto?

vive45
vive45
6 years ago

Next just reply back ‘I have no argument to make, cya.’

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
Derek Hynd's Missing Fins
6 years ago
Reply to  vive45

Yeah, it’s plain to see on any tag for Trump products: “Made in China.” Not an argument, but a pretty publicly available fact.

Ceej
Ceej
6 years ago

Yes.where else.?

Ceej
Ceej
6 years ago
Reply to  vive45

Ha! Should have shorted EVERYTHING!

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
6 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

R u OK?

f u
f u
6 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

enjoy your Brave New World

Uneducated
Uneducated
6 years ago
Reply to  Nick Carroll

And one saying…I TOLD YOU IT WAS ALL A HOAX…now did everyone see what a terrific job I did…it was perfect, just like that…

M.
M.
6 years ago

Depends. If you decide to get married in Sligo in February it really isn’t.


79
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x