Surfboards hidden under blackberry bushes, being chased by unmarked cars, lineups patrolled by predatory carrion crows. Life as a lockdown runner in southwest France.
“With the money from her accident, She bought herself a mobile home,
So at least she could get some enjoyment, Out of being alone”
But rather than a criticism, it was admiration. Gladwell points out how easy it is to make someone laugh, compared with cry.
Meanwhile, with mainland Europe on lockdown, everyone is urging each other to stay positive.
Surf fit Facebook lives. Yoga for kids. Book recommendations. Wim Hof YouTubes. How to meditate.
Broadly, “We got this.”
Last Friday’s spring equinox was the fourth day of lockdown, confinement total in France.
The last time armed men imposed curfew here, the 3rd SS Panzer Division Totenkopf were patrolling Bayonne.
The waves pumped for the first few days, pretty much as good as it gets. Offshore winds puffed lovingly all day, air temps soared around the low twenties, moderate tides kept everything right on the button.
Meanwhile, near total silence prevailed. Birdsong dominates the soundscape, with the recent arrivals from Africa, the hoopoes, bolding heralding the glorious arrival of spring.
Hours after the lockdown came in, an Aussie friend surfed perfect La Graviere with nobody out.
Not a soul.
Surely not performed since Dora or Maurice pretty much had free run of the joint.
He boasted his exploits on a surfboard factory’s WhatApp group. He got roundly chastised by colleagues – core surfers all –for playing fast and loose with pensioners’ lives.
Initially, there was some ambiguity as to whether or not surfing was actually allowed. President Macron said we could leave home briefly to do sport on our own.
So… surf alone?
Great.
As the lockdown came into force at noon last Tuesday, Gendarmes cleared the busy lineup at Capbreton and told the unlucky shredders that because of all the people in the lineup, surfing wasn’t an individual sport.
So then, if you paddled out and claimed a peak, would it therefore be illegal for anyone to paddle out and nause you?
Legally enforced lineup exclusivity, kind of Cloudbreak pre 2010, only without the predatory capitalist-backed thuggery?
Alas, not so.
Surfing was officially forbidden a couple of days later, along with beach going of any kind.
Fines of €135 euro were dished out to everyone in a wetsuit in the car park at Les Bourdaines. There were rumours of a San Sebastian local over the border in Spain copping a whopping €1000 for surfing Playa Gros.
If you’ve ever seen the quality of the waves at Playa Gros, a tenner would be considered steep.
But the main deterrent isn’t so much the criminal justice system, but the court of social media and its nurses crying after finishing a forty-eight-hour shift and not being able to buy pasta or wipe their bums.
The guy from the surfboard factory even left the WhatsApp group. Things were getting ugly alright.
Another friend was undeterred.
He got up early, biked into the woods and surfed himself silly in a hissing four-to-six left shories. Hid the five-eleven under a blackberry bush, biked back through the woods without seeing a soul.
The next day he went a bit earlier to avoid the street lights, which come on at six am for an hour before sun up, and got into the woods unlit, using backroads.
At one point, a car turned in a cul-de-sac and chased him.
He sprinted, made a few rapid turns, then lost them down an alley, schoolboy style.
What a rush.
The third day of lockdown was a darker night.
All alone in the woods, he started to think about wild boars. He’d seen them on this trail a few times, and a week earlier a friendly old madame, warned of a mother with litter nearby. When they charge you, their tusks can sever the femoral artery. Word is, if you get between momma and little uns…
“One dark night he came home from the sea,
And put a hole in her body where no hole should be…”
Day four was six-to-eight, offshore all day. Ruler edged north-west swell, thick lines to the horizon.
With empty peaks everywhere, he reckoned he saw more empties spit that day than ever in his born days. Carrion crows lined the beach, more so than usual. A truly magnificent bird, underrated because of abundance, they’re so intelligent they can recognise human and crow faces.
There’s no way they didn’t know something was amiss.
As my friend got out the water, one was eyeing him up.
“If he rolls an ankle in the ferocious shorey and can’t make it up the steep berm…” it almost certainly thought, calculating which eyeball to peck out first for breakfast.
“When the world falls apart, some things stay in place,
Levi Stubbs’ tears run down his face.”
The wind arrived yesterday, the swell finally relented.
Someone is flying a drone over my neighbourhood, I’m middle fingering it.
Rumours are that the lockdown will be extended to forty-five days and the army will be deployed to patrol the streets.
The surfing fine is going up to a grand, someone said.
Someone else said three.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, turns out the Venice canal dolphins were fake news.
The Totenkopf SS blew up twenty ships in the Adour and shot three people with machine guns as they beat their retreat. They also blew up the Pont Lajus bridge in Capbreton that goes from town to the beach for good measure.
But they never did find the cases of 1928 Lafite Rothschild hidden in the cellar at Cafe de la Gare.
Every cloud, etc.
3rd Panzer was never in SW France I think but very imaginative writing.
if you dont have the virus, you cant spread it. if you have it, and you are outside, you are not contaminating the air, so if there is no one around you, you are in neither circumstances, risking anyone’s life.
Getting a story across to people has taken a backseat to egotistical writing . This is not surf journalism, it’s Shakespeare with a touch of dick juice
I would give anything
Just to be like him.
Funny, your comment is in the same vein.
Blue vein dick juice special for you sir
good one. Mr. Evs….
I was out at la piste with about 12 other two days ago when the darmes drove into the car park waiting for us, we started paddling toward hossegor, they were waiting, armed with their papers and pens.
You were fined?
Warned…
Here is where hypocrisy is golden. Pretend surfers who lost their edge bagging those who haven’t. The reason this sport became attractive to most people was because of the wild edge, the freedom it portrayed. Generally the people who sporn distaste for surfers embracing their passion don’t mind being selfish in many other parts of life. Extra apartment or house for investment. Brand new car, put the kids in private school. All those lovely pursuits that define wanting more than your neighbour. I salut these two gentleman for being surfers. Ofcourse surfing is fucking selfish, its not a team sport. In hindsight he shouldn’t of told his mates. That was loose lips. The best glory is that tasted alone in contemplation as the head is put to rest.
South Africa is going into lockdown on midnight this Thursday.
Our government suddenly trying to convince us it’s a Capable State, after spending the last decade looting the public coffers and the decade before that allowing HIV to run rampant thanks to an anti-science stance so extreme that today’s crop of politrickians are still trying to emulate it.
The government squeezed out the last of our goodwill and trust many years ago.
We’re not a law-abiding country.
It’s going to be a cock-up.
We’ve had a bad run of swell over the last month and my A-grade local looks like it’s going to be firing on Friday. The crowd there barely reaches 5-6 people on a good day. Along this whole stretch I’m usually the only human in the lineup.
There’s no leeway for individual stories during this whole thing. I get it.
My area is basically one big old age home.
We’ll have to see how this plays out.
Honest question
Were the people better off when the white devil’s ran things, regardless of the segregation?
According to every white devil, yes.
Poor devil’s.
No, definitely not. Statistically and qualitatively.
People who make that comparison do it for political reasons, or because they’re living under such misery and they feel so betrayed by the post-’94 government that they understandably can’t see any light beyond their circumstances. Current misery doesn’t care for statistics.
People can struggle with the idea that apartheid was the absolute shittest thing ever, AND the democratic government has fucked everyone hard. There doesn’t have to be an either/or.
OK, that’s good.
I vaguely recall reading about how during the handover the white devils at the world bank pulled some particularly dirty trick to ensure the new management would never be free from their shackles. Wish I could remember more. Ring any bells?
Not the world bank (the outgoing apartheid government did the dirty tricks), but that’s more or less how it went down. The new government actually told the world bank to get fucked, which was a good call as taking their aid would have made the situation worse.
The incoming leaders were mostly focused on a clean political handover, and they made some economic concessions during the negotiations that didn’t seem so bad at the time but that hurt in the long run.
They basically agreed to take full responsibility for the apartheid gov dept, while also guaranteeing the apartheid civil service all their pensions etc. And no consequences for naughty companies who profited during the dark days.
I think Naomi Klein did a decent summary of the whole story in the early 2000s.
Things could have worked out ok, but the global economy changed so much so quickly in a way that left most of SA behind, and we’re now into our 3rd major recession since 1994. We were already well into our 3rd quarter of recession before the covid freefall. Also our politicians have steadily become more and more crooked over the years which escalated the situation. SA’s being competing with Brazil for 2 decades for the title of most unequal country. It’s all pretty fucked. But there’s always this underlying belief that we can get through it all. People down here are a resilient lot.
Naomi Klein: that’ll be where I read it. Thanks for the refresh. Resilience seems to be a double edged sword, doesn’t it? When it means putting up with an incredible amount of shit. The French have to be the least resilient nation on earth and they take zero shit from their government.
Does lock-down mean you can’t go surfing? We’re in the same boat. The waves are pumping and I think it’s definitely in the best interests of my health to get out there
There’s no solo exercise or recreational provision, so we’re not even allowed to walk the dogs along the nearby empty 4×4 track. The hounds are going to lose the plot completely and tear up the house if they can’t get their walkies for 3 weeks.
These measures are clearly aimed more at cities than small towns with lots of nature around like where I live. But one size fits all etc.
So what’s your strategy going to be? Toe the line, share the pain and grumble, or become a freedom fighter for common sense?
I’m going to toe the line. I don’t want to be the person who gets made an example of.
Lots of grumbling to come.
Oh man, that really sucks. Sounds like you’re in a great spot though and it’s not forever…
Best of luck… Run fast, run far (or paddle fast, padd…well you get it).
I heard the lineups on the North Shore are packed… Everyone is out of work and kids aren’t in school. Irony.
Bruce, not Andy?
At least someone is scoring, nice read.
Having not surfed in a year, I’m in great shape to handle the big clean-up sets and terrible rips of not-surfing for a little while longer.
I’m right with you. Surfed once this year. Don’t even care when the next one is.
Oh I care. I just don’t have a choice.
And better to be chilled about it rather than shitty.
Makes my life easier, and thus everyone else’s.
What’s stopping you if i may ask
Is your work-home-lockdown situation over the coming months going to require you to find creative ways to while away your time?
Are you a budding Sherlock Holmes?
If your answers are YES!, then why not turn your question into an investigative homework puzzle?
Comb through thousands upon thousands of comments looking for clues, and present some hypotheses.
You’re welcome!
Maybe I will
Not working at home though still
He’s not master of his domain
Just came back from Portugal: French and German van hippies were the only guys in the water. They are pushing it with 8-12 vabs standing next to each other in the car parks. Locals stick to the curfew. I guess the local cops will finally clear them out. Lots of people drove or flew down there to sit out the storm in a holiday home or RV. I still reckon that if you surf a peak by yourself and do not get close to anyone on your way to the beach nobody will be harmed.
They just closed all the campsites and hotels, so I think the clock is ticking for the van lifers.
Thats where we are headed in Aus too, beaches being closed or threatened with closure because of failure to keep self isolation distances and its mostly the big groups of backpackers living in vans not giving a fuck ruining for locals, what’s worse is they soon will be considered stuck here and entitled to government handouts ! Fuck , first World governments are just as fucked as 3rd world sometimes , send the cunts home now, would be cheaper and better for everyone
$135 for a day at the local with nobody out seems like a sound investment. Certainly move value than paying for a wave pool. $1000 might be pushing it a bit.
depends on what your local is. I have spent thousands over the years breaking boards just to surf great waves
Yep..a no brainer. When is a person ever going to get the chance again?
The pigs might come in handy
They would have to put perimeter shock collars on every person in America for anyone to follow the rules.
The edible pigs
They are both edible.
I think my favourite Bragg couplet is:
No amount of poetry can mend this broken heart
But you can put the Hoover round if you want to make a start
This always stuck with me,
I said there is no justice
As they led me out of the door
And the Judge said, “This isn’t a court of justice, son
This is a court of law.”
I bet he calls the cops when his guitars get nicked.
And you’ll take a hand out in a pandemic. Every trump solution is socialist.
Very assumptive and wrong.
I will steal from the rich and sleep like a baby
You’re no stranger to calling someone assumptive dear bexorama
I just purchased a fantastic replica glock.
Can’t wait to use it.
I have a replica howitzer.
Poor choice.
You mean saying “howzit bru” in your native accent?
What counts as rich? It’s all relative, no? In a few months time, a man with a piece of bread could look like Bill Gates to the starving.
Audi drivers
Nahhh, I’m confident that Bex, as all our conservative friends, will reject government aid as socialist and a manifestation of the nanny state. They will further boycott any company that took aid now, as said aid introduces market inefficiencies that fundamentally disturb the self regulating powers of capitalism.
Because, you know, they’re not lefty hypocrites.
Darn tootin!!
Love the commitment! You’ll have a lower carbon footprint than the most hardcore hippies. You have my full (emotional) support!
“I saw two shooting stars last night
I wished on them but they were only satellites
It’s wrong to wish on space hardware
I wish, I wish, I wish you’d care”
Yes, yes, that one, too. Milkman of Human Kindness. On a side-note, a famous Australian swimmer of a decade or two back, just before ejaculating, would always announce, according to gal-pal, “Here comes the milkman!”
No, wrong! A New England!
Wasn’t Thorpey then.
I reckon that one that got messed up on ice.
The one who’s celeb ex wife necked herself cause of nasty commenters
Can’t remember his name.
Scott someone
that’s the other one!
I know it’s not nice, but I almost wish he had broke his neck and drowned in the shorey. It would have served him right. What a fucking selfish prick.
Spoken like a true revolutionary! The end justifies the means etc.
That breezed right on past “not nice”, and situated itself rather comfortably in psychotic.
That escalated quickly
how is it being selfish? but its ok if he goes to the grocery store or the big box to pick up some supplies for some hobbies? or goes to work?