Surfing’s Olympic debut in peril as jealous swimmers, track athletes push Games’ postponement over fear of losing spotlight to “young, sexy sport!”

Can't we all just get along?

And there it was, all teed up, ducks in a row, ready, aim, fire for surfing to finally, finally, finally emerge from the shadows and take its rightful place as World’s Best, Most Popular Sport. The Tokyo Olympic debut would, without doubt, vault it over tired, old sports like running in circles or swimming in straight lines. The “flair” and “panache” would be undeniable. Spectators would see, feel for themselves what the 8k – 10k surfing fans dotted around the world have known for years.

“You can’t script this.”

Also, “It takes a tour to make a title.”

Alas, no crowning of a new king, no naming of a new Pope, occurs without palace intrigue and in a stunning move it appears that swimmers and track + field athletes have colluded in order to keep professional competitive surfing marginalized and confusing.


USA Track & Field is joining USA Swimming in calling for the U.S. Olympic & Paralympic Committee to push for a postponement of the Tokyo Olympics.

In a letter tweeted by the USATF on Saturday, CEO Max Siegel wrote that it would be challenging for athletes to “properly train in a safe and adequate environment” amid the worldwide coronavirus pandemic.

“We acknowledge that there are no perfect answers, and that this is a very complex and difficult decision,” Siegel wrote, “but this position at least provides our athletes with the comfort of knowing that they will have adequate time to properly prepare themselves physically, mentally and emotionally to be able to participate in a safe and successful Olympic Games.”

USA Track did not provide a timeline for a postponement, unlike USA Swimming CEO Tim Hinchey, who wrote to the USOPC on Friday asking it to pursue a one-year Games postponement.

That means the sports that accounted for 65 of America’s 121 medals and 175 of its 554 athletes at the last Summer Games are on record in urging, in Siegel’s words, “the USOPC, as a leader within the Olympic Movement, to use its voice and speak up for the athletes.”

The leader of the third sport that makes up the backbone of the Olympics — gymnastics — has sent a survey to athletes, asking for their thoughts on what the USA Gymnastics stance should be.

If those surveys are made public I know what they will read.

Biggest fear:

1) Losing sexy to surfing

2) Coronavirus pandemic

It’s a shame that running, swimming and soon gymnastics can’t be more magnanimous.

Police arrive at Bondi Beach to enforce ban.

Hedonists punished: State government shuts Bondi Beach to public after social media hysteria, effective immediately!

Jackboot comes down on happy beachgoers.

Following a sparkling day at Bondi Beach where the temperature scratched one hundred degrees (38 c) and tanned bodies lay everywhere in seductive piles thereby failing to implement “social distancing”, and the subsequent outrage on social media, the NSW government has shuttered the famous beach to the public.

Here’s a taste of the outrage.

Such wrath from the vulgar bourgeoise.

In response and with social media now driving public policy, the NSW government said it was shutting down the beach, effective immediately.

From the national broadcaster,

The closure is temporary and the measure will extend to other beaches if social-distancing rules, which have banned non-essential outdoor gatherings of more than 500 people, are being flouted.

NSW Police Minister David Elliott ordered the beach to be shut on Saturday afternoon.

I just walked down to examine how the ban is being implemented.

Scores of cops on horses? Temporary fences?

And what counts as the beach, the sand to the high-water mark? The grassy bits? The neighbourhood bars and yoga studios, currently brimful?

No official response on the ground yet.

Will report as it happens.

Meanwhile, four-foot, low-tide closeouts pound a straight sandbank.

Could be good on the late high.

Will paddle around from behind Icebergs, least crowded day of the year I would suggest.

Update: Cops arriving to patrol beach access. Lifeguards have ordered the smattering of people off the beach; clubbies in inflatable raft ordered surfers, including me, out of the water.

Other beaches could follow, warns the government, if people remain “defiant.”

No word, yet, on how long the ban will remain in effect, perhaps once the people can prove they’re no longer defiant etc.

Police arrive at Bondi Beach to enforce ban.


Bristol’s The Wave closed until May 1: “We will overcome this challenge together!”

The Wuhan Wheeze strikes at the heart of British surfing.

Four weeks after announcing it was going to introduce a $200-an-hour three-foot setting for “highly experienced and proficient surfers” and two months after introducing mandatory skill-testing to smoke out the kooks, Bristol’s The Wave has shut its doors until May 1 to keep the Wuhan Wheeze at bay.

(Lest we forget those other Chinese classics, H1N1, Bird Flu and SARS.)

The company’s CEO Craig Stoddart released a prepared statement,

In part,

“Based on the latest Government guidance regarding the Coronavirus outbreak we have taken the difficult decision to temporarily close The Wave from end of play on Thursday 19th March to 1st May. The health and wellbeing of our staff and customers is of the utmost importance to us. 

“The closure affects all areas of the site and if people have a surf booked during this period then they’ll be contacted by email with information on next steps. This is a rapidly evolving situation and we will be keeping everyone updated on developments via our website, newsletters and social media pages.

“These are uncertain and testing times for everyone, and we will overcome this challenge, together.

It’s been a difficult birth for the British pool, the first of the commercial Wavegarden Cove’s to open to the public, from underwhelming waves to a licensing system to a $200-an-hour setting that, paradoxically, was open to anyone with the cash thereby causing much anguish with the pool’s patrons.

£95 an hour🤣 surf the Canary Islands for less.

That’s £95 for the day right? Not for an hour

Meanwhile, in Melbourne, Urbnsurf continues to take bookings and is mostly sold out, although there are a couple of seats for the nine pm session tomoz night.

Sign up here.

Fate worse than Coronavirus: 25-foot-plus Great White Shark found floating bitten in half in reported apex-predator “ritual sacrifice!”

Let's keep our eyes on the ball.

But while everyone in the entire world is “self-quarantining” and “self-isolating” and being very scared of microscopic novel Cornonaviruses did you ever wonder if there might be an extremely intelligent apex-apex-apex predator circling around just waiting for humanity’s distraction in order to mete out a fate worse than death?


“Man-eating” Great White sharks began an unprecedented and coordinated attack on surfers just eight months ago.

Next, apex-apex predator Killer Whales began toying with those same “man-eating” Great Whites.

Snacking on their livers etc.

Munching delicious pate.

Very scary but then the Chinese Virus hit and everyone lost track of the thread.

Of the true menace.



Oh I don’t know what it is either. I only know we were getting close to it, much like in HBO’s new The Outsider, but then Chinese Virus…

Though can we gather ourselves for one moment and wonder?

What did this?

The above just released, buried, but absolutely terrifying photograph.

Xi Jinping?

Michael Pence?

More as the story develops.

"WSL is bad... blah blah blah... Kelly Slater... blah blah blah... barrel or nah?"
"WSL is bad... blah blah blah... Kelly Slater... blah blah blah... barrel or nah?"

Listen: “And at the very end only two creatures shall be left crawling through the earth’s muck and they shall be cockroaches and surf podcasters!”

...and probably Kelly Slater who falls somewhere in between.

But the world’s economy has officially, fully, ground to a halt. No more commerce. No more dining out. No more dating via dating apps or meeting at bars. Sports are finished as are music festivals, any sort of publication, dancing to the downbeats masterfully stroked by Paul Fisher, visiting with friends, visiting with extended family, going to work, going shopping, going to theaters, parks, gyms, massage parlors both above and below board.

We’ve long wondered what the apocalypse would feel like and now we know.

It feels like right now. It feels like this very minute.

And it has long been told that, in the event of some worldwide nuclear holocaust or uncontrollable disease, cockroaches would be the only earthly creature to survive but today it was proven that surf podcasters will also survive for David Lee Scales and I met in San Clemente, flaunting California’s fresh “shelter in place” laws to jabber.

We jabbered about a re-imagined World Surf League tour, about the sad trajectory of Julian Wilson’s career, licking the glass of monkey zoo exhibits, David Lee’s desire for a robust Big Brother surveillance state and enjoying a urinal while also emailing.

Cockroaches and surf podcasters.

Gather the family around, the kids home from school, the husband home from work, the grandma and grandpa huddling in the closet and listen to the sweet hum of the end through air vents.

Is it good? Enjoyable?

Who cares.