Watch: Senior citizen gets head-butted by unsympathetic Great White shark, lives to tell the tale!

An incredible lack of social distance.

We, all of us, are extra aware of our precious senior citizens in these perilous days. When a fine grandpa or grandma walks, slowly, down the street or supermarket aisle we cut wide right or wide left, depending on our politics.

When a silver fox or a silver vixen sits we get up and move as far away as possible.

Not to be rude, of course, and quite the opposite. Out of genteel politeness. Out of providing a six foot plus buffer in this wicked time of Coronavirus.

But do you think Great White sharks, apex-predators, monsters of the sea practice this same level of self-aware social distancing?

Unfortunately they do not.

In a beautiful short film titled Near Miss we witness an extra-large man-eater getting near enough to an introspective senior to head-butt him.


Frame grab by
Frame grab by

And after…

Frame grab by
Frame grab by

Ron Elliot, our new hero, our updated North Star who loves diving alone along northern California’s dangerous shore described thusly.

I was swimming along the bottom and the visibility was pretty good. Then I looked behind me and as I turned my head this male white shark came right out of the gloom. It rammed me with its nose. In my head. Knocked the back of my head forward just enough and then the lower jaw knocked me pretty good. Knocked my head down towards the bottom. Once that happened I knew it was a white shark because I’ve been run into before from behind. So after that I swam around for a bit, just kind of filming it as it swam around me. And then it left. It looked like the shark had come out of an injection mold. It just looked perfect.

You must watch here.

And be filled with a never-more-necessary sense of que sera, sera.

Whatever will be, will be.

Jon Pyzel. Hero.
Jon Pyzel. Hero.

Plea to surfboard shapers: Donate extra N95 masks to local hospitals and save the world from complete Coronavirus eradication!

Heroes will rise.

As you know, intimately, the BeachGrit community is the most benevolent on earth or at least a very close second to Mother Teresa’s Sisters of Charity. Oh we seem all crusty and irredeemable, hideous on the outside but inside it is squishy, soft, lovable goo.

Thoughtful and kind.

And on that note, I received a thoughtful message, kind from a surfer, yes, but also an emergency room doctor part American part Kiwi. A fine mix if there ever was one. In any case he wrote:

I’m wondering if you could put the word out there for me and my hospital colleagues, that if folks have masks laying around (that they don’t need imminently-board shapers might have a healthy of N95), could they be so kind as to drop them at a local hospital. We are re using gear which was never intended to be used in that fashion. We need help until/if help arrives.

Fantastic, no?

Surfboard shapers?

You have always been our heroes but the opportunity to save the entire world and have statues built in your honor.

Have any extra masks?

Take them to your local hospital and feel the swell of gratitude!

Rage against the machine.
Rage against the machine.

Watch: Jonah Hill, Jaden Smith become faces of surfer rebellion in the time of Coronavirus!

Raised fist!

To surf or not to surf, that is the question roiling wave sliders from Bondi to Bagram and everywhere in between. Pitched battles on Instagram, insults hurled, accusations, threats, much head slapping emoji.

But while surfers argue the merits of this or that, two unlikely heroes have risen, becoming the faces of surfer rebellion in the time of Coronavirus.

The first was Jonah Hill as reported by the Daily Mail:

While many residents of Los Angeles heeded the statewide ‘stay at home’ mandate to curb the coronavirus, that didn’t stop Jonah Hill from catching a few waves.

The 36-year-old actor and filmmaker was spotted surfing the swells in Malibu on Sunday morning.

The Superbad star recently shared on Instagram that he’s been surfing for seven months, adding that, ‘anything is possible.

After his surfing session, he was seen with his wetsuit pulled down to his waist, exposing the multiple tattoos on his chest and arms.

Watch here.

Then, days later Will and Jada Smith’s fine boy Jaden raised a fist, shook it at the man and, also according to the Daily Mail:

Despite the closure of the beaches, Jaden Smith appeared to ignored the latest order and went surfing in Malibu – which is located in LA County – on Sunday, March 29.

The 21-year-old actor/singer, who is the son of superstars Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, hit the waves on the deserted beach.

The star wore a full body wetsuit as he rode several waves before heading back to his car with his board in hand.

He was seen putting his board in the back of his neon pink Tesla Model X car.

Watch here.

Both appear to be firmly on Team Tudor and do you embrace their devil-may-care or will you boycott their next creative efforts? Movie and music video respectively?

More as the story develops.

Dear God, about this trading halt, the pay cut etc. I mean, Deus todo poderoso, cut us a little slack here. | Photo: WSL

Rumour: All pro surfer salaries at Rip Curl, including two-time champs Gabriel Medina and Tyler Wright’s, slashed by fifty percent; more cuts likely!

Better than nothing, though, yes?

Want to talk exquisite timing?

Do you remember, as October opened, when Rip Curl, the last of the big three to sell, cashed in its chips to New Zealand camping retailer Kathmandu for $350 million?

The deal ended fifty years of continuous private ownership for a company founded in Torquay in 1969 by Doug Warbrick and Brian Singer, two wild gunslingers whose surf DNA allowed Rip Curl to thrive while Billabong and Quiksilver went public, soared, then sunk.

Kathmandu’s bullish CEO Xavier Simonet said that, “Rip Curl transforms Kathmandu into a highly complementary, seasonally balanced, global outdoor and action sports business. The combination will support the acceleration of our brands’ global expansion into new channels and markets. Sharing a focus on quality, innovation and sustainability, Kathmandu and Rip Curl make for a great cultural fit.”

What’s that investment worth to Kathmandu now?

Rip Curl stores shuttered, consumer confidence kicked in the pussy, a world tour the company has dominated for the last decade (world champs in 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018) suffering the effects of verdigris as it oxidises on a billionaire’s desk.

And what’s Kathmandu worth?

Four days ago, it closed all its Australian stores, its New Zealand online operation and iced four thousand jobs.

It’s share price a few weeks ago was three bucks forty.

Now, it’s under a dollar. 

(Update: Kathmandu shares have just been in a trading halt pending a “material announcement” by Kathmandu. These sorta things happen when shares are going through the floor and the company wants to get a little breathing space.)

All of which suggests today’s rumour, which comes from a source one might called impeccable, might actually be good news for pro surfers. 

From Wednesday, April 1, all of Rip Curl’s pro surfer salaries will be slashed by half, with a wait-and-see attitude in place in case they have to bite off the other chunk.

The surfer affected include Mick Fanning, Gabriel Medina, Owen Wright, his sis Tyler, Mason Ho, Conner Coffin and the luckless Bethany Hamilton and tour rookie Morgan Cibillic.

If there’s any sense in that damn company, Mason Ho’s salary, a pittance of what he’s worth, will remain steady.

“You know where this is going,” the source wrote.

I can guess.

And you?

Question: Should the World Surf League follow Red Bull motorsport’s lead and throw a “Coronavirus Party” at the Corona Open?

Bold. Out of the box. Progressive.

And by sure now you have read the progressive news coming from sport, the only news coming from sport, featuring Red Bull’s renowned Formula One boss Helmut Marko but if you have not let us quickly turn to the BBC for proper reporting and correct details.

Red Bull motorsport boss Helmut Marko said he advised his drivers to become infected with coronavirus while the season is in hiatus.

The 76-year-old said he had the idea to bring his Formula 1 drivers and juniors together in a camp, which “would be the ideal time for the infection to come”.

“They are all strong young men in good health. That way they would be prepared whenever the action starts,” he said.

The rest of Red Bull management were against the idea, which was abandoned.

“Let’s put it this way: it has not been well received,” Marko said.

The Austrian was speaking in an interview with his country’s television channel ORF, in which he added: “We have four Formula 1 drivers and eight or 10 juniors, and the idea was that we would organise a camp to mentally and physically bridge the dead time.”

And there we have it. A “Coronavirus Party” like chickenpox parties of old.

Now, F1 may have abandoned the idea but should professional surfing embrace? Surfers, I would imagine, are fitter, more robust than race car drivers, for one. Professional surfing could use a jolt to snag headlines, for two, with new fans embracing a progressive, “outside the box” action. And, for three, the first event of the year is already sponsored by Corona.

Oh, I’m not suggesting professional surfing do this, how dare you suggest, I’m merely asking a question and also have a new sporting hero.

Helmet Marko. I mean, the name alone…

But, back to our matter at hand, what would Joel Tudor think?

What about Ken Skindog?

Much to ponder.