"We appreciate your time and candor, Riss, and apologize for the time you had to spend putting out spotfires."
Wild times of change, wild days of upheaval but at least we can count on three certainties: The sun will rise each morning, grown men who take their coffee with cream carry some heavy secret burden and Stab magazine will apologize profusely, publicly to professional surfers whom have had their feelings hurt by the editorial staff.
But shall we hasten to the latest in what has become its own literary genre?
The scene is set somewhere between Australia’s Gold Coast and Hawaii’s Gathering Place where Mick Fanning interviewed Carissa Moore for one of the Venice-adjacent publication’s hundreds of podcasts.
Now, I was unable to make it through the actual chat, as Mick Fanning was interviewing Carissa Moore, but apparently a quote from the conversation was posted to Stab‘s Instagram that caused much hand-wringing, falling on knees, tearing of garments and hollering “Mea culpa! Mea culpa!” to the heavens and/or Hawaii’s Gathering Place.

Per @stab: “We’ve pulled down the IG main feed and stories from our Stab Unplugged with @mfanno and @rissmoore10. The pull quotes said in jest (Kelly doesn’t write me back etc) were shared in a loose, throwaway sense and take a different light immortalized as text. We appreciate your time and candor, Riss, and apologize for the time you had to spend putting out spotfires. The YouTube and podcast are still live in their original form. Sam McIntosh, Stab.
To clarify, Carissa Moore said something that was quoted then vanished with tear-stained amends.
While none of this is surprising, it continues a thoroughly vexing trend. Journalistic integrity being traded for access is nothing new, but the way in which propaganda is now being delivered as fact is.
Take, for example, the recent, much-lauded ESPN documentary series on Michael Jordan.
The Last Dance was praised high and low… except by teammates, Jordan family members, honest critics and those who knew the actual truth. Jordan, you see, produced the special and, while enjoyable on the surface, propagated a whitewashed lie. Certainly not “the untold story of Michael Jordan’s Bulls.”
Access granted. Legitimacy jettisoned.
Now, Stab still positions itself as a “slightly edgy, independent voice” but is so starving for acceptance from the pros and pro-adjacents that it regularly makes an absolute mockery of backbone.
The “slightly edgy” and “please-please-please-accept-us” tripping all over each other with every apology, each chubby ringed finger’d backslap.
Subject rage is part of the game, though.
Filipe Toledo was recently very aggrieved by the short CANDID, barking and hollering and claiming he will no longer be available to BeachGrit.
“You don’t five a f what the surfer thinks! No respect at all”
The piece was honest-ish though didn’t slot in with his self-narrative, apparently, but his self-narrative, Michael Jordan’s self-narrative, Carissa Moore’s self-narrative, Mick Fanning’s self-narrative…… UGH!
They are all only slightly tethered to reality which is always a more compelling, more interesting, more beautiful story. What we writers, journalists, tabloid muckrakers should be perpetually hunting.
The damned truth-ish.
Filipe is right, at the end. Nobody in “surf media” should give a f what the surfer thinks, only what is fair, authentic, entertaining.
The “f” should only ever be about The People™.
Or main lines redbull.
Stab is so self righteous it reads like a student newspaper.
I take my coffee the way I take my lives that matter…
Unfortunately we can only control How we React in a Positive way to all the negative situations around us during these trying time !!!
Please dont post the Riss clip Beachgrit, please!! I tried to watch it on stab but got Hanaha Montana flashbacks and realised that Riss in actual fact should keep really quiet and just go surfing. Pro surfers talking is really quite embarrassing for both themselves and anybody unlucky enough to click on their movie. Shame I like her surfing but I guess knowing nothing other than being a pro surfer since you were a kid doesnt leave much else to offer the world.
Let’s face it…the only surfers that were actually fun were in the 80’s.
Yes the old legends had some personality,I get it.
There were a few white-outs in the nineties, too, let me assure you.
True.
Soz..I was a bit over served when I posted that.
I stand corrected.
I’m even cheaper, look! I’m on my knees.
Dunno if it’s the shitty lighting or his unnaturally natural bulging eyes and odd movements, but he certainly appears tweaked out in that interview clip…
Carissa Moore really is the dullest cunt in surfing.
Does Bex count as counting in Surfing?
No, but great point.
A toss up between that and Creepiest Cunt.
Creepy and dull. Man, I think I’d rather be freerider.
Would you like to wish me a happy birthday?
It wouldn’t surprise if you spent your birthday commentating here… in all honesty I think you need a break, your numbers are through the roof.
I’m not being a cunt, just slightly concerned.
Internet addiction is real.
Just worked a full day
First quote was at 7 am, had a job in the city, then Pyrmont, now I’m going to help a mate board up his shop in Chinatown, bit concerned about the white Knight mares tomoz.
Got anything worth looting? Doing it for Saint George etc.
Shame it’s not
The tool shed
I’d grab aome amyl and a butt plug for ya.
Alas its a Thai cafe
Amyl is still a thing? And I’m good for plugs.
Yeah they sell tons of it
The Thai restaurant scene has diversified since I remember it.
They got some actual real Thai food there
Not the Anglo Thai stuff
Seeing Chazz back here has made me realize white people really are scum
If only Andy could have produced his “real story”.
That Jordan doco missed as many truths as the latest Andy fable.
Andy got close, although some of the wilder stories were left, safely, on shelf. Framing it all around a mental illness was pretty ordinary, I thought.
How did Billabong escape cleanly?
In what sense?
If only surfers
Were more like noble greyhounds
All action, no talk
Hello, be warned, just like the rest of society things have devolved here.
I crawl on four legs
Forehead like a JAP pumpkin
I’ll fit in nicely
If apologies are in order then Peter Hamblin should be seeking forgiveness for “RISS”
An exercise in pointlessness, yes. Very much like BeachGrit, in that regard.
I feel a Carissa Moore – Dirty Water interview in the works. Could work, you’ve had heaps of boring people in for an interview.
Oh, we’re just warming up. You’ll never guess who’s appearing on Sunday’s ep.
Hmmm boring… and surf adjacent…
this might be controversial… how fucking boring is Nat Young!
The original or the flame-haired imposter from Santa Cruz?
Original… never seen a bloke so intent on writing himself front and centre into the history of anything. My parents got me his original “History of Surfing” when I was a young kid. Boring perspective. I foolishly bought his “Church of the Open Sky” for some Iso reading. Boring.
It can’t be worse than Gerry Lopez’ ‘Surf Is Where You Find It’. Boring AF!
Try let my people go surfing by yvon Chouinard, it’s even worse.
The only good surfing stories have anti heroes. The Miki Dora one is good (all for a few perfect waves) and operation playboy makes you want to be a drug lord.
I just finished all for a few perfect waves. Pretty enjoyable. Miki’s a good story no matter what, no need to dress up a guy who was larger than life. Rensin put it into an actual cohesive narrative though.
Oh yes! I’d forgotten about that boring old coots boring book. They’re on par I reckon. Surfer books really shouldn’t be written by the surfers themselves. The high point of these egocentric autobiographies might be Occy’s “a surfers year” which is a diary of his post world title year – it reads like he’s talking.
A convoluted mess?
Kind of went off Nat when he justified his building of his motel at Angourie along the lines of ‘If I don’t build it, someone else will’. So don’t be a dick Nat.
Go on you tease…
I’ve listened to 2 episodes so far, because they were the only ones with interesting guests.
Both times it was Longtom.
So I’m intrigued.
you poor cunt
I’m currently pursuing Lennox lawnmower man Stu Kennedy. Will you come for that?
As much as I admire his fingernails in the earth toil, unlikely.
After last week I think I’d quite enjoy a SS vs NC face off.
YES!
How about I organise? Nick is formidable behind a microphone.
He seems pretty formidable everywhere.
What’s his weakness? Aside from the passing of time?
And the fact he’s a Chardonnay supping poofter?
Get Laird, i am sure you can market up something that will make that dog bite.. i don’t think he would get your humor
I don’t think Laird has a sense of humour?
The Elo one was pure gold, Derek on point duty and Charlie giggling like a schoolgirl in the background.
Tried. Listened to Elo holding court for the first 15 mins then couldn’t stomach it.
I know claiming isn’t cool, but I’m claiming the Filipe bout of crybabyitis. Get fucked*, 0.00. [Pirate accent] Be that a warning to ye pansyarse bastarrrds.**
*Just kidding 0 (prounounced “O”). Love the #77.
**I didn’t have anything to do with anything.
/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Pa...
Just got my youngest to have listen to this the other day. A game changer. I went to see PE supported by Ice-T at Festival Hall in Brisbane back in the day. For a punk/pub rock kid it was kind of weird to see the wide open stage with just a DJ deck and nothing else. No mic stands, nothing other than the PA and a few foldback wedges.
Ice strides out wearing nought but white basketball pants, eyeballs the crowd for about 30 seconds while the music pumps. Then, he pulled the wireless mic from down his pants and kicked off. Epic.
PE were pretty good too. Still in the top 5 concerts I’ve ever seen.
I saw run DMC
Not impressed but we slammed an allnighter and ran into them at the Cross the next morning.
We acted like they were really dope!!
I’m very upset with the way my unauthorized autobiography portraid me.
It was a great read bro
Wait til I get my hands on the author!
Beach Grit = fresh air. Comments are a bong spank.🤣😂
Yep he’s a good bloke
Upvoted me yesterday
Haha that was a serious burn, what grown man would drink anything but black coffee? Grow up fuckers.
Asshole 2nd in charge cunt at work in front of me at the café just ordered a “skinny chai latte”.. I could barely hide my contemptuous scowl as he turned and said “hey friend”. Never liked the bootlicker, now I know how he has his sockwater I dislike him even more.
There was a hated guy on construction that some bloke had crammed his filthy socks into the bottom of his thermos, it was a week before they tipped out and into his cup haha.
gold!
Go full Chinese tourist and wash your jocks in the kettle!
I’d laugh but I’ve cooked steak on irons before. Does a good job though.
My sister worked for with a guy at the Hyatt Coolum when it opened. He was a such the ‘bootlicker’ he drove his shitty Gemini to Noosa, so he could casually run into the GM while jogging. He was so thick, and this is genuine, he actually rang his mother to find out how to cook spaghetti.
Please continue to not give a fuck, it helps my sanity
Haven’t you noticed? ‘Not giving a fuck’ is the new giving a fuck.