Famous actor Rob Lowe spots monster Great White shark menacing children off Santa Barbara: “Amazing adrenaline seeing this animal up close!”

Very scary but potentially heartwarming.

Famous actor Rob Lowe has had an iconic Hollywood film arc. Child star turned heartthrob. Scandal while campaigning for 1988 Democratic presidential candidate Michael Dukakis. Redemption in the form of a lasting marriage. Lawsuits over “malicious lies” spread by nannies. Redemption in the form of Liberace’s plastic surgeon Dr. Startz.

And over the weekend, whilst beating the summer heat in Santa Barbara, he almost witnessed a ten-foot Great White Shark eat a gaggle of children splashing and playing without care. Possibly surfing* too.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CEPVcCggIMU/

Extremely scary and I don’t like to think depressively here, but worst case scenario, the children become eaten and a blockbuster Hollywood film is made about the incident who would play Rob Lowe?

His younger brother Chad Lowe is an obvious choice but maybe too obvious. The Academy Awards loves a surprise choice and I wonder if Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson could pull it off.

No?

Maybe Scott Bakula in a stirring comeback?

Hilary Swank?

Let’s continue thinking outside the box.

I don’t envision the film, currently titled And the Pacific Turned Red, to be a bloody gore-fest but rather a heartwarming romantic comedy where Rob Lowe’s character acts as matchmaker between a single dad whose child was eaten and a single mom whose child was eaten.

Or maybe half of one child is eaten, one half of another child is eaten but doctors are able to save them by sewing them together and then their parents (single dad, single mom) fall in love.

Something like that but let’s workshop it a little more.

No?

*Santa Barbra has no waves.


Photo: @sensitiveseashellcollector
Photo: @sensitiveseashellcollector

Greatest surfer ever Kelly Slater raises powerful voice in defense of law and order: “Wait, so some people want to abolish the police. Is that so these idiots can take over and run the asylum?”

Karen Slater.

11x World Champion and self-proclaimed environmentalist Kelly Slater threw his great and powerful voice behind a burgeoning law and order movement, last night, bolstering elderly white suburban males who prefer kids keep off their lawns and those who have just opened bespoke coffee shops in what was formerly “bad part of town.”

In a surprise all-caps Instagram story he firmly stated the question:

WAIT, SO SOME PEOPLE WANT TO ABOLISH THE POLICE.

before continuing:

IS THAT SO THAT THESE IDIOTS CAN TAKE OVER AND RUN THE ASYLUM? I WONDER HOW SAFE YOUNG KIDS FEEL IN THESE CITIES RIGHT NOW WITH THE ‘PEACEFUL PROTESTORS’ BLOWING SHIT UP. POLICE BRUTALITY AND BAD TRAINING IS A PROBLEM BUT ANARCHY AIN’T THE ANSWER. FEEL FREE TO GO TO ANY COUNTRY WHERE THE POLICE ARE ALL TRULY CORRUPT AND BOUGHT OFF BY THE CARTELS AND SEE HOW YOUR PROTESTING GOES.

It can be assumed Slater is referring to the very recent vigorous protests coming on the heels of yet another police shooting of a black man. The summer has, of course, burned hot since George Floyd was killed in Minneapolis, Minnesota at the end of May.

Protests, riots, carnage spread from coast to coast then around the world and, clearly, the most accomplished professional surfer ever is sick of it.

Fed up.

Not going to take it anymore etc.

Anarchists will be disappointed to know, once and for all, that they do not have Slater’s political support.

As a world traveler myself (buy here), though, I am curious as to which country he is referring where “the police are all truly corrupt and bought off by the cartels” and love to bash protestors?

Belarus? I think a bit of a stretch to describe the Lukashenko regime as a “cartel.”

Mexico? To call “all the police truly corrupt” is… sweeping.

Australia’s Gold Coast?

Possibly.

In any case, Slater’s full-throated backing of those currently running the asylum will be applauded by Karens everywhere.

More as the story develops.


Torquay locals (pictured) in state of great shock and sadness.
Torquay locals (pictured) in state of great shock and sadness.

Champagne Pop: Virginia Beach plucks crown from Bells Beach’s hung head; becomes home to “longest continually held surf contest” in the world!

Long live VB!

A grey pall hangs low in the sky, this morning from Melbourne, through Geelong, all the way to the shore of Torquay and not the typical grey pall, either, but one infused with overwhlming sadness, with deep shame, with mourning.

For the region’s gilded crown has been plucked from its hung head and taken all the way across the sea, then a continent, and placed upon the regal pate of Virginia Beach where its professional surfing contest, the East Coast Surfing Championship, becomes the longest continually held surfing contest in the world, replacing Torquay’s Bells Beach and its Rip Curl Pro.

Much wailing. Many teeth gnashed. Tears falling, unrelentingly, into schooners of VB.

Victoria Bitters becoming woefully prescient.

And you will certainly recall, a few months ago, when the World Surf League cancelled the Gold Coast’s Corona Open followed shortly thereafter by the cancellation of the Rip Curl Pro due fears over Coronavirus. At that point in time, Bells had been surf contest king but with Santa Monica’s decision to let fear rule the cancelled the reign and now happy Virginia Beachers are dancing in their streets.

The contest kicked off yesterday, its 58th straight running, with the following Coronavirus adjustments in place.

-The event will not allow more than 50 people to be on site, with only surfers and staff allowed on location. No spectators are permitted.

-Unlike in typical years, no international surfers will take place in competition.

-Masks are required.

-The non-surfing sporting events and concerts that typically accompany surfing will not take place.

58 in a row.

Long live VB*.

But while I have you, do you think that stripping the one and only thing that allowed Bells to remain on tour will make it vulnerable to a cutting?

Quite possibly.

*Virginia Beach


Breaking: Yeppoon, Australia’s Surf Lakes wave tank releases scintillating photo of legend Mark Occhilupo “standing in a round one” thereby sending shivers of desire through all residents of Loompaland!

Oompa, Loompa, doom-pa-dee-do, what do you get when you guzzle down sweets?

But did you know that Oompa-Loompas hail from Loompaland? We all should have as Roald Dahl’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory made it very specific and certainly recall the orange-tinted shorter people dancing and singing throughout the eponymous film Charlie and the Chocolate Factory but where they actually came from, in the film, was given short shrift.

Barreled.
Barreled.

Loompaland, though, we learn from the book. “Nothing but thick jungles infested by the most dangerous beasts in the world – hornswogglers and snozzwangers and those terrible wicked whangdoodles.”

So you can certainly imagine the shivers of desire running through the whole of that country with the just released image of Oompa-Loompa-adjacent Mark Occhilupo “standing in a round one” from a recent test session at the Yeppoon, Australia research and development facility.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CEQIAF6nY1F/

Like Teahupoo for their kind.

A brilliant pivot away from Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch dumb and Waco death.

Know your target and hit it. Marketing 101.

No?

I’ve never taken a marketing class and perpetually bother my partners Derek Rielly and James Prier to make t-shirts that read “KELLY SLATER BLOCKED ME” in bold font but in order to get one Kelly Slater must have actually blocked you and you must send proof.

Genius?

Like a li’l barrel.

Neither Derek or James agree. Tell them they’re wrong.


The original complaint, filed April 9, 2019, alleged gross negligence on behalf of BSR for a failure to keep the water safe. Stabile’s family alleged that BSR had “actual subjective awareness of the risks” but proceeded “with conscious indifference to the rights, safety, and/or welfare of others.”

Wrongful death lawsuit continues against owners of Waco wavepool; dead surfer’s family claim destruction of evidence and say proposed sale of park is an “intent to hinder, delay, or defraud”

A lawsuit that could have major consequences for the burgeoning wave pool industry.

On September 21, 2018, Fabrizio Stabile died from a brain-eating amoeba after visiting BSR Cable Park.

The following year, Stabile’s parents filed a wrongful death suit against BSR in April of 2019, seeking more than one million dollars.

The original complaint, filed April 9, 2019, alleged gross negligence on behalf of BSR for a failure to keep the water safe. Stabile’s family alleged that BSR had “actual subjective awareness of the risks” but proceeded “with conscious indifference to the rights, safety, and/or welfare of others.”

Stuart Parsons, the owner of BSR Cable Park, initiated discussions to sell the assets of BSR in May 2019, less than a month after the initial suit. The sale would have kept the liabilities in shell corporations owned by Parsons but lacking assets.

It was scheduled to close on January 6, 2020.

According to a motion filed by Stabile’s family in December 2019, BSR had a “paltry” $1.5 million liability insurance policy.

The motion also alleged that a jury trial would result “in a judgement of $15-20” million.

Fearing that they would lose the ability to collect on the judgement, in December of 2019 the Stabile family requested that the court protect the revenue generated from the sale. The family claimed that the pending transfer was fraudulent, as it was made with “actual intent to hinder, delay, or defraud” the Stabiles.

The family also alleged that Parsons and BSR engaged in numerous acts to destroy evidence.

They claimed that BSR attempted to destroy any evidence of the amoeba “through a massive chlorination of the surf pool” one day before a scheduled CDC inspection. In a report, the CDC admitted that BSR performed “high-level chlorination” which may have skewed the water quality results.

They also claimed that Parsons “dropped his phone in Lake Whitney just before being required to produce the text messages in discovery.”

The motion also contained an email from The Inertia to Stuart Parsons. The motion reads in relevant part, “a reporter for The Inertia, which calls itself ‘the definitive voice of surf and outdoors,’ e-mailed Stuart Parsons.” Not exactly a relevant point, but I thought it warranted mentioning that the The Inertia’s tag line appeared in a 600-page legal document.

Later that month, BSR responded to the motion, asserting that the claims of fraud and efforts to destroy evidence lacked any evidence.

Emails within the court record from the Texas Dept. of State Health Services stated that the amoeba was found in some of the pools “but not the surf pool, presumably because it was heavily chlorinated before samples were taken.”

They also stated that “there were extremely high counts of E. coli throughout.”

On December 21, 2019, the court granted the Stabile family’s motion to protect the cash sale proceeds, effectively stopping the sale.

BSR sought to overrule the injunction, appealing to the Tenth Court of Appeals in Waco, Texas.

A brief filed by BSR in January 2020 notably pushed back on the assumption that Stabile was infected while at BSR. It alleged that there was no judicial finding that Stabile was infected at BSR and raised the possibility that Stabile encountered the amoeba while working at the New Jersey Department of Environmental Protection, which “involved collect[ing] water samples.”

On February 24, 2020, the Tenth Court of Appeals ordered that the case be sent to mediation.

BSR objected the mediation, arguing that the issues surrounding the injunction blocking the sale of BSR made “mediation of the appellate issues impractical.”

In a brief filed by BSR in March 2020, BSR also recognized that the parties had not been able to agree on a mediator and “further time to consider mediators [would] not aid in an agreement.”

As of August 10, 2020, the suit is ongoing and the parties have requested “oral argument.”

In July of 2019, another man drowned at the BSR wave pool, though there is no evidence of a concurrent lawsuit.

This suit could have major consequences for the burgeoning wave pool industry.

Many of the newer wave pools boast slabbing waves breaking over shallow bottoms. Water quality or unsafe conditions could lead to a myriad of wrongful death suits. Liability appears to be widespread in these pools, ranging from the actions of the pool owner and operator to the actions of fellow surfers.

A rise in wave pool litigation will likely lead to changes in ocean lineups as well.

Surfing has largely remained shielded from legal intervention, as courts have been hesitant to implement their own legal standards. But, if courts are forced to adopt standards of care for wave pool lineups, it’s likely that those same rules will apply to ocean lineups.

Our unwritten rules may soon be legal jargon.