Apology: Scholar reveals Kelly Slater’s use of “Uncomfortability” to be correct, “A neologism used only by top one percent of intellects in world!”

Uncomfortability: The act of making another extremely anxious or upset.

It might be news to some, but Kelly Slater, an eleven-time world surfing champion and still in the conversation, as they say, even as he nears fifty, has a formidable intellect.

“I think I finished with a 4.6 GPA, and I didn’t even give it my all,” Kelly said of high school, a grade point average that would impressive any Ivy League admissions officer.

Yesterday, in a stinging essay, it was reported that Kelly had disfigured the English language by describing his relationship with John John Florence as having “a level of uncomfortability.”

Wrote John Miskelly, “Maybe not content with inventing large aspects of the world of modern surfing both within the performance of the sport itself as well as being a one-man motor for the commercialisation of surfing, Kelly is now taking it on himself to reconfigure the conventionalisms of the English language itself.”


As revealed by a scholar in an email to BeachGrit earlier today, and using the Rice University Neologism database to prove his case, it was Kelly who must enjoy the last laugh.

Uncomfortability: The act of making another extremely anxious or upset. The word ‘uncomfortability’ was formed by blending the adjective ‘uncomfortable’ and the noun ‘ability’ in order to yield a word that meant ‘the skill to make another uneasy or upset’, very similar to the formation of ‘stretchability’ (from the clothing industry). It was coined to replace a phrase, like ‘efforts to annoy’ or something similar, with one word, making it much catchier and easier to remember. It is not particularly formal since it is a neologism, but it does not have an informal connotation and could really be used by anyone in a wide variety of circumstances.

BeachGrit extends an unreserved apology to Mr Slater, who is currently holidaying in Bali, Indonesia.

All Surfline Man needed to do was go to yoga. How hard could that be?

Surfline Man Goes Shopping for Yoga Pants and Finds Enlightenment: “The pursuit of happiness is the source of unhappiness!”

Sounds pretty zen, but Surfline Man wonders what that even means.

When we last saw him, Surfline Man was sauntering out of the Seaside Market, whistling a happy tune, carrying a fresh bar of surf wax.

For luck, you know!

While inside the iconic grocery outlet, Surfline Man had at last met the girl of his dreams, Casey — you know, the girl with the cute Ryan Lovelace midlength in the Swamis parking lot. After weeks of searching, he found her, right there at the deli case, buying her kale salad.

The path of true love had never looked so smooth.

All Surfline Man needed to do was go to yoga.

How hard could that be?

It’s just some sweaty, stretching in a small room with a bunch of other people, hopefully including the cute girl from the Swamis parking lot, Casey.

Before undertaking a new activity, it’s very important to get the right equipment. This is something that Surfline Man knows deep in his bones or wherever it is that super vital knowledge is stored.

He knew he needed a yoga mat, ideally made from recycled plastic water bottles or something. I’m really into sustainability now, brah.

Next stop, the lululemon store. He knows there’s one nearby, he’s driven by it on the way to REI, which is totally one of his favorite stores. He likes to keep some freeze-dried mac and cheese in the Sprinter, just in case. He got a pretty sweet solar-powered flashlight there, too.

Anyway, Surfline Man knows if he’s going to impress the girl, he needs to buy some sweet threads. Maybe that’ll make up for the part where he really has no idea how to actually do yoga. Clothes make the man! He’s pretty sure he heard that somewhere.

Surfline Man has never been inside a lululemon store before now.

And he has to confess, it’s all a bit overwhelming. Like, he didn’t really know that sports bras came in some many colors and shapes. And well, sizes. There are a lot of sizes. This is all very embarrassing and he’s beginning to think this whole yoga thing was a bad idea.

But soon a friendly dude with a ponytail directs him toward the men’s clothing. It’s all mellow, neutral colors. Surfline Man suddenly feels much better about the whole thing.

I can wear this, he thinks, looking at a charcoal-gray shirt made from some sort of technical material that promises to wick away his sweat. Surfline Man would prefer that the cute girl from the Swamis parking lot did not see him sweat.

Feeling more confident, Surfline Man adds a marine blue hoody to his new outfit. Marine blue sounds oceany, a reminder of his favorite place! He isn’t sure the fabric will do anything special for his sweating, but it’s soft and he likes it. Some things are simple.

Pants, though, fuck.

He is starting to sweat, jammed in the tiny fitting room, surrounded by mirrors, trying to find pants that don’t like, show everything. He remembers that his ex-girlfriend used to say that black is slimming, but he’s not sure whether that’s good or bad in this situation.

Maybe gray. Gray seems like a safe choice. Surely he can’t go wrong with gray pants. Maybe this pair isn’t like, too tight and stuff. I think my ass looks good in these, Surfline Man says, craning his neck to look in the mirror.

A girl in bright pink yoga pants takes his selections to the register. She seems nice, if a little hungry. He wants to buy her a sandwich, but he figures that she probably only eats kale or something. And that high-pH water. Which, that whole thing seems pointless.

Water is water, brah.

Surfline Man plunks down his credit card, and tries not to think about all the cool stuff he could buy at REI instead. Sometimes, a man has to make sacrifices in the pursuit of love.

Back at home, he sits down at his computer to look up the yoga studio schedule. No excuses left. He has his sustainable, recycled yoga mat. And he has his new wicking clothes, all safe and sound in their bag with the inspirational sayings on it, though really he’s not sure what any of that crap means.

Breathe deeply.

Is that like what you do before you get held under by a five-wave set at San-O? Surfline Man isn’t sure how that leads to enlightenment. He clearly has a lot to learn about this whole yoga thing.

The pursuit of happiness is the source of unhappiness.

Sounds pretty zen, but Surfline Man wonders what that even means. He likes his advice more straightforward. Like, don’t burn the locals. That kind of straightforward. Maybe chasing the cute girl from Swamis will end in unhappiness, but he’s not about to give in to depressing thoughts like that.

Put away your phone, your real life is not on hold.

How the fuck is he going to check the tide, if he puts away his phone?

Really, this whole yoga thing is getting kind of annoying. Like, he paid way too much money for some clothes that maybe make his ass look fat, and now he has to put away his phone? I mean, fuck, a man does have limits, you know.

Now totally stressed out, Surfline Man needed his happy place, and he needed it right now.

With a desperation he wasn’t willing to question, Surfline Man craved the true relaxation that only tide charts and wave heights could offer. All those colors. All those cute as fuck animations promising waves, waves, and more waves.

He even keeps the browser tab open at all times — just in case. Surfline. It’s the best kind of enlightenment, no deep breathing needed.

And look! Right there on the models, Surfline Man sees hope for the future. The best kind of hope. Surf is coming!

The first winter swell of the season! This gets Surfline Man so excited he forgets all about the deep breathing and the pursuit of unhappiness and all that shit.

The forecast models promise waves next weekend.

The models never lie. He feels very certain about this, if nothing else in his life.

Where is he going to go?

What board is going to ride?

So many super significant decisions to make. Surfline Man has so much to do right now. So much important stuff!

Fuck yoga, he’s going surfing!

Breaking: World Surf League reveals that Trestles will host the first finals of re-vamped tour, confirms season will start in mere weeks!

Plus the addition of Steamer Land and Sunset!

In another Machiavellian flourish, World Surf League CEO Erik Logan just revealed that the first finals of the re-vamped tour will be hosted at once-banished Trestles plus declared that both Steamer Lane and Sunset will be added as stops and that the whole business is getting started on schedule, merely weeks away.


Let us go straight to the press release, still sizzling, and then discuss.

The world-renowned surf break of Lower Trestles is back on the WSL Championship Tour (CT) calendar in 2021, this time as the stage of the first-ever WSL Finals. The men’s and women’s World Titles will be decided in a single-day competition, where the top five men and top five women ranked during the CT season will battle for their respective titles in a new surf-off format at one of the world’s best waves. The WSL Finals waiting period will run from September 8 – 17, 2021.

“Putting on an international tour amid a global pandemic is not an easy task, but the dedication and work of the entire organization, gives us confidence that we can safely execute these competitions on behalf of our athletes, staff and the local communities,” said Erik Logan, WSL CEO.

The WSL will add two new tour stops to the CT for the 2021 season. Firstly, the CT will return to the iconic Sunset Beach in Oahu, Hawaii from January 19 – 28, 2021 for the Sunset Open. This will mark the first time there has been a combined men’s and women’s CT competition at Sunset since 1991 and the first Women’s CT stop on the North Shore of Oahu since 2010. 33 years after the first CT competition at Steamer Lane, the world’s best surfers are planning to return to Santa Cruz for the Santa Cruz Pro, from February 2 – 12, 2021.


Trestles final, addition of The Lane and Sunset?

How are you feeling?

Cautiously hopeful?

Abundantly cautiously hopeful?

I don’t know that Trestles will capture the intense magic of Pipeline as the crowning event but, as beggars, choosing is a bad look.

Also, if Filipe Toledo doesn’t win this year then he can be officially classified as a poor professional surfer.

More as the story develops (i.e. Longtom wakes up).


Hawaiian magazine describes World Surf League CEO Erik Logan’s reign as a “coup,” likens him to Machiavelli, Churchill and Rahm Emanuel: “Never waste a good crisis!”


Of all the things I expected to read this morning, a likening of World Surf League CEO Erik Logan to Niccolò Machiavelli, Winston Churchill and President Barack Obama’s chief of staff Rahm Emanuel was decidedly not one of them but 2020 am I right?

Honolulu magazine rolled out the provocative comparison in a recent story cheering the “return” of “professional surfing.” As you know, the 2020/21 tour schedule is set to start this month on Maui at Honolua Bay as the women’s side kicks off. The men follow, next month, at Pipeline and all very exciting except for a pesky global spike in Covid-19 cases.

Do you think “an abundance of caution” will still be the WSL’s mantra or do you think that abundance of caution will be thrown to the trade winds?

Very difficult to say but we can trust in our prince, our lion, our fearless leader. Logan told the magazine, “One of my first conversations I had with Pat O’Connell, our director of competitions, was we’ve got to get what we just saw and get it every year—and get it right. Everything starts with how we crown the world champion. We worked backward from there.”

He then described the new format, mid-season cut, roving finals, etc. much to the joy of the writer who declared, “Logan’s coup brings to mind a quote attributed serially to Niccolò Machiavelli; Winston Churchill; and Rahm Emanuel, President Barack Obama’s chief of staff during the Great Recession: ‘Never waste a good crisis.'”


There is a new unboxing video with Koa Smith on worldsurfleague.com. Should we watch?


Breaking: Kelly Slater shakes English language to core with introduction of new word, “Un-comfort-ability”!

To invert Orwell, "Always use a long word where a short word will do."

So you’re sitting there yawning through another minute and a half surf doc trailer of John John Florence blasting off the lip of some wave in some place and then getting super pitted in some MIR machine in some hospital somewhere.

All-in-all it’s pretty much just another trailer for another surf doc you’ll gawp your way through during some future lunchbreak just like the one your frittering away right now reading this.

In this case it’s for some doc called Tokyo Rising.

Then Kelly Slater pops up.

Well, I mean, it is a surf doc after all. You dutifully zone out.

But then something isn’t quite right –

Wait; what did he just say?


You drag the video back a few seconds.


You drag it back again.

“Inevitably for both he and I there’s some level of….” he says, and then: “‘uncompactivity”? “Uncommuncativity?”

You fiddle with the Youtube speed settings and listen again, straining to hear every syllable.

It sounds like ‘uncomfortability’.

Is that a word?

That’s not a word.

But hang on, it might actually be a word.

Why doesn’t he just say discomfort?

Does he not know the word discomfort?

It’s four syllables shorter than the one he just said, so why not say it?

Surely a man of Kelly’s stature is familiar with George Orwell’s essay Politics and the English Language, in which the  author explicitly advises in his six rules of writing to “never use a long word where a short one will do.”

Couldn’t he have just gone with awkward?

Or stuck with the more conventional adjective uncomfortable?

Or is that the whole point?

Is he looking for a book deal or a column in the New York Times or fishing for a Netflix documentary series and wanted to exhibit another level of eloquence by plucking a seven-word behemoth when a three-syllable synonym could have sufficed?

Fuck the Olympics. Fuck Florence.

That’s the doc I want to watch.

What the Hell is Up With Kelly Slater Saying This Word and is it Just Because He Doesn’t Know This Other Word? (Working title.)

Maybe not content with inventing large aspects of the world of modern surfing both within the performance of the sport itself as well as being a one-man motor for the commercialisation of surfing, Kelly is now taking it on himself to reconfigure the conventionalisms of the English language itself.

And, why did the producers not only to include it in the doc but also put it in the trailer?

Maybe they thought it sounded clever and articulate.

Maybe it’s because it’s Kelly Slater.

Maybe that’s what elven world titles can do to an interviewer, the difference between “I don’t think that’s actually a word mate, shall we do another take with some cue cards?” and “Thank you Mr Slater, you truly are a god amongst men. I hope the glare from our cameras didn’t make you too discomfortable”.

Once you get to a certain level of respect and admiration there is no wrong or right because there’s no one left to tell you one way or the other.

What in the mouth of a mere kook mortal is grounds for ridicule for an earnest looking top sportsman of a certain age and bank balance is just whatever he or she wants it to mean.