Of all the things I expected to read this morning, a likening of World Surf League CEO Erik Logan to Niccolò Machiavelli, Winston Churchill and President Barack Obama’s chief of staff Rahm Emanuel was decidedly not one of them but 2020 am I right?
Honolulu magazine rolled out the provocative comparison in a recent story cheering the “return” of “professional surfing.” As you know, the 2020/21 tour schedule is set to start this month on Maui at Honolua Bay as the women’s side kicks off. The men follow, next month, at Pipeline and all very exciting except for a pesky global spike in Covid-19 cases.
Do you think “an abundance of caution” will still be the WSL’s mantra or do you think that abundance of caution will be thrown to the trade winds?
Very difficult to say but we can trust in our prince, our lion, our fearless leader. Logan told the magazine, “One of my first conversations I had with Pat O’Connell, our director of competitions, was we’ve got to get what we just saw and get it every year—and get it right. Everything starts with how we crown the world champion. We worked backward from there.”
He then described the new format, mid-season cut, roving finals, etc. much to the joy of the writer who declared, “Logan’s coup brings to mind a quote attributed serially to Niccolò Machiavelli; Winston Churchill; and Rahm Emanuel, President Barack Obama’s chief of staff during the Great Recession: ‘Never waste a good crisis.'”
To invert Orwell, "Always use a long word where a short word will do."
So you’re sitting there yawning through another minute and a half surf doc trailer of John John Florence blasting off the lip of some wave in some place and then getting super pitted in some MIR machine in some hospital somewhere.
All-in-all it’s pretty much just another trailer for another surf doc you’ll gawp your way through during some future lunchbreak just like the one your frittering away right now reading this.
In this case it’s for some doc called Tokyo Rising.
Then Kelly Slater pops up.
Well, I mean, it is a surf doc after all. You dutifully zone out.
But then something isn’t quite right –
Wait; what did he just say?
You drag the video back a few seconds.
You drag it back again.
“Inevitably for both he and I there’s some level of….” he says, and then: “‘uncompactivity”? “Uncommuncativity?”
You fiddle with the Youtube speed settings and listen again, straining to hear every syllable.
It sounds like ‘uncomfortability’.
Is that a word?
That’s not a word.
But hang on, it might actually be a word.
Why doesn’t he just say discomfort?
Does he not know the word discomfort?
It’s four syllables shorter than the one he just said, so why not say it?
Surely a man of Kelly’s stature is familiar with George Orwell’s essay Politics and the English Language, in which the author explicitly advises in his six rules of writing to “never use a long word where a short one will do.”
Couldn’t he have just gone with awkward?
Or stuck with the more conventional adjective uncomfortable?
Or is that the whole point?
Is he looking for a book deal or a column in the New York Times or fishing for a Netflix documentary series and wanted to exhibit another level of eloquence by plucking a seven-word behemoth when a three-syllable synonym could have sufficed?
Fuck the Olympics. Fuck Florence.
That’s the doc I want to watch.
What the Hell is Up With Kelly Slater Saying This Word and is it Just Because He Doesn’t Know This Other Word? (Working title.)
Maybe not content with inventing large aspects of the world of modern surfing both within the performance of the sport itself as well as being a one-man motor for the commercialisation of surfing, Kelly is now taking it on himself to reconfigure the conventionalisms of the English language itself.
And, why did the producers not only to include it in the doc but also put it in the trailer?
Maybe they thought it sounded clever and articulate.
Maybe it’s because it’s Kelly Slater.
Maybe that’s what elven world titles can do to an interviewer, the difference between “I don’t think that’s actually a word mate, shall we do another take with some cue cards?” and “Thank you Mr Slater, you truly are a god amongst men. I hope the glare from our cameras didn’t make you too discomfortable”.
Once you get to a certain level of respect and admiration there is no wrong or right because there’s no one left to tell you one way or the other.
What in the mouth of a mere kook mortal is grounds for ridicule for an earnest looking top sportsman of a certain age and bank balance is just whatever he or she wants it to mean.
Apology-lit: World’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater does indeed follow his longtime girlfriend on Instagram but did not like her latest Instagram post nor did she like his!
In a continually evolving story, it has been rumored, then confirmed, that the world’s greatest surfer, 11x champion, wave pool inventor Kelly Slater has not liked his longtime girlfriend’s latest Instagram post nor has she liked his.
Two days ago, the bombshell story dropped which revealed that Kelly Slater was not following Kalani Miller on Instagram, nor was she following him. It was quickly disputed by social media experts who declared the two were, indeed, following each other and had been continually.
Be that as it may, today’s news appears to be add a shocking twist in the saga.
We can see that Ms. Miller liked Slater’s penultimate post, dated July 3, featuring him gazing into the distance.
We can see she did not like his latest, featuring him riding a horse whilst holding a surfboard, from six days ago.
Likewise, we can see that Kelly Slater liked Ms. Miller’s post dated Oct. 30.
At the current moment, it is uncertain what Slater and Miller not liking each other’s latest posts on Instagram means but BeachGrit will stay ahead of the story and bring news as it develops.
Thoughts and prayers.
Business-time: VF Corp., owner of iconic extreme sport shoe Vans, set to acquire “the Chanel of Streetwear” Supreme for $2.1 billion!
And we’re back. Extreme sports a rocket ship to untold fortunes. Surf, skate n snow growth markets with the only the only ceiling being our imaginations. But did you see the wonderful news this morning? VF Corporation, parent company of Vans, has acquired Supreme for $2.1 billion dollars.
Billion with a b.
And we haven’t seen this sort of action since Quiksilver purchased Rossignol skis for $589 million dollars in 2005, which is $785 million in today’s dollars.
According to the Business of Fashion, “Supreme is often dubbed the ‘Chanel’ of streetwear, scaling its cult brand from a single store that popped up in 1994 on New York’s Lafayette Street into a global business that catapulted into the high-fashion scene via blockbuster tie-ups with names like Louis Vuitton.”
You may recall the brands very exclusive drops, including a clay brick that goes for $159 today, a black sweatshirt that goes for $1600 today, a Rolex Submariner that is more or less priceless, etc.
James Jebbia, Supreme’s founder and genius, will stay on with the brand.
Per the press release:
“We are thrilled to welcome Supreme® to the VF family and to build on our decades-long relationship as we create value for all of our stakeholders. VF is the ideal steward to honor the authentic heritage of this cultural lifestyle brand while providing the opportunity to leverage our scale and expertise to enable sustainable long-term growth,” said Steve Rendle, VF’s Chairman, President, and Chief Executive Officer. “The acquisition of the Supreme® brand is further validation of our vision and strategy to further evolve our portfolio of brands to align with the total addressable market opportunities we see driving the apparel and footwear sector. The Supreme® brand will further accelerate VF’s hyper-digital business model transformation and will be a meaningful driver of VF’s commitment to top quartile total shareholder return and long-term value creation.”
And do you have any Supreme in your closet? A fan or indifferent?
Happy days are here again.
Lenny-lit: “Imagine if Kai Lenny not only died while holding his GoPro but it kept filming while his body rotted in the open ocean!”
On day fourteen of Kai Lenny’s inadvertent live-streaming of his own decomposition the debate continues to rage across the world concerning the ethics of Instagram’s continued broadcast of, and thus capitalisation on, the unsightly but also in many ways very natural gradual consumption of Lenny’s body by various North Atlantic marine life.
Although a search for his body immediately after that fateful incident at Nazaré proved fruitless various oceanographers and tech experts alike claim Lenny’s body should be discoverable through the study of North Atlantic currents and Lenny’s GoPro GPS capability.
But is that what the formally highly accomplished Hawaiian waterman and formally Disney prince-featured but now dead Kai would have wanted?
Kai lived in the water throughout his life, and it seems somehow fitting that his body should be commended, however unintended and untimely the circumstances might be, to the same waters and waves he rode and 360’d the faces of with less apparent difficultly than you or I might take a piss on a moving train.
Likewise, the live broadcast of his body’s gradual surrendering of its wholeness to the ocean and its inhabitants.
Sure, Kai never could have guessed that the onset of rigor-mortis would freeze his hand and wrist into the perfect angle whereby we as a species, as a people; surfers and norms alike, could log-in and share the experience of watching an octopus suck out his left eye (day five) and a hake nibble off the tip of his nose (day seven).
While he might not have aired any support of the idea when he was alive would Kai have been completely adverse to it?
He hung onto that selfie stick during all those hold-downs for a reason: he loved to document his life and broadcast it to the world. He loved to share so many aspects of his surfing life, so why not this final chapter?
What could be more of an intimate moment than watching Kai’s skin change from the mocha-coloured glow of the chiselled twenty-something athlete to the pallid grey of a bloated and rotting cadaver?
Why not air his literal giving back to the ocean?
Forget for a moment the segments of wetsuit no doubt destined to choke some unwitting marine mammal to death, but instead focus on the little bits of skin and flesh detaching and floating off to become individual particles in the constant exchange of nutrients and minerals that is the earth’s natural equilibrium?
Meanwhile the feed continues to act as something of a digital vigil for surfers, celebrities, and brands to leave their own emoji-laden tributes to the deceased surf hero as well as links to their homepages and relevant socials.
Lenny’s sponsor Red Bull continue to host the stream on their website, alongside limited-edition caps, shirts and sweaters available only as long as Lenny’s head remains connected to his spinal cord.
BeachGrit will continue to monitor the situation as it develops.