Trouble.

Bootleg booze can get you sick. Bootleg movies can provide an unfortunate cinematic experience not intended by the director. Bootleg music robs Aerosmith of much-deserved royalties but bootleg surf instruction? Well, bootleg surf instruction can get you killed.

San Diego lifeguards, bracing for an epidemic of bootleg surf instruction ahead of the Summer of VAL, issued a stern warning overnight.

“The ocean is inherently dangerous and when you have non-permitted surf instructors — who, again, are not really familiar with the area — that are providing instruction, you are just increasing the chance for a mishap.”

They suggested that VALs should sign up for a surf camp that has an actual storefront as opposed to a Brazilian man standing on the beach waving a flag reading “happy fun surf learn.”

Fines for that Brazilian man will range from $50 for his first offense up to $700 for his third.

Grumpy locals were not asked to paddle around lineups cursing VALs and chasing their instructors around issuing non-actionable but still serious threats, though it should be taken into consideration.

Or maybe we should gather a grumpy local version of The Untouchables, that Eliot Ness led band of misfits and outcasts that brought Al Capone and his bootlegging to heel in the 1930s.

We could call it “Da Hui.”

Very cool.

"It sucks to see stuff catching fire everywhere…"

Midtown says they’re all about “warm smiles, rad surfboards, good vibes, and cool apparel” or “rad smiles, good surfboards, and cool vibes” or some combination of.

Either way, it’s a happy place save for the structure fire. 

The shop, known for hosting locals and the well-heeled alike, was left smoldering.

Fire authorities labeled the blaze as “suspicious” (which sounds suspicious). 

Here are the details from the Santa Cruz Sentinel:

“The Santa Cruz Fire Department was able to control the two-alarm blaze within 20 minutes after responding to reports of a fire at 11:19 p.m. at the back of the Midtown Surfshop at 1126 Soquel Ave., according to a release from fire Battalion Chief Josh Coleman.

The fire and heavy smoke apparently extended into the single-story surf shop’s back storage area from the outside. Fire damage was limited to the rear of the building, with most inventory saved and protected from fire contaminates, according to Coleman.

There were no reported injuries in the fire, which authorities estimate did about $40,000 worth of damage to the business.”

Fortunately, fire fighters were able to save upwards of two-million bucks worth of inventory. 

Midtown wasn’t up for a chat (There’s an investigation going on, after all). But we did get some insight from local brass Danny Keith, owner of Santa Cruz Surf Shop.  

“Suspicious? Hell, yeah. But it’s not other shops trying to put them out of business. Midtown’s a good shop. It sucks to see stuff catching fire everywhere,” he says in reference to the frequent blazes set by drug addicts “tweaking out of their minds” behind stores and dumpsters across town. 

Danny loves Santa Cruz but is frustrated by the increasing drug problem, whose effects include the damage done to Midtown.  

“You got 5,000 feral human beings throwing needles everywhere, stealing garden shoes, rakes, anything they can.”  

“I want to help; I wish I could. It’s a horrible circle of life here in Santa Cruz for those people. It affects everybody.”

Just take a look at the back of Midtown for proof.

Bravo, bravo, bravo.

But did you watch yesterday’s Australian quad kick-off under the sun on a sun dappled shore? The World Surf League back. Professional surfing finally back. And of course a day of professional surfing is not over until Longtom sings. Sing he has, beautifully per the norm.

Hitting all the right notes at all the right times.

There’s nothing I can add except my experience, across the Pacific, was slightly different than his.

I was in awe.

Absolute awe.

As social commentary performance art, day 1 of the Newcastle Cup presented by Rip Curl rivals anything Ana Mendieta ever attempted.

Beats Banksy cold.

I don’t know, exactly, what the social comment was but assume it was a reflection on the absurd.

Absolutely smashing Camus.

I don’t write that lightly as Camus is in my pantheon but truth is truth and he would certainly agree.

From Surfline’s patently ridiculous 8 ft call, to the grunting, grimacing faces of the professional surfers grinding turns to that sun dappled shore to a Wall of Positive Noise that had been spit-polished to perfection since Pipeline.

All on April 1st.

Awe.

Joe Turpel used the phrase “big hand jam.”

Awe and I am very nervous for today because, as social commentary performance art, day 1 of the Newcastle Cup presented by Rip Curl belongs in its own wing of the Louvre. Separate ticket like the Mona Lisa.

Bravo, bravo, bravo.

A rose thrown on the stage, hucked from Cardiff-by-the-Sea, landing in that merry weather.

A fight worth having.

I’ll tell you true, I adore all of Scandinavia, each and every bit. From Santa’s home in Finland’s north to Karl Ove Knausgård’s farm in Sweden’s south. I love Denmark’s crisp air, Norway’s Mikkel Bang. The clean furniture, salted anchovies, happy people, Highasakite… all of it, and so when I heard that a brave band of Swedish surfers were going to war against monied interests and swimmers to save their beloved wave, well, I felt their fight my own.

Professional surfer Freddie Meadows (watch below) is out front, rallying those around him in support of Mölle, a stone’s throw from Copenhagen.

On Instagram, he wrote, “On behalf of myself and countless others – I ask you not to allow the unnecessary destruction of our beloved wave at Mölle. A natural phenomena, and quite frankly a miracle along Sweden’s Kattegat coast. The wave is an icon, an attraction, an inspiration… Something that the majority of the town of Mölle is, and should be be extremely proud of! Another swimming area is just another of the many nearby swimming areas, and can easily be placed elsewhere. A wave of this quality, rarity and beauty cannot… Once again, I speak on behalf of myself and thousands of others – PLEASE DON’T DESTROY OUR WAVE. RECONSTRUCT YOUR PLANS.”

I immediately reached out to know what the problem was, how I could help. He responded, “They’re planning on building a 25m long wall to create a swimming area that will most likely destroy the wave. There is already an abundance of swimming areas both in Mölle and close by, the wave is pretty much a miracle on that coast and provides such joy to so many people. Plus a huge attraction for the town of Mölle in general.”

Swimmers. Bastards the lot of them.

In any case, this is better than “fight the bight” so stand up with Sweden’s surfers and make your voice heard.

I sure would love to surf it, someday.