Much trouble.
If there is one thing surfers know, it’s sunscreen. Or I guess should know. I generally don’t apply before paddling out, as one of my goals as a surf journalist, is to someday look like Nick Carroll but I see many in the lineup, much white covering nose, ears, etc. and legions more in the parking lot rubbing.
Very appropriate.
Sunscreen is our birthright though star actress and mommy blogger, surfer, Gwyneth Paltrow has just recently come very, very near to cancellation for advising her fans to put it on gently, like makeup.
Very inappropriate (apparently).
Dermatologists were horrified, calling for a severe retraction.
Barry D. Goldman, M.D., a clinical instructor at Cornell NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital said, “I do think it’s a bad message. 80-90% of all skin cancers are on the face and neck. I’ve seen many tumors on the eyelids or around the eyes, the forehead. Basically, the whole face should be covered… We think of the whole face as a high-risk area for skin cancer.”
Fans were outraged, calling for an execution.
Some lady on Twitter wrote, “Gwyenth Paltrow really made a video telling people to apply SPF like a highlighter to your face… That’s literally not how it works. It goes on the entire face, neck, & the back of hands.”
Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg is reportedly entirely pleased.
But what is your sunscreen advice?
Care to weigh in or are you sharpening your axe, heading to Goop HQ?
More as the story develops.
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“ very real experience of Brazilians everywhere”
I prefer using the term “lived experience” myself, it carries so much more intellectual gravitas.
Chris Isaak used to slather his face with sunscreen when he was surfing Ocean Beach in the fog, in the middle of winter.
But he had to be on camera so maybe that’s it.
Gotta be careful.
The camera don’t lie.
“At first I thought it was an SNL skit, but sadly, no. ” Perfect! Could have been filmed as written just sub in Gilda Radner (or what the hell, John Belushi in drag) and it would’ve been right up there with “Colon Blow”
No chemicals! Absolutely.
I refuse to have anything to do with chemicals.
Best to put the zinc on the nose, top of ears, top of cheeks (like the football players) and a couple of other places so you look like a Native American preparing for war.. for the rest of your face, just use No-Ad 50 spf. also, tops of shoulders and back of neck. Don’t wanna look like a redneck 😂. Don’t be using any of that spray shit. oily crap gets all over your freshly waxed board and makes it slippery to boot.
My ears perked up at the mention of cougar in Mission Bay RV park. Don’t remember seeing her as a kid. And later on, if I went there, it was usually after 3pm and I had a cooler of cold beer. It would have been a match made in heaven. I’ll keep an eye out for her next trip to SD. Thanks fir the pro tip.
Oat Bran For The Win!
I only ask because I’ve recently taken up being an expert on yogic anal sunning and I ran into a spot of bother the other day.
I showed up to meet the group at our newly chosen meditation locus which funnels all the necessary crystal energies in a natural context. Namely; the concrete path outside the Merewether surf club/ cafe.
We proceed to cast off our societal garments, so drab, and allowed the sea air and solar benevolence to caress the generous and wise folds of our swaying bodies.
Our chantras and mystic songings obviously stirred great respect from the gathering crowd. I felt that the group might have many more converts soon.
We all unrolled colourful mats and carpets to the delight of the spirits, and lay down on our backs.
As a wisp of cloud cleared, a strong shaft of sunlight reached down and bathed us in gold.
We, as one, grabbed our ankle, cankles, rankles and lifted our posteriors towards the holy source.
Sometime later, perhaps 10 minutes, perhaps 10 hours ( I was lost in a meditative space beyond human reckoning) a gruff voice told me (quite rudely) to get up and put my clothes on.
I thought it was a Demon or other malignant influence so tried to clear the path to enlightenment once more, but the sounds became most persistent and troubling as I heard the demons molesting other members of the group.
When I finally allowed my eyes to receive the mundane scene, there were policepeoples roughly handling us. We were bundled away from our sacred locus!
The entire group was most upset and we could not get any sensible answers from these uniformed agents of anti-spiritual fascism.
Upon reflection, I feel that they were undoubtedly concerned by the lack of sunscreen upon our perianumseses, and were, in their own crude manner attempting to ensure our safety.
Next time we will loudly announce our intention to apply the sunscreen and use a false mixture designed not to block the sacred rays, but fool the ignorant and superstitious, such as the police who interrupted our ceremony.
Medic!!!
Comment of the month. Most entertaining thing I have read in a while here on beach grit CB.
Edit- More as the story develops.
My sad story should serve as warning to your own sunning.
Cool your jets pal, it was a reference to the previous article about fake Brazilian surf schools operating in San Diego
Gwyneth in the booth at Trestles with Jonah Hill and Joe Turpel…. WSL Crescendo
What’s the official word on whether or not to apply sunscreen before sunning one’s anus?
Don’t do it. It blocks the solar energy which goes directly to your root chakra. Your root chakra needs all the energy you can give it.
Thats what Matt Branson said.
Someone say cougar?
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
I like the sound of this cougar.
How the blimmin’ heck do you find this rubbish to foist upon us in the first place Chasdz ?
He cuts himself with this playing in the background. He thinks if he wore sunscreen as a grom, his hair wouldn’t have fell out.
Did you not read? Nick Carroll as North Star?
When will your cinematic life makes its breakthru?
Or has CAIO sucked you off dry?
Dont get me wrong
I’d love to see you and Tucker Carlson do an OPRAH style piece, together, you and Circles
Oh it’s broken through. Or do you mean properly on screen?
Cool mchool
What’s the next goal?
And what’s with the WSL like Caio of silence?
I have a gift.
But the Brazilian guy running my learn to surf at San Diego taught me the Paltrow method for sunscreen application. Now I don’t know what to believe! Better see what The Inertia says
Ridiculously nuanced understanding of weather forecasting and sunscreen application are the hallmarks of any non-VAL surfer. It’s all we’ve got left. Don’t ruin it for us, Gwyneth.
You can never have too much sunscreen or bacon. I don’t make the rules
Bacon is the food of the Gods.
Does the giant vagina she is standing in need sunscreen too? I assume it would hang out the sides.
Close the drapes to get out of the sun.
God. What a bitch.
The International mole ranking society continues to debate: Ellen, Gwyneth or Kamala. Continued rotation through the top 3 spots dependent on most up to date intel.
After this vid, Gwinnett sits in 2nd. Ellen proving difficult to knock out of the top spot.
I wasn’t aware that sunscreen makes your whole body shrivel up and become a foot shorter, but nice to have goals in life.
Stole this from T nelson. Maybe Bex would buy a Medina’s asshole scented candle.
https://www.google.com/url?…
Fish Market scented candles. Fuck that’s crazy.
Seventy five dollars, bargain.
Top selling on snatch of the day.
I must admit I’m confused by what the hell this means. Not the Bexy part, the first part. I don’t know, I must be lost again.
I’ve walked in your shoes a million times bro, so happy to help you out…pretty sure its a reference to becoming Nick carrol
if I’m wrong…I dont have a lot to lose anyway
But doesn’t the candle joke about Medina make up for the non sensical first part? I was half asleep when I was reading beach grit.
I’ve had some good comments like saying Wade Carmichael’s backside floater was akin to throwing a wet bag of cement off the roof of a building. Lt used it in his piece but I didn’t get credit for it, so it evens out I guess.
If you’ve ever dated a Brazzo, you’d be have mad ass skills
Nao E verdade, Brasilieros??
Google translate says not true Brazilions?