Collabs with Moncler, stocked on Mr Porter, hard-cover book Afrosurf. Very high-end, very sexy…

Do you believe in, as they would say in America, the vast, untapped monetary buffet that could be Africa.

Thirty-eight coastal countries, six island nations that are considered part of the continent.

Many potential pockets to be turned inside out.

Of course, has long been in the crosshairs of European economic hitmen. During the Berlin Conference in 1884, European powers plotted ways to explore, divide, conquer and exploit every mineral and man from Cape Town to Casablanca. Drawing straight lines on random plots of land. Sending lines of divisions through once peaceful tribes, cultivating divisiveness and hate.

The rest, as they say, is misery.

But now, a group of South African surfers have decided be proactive in the game of surf.

Mami Wata is a surf brand based in South Africa, created and run by indigenous South Africans.

From the site,

“Mami Wata is on a mission to redefine the global surf market. This purpose-led, premium African surf lifestyle brand is already proving its global appeal with extensive international PR, collabs with Moncler and stockists including Mr Porter and Huckberry. Revenue to date is £400K+. Now raising funds for its international launch.”

Three hundred seventy investors have already contributed over 1 million English pounds, doubling their target of five hundred thousand.

Other stats include:

Sold 7300+ t-shirts, 2500+ trunks, 1800+ shirts, 1600+ caps & 1800+ hoodies
We have shipped 1200+ copies of our AFROSURF book to 39 countries.
Global media coverage includes CNN, GQ, Wallpaper, Monocle & HypeBeast
Moncler approached Mami Wata to participate in two collaborations

Their next pitch could be considered a VAL manifesto:

Surfing is a growing nine-billion dollar global market with participation surging eighty percent during Covid. Yet we believe the category is dominated by tired corporate brands telling the same stories with the same generic-looking products.

With African design, fashion and music having an increasing influence on global culture, Mami Wata is positioned to challenge what we believe is a stagnant industry.

Mami Wata is purpose led, different, with a distinct look, and an authentic story rooted in cultural diversity. We manufacture all our products in Africa.

We launched in Cape Town 2017, developing momentum with strong domestic off-line Direct To Consumer sales, considerable global PR, international wholesale orders to the world’s leading retailers (e.g. Mr Porter, Huckberry and Urban Outfitters) and two collaborations with iconic global luxury brand Moncler.

Seventeen days left to the crowdfund, if you want in.

Head, pectoral fins and innards abandoned on shore… 

A juvenile Great White shark has been killed for its meat, authorities presume, after the head, pectoral fins and innards were discovered on a New Zealand beach.

The White Shark Conversation Trust posted the gruesome photo on Facebook,

“This image was taken today, May 8, at Pilot Bay, Tauranga. This is a juvenile white shark that appears to have been killed to consume. The shark has what appears to be stab wounds to the head indicating it was killed after it was brought to shore. Someone must have seen the shark being caught or cut up. This act is illegal on a number of accounts- killing of a protected species and being in possession of parts of a white shark. These are prosecutable offences and we urge anyone who knows anything about this to report their information to DoC (Department of Conservation) or MPI (Ministry of Primary Fisheries).”

Speculation that the fish might’ve been hit by Orcas, whose lust for White livers is legendary, was hosed down by the photographer, Dick Marquand.

“A clean cut just behind the gills is a fair indication that it wasn’t orca. Though that is open to interpretation of course… It was a clean cut to remove head but left pectoral fins and innards – bags still intact. Teeth and jaw intact. Stab wounds (approx 12) on head. Underside fins had been ‘filleted’ off and were found nearby.”

The Great White is a protected species in New Zealand and it’s illegal to keep the jaws and fins and so on. Punishment is a 250k fine and, or, two years in the pen. 

The Department of Conservation’s shark expert Clinton Duffy told reporters, oowee, y’don’t ever see this, the valuable jaws left on the beach while the meat, which is filled with mercury and real stinky with shark piss, is taken away. 

”We don’t often get them walking away with the bulk of the animal,” he said.

A better meat, if you like shark, is Mako, which is like a less oily swordfish. Marinate for twenty-four hours in a bowl filled with a mixture of chopped garlic, lemon juice, soy sauce and ginger.

Cops are investigating etc. 

How to explain the inexplicable decision to run the Finals at a B-grade spot when the A-grade spot across the channel was firing?

You couldn’t avoid one glaring takeaway from Finals Day today in glistening four-to-six foot Main Break rights: There really is a God and Brazilian pro surfers are her Chosen People.

God obviously whispered into Jessy Miley-Dyer’s ear in the wee hours that Main Break was the spot to be despite a fan base clamouring for a tube-riding shoot out at the Box. How else to explain the inexplicable decision to run the Finals at a B-grade spot when the A-grade spot across the channel was firing?

Would Tati and Filipe be hoisting trophies overhead if the Box was the venue? Lets just say no, and be done with that counter-factual.

The more glaring counter-factual was, what would have happened if John John was there?

His absence from the quarters lent a very downbeat tone to the opening proceedings, obviously not helped along by the news that Jack Macaulay had come to fatal misadventure in the near past. That made me feel sick in the guts, for what was not said, in the same way the Westpac rescue chopper doing laps around my place behind the Point makes my blood run cold. Last time was a young man in his twenties, same as Jack.

Brutal day for the Macaulays, God knows how you move on from that.

John’s quarter-final appearance in 2017 netted a 18.04 total.

In 2019, a 17.73 haul.

No one was anywhere near that level today.

Miles away from those performance benchmarks. It was flat viewing.

Knowing the best guy was on a plane for home, nursing a dicky knee. Perhaps reluctantly now coming to terms that the Florentian World view as far as surfing goes is a metaphysical cheque the two-time champ’s body can’t cash. At least not consistently or in competition.

Apples to apples comparisons are valid, I think, at cut-glass Main Break when it comes to John and the rest of the field today. The day was incredibly similar to the 2017 high point in terms of size and surface conditions.

For cosmic justice to be served, Griff needed to really be the guy to step up and smash Jordan Smith and go on to win the comp.

He could have.

He got the best wave of the heat, a wave Jordy gifted him with priority after scoring himself an eight, his first excellent ride of the Aussie leg. With plenty of time, Griff couldn’t conjure up a high six to match Jordy’s seven and the spectre of John continued to haunt the draw.

The semi between Filipe and Matt McGilivray was lacklustre, highlighted by the appearance of Robert Kelly Slater at 5.15 Honolulu time. Zinced-up Kelly fresh obvs from a full day surfing laid down the classic line, “I’ve been out running some errands.”

The busted hoof is the right one but Slater claimed it was now the left one and back that was giving him gyp, although he has been surfing “in the last couple of weeks”. A question from Ronnie Blakey about being ready to compete in the Olympics was unfortunately cut short but I’m quite certain Kelly said “that’s the plan.”

You would lay down good money he will be right for the Surf Ranch Pro next month.

“God has a plan and he loves you,” said Tatiana Weston-Webb after easily accounting for Steph Gilmore in the final. He obv’s don’t love the Australian male pro surfer. No Aussie anywhere near the finals again after Ryan Callinan fired thirty minutes of blanks in his quarter. Increasingly likely no Aussie male anywhere near the September Finals Day at Trestles.

What are we supposed to do God? What’s our plan? Dress in sack cloths and wander along the beaches whipping ourselves with chains and leather?

I guess we can blame God for whispering into Elo’s ear that the Ziff dream of a guaranteed Finals surf-off (ironically inspired by the first JJF world title) should be held at Trestles. Where one man holds a massive advantage over the rest of the field.

Well, two men actually, based on results.

They finalled today.

The Final started with a quartet of waves, which went unseen by the live viewing audience. I feel like a jerk for kicking the Woz in the nutz so repeatedly but as Derek Rielly questioned: is there another global sporting franchise that so deliberately refuses to broadcast the (critical) opening minutes of its Final?

Why?

Is it because we are sinners and need to be punished? I can’t think of any other reason they would be so vindictively bloody-minded.

Filipe and Jordy traded sets, for a clear advantage to Jordy, then smaller insiders where both fell. The second exchange though revealed a clear performance gap. Filipe was sizzling on a bladey swallow-tail on the smaller insiders. Jordy, more ponderous on a bigger board, aping the John John Florence long arc line.

Would judges pay the clearly superior surfing on a smaller wave or would it come down to, as Jordy Smith repeatedly intoned during the event to “getting the best waves”?

That was the only live question during the first half of the Final.

It was answered emphatically on the next exchange. Pip tore a clean mid-sizer several new orifices. The difference in turn speed, rotation and repertoire was stark. The JJF benchmark of long arc power surfing was being upturned by a new approach of savage short arc power.

Going back to the apples to apples comparison, this time between John and Filipe. John’s 2017 Final: two nines for a 19.03 heat total.

His 2019 reprise: two nines for an 18.05.

The numbers alone say that he would have easily accounted for Filipes 17.40 total.

I’m not so sure, though. Only one wave this event for John went excellent from turns alone.

Just one.

Absent the ten-point ride, the only excellent ride from his now aborted Australian leg.

I take that as evidence of repertoire fatigue from the panel who wanted evolution from John and responded with disinterest when they didn’t see it.

Filipe brought something new, which would have forced judges to make a new decision about where the state of the art is, with huge ramifications for the Finals Day at Trestles.

John’s day of judgment at the hands of our Brazilian favouring deity has been avoided, for how long, who knows.

WSL Women’s Championship Tour Leaderboard Final 5:
1 – Carissa Moore (HAW) 29,970 pts
2 – Tatiana Weston Webb (BRA) 26,495 pts
3 – Stephanie Gilmore (AUS) 22,035 pts
4 – Caroline Marks (USA) 21,305 pts
5 – Tyler Wright (AUS) 19,965 pts

WSL Men’s Championship Tour Leaderboard Final 5:
1 – Gabriel Medina (BRA) 28,920 pts
2 – Italo Ferreira (BRA) 24,150 pts
3 – Filipe Toledo (BRA) 20,735 pts
4 – John John Florence (HAW) 19,395 pts
5 – Jordy Smith (ZAF) 19,185 pts