"(He) still displays skills neither withered by age nor retirement…"

Taj Burrow, who’ll turn forty-three in June but who still displays skills neither withered by age nor retirement, will return to Championship Tour competition on May 16 when he competes in the Rip Curl Rottnest Search. 

Burrow, who amassed a fortune as a pro surfer, twenty-five years with Billabong, nearly as long with Globe, and who wisely built a vast property portfolio to see him through his sunset years, ain’t doing it for the cash, clearly, but as an opportunity to perform in front of a home crowd.

His career was stellar, refused a seat on the  WCT tour when he was seventeen, won rookie of the year when he did turn up, was runner-up twice to the world title, won twelve events, is a Pipeline Master, and he amassed ten million dollars in prizemoney, as well as a reputation for being “aggressively virile”.

“How do you press eject from this ride?” Taj told me a few years aback, “It’s a thrilling way to live…

The Rottnest event, which is gonna be a closed-shop to spectators, lights up at Strickland Bay, a B-plus sorta wave on the west side of the island, from Many 16 to 26.

The gall of some people.

The proud state of Florida, home to many fine professional surfers including, but not limited to, Kelly Slater, CJ Hobgood, Damien Hobgood, Jimmicane Wilson, Caroline Marks and Austin Clouse (who appears on this summer’s much-anticipated The Ultimate Surfer though does not win because Zeke Lau does) has long been an environmental pioneer.

Many wins and near wins as it relates to the protection of our earth and its sacred marine space.

Most recently, it has won by identifying a heretofore unforeseen threat and wasting no time in rooting out and violently destroying.

The evil volunteer sea turtle nest protector.

According to a disturbing just-released story in the Sun Sentinel, volunteer sea turtle nest protectors take to Florida’s beaches during nesting season to ensure that hatchlings, fresh from cozy shells, don’t get disoriented by city lights, accidentally turning west toward many parties feat. Pitbull, and instead do the right thing and head out to sea.

Ron Mezich, section leader of the the state’s wildlife commission’s Imperiled Species Management Section Division wrote, “We originally authorized hatchling recovery and release programs as a temporary measure on Broward County beaches where local governments had recently adopted ordinances to reduce lights visible from the marine turtle nesting beaches. Now that all local governments have a mechanism to address beachfront lighting, we have determined there is no longer a need for these programs to continue.”

Permits to voluntarily protect sea turtle nests at night will be halved in the coming years then cut altogether.

Good riddance so-called “do-gooders.”

Like most malicious, arrogant, altogether rotten blights, though, the volunteer sea turtle nest protector is not going quietly.

Richard WhiteCloud, founder and director of Sea Turtle Oversight Protection, said, “They’re saying they would rather have dead sea turtle hatchlings in storm drains, parking lots and in the roadways, and dehydrated on the beaches, versus having our rescue staff, our volunteers on the beach. People who are out there doing the right thing are being punished.”

Dr. Holly Wilson, a physician who has been malingering around sea turtle nests for years added, “I am absolutely going to go out and rescue these animals, whether it’s legal or not. We’re not getting a salary. We just want the turtles in the water. If this goes through, turtles are going to die.”

According to research, Florida is the most important region in the United States for sea turtle nests. In South Florida 27% of little baby sea turtles become disoriented and wander west, having to witness the breakup of J.Lo and Alex Rodriguez live whilst serenaded by Gloria Estefan.

Fucking volunteer sea turtle nest protectors.

To hell with you all.