Imagine the inanities our beloved Irukandjis, Brazilian Stormers, Jordy Smiths will also face.
From World Surf League CEO Erik Logan to International Surfing Association chief Fernando Aguerre to Bluestar Alliance, owner of Hurley, maker of beard cream, so much is riding on these upcoming Tokyo Olympics. Surfing’s grand debut. Oh finally but finally the nut will be cracked. Once exposed to our sport of kings, millions of people across the globe will fall in love with competitive professional surfing and seek it out.
Hungry for 6.93s.
Starving for Joe Turpel.
Unconsidered, lost in the cushions, as it were, are the professional surfers themselves.
Take, for example, Kolohe Andino’s pride as he was recently forced to sit down behind a bowlful of Legos and explain surfing to a stupefied audience using them.
“Here’s me right there on my… shark surfboard,” he begins, voice dropping slightly then uttering, “I’m Chewbacca.
He then builds what appears to be an arch, has Chewbacca “drop in,” go inside the arch then flicks him out with his finger while explaining barrels.
The audience laughs hollowly.
Next, Andino does his best to build a wave breaking though is troubled by the lack of curved pieces. Unbent, he talks through how Olympic surfing will be scored on snaps, aerials and, he pauses, “wave height” building his small tower taller.
“So if the waves are this big and you find a wave… this big, you’re stoked. Don’t fall off.”
More hollow laughs.
Kolohe is an extremely good sport but this is only the beginning. Imagine the inanities our beloved Irukandjis, Brazilian Stormers, Jordy Smiths will face.
Imagines the Spicoli impressions they’ll be conscripted to do and all because Logan, Aguerre and Blueflame crave more eyeballs, dry beards.
Sad.
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That was horrible, but at least he didn’t shave his armpits or do a tourism commercial with war criminals.
Wtf are those shakas?
Granted, those are thrown terribly with little effort but there is nothing worse than a shaka with the thumb and pinkie all stiffed out with a tight fist. Nothing says haole kook more than a stiff shaka.
What we do for money
I thought they craved well-oiled beards?
Nope. The bros with well-oiled beards don’t need Hurley product.
In Yemen they use Yak grease, helps repel those evil women, is it true?
So progressive.
Those Palestinians are right to reject a modern first world Liberal democracy like Israel.
A patriarchal anti women, religion led system is the future their kids deserve
Kinda sums up how fucked mainland America is as far as pro surfing goes. First grade was probably the last education he had so Lego’s are all he knows. Maybe Griff can teach him finger painting.
Griff still getting potty trained.
So you are saying Andino did not take any of the AP offerings at San Clemente high? But did he letter for the varsity surf team?
So the state of mainland surfing is doing pretty well? Too much money for NSSA kids from LA before they have success. That’s all history now and all they have to give money to is Kolohe. The rising star of 2010.
While Kolohe won’t be getting on a Wheaties box anytime ever, dude’s still gonna get paid, as evidenced by the mockup I received from a potential cereal sponsor who are already working on a deal with the Almighty American Olympian in order to capitalize on the exposure he is sure to gain from the games…
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Is that the guy from ‘Lizard Lick Towing’ ?
Did Joe Dirté get his wig cut ?
Or has Kid Rock had hairplugs put in ?
I guessed Mikey Wright trying to blend in at an American redneck barbq.
Granole Brandino
Oh our plad covered pseudo Hawaiian warrior, just land those “snaps” and finish your areolas, so I have something to hold over that God awful Australia and Brazil.