Cartoon Zucky, patriot.

Facebook founder and world’s fifth richest man Mark Zuckerberg posts “whacky” July 4 video of a cartoon-like “Zucky” e-foiling on lake with American flag, “Mark Zuckerberg may have united the left and the right in America: just not in the way he planned!”

“I wish they could bring John Denver back to life just so he could sue Mark Zuckerberg for this."

A gift for Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg’s almost eight million Instagram followers this morning with a video of a cartoon-like “Zucky” e-foiling a boat’s wake, carrying an American flag and cut to John Denver’s Country’s Roads. 

The great Tahitian surfer and ski wrangler at the WSL’s Surf Ranch, Raimana Van Bastolaer, was among the first to congratulate his pal on the post, dropping shaka and ok emojis. 

Others, less kind.

We need a ‘erase your memory of this’ option,” the Hoarse Whisperer wrote on Twitter. “I wish they could bring John Denver back to life just so he could sue Mark Zuckerberg for this.”

A noted economist,

And this perceptive man,

Zuckerberg, who is thirty-seven and whose net wealth hovers around the hundred-and-twenty bill mark, was an early adopter of the electric foil board, regularly making appearances on BeachGrit on the miraculous little watercraft. Readers will remember his controversial “white-face” makeup (“I’m not going to apologise for wearing sunscreen,” he said) and his recent humble-brag shout-out to ultra-watercat Kai Lenny.

Out e-foiling on a fine Hawaiian day, wearing a black wetsuit and helmet, face unseen so maybe slathered in sunscreen, maybe not, Zuckerberg grabbed a clip from either wife or personal filmer, posted it to Facebook and wrote, “Kai Lenny, am I doing this right?” all set to a White Stripes’ cover of “I just don’t know what to do with myself.”

Jumping the shark with Poops. | Photo: Jackass

Jamie O’Brien’s former fall guy Sean “Poopies” McInerny joins Jackass, crashes into shark pen after failed jump attempt, “Tourniquet! Tourniquet!”

"Someone's heard yelling for medical assistance!"

Sean “Poopies” McInerney, Jamie O’Brien’s former crazy sidekick in the Who is JOB series, has made what appears to be a stunning debut for Jackass, the reality comedy TV and movie franchise created by Johnny Knoxville and his skater pals. 

In a piece for the Discovery Channel’s Shark Week, and which may feature in Jackass 4, new Jackasser Poopies “appears to get attacked by a shark after a jump attempt. Someone’s heard yelling for medical assistance and a tourniquet as the teaser ends” reports TMZ.

The sequence airs on the first day of Discovery’s Shark Week 2021, July 11 at 10 PM ET/PT. 

Jackass 4 hits cinemas October 22, 2021.

Poopies, from Carlsbad, California, earned his nickname as a 13-year-old after a Jackass-inspired stunt where he evacuated his bowels at a busy intersection and was subsequently arrested.

He moved to the North Shore a dozen years ago, rented a room from Jamie O, got pall-y with Jamie, and quickly became the second-biggest star of Who is JOB, before quitting and starting his own off-shoot channel etc. 

Watch maybe shark attack here. 

Happy kid gets pulled from jaws of death etc.

Surf quiz: How many drowning swimmers, other surfers, have you pulled from jaws of death?

Have you ever saved a life in the water?

 While Derek plays real estate agent, real surfers are doing things, heroic things, life-saving things. 

Two days ago, surfer Ben Cross was in the water at Navarre Beach along Florida’s panhandle when he noticed an eleven-year-old kid floundering in the water, caught in a rip.

Cross paddled over, snatching him from certain drowning. 

Was the act on par with Mikey Wright’s “Hold my beer” save on the North Shore? Not quite.

Was it is as heroic as Kelly Slater saving that woman and child along the Kamehameha Highway at Rockpiles?

How could that be? 

Still, Cross’s rescue saved a boy’s life yesterday. 

And to top it off?

He walked away without taking any glory.

Here’s what ABC 3 – Pensacola reported:

“It was a typical Wednesday afternoon for Bebe Booth, taking pictures of dolphins on the Navarre Beach Fishing Pier — but that all changed when she spotted a young boy in her camera lens. He was really struggling,” she said. “The riptide actually took this boy out. 

Moments later, she said she saw a nearby surfer come to the boy’s rescue.

‘If that young man didn’t make it there as fast as he did, the young boy wouldn’t be here with us,’ Booth said.

Navarre Beach Fire Rescue Chief Danny Fureigh says what happened was the difference between life and death for the boy, who got caught in a rip current. 

Booth says after emergency crews came and assisted the boy back on land, the surfer left as a silent hero.

So she posted the photos she took on social media in hopes to give him the recognition he deserves.

We wanted to make sure that his name got out,” she said.

Her photo did just that and the nameless hero, Benjamin Cross, was found.

This scary story ultimately had a happy ending.

Benjamin’s mother, Andrea Cross, told WEAR-TV: “He is very grateful for all the love and support on social media the past couple of days and will receive a certificate and a T-shirt from the Navarre Beach Fire Department in recognition for his help with them yesterday.”

Classic: I saved a kid’s life, and all I got was this crummy t-shirt.

Have you ever saved a life in the water? 

If so, did you want credit for it? 

And a t-shirt?

I’ve never saved anyone. Disappointed somehow.

Richard Branson (pictured kitesurfing) not arrested on charges of molestation.
Richard Branson (pictured kitesurfing) not arrested on charges of molestation.

Naughty: Australian kitesurfer arrested for “molesting a protected animal” after ripping his wind stick around southern right whale and her baby calf!

"Whilst the temptation to get up close and personal is strong we must also respect the rationale and protection around this endangered species."

An Australian kitesurfer from Old Reynella, Australia was arrested Saturday on two counts of “molesting a protected animal” after getting very close to a southern right whale and her baby calf. The 32-year-old man was in Adelaide, as were the whales, but where the wind blows, so the spirit goes.

Whales and dolphins are protected under South Australian law and molestation carries a criminal penalty.

The molester will appear before Christies Beach Magistrates Court on August 2, according to ABC News, though Kiteboarding South Australia (KSA) has said he is remorseful for his actions but also released a statement reading, “Whales are majestic creatures and whilst the temptation to get up close and personal is strong we must also respect the rationale and protection around this endangered species.”

A witness on the beach snapped photos of the molester and wrote, “Unfortunately, some wanted to get too close,” on Facebook.

Where do you rank kitesurfing amongst the wind-powered boardsports?

I put classic windsurfing number one and by far.

I think a classic windsurfer would never molest a soul.

Do you?

Danny Kim courtesy of The Bodyboard Museum.
Danny Kim courtesy of The Bodyboard Museum.

Listen: The best fins-free surfer the world has ever known is not the great Derek Hynd but rather standup boogie king Danny Kim!

Sliding and gliding.

The great Derek Hynd is, objectively, a legend, our Surfads recently writing, “(He) has worn so many hats over the last five decades it can be hard to keep up. Competitor. Writer. Coach. Contest director. Administrator. Free friction advocate. He is a field of constant motion. A spinning maelstrom of progression.”

Ah free friction advocate and the best to ever slide sans skegs?

I think the argument both could be, and has been, made.

Hynd, or more broadly finless surfing, came up on this week’s Grit! podcast. David Lee Scales was sitting in his Orange County home. I was sitting at a bar on mainland Mexico. And we were discussing Jack Coleman surfing finless when I became angry with finless surfing altogether, raging about it being an abomination and whatnot, until recalling Danny Kim.

Do you remember Danny Kim?

The boogier who would stand up and get barreled on his BZ wearing A.P.E.’s sponsored by Op?

Man, he was effortlessly cool.

If you could trade all your shortboard talents in and be a serviceable standup boogier would you do it? I would and in a second.

Lookin’ all sick.

David Lee and I also discussed many other things though I think I called the American flag “boring” which may trigger some this Fourth of July weekend. Oh yeah, I also said if New Jersey’s Ben Gravy swapped places with Duke Kahanamoku and was surfing’s ambassador then our favorite pastime would rank the same as hacky sack today.

David Lee said it would be the same as snakeboarding.

If sensitive, don’t listen.