Fire that will be greatly missed.
Fire that will be greatly missed.

Breaking: French surfer, heartthrob, Jeremy Flores announces his retirement from the WSL’s Championship Tour!

A sad day for professional surf fans everywhere.

Professional French surfer and heartthrob, Jeremy Flores, has officially announced his retirement from the World Surf League’s Championship Tour.

Per Tahiti Nui Television:

Peu de temps après sa participation aux Jeux Olympiques de Tokyo, au côté du surfeur polynésien Michel Bourez, Jérémy Flores a annoncé sur les réseaux sociaux son retrait du monde du surf. Il participera à sa dernière compétition en tant que professionnel lors de la Tahiti Pro, du 24 août au 3 septembre.

“Je ne prends pas ma retraite, je passe à autre chose, un nouveau chapitre”, écrit le surfeur sur son compte Instagram. Il y confit vouloir se consacrer pleinement à sa famille. Déjà père d’une petite fille avec sa compagne, Hinarani Delongeaux, Miss Tahiti 2012, Jérémy Flores attend un nouvel enfant. “Depuis que je suis devenu Papa, mes priorités ont complètement changé, je veux être à 100% présent pour ma famille”, partage-t-il.

Translation:

After participating in the Jewish Olympics of Tokyo, coast of surfer Polynesian Michel Bourez, Jeremy Flores has announced, with reasons of social restraint, from the world of surf. The participation of the last competition ever of professional lords of the Tahiti Pro from 24 ragout to 3 September.

“I need to pretend I’m restrained and choose a new chapter,” drew the surfer on his jam-like Instagram. Duck confit would compliment his family. Maybe a small steak with champagne. Hinarani  Delongeau, Miss Tahiti 2012, Jeremy Flores attend a novel infant. “After becoming a devilishly good-looking papa, my priorities are to compliment change and 100% give presents to my family.”

Flores will be greatly missed. His skill in large waves and fiery personality will not be replaced as younger up-and-coming pros did not have to learn the game over razor sharp reefs and hungry sharks of Reunion Island.

I remember meeting the two-time Pipeline Master at the then-Quiksilver headquarters Huntington Beach. We discussed making a short film together and I don’t recall what happened to the stillborn project. He had piercing eyes, a confident ease, a very unmistakable je ne sais quoi. Our short film would have inspired.

A sad day for us but a happy one for Flores’ family who will be bathed in gifts.

Correction.

Apparently my French is not what it used to be and the proper translation reads:

Shortly after his participation in the Tokyo Olympics, alongside Polynesian surfer Michel Bourez, Jérémy Flores announced on social networks his withdrawal from the world of surfing. He will participate in his last competition as a professional during the Tahiti Pro, from August 24 to September 3.

I’m not retiring, I’m moving on, a new chapter ”, writes the surfer on his Instagram account. He confessed to wanting to devote himself fully to his family. Already the father of a little girl with his partner, Hinarani Delongeaux, Miss Tahiti 2012, Jérémy Flores is expecting a new child. “Since I became a Dad, my priorities have completely changed, I want to be 100% present for my family”, he shares.

Not so different, I suppose. Listen to the hero discuss life, surf, the better things here.

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Korean car giant Kia creates “every surfer’s dream machine” with custom roof racks that hold “a pair of 7’6 Tahe Bic Malibu surfboards!”

Very cool.

Surfing and automobiles have gone together like peanut butter and chocolate since Californians culturally appropriated the Sport of Kings from Hawaiians just over a century ago. From the 1950s Plymouth Woodie to the 1996 Toyota Landcruiser to the 2018 Porsche Panamera, cars and surfing, surfing and cars.

The possible best ever, though, a surprise out of Korea where Kia has just released what is being described as “every surfer’s dream machine.”

Kia’s Soul EV Boardmasters Edition, not currently available in the United States, was produced in collaboration with the United Kingdom’s Boardmasters Surfing and Music Festival and promises, “a 64.0-kWh battery feeding a 201-horsepower electric motor powering the front wheels, new 16-inch white steel wheels shod in 265/75 R16 Maxxis Bighorn tires, which required redesigned wheel arches.”

What’s more, according to Car and Driver, “There is also steel roof rack that holds a pair of 7’6 Tahe Bic Malibu surfboards and raises the Soul’s height to 76.8 inches. The rack includes a pair of LED spotlights and a solar panel to help recharge the battery pack while you’re out riding the waves.”

Though, watch out as, “Kia acknowledged that these changes would negatively impact the Soul EV’s 280-mile range (on Europe’s WLTP testing cycle).”

Sold yet?

I don’t know why not but, while you’re here, what is the greatest surf car you’ve ever owned?

Mine was a 2018 Porsche Panamera.

I’m wearing BeachGrit trunks in this Porsche ad campaign, in case you were wondering. The trunk (boot) had ample room and with one seat pushed down, children’s faces smashed into windows, could easily fit two 5’11 Channel Islands Twin Pins (buy here).

Very cool.

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A recreation of wild scene near Byron Bay.

Wild scenes near Byron Bay as axe-wielding man screaming “I’ll kill you” chases surfer for “hitting” on his mammy; surfboard destroyed in melee!

As the surfer ran for the hills, Berghofer attacked the man’s surfboard “with such force the axe went through the fibreglass”. 

A man has fronted Tweed Heads local court and pleaded guilty to chasing a surfer with an axe, destroying his surfboard and causing relatively minor damage to the taillight of his whip. 

Or, in legal terms, two counts of destroying or damaging property, going armed with intent to commit an indictable offence and common assault.

Michael Todd Berghofer, who is thirty-three, confronted the surfer at a joint called Norries Headland at the backside of Cabarita there, around nine-ten am.

First, he took out the surfer’s tail light with his axe and as the surfer was cleaning a barbecue, yelled, “Trying to hit on my mum, come to my unit block arguing with (mutual friend), I’ll kill you”, and advanced towards victim with axe raised.

As the surfer ran for the hills, Berghofer attacked the man’s surfboard “with such force the axe went through the fibreglass”. 

Court documents reveal the damage was “near impossible” to be repaired. 

In an interview with police, who seized two axes from his property, Berghofer conceded his behaviour wasn’t the best and maybe he was wrong to attack the man for hitting on his mammy. 

His lawyer said, yeah, “completely inappropriate” etc.

The surfer asked the court for six-fifty in damages, one-fifty for his busted tail-light and five hundred for the board. 

The magistrate sentenced Berghofer to an 18-month community corrections order and a 12-month intensive corrections order.

Sadly, cruelly given its the hub around which the entire case revolved, no pictures of hot mama. 

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ISA chief Fernando Aguerre rues missed opportunity to show world what surfing is really about at just-wrapped Olympics: “Yoga, environmentalism, classes on how to be environmentally sound as a person. It was a surf initiation.”

Wait, what?

Surfing’s grand Olympic debut is now, officially, one for the record books what with the Tokyo Olympics turning out the lights after two-weeks of heady excitement. The man responsible for getting our favorite pastime into the Games, International Surfing Association chief Fernando Aguerre, was drunk, as we all were, on the hope, the promise, the glory of global acceptance but now comes the hangover.

In a lightly depressing interview to the Associated Press, Aguerre reveals oh what might have been as “an eight-day Olympic Surfing Festival was supposed to ‘revolutionize the Olympic experience” because “it was designed to be an initiation to both the beloved niche sport and its famous laid-back lifestyle.”

And we all know that the surfing lifestyle is as essential to the overall experience as the surfing itself. Cocaine (buy here), talking to strangers about solutions to very challenging problems in beach-adjacent bars at surf movie premiers, riots when inland hordes invade with flat brimmed caps driven crazy by suggestive messages written on underaged bodies etc.

Alas what might have been.

“It was a view of the lifestyle and the culture of surfing,” Aguerre told the AP, “So there was yoga, there was environmentalism, classes on how to be environmentally sound as a person. It was a surf initiation. For me, it’s very sad because this was a very, very new idea. This is not something that happens at Olympic events.”

Yoga, environmentalism and classes on how to be environmentally sound as a person?

Wait, what?

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Vaccine sceptic Kelly Slater quotes former VP of Pfizer in social media post to three million fans, “You don’t vaccinate millions of fit and healthy people with a vaccine that hasn’t been extensively tested”

"I'm no epidemiologist," writes Slater.

The eleven-time world surfing champion, the greatest surfer who’s ever lived etc, Kelly Slater, is leveraging his formidable social media platforms to create what he hopes, naively I would suggest, a non-politicised debate around the use of vaccines to fight COVID-19 and its sequels.

The British pharmacologist Michael Yeadon, a former VP of Pfizer, the makers of a popular COVID-19 vaccine, has become the poster-boy of anti-vaxxers for his belief that there’s gonna be a few side effects we don’t know about yet. 

On Instagram, Slater posted an excerpt from an article Yeadon wrote for Daily Sceptic last October,

“There is absolutely no need for vaccines to extinguish the pandemic. I’ve never heard such nonsense talked about vaccines. You do not vaccinate people who aren’t at risk from a disease. You also don’t set about planing to vaccinate millions of fit and healthy people with a vaccine that hasn’t been extensively tested on human subjects.” 

Adding an addendum Slater writes,

“Something to ponder. But I’m no epidemiologist.” 

In a story from March, news agency Reuters tore hell out of Yeadon and his claims etc.

Read that here. 

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