Alright, alright, alright.
It all comes down to this. Heading to America’s favorite department store on America’s biggest shopping day. I should be going to the best surf shop on the west coast, Real Surf in Oceanside, but I will go there tomorrow plus it wouldn’t activate my stressors, pump my strain, test my resolve.
No, I have been training, and training hard, for moments like this. In the past, I would have road raged, gotten into a parking lot fight, displayed a very bad attitude in the aisles snapping at young daughter snapping at overwrought employees, snapping at everything but a robust expression of American capitalism.
Now, I have a personalized health and wellness coach, a WHOOP strap that allows me to know thyself, physically, monitor heart rate, respiratory function, strain thereby derailing a public bout of bad behavior.
I woke up after a Thanksgiving bacchanal and first checked yesterday’s strain…
…a whooping 14.1 due putting turkey in the oven, stressing about turkey’s doneness, pulling turkey out of the oven, general hosting etc.
But my recovery, at an impressive 80%, let me know I was ready for more.
So I agreed to head out amongst it, to Target, knowing that I could handle the load.
I parked the car, checked my heart’s beats per minute, a relatively chill 81, checked my lung’s repository rate per minute, a reasonable 14.6 meaning I was “within or near my normal range.”
I entered the madness heading first to the toy section, next to the electronics section, last to the Christmas ornament section keeping a steady eye on my vitals.
Rising but no need to panic, no need to panic, no need to panic.
And when I felt the need to panic, I re-consulted with my WHOOP and remembered there was no need to panic.
Having hard data, as opposed to untethered emotional flights of fancy, is a Black Friday gift and I exited the sliding glass doors L.O.L. OMG doll in hand, Christmas lights under arm, knowing that I was alright.
Alright, alright, alright.
I would have surfed instead of shopped but America’s economy needs me today plus it is still super flat.
Tomorrow.
Happy Black Friday.
NOOOOO, those are only for people with black friends….
I’ll bring the cases of tequila my bois stole from the super liquor store!
They stocked up on hammers and crowbars at a Home Depot yesterday…gearing up for their next “wave”…what would the WHOOP readings be on these unconscious “smash and grab” types?
I think the readings depend on the meth intake
HR of 81 at semi rest from driving – you need to do more training champ or that strap doesn’t work!!!
On Black Friday i read the autobiography of malcom x and get angered by this sort of tripe
gay
I think you could have gotten a better work out and much better deals if you had busted windows for some LV handbags and Nordstrom menswear. Great cardio and motion. Not to mention you would look good with LV.
For some reason I read overwrought employees as overweight employees. I bet the SoCal Target employees are all insta famous zoomer influencer types.
So basically you wear a whoop strap and you went shopping for stuff you don’t need? What a shit rag this has become.
Have you ever seen an LOL OMG doll?
I’m imagining a new age furby
is it as gay as this story?
You know you’re closer to buying a Whoop just because…
$879.45 give or take a few items!? Let us know.