Battle royale!
If there is one species that I have no sympathy for, it is the stinky sea lion. Oh how they vex, how they frustrate, how they smell. My wonderful best friend, you see, has a beautiful sailboat in Newport Beach’s harbor and the creatures regularly climb aboard and reek the place up whilst also causing stress fractures due their general fatness.
Various anti-sea lion measures have, of course, been deployed but they are all toothless as sea lions are protected in Newport and anything that might work is met with a stiff fine.
They are also, apparently, protected in New Zealand where a bodyboarder is receiving international condemnation for challenging one of the bastards to a beach fight, swinging his craft wildly and making a tactical retreat.
Daryl Jones happened to be perched near the St. Clair Hot Water Pool where he captured the scene after noticing the sea lion refusing to let the bodyboarder boogie by strutting side to side on the shoreline.
“I’ve been a pāua diver years ago, I’ve been surfing here for 30 years, I’ve encountered them heaps of times – they’re all bluff. They’re just inquisitive,” he told the Otago Daily Times after sharing his advice that the bodyboarder should have simply backed away and waited five minutes.
The local biodiversity ranger countered that the bodyboarder should have simply frozen and called him “ignorant.”
“They’re a big animal, they’ve got sharp teeth, you’re confronted with them, you get all the fight-flight emotions coming into play, and so you can do silly things, he said. “They’re not actually there to bite you or eat you or whatever people think they might be there to do. They’re just being playful and you can give all the wrong signals by just being scared. But you can also do the right thing if you just go into freeze mode.”
Animal rights activists have piled on, calling it “unbelievable behavior,” but none of them have friends with boats so what do they know?
Go bodyboarder go!
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Those sea lions at St Clair are huge and agro, they can handle themselves, they do bouncing at some of the Dunedins delightful taverns
youre supportinga bodyboarder attacking a wild animal? what about the incalculable damage our species has done to the ocean? you and boatie pals are a total douches, as is the editor of this magazine for publishing your shitty yuppie article.
Missing masturbated somewhere around the hot chocolate/sleeping mark?
I would rather share a wave with a sea lion than a boogie.
Can they be trained to keep all boogies out of the water?
Should’ve taken the move on hockey stick approach deployed regularly by staff at the adjacent pool: https://youtu.be/zsuMhPeezOA
Sea who’s lion now
this would happen all the time down there, if a seal is chasing you up the beach you give a bit of stick to keep it away. you’re not trying to kill the dozy thing. my mate had a super aggressive seal chase him out of the water at *REDACTED* and he for sure put his board between himself and the seal. i saw this on the news last night and it’s such a non story.
Yeah couple mates have been bitten down there, they can ruin a good sesh pretty quickly. And their breath fucking stinks when they barking at ya.
Long past time for a good old fashioned clubbing. Too many of em.
Glad to see ignorance is still bliss in the US, no there’s no cannibals here and these sea lions are only found down here hence they’re protected. Happy to field all your uneducated vitriole of idiocracy now =)
Ashton?
Fuck off ya blow in.
Jacinda Ardern wants to know if that sea lion is vaxxed!
Riding waves on a sponge lacks dignity, but picking a fight with a sea mammal is a new low, even for a dick-dragger.
Urch’s semi legal fur bag deterrent recipe:
1.Entrails from one salmon (tuna, white sea bass or other large fish may substitute)
2.High Scoville count hot sauce
You will also need some biodegradable cotton string and a large syringe.
Fill stomach of entrails with hot sauce using syringe.
Tie gullet and poop shoot closed using cotton string
Approach offending fur bag and yell “hey fuckface!”
They will look at you as they know their name.
Throw them your newly minted fur bag burrito.
Who said kicking puppies was no fun?
New Zealand’s Stand Your Ground Law doesn’t apply to non-humans so I guess animals are more valuable than humans. Regardless the sea lion was justified, dick draggers are lame.
So first Kanye rolls up to the beach with a backwards wetsuit and now Snoop Lion has changed his name to Sea Lion?
I didn’t really read the article. Sorry.
lol why would ya?
Chas has a friend with a boat
If the speed bump wasn’t wearing those feet flappers he may have been able to just walk away. Seal probably thought he was chasing a giant seagull.
Imagine what was the readings on his whoop!
Negs, is Jotto going to visit you while he’s in NZ?
What animals is he going to try and kill there?
Do you not see the picture with the article?
Haha.
Otto hasn’t had sand between his toes for at least 5 years.
He was probably already enraged by the Keep Left road signs
If he makes bail for this episode
If there is once species that I have no sympathy for, its dick draggers.
Team sea lion always!
Could Joel jitsu win a fight with a sea loin? Can’t choke it out with that much neck blubber.
Cardiff by the Sea Lion
My money would be on the sea lion. Joel Turdo probably couldn’t fight his way out of a wet paper bag, IRL.
Must see pay per view
Still rather adjacent but we’re getting closer!