"The word unprecedented has been used many times but I don’t think anyone has seen Byron flooded like this is living memory."

The tortured golden goose that is Australia’s Byron Bay, “a glittering dream metastasized into a malignant nightmare”, is underwater following flash floods after the joint was hit by a mini-hurricane overnight, dumping a foot of rain.

“The entire town is under water up to your waist at some points, with police now stopping people from entering,” writes Byron real estate agent Travis Lipshush in The Guardian. “I cannot remember sunshine. It has been raining steadily since spring.”

“The word unprecedented has been used many times but I don’t think anyone has seen Byron flooded like this is living memory,” Byron Shire Councillor Cate Coorey told The Echo. “I urge people to be safe. Everybody keep an eye out for each other and check on your neighbours.

Nearby Ballina has set-up evacuation centres but council staff can’t open ‘em because of the nutso weather.

“The unknown is what going to fall from the sky. That’s where it becomes hard to predict – the rain bombs we’ve had overnight the cyclonic winds we are experiencing now and overnight,” said Ballina mayor Sharon Cadwallader.

“Growing up here you are used to flooding – you build your homes up high or elevated on poles. But this is something else – a disaster that never ends,” says Travis Lipshush. “We first heard first these events were once in 100 years, then once in 500 years and then in 1,000 years. This is a microcosm of the impending doom humanity will face. Heed our warning, we must change our habits and policy – though it may already be too late.”

Crikey.

And the return of Mikey Wright!

Six days ago, it was rumored right here that there-time World Champion Gabriel Medina was considering making an appearance at the most famous surf contest in Australia. Alas, it is not to be as the World Surf League has just made official his withdrawal from the Rip Curl Pro Bells Beach.

Per the press release:

Three-time WSL Champion Gabriel Medina (BRA) has withdrawn from the Rip Curl Pro Bells Beach and will be replaced by Barron Mamiya (HAW), who is currently sitting as World No. 2 along with 11-time World Champion Kelly Slater (USA).

Yago Dora (BRA) continues his recovery from his injury ahead of the season and will be replaced by WSL Injury Replacement, Matthew McGillivray (ZAF). Carlos Munoz (CRI) and Liam O’Brien (AUS) sustained injuries at Pipeline and continue their recoveries. They will be replaced by World No. 6 Caio Ibelli (BRA) and Mikey Wright (AUS), respectively. This will mark Wright’s return to the CT after announcing an indefinite break from professional surfing following last year’s Corona Open Mexico.

Exciting that Mamiya can continue his pursuit of the crown but let’s focus on Mikey Wright’s triumphant return to organized professional surfing.

Are you excited to see Australia’s bad boy back in a singlet?

Thrilled?

Discuss your feelings below.

Ultra rude.

“The Slap” has dominated news during the past two days, papering over a festering war amongst extreme sport devotees. But you will certainly recall, before the actor Will Smith left his seat to blip the comedian Chris Rock across the mouth, that Tony Hawk, Kelly Slater and Shaun White stood shoulder to shoulder in fresh tuxedos, Slater’s Gucci, and discussed the James Bond franchise.

White brought up the fact that many actors have played the title character over the years, a neat dozen to be exact. Hawk offered up that Roger Moore had his vote as favorite, Slater ran through a handful more leaving off Australia’s George Lazenby, before throwing to White, again, who said it might be impossible to know which Bond actor was the greatest of all-time, or GOAT, leading to the punchline of three GOATs standing there on stage.

The moment might have been forgotten, except skateboarders, surfers and snowboarders began ruthlessly, viciously attacking each other online over which Bond is, in fact, the Slater of Bonds.

Sean Connery appears to be the favorite amongst traditionalists, longboarders, plastic Nash riders, plywood snowboards sans bindings. Roger Moore was most popular amongst those who prefer retro shapes, twin fins etc. Foilers, e-skaters went big for Pierce Brosnan and real surf, skate, snow jocks for Daniel Craig.

The difference of opinion might have been an opportunity for fun discussion but, again, has devolved into the lowest name calling. Coarse and unrefined.

But, now that we’re all together, which Bond do you prefer?

If you say anything other than Connery, you are an ass.