"Kolohe Andino looking as worn as a well-thumbed volume filled with illustrated examples of human sex organ deformities."

Yesterday, surf fans rounded on the World Surf League following a poor swell and wind forecast from forecast partner Surfline and two days of “on-hold” announcements. 

“Let’s drop the wall of positive @wsl just actually tell us when it’s going to be on,” wrote craigysurf86 in response to the latest on-hold post, summing up what was a pretty universal sentiment before the comments were hidden. “This ‘On hold’ thing is actually way more frustrating especially since your entire fan base knows the swell happened before and will happen after the waiting period.”

Now, following a series of Instagram stories and various TikToks showing the world’s best surfers grunting and groaning and cavorting to retro dance tracks, in the case below, PNAU’s Embrace and 50 Cents’ In Da Club, surf fans, displaying a wild puritanical streak, have vented on the WSL’s socials. 

 

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“Not sure why they are barely updating us and then just showing partying on the story like damn take about giving back to the surf community.”

“Everyone too hungover to surf later this afternoon when the wind swings offshore ?Forecast is looking worse each day. Looks like you’ll be running heats in 2ft G Land.”

“Is there any booze left in camp?” 

I found the vision of good times heartening, Stephanie Gilmore and Gabriel Medina moving with precise and vigorous grace, Filipe Toledo weightless with joy at the spectre of a finals day in small waves and Kolohe Andino looking as worn as a well-thumbed volume filled with illustrated examples of human sex organ deformities.

 

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Good times, although not quite on the level as the night in the 1990’s when Rob Bain, Barton Lynch and Gary Elkerton disappeared into the jungle, reappearing in the morning naked and carrying bamboo spears.

"Your entire fan base knows the swell happened before and will happen after the waiting period."

However you slice it, it’s still early season in Indonesia.

Late May is pretty good, and is a hell of a lot better than April, but it ain’t mid-July when the big souths bring a million glistening waves.

And Grajagan isn’t the sorta joint that loves leftovers despite what you might’ve heard.

What was perfect in 1972 when Americans Bill Boyum and Bob Laverty rode motorcycles overland to chase a lefthander on the edge of jungle in south-east Java Bob had seen from an airliner, shows its flaws in the cold light of 2022 when man can manufacture his own perfection, especially without the push of a clean groundswell.

With waves that will be lucky to crest a man’s eyebrows predicted for the next week, and an eight-hour cycle of the event being “on hold”, come back in three hours etc, surf fans are becoming a little frustrated.

“Let’s drop the wall of positive @wsl just actually tell us when it’s going to be on,” writes craigysurf86 in response to the latest on-hold post, summing up what was a pretty universal sentiment before the comments were deleted or hidden. “This ‘On hold’ thing is actually way more frustrating especially since your entire fan base knows the swell happened before and will happen after the waiting period. So unless your next announcement is we’ve extended the waiting period see you all in the 12th or well we missed the swell so we’re just gong to do the best we can. Just stop posting till you decide to run.”

Now, if that waiting could stretch out to the following Wednesday, well, ooowee, six-feet plus.

Meanwhile, world champ Tyler Wright has tested poz for COVID-19 and will ride out most of the waiting period in isolation.

“Based on the league’s protocols, Wright is expected to be cleared for competition by Saturday, June 4, 2022. The health and wellness of athletes, staff, fans, and the local communities where we compete, remains the WSL’s top priority.”

“Incredible guns, just Sabrejet-level equipment for North Shore surfers in the ’60s and ’70s.”

A couple of months back came news from Princeville, Kauai, that Dick Brewer, the eighty-five-year-old designer and shaper of “incredible North Shore guns” was facing his last days on earth.

His wife posted, “My baby will not be in this world much longer. He could use all the love and support he can get right now.”

Brewer had been sick as hell, some sorta blood cancer or bone marrow disease, and there were reports suggesting he was refusing treatments but it was “an insurance issue that’s putting them in a tight spot.”

News, now, that Brewer died at his Princeville home today.

“He was the guru, the man on the mountain, the shaper everybody knelt down before. Figuratively, mostly, but I think maybe literally too!” says surf historian Matt Warshaw. “Incredible guns, just Sabrejet-level equipment for North Shore surfers in the ’60s and ’70s.”

Brewer was born in 1936, a few miles west of Lake Superior in Minnesota, to a family of Quakers. At three, his family moved to Long Beach, California, where daddy Charles got a job working on the landing gear of DC-3s as the American war machine slowly groaned to life.

Dick started surfing in 1952, picked up a planer seven years later, and in 1960 moved to the North Shore where he developed a strong rep at big Waimea and Sunset.

A year later he set up a surf shop in Haleiwa and the rest, as they say, is a beautiful and wild history.

“Apart from the boards being gold-standard, and apart from being our first and last and greatest shaping guru,” says Warshaw, “Brewer’s contribution was to look outside of surfing. His engineering background, everything he knew about cars, about machining, about speed and drive and torque—he brought all of that to bear in the shaping room. Lucky for our sport, he wasn’t born and raised on the beach. He loved surfing best of all, but he was smart enough to look beyond surfing. To our great benefit.”

Read the definitive Dick Brewer story, written by Drew Kampion, here.