Concern for Kelly Slater as footage emerges
of champ surfing Indonesian reefs while suffering injury so grave
he was forced to pull out of crucial events in El Salvador and
Brazil!
By Derek Rielly
And gets being humiliated by VAL at Desert
Point!
There was little surprise when Kelly Slater pulled out of
contests in El Salvador and Brazil, events of little value to a
man whose residual skill shines in epic reef barrels, Pipe,
Teahupoo.
Slater, who turns fifty-one in February, has made an art of
avoiding the Brazil leg of the tour, citing back pain, foot pain,
personal reasons, whatever it takes to avoid the long flight, the
“passionate” fans and waves that rarely thrill, usually in
collusion with the WSL.
Therefore, instead of
Central and South America, the eleven-time champ
detoured to Bali for fitness training and sessions at Uluwatu and
even a side trip to Desert Point on Lombok for the pleasure of
being humiliated by a VAL, eating the learner’s foamy wash as the
villain rode to glory.
Obviously, fans fear further injury to brittle bones etc.
And Ulus!
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In repudiation of World Surf League,
leading U.S. cable news network disappears the Surf Ranch Pro from
annals of history!
By Chas Smith
Stalinist.
I was treated to a lovely news segment, this
morning, from Atlanta, Georgia’s CNN. The 24-hour news network has
fallen on harder times, viewership numbers plunging as competitor
Fox News maintains a steely grip on ratings, but it was once
groundbreaking, even synonymous with the very concept of
“news.”
A recorder of history as it is occurring in the very moment. The
events which will someday be codified into books and taught to our
children’s children’s children’s children.
As it happens, our World Surf League should be entirely worried
about its place in the aforementioned history for the lovely news
segment I was treated to featured wave pools and was filed under
the title “Are artificial surf parks ready for competition?”
It began with the footnote that the first wave pool in history
was built in 1870 by the “mad king” Ludwig II of Bavaria. He,
allegedly, dug a pit under his beautiful castle, filled it with
water and zapped it with electricity. The narrator then discusses
artificial wave pools growing in popularity through the 1980s, the
sort that lap against children floating on tubes at Disneyworld
etc., to our modern high-performance surf iteration.
Off we then whisk to Gipuzkoa, Spain, the location of
Wavegarden’s private R + D facility to meet founder and CEO Josema
Odriozola. He chats about the various technologies they are
employing, making better air sections for Brazilian surfers (since
they are the best at that sort of thing), better barrels, better
faces for turns. The well-spoken Aritz Aranburu is introduced and
says, “I really think the waves are good enough to hold events. I
think it is going to be interesting to do events in places with no
ocean.”
The storyline returns to the narrator, who says, “While wave
pools will never replace the ocean, there is the potential for a
new kind of contest.” And takes us to the Switzerland which “has
hosted the first competition.” According to Odriozola it was “a big
success” with the surfers knowing that the waves would be there for
them, no ocean going flat, no waiting etc. Aranburu declares the
only thing left is to make the waves bigger.
And scene.
Not only no mention of Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch there in
Lemoore, California, but not mention of the Surf Ranch Pro which,
not once but twice, hosted World Surf League Championship Tour
competitions.
Those who were forced to watch the Surf Ranch Pro in real time
likely felt that history would not treat it kindly but for it to be
disappeared from the annals in a Stalinist purge?
A pure and vicious repudiation of the World Surf League.
WSL’s head of tour and competition leads
call to “abort” Supreme Court and iconic tour commentator begs for
cancellation of July 4 celebrations as USA is “plunged into a
medieval darkness” following overturning of landmark Roe v Wade
decision!
By Derek Rielly
“‘Jane Roe’ later revealed she'd been haunted by
recurring nightmares of “little babies lying around with daggers in
their hearts".
There are two sorts of people
in this world.
The first are those who’ve lived a little and thereby understand
the imperfection of humanity.
We lie, we cheat, we steal, we’re willing actors in a number of
terrible and beastly scenes, although this doesn’t necessarily make
us bad.
Generally, pro-choice.
In the other corner you have those who, whether by privilege or
good luck were protected from life’s cruelties, insist man lives by
an immaculate moral code, and any transgression must be punished
harshly.
Pro-life.
Y’might’ve heard that the US Supreme Court just overturned the
almost-fifty-year old Roe v Wade decision that ruled that the US
Constitution protected a woman’s liberty to choose to have an
abortion, overriding any state law on the matter.
Now that Roe v Wade is history it’s the decision of each state
to make abortion legal or illegal, plunging half of the country,
the red states, into a medieval darkness where kids have to cross
state lines or visit shady illegal surgeries for abortions.
As you might imagine, the conservative south is hot for illegal,
liberal coastal states, California, New York, pro-abortion.
However you slice it, pun intended, abortion is an ugly, ugly
thing.
When you’re sitting in that sterile little beige room, your girl
on the cot, ultra-sound wand over her still flat stomach and you
see that living creature with a beating heart on the screen, and
you play god by deciding it should die, well, it’s gonna mark you
for life.
But better than an unwanted child, I think, a kid discarded by
parents, too young or too ruined or too poor to give ‘em a life
worth living.
Earlier today, the rather wonderful Jessi Miley-Dyer, the WSL’s
SVP of Tours and Head of Competition, made her thoughts on the
matter clear by posting a provocative image along with instructions
on how to get an abortion if you live in a pro-life state.
On an interesting side note, Norma McCorvey, the “Jane Roe” of
the original ruling, hero to millions etc, did a switcharoo twenty
years later, turning vehemently pro-life, explaining that she’d
been haunted by recurring nightmares of “little babies lying around
with daggers in their hearts”.
“(They) never told me that what I was signing would allow women
to come up to me 15, 20 years later and say, ‘Thank you for
allowing me to have my five or six abortions. Without you, it
wouldn’t have been possible.’ (They) never mentioned women using
abortions as a form of birth control. We talked about truly
desperate and needy women, not women already wearing maternity
clothes.”
Thought provoking, yeah?
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If we’re honest, we’ve all been too bold about
what Gabriel Medina might do in the latter part of the season. He’s
just a man, after all. A man who missed the first five events
entirely. A man who has endured various traumas in his personal
relationships and openly admitted suffering from mental health
issues. Who knows what’s going on behind the scenes in his home
country. Who knows what lingering ghosts are suddenly more present
in Brazil? WSL
Call for return of Kelly Slater’s Surf
Ranch following shocking run of events in bad waves as world champ
Gabriel Medina is bundled out of Brazil contest by unfancied
Australian!
By JP Currie
It’s the equivalent of the NBA playing out the
lacklustre end of the season but with a half-inflated ball.
The swell today was appropriately symbolic of my recent
mood.
Fading, uncertain, fractured.
There were moments that teased clear air, but at other times
there was just exasperation.
You might think, given the fact I have six weeks off every year
at this time, that I would adore the summer.
You would be wrong.
Inevitably, at this time of year, I find myself mired in mild
depression.
Too much choice, I think. Too many opportunities and no clear
path to follow.
A winter spent dreaming of light and plans, a spring of
burgeoning hope, and then a summer of stasis.
The nights are fair drawing in.
So too is the noose that chokes out all but the top five.
It’s becoming clearer by the day, but there are some
niggles.
Toledo is assured. Robinson too, I think.
Colapinto, despite his early exit today, is more than
likely.
I’d be shocked if Italo doesn’t manufacture a place.
Kanoa’s loss today somehow makes his chances swing wildly from
certain to precarious.
Who won’t be there is just as important. Almost definitely no
John or Gabby, more’s the tragedy.
The problem with this growing certainty is the shadow it casts
over J-Bay and Teahupo’o. Both exciting waves, of course. Two of
the best, actually.
But what of consequence? What’s left to play for?
There’s a certain malaise that can affect games played in the
NBA’s regular season, particularly in the latter part of the
schedule. Because of the playoff structure and the excitement of
these games, players can lose a sense of purpose or motivation for
the regular games.
At some point they know for sure if they’re heading to the
playoffs or Cancun, and all remaining games are just treading
water. Everyone can sense it, fans especially.
There’s a danger of that happening in the latter part of the WSL
season under the current structure. Perhaps it already is.
If the waves show up I’m sure we’ll be entertained by good
surfing even if not good competition, but if there’s a bad run like
we’ve had recently it’s the equivalent of the NBA playing out the
lacklustre end of the season but with a half-inflated ball.
Even a half-pumped-up Gabriel Medina would have escaped
elimination at the hands of Callum Robson today.
With all due respect to Robson, who put together two solid
scores and continues to show the sort of workmanlike approach with
flashes of something other that must have Australian fans
titillated, Medina should have left him bloodied and spent.
Medina’s first wave was a 7.5. I’d like to see some DEEP STATS
on the number of times Medina has lost a heat after taking the lead
with a keeper score on his first wave. If the number was zero I
wouldn’t be shocked.
As it was, in the ten waves that followed he couldn’t muster
anything above a 2.87 and couldn’t land airs he never even looked
like making when he launched. It was perplexing to say the
least.
Seeing him on the injury treatment table post-heat at least made
it feel less like the world had spun off its axis.
If we’re honest, we’ve all been too bold about what Gabriel
Medina might do in the latter part of the season. He’s just a man,
after all. A man who missed the first five events entirely. A man
who has endured various traumas in his personal relationships and
openly admitted suffering from mental health issues.
Who knows what’s going on behind the scenes in his home country.
Who knows what lingering ghosts are suddenly more present in
Brazil?
Faring much better in the earlier heats today were wildcards
Miguel Tudela and Mateus Herdy, who dispatched top seeds Colapinto
and Igarashi, respectively.
Neither Griffin nor Kanoa surfed poorly, which makes these
upsets seem more valid. Herdy, in particular, has an aerial
repertoire that could snuff anyone’s flame in short order,
including that of Jackie Robinson, whom he’ll face in the next
round.
Also heading to the next round is Caio Ibelli, who managed to
find not only a rare barrel but one so long and impossible that the
judges had no choice but to give him a ten on a day when no other
score came close. Full marks were awarded for the drama of emerging
when he’d looked lost, and you might struggle to find someone who’d
deny him the score, even me.
I was denied a hefty payday today, first by Joao Chianca, and
then by the judges who robbed Caroline Marks of a rightful quarter
final victory over Carissa Moore.
Is Chianca the unluckiest surfer we’ve seen?
He lost to Ethan Ewing by just 0.1 points in a see-saw heat. It
was groundhog day for Chianca. Just as earlier in the season, he
was part of an entertaining heat, surfed to solid scores, impressed
everyone, and still lost.
Ewing’s passage to the round of 16 looks even better with
Griffin and Kanoa out.
Half of the surfers remaining are Brazilian, marginally
increasing their dominance from the start of the event.
There looks to be a layday tomorrow but solid swell after that,
even if slightly suspect wind.
Waves cure all malaise. That we know for sure.
Honest question: would you have preferred Slater’s pool in place
of any of the past three events?
I know my answer. I’d be interested to hear yours.
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Ultra-sustainable World Surf League draws
fire after using thousands of plastic balls to mimic novelty wave
for “ethically misguided” comedic stunt gone wrong!
By Chas Smith
"A troublesome pattern of behavior..."
If our World Surf League has positioned itself
as champion of one thing, outside equality, it is the cause of our
precious environment. At certain stops, professional surfers who
have flown halfway around the globe are encouraged to plant bushes.
At other stops, broadcast time is spent advocating for ecological
awareness. The League is attempting to save a fragile wetland in
Australia by replacing it with a Kelly Slater wave pool, partnering
with cheaply constructed Chinese SUVs in order to better utilize
landfills, doing “the work,” as they say.
Well, no organization can be perfect and the WSL is currently
drawing fire for utilizing a pit used with thousands of plastic
balls in order to mimic a novelty wave. Critics are calling the
comedic stunt “ethically misguided” and “morally
reprehensible.”
Plastic, as you know, is a leading cause of ocean pollution and
takes roughly 450 years to break down when sloshing around in the
great blue.
Not funny.
Santa Monica is yet to respond to those demanding account but
let us hope the plastic balls will be reused in an
ultra-sustainable way. Maybe as spare tires for Great Wall Motors
fleet?