Machete Man courtesy Malibu Magazine.
Machete Man courtesy Malibu Magazine.

Terror grows in Malibu as yet another man born under bad sign prowls sand with machete shuttering Pacific Coast Highway fronting iconic surf break for multiple hours as Sunday drivers rip hair from heads, curse heavens!

Road rage.

I will tell you what, if yesterday happened to find me, north, driving along the Pacific Coast Highway, past Malibu’s iconic First Point, as opposed to sitting on my deck, south, just catty-cornered from Encinitas’ Swamis and reading Bolshoi Confidential then I would have been absolutely enraged. Oh, I’m sure the sun was shining up Malibu way and I’m sure there was gentle, playful surf lapping the golden sands but the aforementioned PCH, Malibu’s main artery, was shuttered for over three hours as police tried to round up a gentleman prowling around with a machete.


For nothing is worse than locked tight traffic on the PCH, nothing at all, and a woman caught within that snare will come damn near to complete madness, a man, trapped, will consider abandoning his vehicle and seeking out the kiss of machete steel in order to end the pain.

Three hours is an eternity on the PCH.

A hellish forever.

No details were released regarding the machete man other than the fact that he was wielding a machete and first spotted near the Getty Villa. Police missed their initial chance to nab him, proceeded to lock the highway, sending Sunday drivers into dark interior places, then got him three hours later.

This is the third machete incident to strike Malibu in the last few years. In September, a vacationing father lost his eye when attacked by two men carrying machetes and a homeless man was critically injured, months later, in a machete incident.

There has been no word, at time of writing, from heir to Miki Dora’s Malibu throne Jonah Hill but it must be assumed that he is aware of this machete epidemic and is doing his best to comfort neighbors and friends. Making sure his gated kingdom is safe.

Scary times.

Comment live, penultimate day, Oi Rio Pro, “Listen, I know we started off as foes, but after watching eight events together, half of ’em in junk, I would follow you into the mists of Avalon!”

Real time follies in Surfline-sized "eight-to-ten-foot plus waves"!

No title defence for Medina. | Photo: WSL

Gabriel Medina’s world title hopes crash as three-time world champ set to miss Jeffreys Bay following knee injury at Oi Rio Pro, Brazil!

"Medina underwent an MRI on both knees, and a grade 2 to 3 injury of the MCL of the left knee was diagnosed."

And, welcome readers, to another chapter in the Kardashian-esque life of three-time world champ Gabriel Medina. 

After making a sensational return to the pro tour following a six-month break for “emotional issues’ after splitting from wife Yasmin Brunet, banking semi-final finishes at El Sal and G-Land, Medina has pulled out of J-Bay with a tweaked knee. 

“Gabriel Medina hit his knee on his board while competing on the second day of the Oi Rio Pro,” wrote the WSL. “This Saturday afternoon, the 25th, Medina underwent an MRI on both knees, and a grade 2 to 3 injury of the MCL of the left knee was diagnosed. Medina will return for medical evaluation in two weeks for a more accurate prognosis. In this scenario, Gabriel Medina will be out of the JBay event, in South Africa.” 


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Missing J-Bay and, likely, Teahupoo, makes it impossible for Medina to scoot into the top five and defend his title at Lowers in September. 

It ain’t his first time under the knife this year. 

Back in April, Medina had surgery for a deviated septum, an operation where the bone and cartilage dividing the space between the two nostrils is straightened. 

Many, many causes, hits to the nose, growth defects, living the high life with an emphasis on tropane alkaloid and stimulants (see: Daniella Westbrook as cautionary tale), although Medina is notable for an ascetic lifestyle therefore non-applicable.  

Prior to quitting the tour, busting up his wife and having his septum straightened, Medina had endured myriad feuds involving his immediate and extended family. 

Hard rock magazine delivers semi-surprising list of heavy metal heads who find oasis of interior peace and harmony whilst straddling surfboard!

Much head bang.

But where does heavy metal rank on your list of preferred music? Near the top butting up against 1990s-era pop punk or languishing at the bottom right below free form jazz? Me? I never really went through a “metal phase” as grunge really took over my teenage listening soundscape but have always appreciated from afar. You may recall that I was just in Copenhagen during COPENHELL and felt lightly jealous of all the men in black denim vests festooned with patches of their favorite acts such as Lamb of God and Metallica.

Well, as fate would have it, I just stumbled upon a list from the online metal publication Loudwire featuring various metal heads that find respite amongst the waves. There are some you may already know, like the aforementioned Metallica’s Rob Trujillo and Kirk Hammett. Perry Ferrell, Anthony Kiedis, Flea, Eddie Vedder and Jon Foreman (from Switchfoot) are listed, though I would consider none of them “metal” per se.

The semi-surprising, I suppose, are Des Fafara from DevilDriver, Chuck Billy from Testament and Randy Blythe from Lamb of God.

Much head bang.

The question now is, which should the World Surf League commission to play on the cobbled stone of Lower Trestles during the thrilling final’s day?


Manhattan Beach, home to World Surf League CEO Erik Logan and other notable celebrities, sees brazen cocktail hour jewel heist by gaggle of men in balaclavas!


Southern California, for those who have never been, is one vast uninterrupted urban sprawl that extends from Santa Clarita, or thereabouts, 100 some such miles down to San Clemente. The untrained eye may only see textureless roads, buildings, small parks etc. but aficionado knows that each community, each neighborhood, is distinct.

Let us take Manhattan Beach, for example, perched on the Ocean Pacific between El Segundo to the north, Hermosa to the south and Lawndale to the east. It is a town of roughly 35,000 with many notable celebrity residents including the World Surf League’s CEO Erik Logan. It was also in the news, this past year, as a stretch of park known as Bruce’s Beach, was set to be returned to a black family it was illegally seized from decades ago.

It is atypically sleepy. Surfers sometimes attempt to milk seconds from waist high closeouts at the pier before catching lunch at Fishing with Dynamite. Other surfers, including the aforementioned Logan, try their hand, or paddle, at El Porto, a handful of blocks away, before catching lunch at Nick’s. Manhattan Beach folk like to go to bed early and spend the day thinking about exotic ice cream flavors and and so you can imagine the shock when a gaggle of men wearing balaclavas stormed the street, near sundown, smashed the window of a jewelry store and proceeded to stuff gold, diamonds, other precious stones and metals into bags and fleeing to waiting cars.

Per TMZ:

The Manhattan Beach Police Department says the suspects used hammers to smash display cases before stuffing merchandise in their bags … and cops say at least 3 suspects were armed with what appeared to be handguns, though no shots were fired.

Manhattan Beach Mayor Steve Napolitano called it a crime against his entire community … and he says the police force is going to do everything possible to track down the suspects, prosecute them and throw them in jail. He also says the town will beef up security outside businesses and MB’s expensive neighborhoods.


Also, did you, at some point in your life, pronounce balaclava the same way you pronounced the Greek dessert baklava?

Do you still?

Be honest.