Terror grows in Malibu as yet another man born under bad sign prowls sand with machete shuttering Pacific Coast Highway fronting iconic surf break for multiple hours as Sunday drivers rip hair from heads, curse heavens!

Road rage.

I will tell you what, if yesterday happened to find me, north, driving along the Pacific Coast Highway, past Malibu’s iconic First Point, as opposed to sitting on my deck, south, just catty-cornered from Encinitas’ Swamis and reading Bolshoi Confidential then I would have been absolutely enraged. Oh, I’m sure the sun was shining up Malibu way and I’m sure there was gentle, playful surf lapping the golden sands but the aforementioned PCH, Malibu’s main artery, was shuttered for over three hours as police tried to round up a gentleman prowling around with a machete.

Furious.

For nothing is worse than locked tight traffic on the PCH, nothing at all, and a woman caught within that snare will come damn near to complete madness, a man, trapped, will consider abandoning his vehicle and seeking out the kiss of machete steel in order to end the pain.

Three hours is an eternity on the PCH.

A hellish forever.

No details were released regarding the machete man other than the fact that he was wielding a machete and first spotted near the Getty Villa. Police missed their initial chance to nab him, proceeded to lock the highway, sending Sunday drivers into dark interior places, then got him three hours later.

This is the third machete incident to strike Malibu in the last few years. In September, a vacationing father lost his eye when attacked by two men carrying machetes and a homeless man was critically injured, months later, in a machete incident.

There has been no word, at time of writing, from heir to Miki Dora’s Malibu throne Jonah Hill but it must be assumed that he is aware of this machete epidemic and is doing his best to comfort neighbors and friends. Making sure his gated kingdom is safe.

Scary times.