"I fucking fucked up, but that's the generation I came from."
Let’s recap.
Five days ago, Andy Lyon, the Malibu realtor and First Point surfer of fifty years achieved a considerable notoriety when he threw a rock into another man’s surfboard following an entanglement, the video of the event going viral.
Lyon, who is fifty-nine, lost his job, had his address published and a beat-down was suggested for his four-year-old kid Glider.
The first time I spoke to Lyon, which was just after the video took off, he was upbeat about the imbroglio saying, “You know, it’s a good ride right now… I’m embracing this. People say it ended his career but, it’s like, shit’s taking off. This is the beginning!”
Today, I found a different Andy Lyon. He was carrying groceries into his house and was a little circumspect about the event, worn down by the attention, and the relentless ring of his telephone, mostly by me, I must admit.
I called ‘cause he’d emailed to say he’d been in contact with the guy whose board he hurled a rock into, the rock vs board technique perfected, of course, by Fort Point locals in San Francisco eight months ago.
Kitesurfing instructor and foil-boarding aficionado, John von Tesmar, had lost his leashless foil board and watched helplessly as it washed to the shore and was then attacked by an angry local who jerked a rock above his head multiple times to slay the thing.
This story has a happier ending.
Lyon and the surfer got in contact, Lyon driving a considerable distance – the other party didn’t want to be identified either by name or location – and both agreed it was a matter both forgotten and that each would fix their own boards.
“I have respect for the guy,” says Lyon. “He didn’t go to the cops, he didn’t bitch out. Not like that guy who made the TikTok. Had this guy not done the stupid fucking TikTok thing, nothing would’ve happened, I would’ve been fine. But it’s this cancel culture pissy little shit that’s going on. Same with the job, they just bent over for these guys.”
The Agency Malibu wrote on IG,
The Agency was founded to create a unique group of professionals focused on community and camaraderie within the real estate industry. We endeavor to be pillars in the greater Malibu community and foster and environment that promotes integrity and respect.
Upon learning about the incident involving Andy Lyon on Friday, 8/5, we have decided to part ways with this individual. The Agency emphatically denounces this individual’s behavior, and our hearts go out to those involved in this incident.
Lyon says he was impressed by the surfer involved and says “He wanted it to be handled how it should’ve been, not in this form, the keyboard warriors, judge, jury and hangman. He totally got the whole thing. I met with his Dad. He acknowledged that he back-paddled me. He said he could appreciate how much shit I have to deal with (at Malibu) and said that this was the way it should be fucking handled not in a basement jury with a bunch of Reddit fucks.”
“You know,” says Lyon, “I fucking fucked up and hit his board but that’s the generation I come from, you fucked my board, I’ll fuck yours. I’ll patch mine, you patch yours.”
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keller williams ad on this is classic
I’m here for the Libtard lynching!
#youcantscriptthis
Here’s the latest version of the Andy Lyon for City Council story (Feat. Buzz Lightyear, Spicoli, Johnny Ringo, Baby Hoiman and the Surf Punks.)
http://www.benmarcusrules.com/andylyonforcitycouncil
According to rumor, A.A don’t like it too much.
he’s not recognized thru the HMO rules/
Turns it around on the kid, gets him to concede. Andy is rehabilitated, reborn as a throwback hero. Now only if he could close real estate deals with the same bravado.
See that rock Andy has in his hand?
It’s smarter than Andy.
Banned again already.
Old Benny trawling up Brother, Sons history… Just can’t settle a beef Man to Man.
Ugly.
Just so.
The only thing Bennie excels at is vigorous self-abuse… with either hand.
you go Ben!
Malibu sucks
Unless it was one from SA, that’s pretty bold. If it was one from SA, good on ya.
Probably have to take that one to the grave? Or at very least a deathbed confession?
There is zero excuse for a 59-year-old man to do that to a 20-year-old kid.
Like Trump, he should be in jail.
Losing his job was a good start, but there needs to be stronger karma.
He has been a prick for decades. anyone who has surfed Malibu has had to deal with him.
He has serious emotional problems that he takes out on the world and some day he might really harm someone.
there are plenty of excuses for a 59 yr old to throw a rock at a mans surfboard….just like banging into someone who drops in….the 20 yr old man admits he was snaking , both party’s leave happy after the discussion..
Ben lets get real you are terrified of people like him….so put him in jail ?
“Throw a rock at a man’s surfboard” but not a 20-year-old kid..
And not for a crappy wave on a crappy day at Malibu.
Terrified? Terrified that people like him are allowed to vote and allowed to breed, yes. He has severe emotional problems which he takes out on everyone around him and he needs a proper ass whupping.
I kind of gave him one with help and he went crying to the cops.
But maybe you’re simpatico to violent people with emotional problems?
what’s with a 20 year old being a kid…more drama?
so your answer to a guy being violent with a rock on a surfboard , is he needs to get you to kick his arse…….ass whupping…is that a term for anal sex you use?
All Violent people have emotional problems they are called the human race!
Some people control their anger better than others – that’s called manners and class.
Well commenter, you’ve established that you weren’t a man at 20. So what pronoun were you using at the time?
You make no sense.
That’s what living in Orange County does to a person. Renders them a nonsensical prole.
“Your weren’t?”
“You weren’t”
It’s proper spelling and grammar that distinguishes us from the Mongol races.
It’s sarcasm, in case you missed it, dude. Couldn’t care less if they like him or not.
Just sack him then. The whole media release comes across as weak. He probably was always a arse-hole, but one that made them money. No problem then.
There is zero excuse for a 59-year-old man to do that to a 20-year-old kid.
None, zip, zilch.
What if he had stolen the kid’s bike and trashed it?
Jail.
That’s not localism or anything else – it’s psychosis.
Losing his job hopefully is just the start of his karmic punishment.
He has a serious screw loose – many screws loose.
He’s been that big of a prick for decades.
Five children from four different baby mommas.
That means he’s either J Paul Getty or Elon Musk or an NBA player or an idiot.
He single-handedly is making Idiocracy come true.
oh FFS , no one got hurt , no one was touched, the Lyon was simply sculpting the other ‘Mans” board but used the wrong tool, well ancient shaping tool……
You saying he has a screw loose , makes me like him even more.
He had the guts to go and say sorry , all blown over except for the narrative from people who are scared of their own shadows…..Boo!
He said sorry because he got busted for all the world to see, lost his job, etc.
He’s running for City Council and that incident isn’t gonna help.
I added my two cents to the funeral pyre:
https://patch.com/californi…
He got caught on tape.
Otherwise he wouldn’t have said “Boo!”
Anyone ever tell you you have a completely screwed up way of looking at almost everything?
Maybe in your tribe it’s acceptable for old men to assault young men, but out here in white man’s world we are better than that.
well said Mr Whiteman …..so he shows remorse and has discussion with 20 yr old man and father , and all good!
Yes I know you struggle with the World at large , so back to being a superior whiteman, where white is always right….just like your mate Trump….ya closet Trumpian…
Hey, you still building EEV’s? Semi guns? (6’8″s)
yep , off in a week to Europe , still takin orders till next thursday!!!!!
He showed remorse because he was very publicly shamed and lost a job and that’s why he made amends – otherwise he wouldn’t have done anything.
And no I am not a Trumper and in fact I am going after He Who Shall Not Be Named because he’s arrogant like Trump and dumb like Trump. I can’t throw Trump in jail where he belongs, but I can go after dingaling.
Trump is an idiot and a YUGE mistake on the part of America.
But we learn from our mistakes.
You’re an angry man with issues – like Andy.
nah just an old school surfer who laments todays surfers …not you Ben as you don’t surf…….but yeah pretty hard to fathom a world where there is little or no consequences to really bad behaviour!
There were consequences to really bad behavior – Andy got fired.
I go to Malibu and look around at the surf scene now and think: “I don’t want anything to do with any of this.”
I still love the ocean and still love waves.
When I was in Hawaii I was in the water every day for three years and that was fun.
But it’s all just so phony and dumb now. Too crowded. Too many surf reports. Too many hipsters.
It was fun to be a surfer through the 70s and 80s – a lot of fun.
Now it’s just kinda dumb.
Beachgrit is an example of that.
Hey Ben, you and MC might have beef for whatever reason, but I have to ask you honestly…when was the last time you surfed?
Last nigh/ I dreamed I was a dolphin but I was worried about sharks. GR was out there too.
I was right about Huntington Beach wasn’t i?
I reckon he’s a combination of Johnny Ringo from Tombstone and the blonde dickhead Cobra Kai kid from Karate Kid.
And we all know what happened to the both of them.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
“I”ll be your huckleberry”
“I got no beef with you Doc”
“I beg to differ, Johnny”
What a great movie.
Turtle is in that movie.
John, what part?
He is one of the bad guys. Challenges Wyatt Earp I believe. Gives him attitude. Gets shot at some point. One of the stiffs in the glass-covered caskets.
You’re no daisy! You’re no daisy at all. Poor soul, you were just too high strung.
writing was insane.
It’s not a 48 hour pass for petty abuse Ben. 36 hours now.
What’s great is, you release the prison gates and he comes out typing immediately. He’s been hanging on the sites every word since the ban. True fan.
It’s a carbon copy of his emails.
He’s a man possessed with great financial knowledge and an encyclopedia of surfing that Warshaw envies.
d00d… I laughed SO hard when I saw this reply.
At what petty is defined as in the context of all this pettiness?!?!
My abuse is never petty. It’s swelloquent. Gravitas.
one could call it white/soft and gooshy!
Yahoo! He’s back!!!!
I’ve made it my mission in life to call out He Who Shall Not Be Named on all his BS because to paraphrase Apocalypse Now: “The BS is so high, you need wings to get above it.”
Right now people like Zelensky and Nancy Pelosi and Liz Cheney and Merrick Garland are going after vulgar, corrupt bullies like Trump, Putin and Alex Jones.
There’s a universe of idiots who need to be put down and shut down.
I’m thinking globally and acting locally with He Who Shall Not Be Named.
This went up yesterday.
https://patch.com/california/malibu/angry-andy-angrily-attacks-young-grom-first-point-dings-his-stick-nodx
This morning I took it down feeling maybe a little bad about it.
But then I read this latest load of BS from Child Beater and I had to retort.
This line caught my eye: ” “He didn’t go to the cops, he didn’t bitch out.”
H.W.S.N.B.N and I had a decent little fight and then he goes and ruins it by crying to the cops.
Twice.
This is the slightly redacted version:
Child Beater
Really?
“He didn’t bitch out. He didn’t go to the cops.”
You’re the one who bitched out.
You attack me, you get your ass kicked and you go crying to the cops.
Twice!
The first time you sicced the cops on the wrong Brazilian because you don’t have a brain in your alcohol and DNA-challenged head.
You called the cops on Rapha – my Brazilian roommate – who had nothing to do with it.
Because if that had been Rapha the MMA fighter he would have ripped you in half like a phone book.
And then you bitched out to the cops again a couple months later. They called me out of the blue as I was driving through the Napa Valley.
I explained to the Sherriff your history of violence and that you’re just an E.LM.S = Entitled Little Malibu $hit = suffering from the most advanced case of Little Man’s Disease since Napoleon.
Daddy issues. Low IQ. Bad family. Single fin mentality. Never left town. Etc.
Never heard from them again.
Crying to the cops is unforgivable you double bitch.
You voted for Trump didn’t you?
Yeah you did. You’re as vulgar and stupid as he is.
Screw you and the Shetland Pony you rode in on you child-beating Oompa Loompa.
With aloha.
B
So, that was my response and it was true.
We did get in a tussle several years ago.
My friend R just happened to be visiting from Rio de Janeiro. He pulled this guy off me and put him in some kind of Jiu Jitsu hold.
When he got up he looked like this and I was actually concerned.
Turns out those were burst blood vessels in his face from struggling to get out of that move.
A little Jiu Jitsu goes a long way.
Anyway. Child Beater is completely full of BS.
There is zero reason for a 50-year-0ld man to harass a 20-year-old kid like that.
Zero. Especially on a crappy, meaningless day at Malibu.
The kid just wanted to have fun in the sun without hassling with dumbass.
Cool he lost his job, and let’s hope there are other penalties.
He seems to be running for City Council and I have a campaign planned for him.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Did you plan to have the ju jitsu guy there ahead of time ?
Not even.
Total fluke RC was even in California or even at the beach that day.
And the confrontation with Dumbass was also just by chance.
This is what Child Beater looked like when he came running out of his car to attack me, by the way.
Exactly like this when Brett comes out of the dugout:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuHjnvd4N6M
And RC’s not a badass by any stretch of the imagination.
Just a guy from Barra de Tijuca who knows enough Jiu Jitsu to get out of scrapes.
I didn’t entirely like him before that, but he’s been my hero ever since.
A little Jiu Jitsu goes a long way.
My former roommate Rapha is a badass however. A middle-weight MMA fighter.
Child Beater called the cops on Rapha when he had nothing to do with it.
Cops went and hassled him because He Who Shall Not Be Named doesn’t have a brain in his head.
That night after the tussle we went into LA and ate at that sushi place next to Fogo de Chao.
One of the four was Padilha, the guy who directed Elite Squad, produced Narcos and made the sequel to Robocop.
I was spinning, and they were having a laugh.
That was right up there on Top Five LA Nights.
Googled him and was reminded he made Endless Summer Nights and Blueberry was the model in that video.
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Richard Marx just came by the place where I work.
Also met Terrence Hill, Stedman, Gary Busey, son of Roy Orbison and got to ask Luke Wilson if he was amused or appalled that Idiocracy had already come true.
We had a good chat about all that.
Gotta hand it to you Ben That’s a crazy parking lot story and I’ve been surfing at Ocean Beach for a long time. It’s good to be friends with the right people at certain times
I have a strong feeling that you would not inspire Ben’s type of confrontation.
That’s the missing narrative…. avoiding the situation altogether.
True that’s not my personality. I would drive up and down the coast with my friend since we were fifteen years old and he’d get in altercations on a regular basis. He usually won. He was at Rincon though and got in a fight and he said he was being held under water and reached up and felt the guys arms which were bigger than his and he quit fighting . Lol
Is it so hard to be good in the water, wait your turn and when it is your turn, go? EMpty beach, find your own peak? The rules are so simple.
I guess it all gets thrown out the window at Malibu.
Agreed . Like you were saying about your boat trips, I’d do the same thing thing surfing a well known spot away from home. Paddle out at sunrise a lot of times .
It’s kinda fun having Ben back for two days. This place was getting as boring as the swellnet comments
This subject matter pretty much makes Ben necessary for a day.
I was reading Steve’s articles the other day and I will say, Swellnet comments are very serious.
Yea zero humor over there.
zer0
When I was 15 and first started coming to CA from FLA to surf fo the summer I’d spend a month in LA and a month in SD. I surfed Malibu countless times and my 3rd session of the day would usually be me paddling out at 3rd at around 6pm. I’d work my way down to 2nd and catch that in between right that missed 2nd proper and ran in between 2nd and the top of 1st. I fuckin gorged on that wave for years and years every time I surfed there, even on the most crowded days. Anyhow, when it would start to get dark, I’d sneak over to 1st and try to get at least one or two to the pier to finish my session. Them it’d be out to the clubs w my fake ID for a night of who knows what and where. Good times…
Can’t avoid a situation when some crazed Oompa Loompa comes charging out of a car and attacks.
He looked exactly like George Brett coming out of the dugout after the pine tar incident.
Exactly like this. No kidding. I was flashing on that as he was coming at me.
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
That was a good day.
I do not like bullies and I got to see some lickings get put to one of the worst bullies I have ever seen.
Someone who knows him and Malibu just texted me: “He’s so pathetic. You really don’t need to be mean… He just keeps embarrassing himself because he is such an angry, unloved prick. It’s sad.”
Perhaps, but he’s also a bully and I don’t like bullies. If you’re miserable, keep it to yourself.”
I’m still glad the world has now seen what a little prick this guy is, and he lost his job and etc.
Karma, baby.
It was all a fluke of timing but very satisfying.
That night at the sushi place – Matsuhia, it was – Rickson Gracie was supposed to be there but his wife wouldn’t let him out.
Rickson’s partner was there and RC was telling the story in rapid-fire Portuguese and they were laughing.
I had a shiner and my hair was messed up and people were looking at me funny.
I said, “Okay, what did I do wrong?”
They said, “You fought. It is dumb to fight. You are too old to fight.”
I said, “No, technically what did I do wrong?”
They said, “You gave your back. Never give your back.”
So… never give your back.
How many takedowns is it gonna take?
I’m thinking the next article ( in a series) takes us to a broke, shunned by all, Andy Lyons who email D saying he has now found god and seeks only redemption.
He spends his days wandering the beach at Malibu offering to fix dings for free ,reading verses from the bible and offering baptisms to sinners in return for some dinner.
At night we find him and Glider and there rescue dog Moses eating scraps and settling into another rough night camped on the beach in board bags with a small fire.
Andy smiling, says the incident is the greatest thing to ever happen to him as it helped him find god as he rubs his rosemary beads for the thousand times that day.
Glider asks “ dad, will we ever go home again?”
Andy sits up, rubs his long grey beard and pointing to the water, the stars and the other homeless saids loudly over the highway traffic “ we are home son, we are in Malibu “.
This is good shit Dave!
Mali Wu. He’s down with the Chumash now. Didn’t y’all read those Surfer magazines in the 70’s?