Positively wicked.
There is rude then there is really rude and The Inertia shocked its readers, overnight, but stomping, sneeringly, into the latter. I only discovered this foul bait-and-switch by clicking on the traditionally milk-warm surf blog’s story on the “angriest man in surfing,” broken by BeachGrit, replete with wonderful interview featuring the aforementioned Andy Lyons.
The piece shed no new light on the matter at hand, other than to add an obituary to localism, but below, and undated, hovered a photo of Kauai great Bruce Irons with the caption “Bruce Irons Arrested for DUI in Newport Beach, California. Irons was arrested for DUI, possession of a controlled substance, and driving without a license.”
I guessed the story was likely old, from well back in 2018, but curious enough to click.
Much to my surprise, there I was on the Wavestorm website.
Assuming that I had clicked the fringes, I backtracked and repeated.
Same Wavestorm website.
I repeated again.
Result unchanged.
But have you ever heard of such heartlessness? Such abject rudeness? Snagging the unsuspecting with personal tragedy only to deliver them to a mass-produced foam surfboard that is responsible for both environmental and lineup damage?
Positively wicked.
Are you impressed?
I still can’t shake the incredulity and anger when Andy Lyin’ says “HE DIDN’T GO TO THE COPS, HE DIDN’T BITCH OUT”
This is the guy who got his ass kicked by a skinny dude from Rio de Janeiro who knew enough Jiu Jitsu to hold him down.
And he Double Bitches and goes crying to the cops – TWICE!!!!!
He is relentlessly full of BS.
He’s a little bit Johnny Ringo and a little bit Cobra Kai dude and a little bit Alex Jones and a little bit Donald Trump, but come to think of it he’s a lot of the Baby Herman character.
A baby in the guise of a grown man. Or vice versa.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
I still can’t shake the incredulity and anger when Andy Lyin’ says “HE DIDN’T GO TO THE COPS, HE DIDN’T BITCH OUT”
This is the guy who got his ass kicked by a skinny dude from Rio de Janeiro who knew enough Jiu Jitsu to hold him down.
And he Double Bitches and goes crying to the cops – TWICE!!!!!
He is relentlessly full of BS.
He’s a little bit Johnny Ringo and a little bit Cobra Kai dude and a little bit Alex Jones and a little bit Donald Trump, but come to think of it he’s a lot of the Baby Herman character.
A baby in the guise of a grown man. Or vice versa.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
They have demonstrated dramatically that the only thing worse than surfers being such irascible, disagreeable assholes, is when surfers try not to be irascible, disagreeable assholes. And it’s a lot worse. It’s gross.
He’s 42.
And not into the industry .
That’s what happened to him
The KON has arrived.
I have indeed watched job’s latest mexico clip. And i have looked up second hand softboards recently. Damn you zuckberg
I find that the name ‘Wavestorm’ is rather too aggressive and promotes disharmony in our gentle community.
Look what it did to Andy Lyon.
I miss Beth. Heady, heady days.
The only thing impressive about Bruce Irons in 2022 is that he’s still alive as of 12 August – what a complete idiot and waste of talent.
Harsh
Being an idiot is one thing, but everyone’s entitled to waste their own talent.
No, they aren’t.
If Bruce was an average surfer, an assistant manager at Burger King who surfed several times a week at Sunset Cliffs or Oceanside on a Wavestorm, then no on would care if he chooses to live his life in a narcotic haze.
But he’s not. He was one of the singular talents of his generation, had a rare and unique approach to waves of consequence and was a brother to a three-time World Champion. That’s what makes his stupidity and talent wastage unacceptable.
Are you getting it?
Would you listen to yourself. His talent isn’t that he’s preternaturally talented at curing cancer.
He’s preternaturally talented at not learning the most obvious of life lessons, though. That’s something, anyway.
Is it that bad now?
I moved away from OB some years ago and never went back after years living around North County and the SD beach towns.
Is the average surfer at O’side and the Cliffs on a Wavestorm?
You can’t go back…. to anywhere
He his 42 and considered one of the best surfers of all time.
What more do you want him to do ?
Being good at something doesn’t mean that you have to make it the focus of your life till you die.
I suppose he still has time to set up his own laundry business across the road.
‘Bruce’s Ironing’
Send him some stickers?
Sam what happened, did you get a new handle?
I ride a single fin and have many different sharpers boards including my own.
It is my opinion, if you are over 21 and ride a 77 Sharpe eye, or whatever other pro model you should quite your job and become a pro surfer. it is the only logical choose you need to spend that much time on them to get them wired. Their is a few exceptions. however the masses are riding a board that just looks cool and they suck. and part of it is the board, just like when you rip part of it is the board.
I drive pretty well but I don’t have an F1 car. get it or suck at surfing, but look cool.
Which will be a new topic.
In the mean time Chas why don’t you send us your
height
weight
birth year
and then
the boards you ride dimensions.
For fun I will predict what boards work and which ones bog for you.
Then you can post a video of you surfing so we can all know the burning questions?
Do you Rip or do you Suck.
We know you have a big mouth already.
Haha, funny man.
But I bet he’s having more fun than you– which makes him the better surfer.
What’s your point?
Don’t need wave-storm in the water
and those that ride them should be reserved for wave pools.
(That way Kelly can start a league and win Um-teen more titles also.)
All the Kool-k guys will be together.
Get them out of Costco please this is UN ethical marketing obviously.
top things that are white, vinny.
Wonder if they’ll take it down, now that you’ve outed them for being cheeseballs.
Bruce not doing too hot apparently. I was wondering what happened to him after that one fake Drive Thru episode he filmed with Wardo and Bobby I transcribed last November…
Bruce walks up to the island counter that separates the kitchen from the small dining nook and prepares himself a bowl of Trix, spilling the milk all over the faux marble laminate. Ignoring the mess, he grabs his plastic spoon, the kind meant for food eating, and attempts to ingest his meal, getting most of it in his mouth but every so often having the small pieces miss his mouth, leaving a rainbow of the child kibble, half soggy on the counter. Just as he’s finishing up, in walks Bobby, who appears to have just gotten back from a run, his fitted, flat-brimmed, Monster logo-ed cap pinning in his airpodded ears tightly against his head drenched in sweat.
“Hey, man, were you out running already?” squeaks Bruce.
“Yes,” answers Bobby shortly, but not rudely, rather just answering the question directly.
“Whoa… running around this neighborhood is always so crazy… I mean, the streets are so… I always get lost,” says Bruce.
“I don’t know too much about that… hey, where’s Chris?” asks Bobby.
“He’s not here?” asks Bruce, clearly confused.
“No. Remember, he went out last night?”
Bruce continues to look confused.
“Yeah, he said he was going to look for some hookers… no, he said ‘escorts’… ‘just to talk to.’”
“And he didn’t invite me?”
“You were right there,” says Bobby, pointing to the couch in the adjoining living room. “I mean, you were pretty out of i…”
As he tries to finish, he is interrupted by the jiggling of the knob to the front door. The two wait in silence, as whoever is outside the door struggles with his keys, unable to correctly place them in the hole to unlock the door. After a few moments, he nails it.
“Hey, guys, are you almost ready to go?” asks the cloud of cigarette smoke and patchouli that walks in, who happens to be Chris.
“Go where?” asks Bruce, for some reason still confused, perhaps his permanent state.
“We’re supposed to be going on a surf trip for a movie, a knock-off of those Drive-Thru pieces of shit that Benji does.”
“Ohhhh, siiick. Where are we going again?” burps Mr. Question again.
“We were supposed to go to Texas and then Florida,” answers Chris.
“The end goal is Miami, which I don’t know is the greatest idea with you t…” starts Bobby.
“Whatever. So, Bruce, did you arrange us a way to get our flight?”
“Yeah, just a sec… where are we flying out of?”
“LAX,” responds Chris.
At that moment, Bruce’s body slumps and his eyes bulge out of his head.
“LAX? You know that is confusing as hell! I don’t know how we’re supposed to get there!” shrieks Bruce.
“It’s not difficult. We’ve all been pros for how long? It’s super simple,” maintains Chris.
Bruce backs himself into the corner of the dining area, sitting down on the floor beginning to hug his knees while he rocks back and forth.
“What’s wrong with him?” asks Bobby, shaking his head in disbelief, totally oblivious to the story about Bruce not making his flights for the contest in the Maldives from a few years back because he doesn’t pay attention to surf media, or so he says.
“He had a rough one a couple years ago,” Chris says as he walks over to where Bruce is, picking him up, cradling him in his arms.
“There, there, everything will be alright,” he whispers to Bruce, intermittently shhhhushhing him.
“Just get us an Uber or something… or ask Malia to come pick us up,” he relays to Bobby, giving him a nod.
“OK.”
Bobby orders an Uber and starts putting all their surfboards out on the lawn, where Chris sits with a lightly sobbing Bruce. There they sit in silence until their driver comes, who happens to be Koa Smith….
He and Andy stayed in our culdesac one year when Volcom released one of Bruce’s movies.
It really wasn’t debauchery, it was fiending. Manic, all night, drugs.
Waves pumped during their visit and the one day they made it down to the water, Andy threw up and passed out on the sand with our neighbor and Bruce may not have left the truck, I assume passed out.
They did make it to the movie premier at the Lido. Taj was there, came back to the house that night.
Remember them trying to play basketball. No dribbling, no passing, lots of fouling, no one can remember the score type basketball. Every house was happy that they left town.
smoke break?
if you say “The Inertia” 12 times quickly it sounds like ” I hurt her”, and that’s why girls can’t surf.
maybe Bruces punishment for the DUI was to advertise wavestorms?
Can’t even get to the comment section without tripping on a softboard ad:
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
If it was a troll by the Inertia, I am impress.
More than likely though, Chas went to the Wavestorm website repeatedly, on purpose, to order himself a new quiver, one board at a time.
Maybe some apparel as well.
Of course.
How could he resist a Wavestorm Jonah Hill surf jersey or a rainbow colored “Live Like Sasha” tee shirt?