Keala Kennelly (pictured) on Teahupoo monster.
Keala Kennelly (pictured) on Teahupoo monster.

World Surf League commissioner Jessie Miley-Dyer releases impactful historical video declaring former governing body paternalistic in deeming Teahupoo “too dangerous for women”; surf fans thrill at possibility of Filipe Toledo in “fun-size” waves while gals allowed to conquer monsters!

Chas Smith

By

Bold decision-making beckons.

The forecast for the hours-away Outerknown Tahiti Pro is a tale of two halves. On the front end, Surfline, the World Surf League’s official prognosticator, is calling for minimal swell that might reach “fun-size” of shoulder high. The back end, though, is said to feature double-overhead plus with crazy winds whipping, the reef begging for blood.

Exciting.

Earlier today, Beachgrit’s own Trollformerlyknownasjackmeoff penned, “Great forecast, small stuff for the girls, big stuff for the boys, and some weather to keep it real.”

Except.

As if to directly rebuke, the World Surf League’s Senior Vice President of Competition, Head of Tours (formerly commissioner, I think) posted a stunning historical video challenge.

Then a teenager, Miley-Dyer states, “After competing at Teahupo’o in 2006 as a teenager and a rookie on the Championship Tour, I had strong opinions about women’s surfing and who I wanted us to be. And I still do.”

With the call directly in her hands, might the men be sent out early, thrilling current world number one Filipe Toledo, and the women held for scary?

It would be bold decision-making long missing from the top ranks of professional competitive surfing.

Yay or nay?

Advertising material for the bike presents a compelling case for its use promising “majestic rides, trailblazing voyages and incredible sunset spins across the water.”

Surfers forced to flee for their lives as nine-thousand dollar “pedal catamaran” careers through lineup at iconic surf spot, “The craft smashed into pieces everywhere. Not many people were happy with him when he made it back in to shore!”

Derek Rielly

By

"The S1-C water bike gives people of all ages and athletic abilities an exhilarating bike ride on the open water for fun, fitness, and exploration."

Surfers at Burleigh Heads, not always the most welcoming when it comes to anything that might disrupt the iconic lineup’s hierarchy or calm, were forced to flee for their lives on Wednesday when a “pedal catamaran” careened through the crowd.

In a short video posted to Instagram by local Cameron Burke, a thrill seeker on a nine-thousand dollar Schiller Water Bike which has been designed “to take your breath away” attempts to catch a wave before nose-diving and losing the craft on the famous rocks.

Surfers dive for their lives as the contraption is loosed from its master.

“The craft smashed into pieces everywhere. Not many people were happy with him when he made it back in to shore. It could have done some serious damage,” Burke told the Gold Coast Bulletin.

The newspaper’s readers, surprisingly, were more pro-bike than pro-surfer.

They said the same to me on Surfers beach when i ventured out in my new LONG BOARD many moons ago, ha ha get over it.

Too many whingers in the ocean.

The way I see it this crazy contraption went well over a single surfer, who duck dived appropriately under it, and it was well away from tne general public, so settle down, nothing to see here…except what might have been happening to his belongings or his car for “tresspassing” on the local boardriders ocean.

The Burleigh locals can take it – Harden up and stop crying to the media. 

Surfers are soft.

The Karens of the ocean.

My son got caught in a rip out there when we were surfing one day at the point – The older locals just laughed and yelled out ‘ya might get eaten by a shark boy”   So stop crying about you might have nearly gotten runover by a bloke having fun. You don’t own the break Karen.

Advertising material for the bike presents a compelling case for its use promising “majestic rides, trailblazing voyages and incredible sunset spins across the water.”

Watch video here. 

Igarashi (left) Logan (right) mystifying.
Igarashi (left) Logan (right) mystifying.

Surf fans break decoder books, rings, in attempt to decipher secret finger message from WSL CEO Erik Logan and global superstar Kanoa Igarashi!

Chas Smith

By

Mystifying.

Surf fans near and far have come together, today, in an attempt to solve a great mystery roiling the professional landscape. Hours ago, World Surf League CEO Erik Logan posted an image to social media featuring himself and current world number six Kanoa Igarashi, captioning it, “Having an opportunity to speak the worlds best surfers is something that NEVER gets old! Last week I had a chance to speak to our sponsors at the Vans US Open, and no question one of the highlights was having an ability to interview Kanoa. He’s a very special person, global superstar and one of the best surfers in the world. I wanted to thank him for taking such great time for our partners and giving us some extra time to talk! #graitude #surfing #lovewhatyoudo”

On the surface all very wonderful, but what is stumping fans, here and there, is the secret finger message on display (see top photo).

Igarashi, on the left and appearing somewhat dazed, is holding up one finger pointed at Logan’s eye. Logan, on the right and grinning broadly beneath model-perfect beard, is holding up two fingers somewhat limply pointed at his own chin.

Neither is known to affiliate with a gang nor is either a 12-year-old girl.

What, then, is the message?

1 – 2?

Professional surfers and management coming together to ensure a Kelly Slater title for 2022 thereby exciting mainstream news and, tide rising, floating all ships?

Igarashi letting the world know that new-look Logan stands for peace and is our time’s John Lennon?

Later, the two shook hands in an uncommon way further muddying waters.

Do you have a decoder book?

Ring?

Are you a 12-year-old girl?

Help.

"Fun-size!"
"Fun-size!"

World’s best small-wave surfer Filipe Toledo thrills at initial “fun-size” forecast for upcoming Tahiti Pro but terror claws at corners of his mind as waves expected to reach double-overhead+ by end of window!

Chas Smith

By

Yikes!

The Outerknown Tahiti Pro officially kicks off tomorrow. Though it will likely not run immediately, it can be certain that the world’s best small-wave surfer Filipe Toledo will be pleading with the senior vice-president of competition, head of tours Jessi Miley-Dyer to get the party started as quickly as possible.

Surfline, the World Surf League’s official forecasting partner, is calling for minimal initial swell that will grow to shoulder high through the first weekend with gorgeous east northeast winds grooming.

“Perfect. It’s perfect out there. Run. Run today. Fun-size. Fuuuuuun-size,” he will maybe whisper through the screen of Miley-Dyer’s bungalow window in the pre-dawn hours, hoping beyond hope the message seeps subliminally.

Toledo will, of course, have one very nervous eye on the back half of the contest window where Surfline is calling for a “run of swell from the 17th-19th (that) may provide solid double overhead+ surf for Teahupo’o, potentially a little bigger on occasion.”

Yikes.

And you will certainly recall the 2015 Teahupoo contest in which Toledo refused to paddle for a wave, earning a 0 point heat score in what was described a brave act of cowardice.

Historic.

The wind those big days, however, may be a problem. While Surfline does its very best to bolster the WSL’s Wall of Positive Noise with sheer happy ludicrousness, the statement, “Models have been all over the place with just how the wind will play out for next week, as they struggle on a solution of a front sweeping through the region during that time. We’ll likely see a mix bag of good, bad, and so-so winds throughout this run, which for now, it’s still very uncertain when those times will be exactly,” does not inspire confidence.

“Bad winds on the way. Naughty winds coming,” Toledo will possibly chant near Miley-Dyer as she eats her lunchtime veranda poisson cru.

Will she be swayed?

Will the event run early or late?

More as the story develops.

Malibu realtor Andy Lyon holds up his WSL award for "Saltiest Local."

Dirty Water: Malibu realtor dubbed “Angriest Man in Surfing” details wild struggle as First Point enforcer, “People think I’m crazy but I’m trying to regulate a crowd of f$#king idiots!”

Derek Rielly

By

“My blood pressure? Dude! It’s f$#king through the roof! Are you kidding me? It’s nuts!”

Today’s guest on Dirty Water is Andy Lyon, the Malibu realtor and First Point surfer of fifty years who achieved a considerable notoriety recently when he threw a rock into another man’s surfboard following an entanglement, the video of the event going viral.

He lost his job, had his address published and a beat-down was suggested his kid Glider.

Lyon represents a vanishing era where lineups were harshly policed with a clearly defined pecking order, a limpid simplicity greased with the underlying threat of violence.

The highlight, for me, of this interview is our guest’s reply to the posit that Malibu is a sissy wave for old men and girls, not sissy old men who beat up on girls.

Photo: Jack English
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