Yikes!
The Outerknown Tahiti Pro officially kicks off tomorrow. Though it will likely not run immediately, it can be certain that the world’s best small-wave surfer Filipe Toledo will be pleading with the senior vice-president of competition, head of tours Jessi Miley-Dyer to get the party started as quickly as possible.
Surfline, the World Surf League’s official forecasting partner, is calling for minimal initial swell that will grow to shoulder high through the first weekend with gorgeous east northeast winds grooming.
“Perfect. It’s perfect out there. Run. Run today. Fun-size. Fuuuuuun-size,” he will maybe whisper through the screen of Miley-Dyer’s bungalow window in the pre-dawn hours, hoping beyond hope the message seeps subliminally.
Toledo will, of course, have one very nervous eye on the back half of the contest window where Surfline is calling for a “run of swell from the 17th-19th (that) may provide solid double overhead+ surf for Teahupo’o, potentially a little bigger on occasion.”
Yikes.
And you will certainly recall the 2015 Teahupoo contest in which Toledo refused to paddle for a wave, earning a 0 point heat score in what was described a brave act of cowardice.
Historic.
The wind those big days, however, may be a problem. While Surfline does its very best to bolster the WSL’s Wall of Positive Noise with sheer happy ludicrousness, the statement, “Models have been all over the place with just how the wind will play out for next week, as they struggle on a solution of a front sweeping through the region during that time. We’ll likely see a mix bag of good, bad, and so-so winds throughout this run, which for now, it’s still very uncertain when those times will be exactly,” does not inspire confidence.
“Bad winds on the way. Naughty winds coming,” Toledo will possibly chant near Miley-Dyer as she eats her lunchtime veranda poisson cru.
Will she be swayed?
Will the event run early or late?
More as the story develops.
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Are they engaged? Asking for a friend
Good article. Keep the Surfline quotes coming — they’re hilarious.
i don’t under/over estimate you…turn you neg around!
Poor ol flip, a few years back he went to Chopes early to try overcome his fear & do better there but he got absolutely cheese grated a week before the comp & now looks more nervous than ever out there.
To really confuse flip measure the waves Nazare style,ie ‘x amount’ German lower legs high.
The real story is in how blatantly the betting agencies are colluding over this event.
I’d like to see Michel Bourez get the win.
Tati is a shoo-in for best poo-stance.
Hey look… someone nailed it!!!
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Every year I try to write my sorry story in the comments of attempting to ride Teahupoo on a creased old bodyboard by paddling from the beach with one flipper during an afternoon layover between flights. I just tried but disqus fucked me halfway so it will have to wait for another year.
was the flipper and board in the luggage? did baggage handlers crease it? so many questions need to be answered with this little teaser . You definitely need to write it !!
Going around in circles and relying on old outdated material is pure Beachgrit.Get on it!
talk about hedge your bets – wind, no wind, tiny, small, big, offshore, onshore – cover every base so can be called best eva!!
‘Fun Size’ = ‘None Size’
Edit: Translation: ‘small = pointless’ at this venue.
Everything will be ok, Hedgey will be there for some weird ass reason.
hes just there for the froth!!
I’ll leave this here just to mess with Felipe:
Code Beige
…”Models have been all over the place with how the wind will play out”…
What sort of models are they ?
Catwalk models ?
Bikini models ?
‘Glamour’ models ?
Why doesn’t Surflie use meteorologists to do their forecasts ?
My grandmother got super thin and had to get really keyed-in to the wind forecast, as she could get blown over. I imagine models have the same concern, so perhaps a good go to.
Pip Wouldn’t Go
I was in Tahiti when this was taken and I would be lying if I said I didn’t pull a Pip and surf somewhere else. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
is that really me?
Were you also completely hammered in the airport while ordering 4 more beers before your flight?
The women have really been given the perfect intro to this.
Brother, you owe us a week of US Open analysis…. getta typing.
That was sooo long ago!
Please god no! It was bad enough watching a few heats much less reading about it the next day.
Was it a WCT event?
This could all be solved if the tour just held all their contests in good old surftown USA, Huntington Beach. The most picturesque of all oil towns!
It would certainly cut their carbon footprint.
Leave the towers up and cameras in place.
Hell, the judges could just be locked into the room and be fed via a system of pulleys and baskets.
Felipe is gonna win this thing no matter what conditions.
How will you eat your Crow, Chas? Maybe see you paddle out in over chest high Slo Elijo?