Pure smoke.

Encinitas, California, some thirty minutes north of San Diego and hugging the Pacific, is not used to much excitement. Residents enjoy waking up early, riding electric bikes down to VGs donuts for breakfast, or, if time allows, Pipes Café. Maybe going to drink a craft IPA at Union Kitchen after a little limbering yoga. A paddle at Beacons or Swamis might follow, swell dependent, before the sun is watched setting with many ooohs and aaahs about “the green flash.”

Simple folk, living simple lives and, thus, not prepared for the bombshell that exploded in their simple Vuori-swathed laps but a few weeks ago.

For, then, it was revealed that model/actress Emily Ratakjowski might just may be involved in a smoldering bit of amor with the world’s sexiest man, one Brad Pitt.

But a recent denial?

Per Page Six:

All the single ladies … now put your hands up!

Emily Ratajkowski clarified that she is still single amid rumors that she’s dating actor Brad Pitt.

The model, 31, discussed her split from Sebastian Bear-McClard in a Variety interview published Wednesday, saying she is learning to “let go.”

“I’m newly single for basically the first time in my life ever, and I just feel like I’m kind of enjoying the freedom of not being super worried about how I’m being perceived,” the “My Body” author told the outlet.

Any surfer who has ever tried to protect a favorite spot knows that is pure smoke.

Em Rat, as she is affectionately called here and as you certainly know, was born in England though raised in Encinitas, attending San Dieguito High School just down the street etc. The most famous Encinitan since Chris Cote doesn’t count since he lives in Leucadia.

Now, residents are freaking right out, stalking the Hamburger Hut with autograph books, not even looking at the sunset anymore as “Brad spotting” has replaced wearing hats as favorite hobby.

I just happened to see Emily at Seaside a few months back, as shopped for cleaning products, and also sat next to her at an intimate dinner up in Los Angeles. We chatted about North County and other glamorous things until some guy named Josh Tillman pulled out his guitar and started crooning. I thought he was a douche because he wore fussy cowboy boots and acted all affected and only later learned he was Father John Misty.

An evening to remember.

Will Slater rally to defense?

The world’s greatest surfer, in the midst of a scintillating potential love triangle between Gisele Bündchen and her estranged husband Tom Brady, is no stranger to fame. Aside from the aforementioned Brazilian supermodel, Slater has dated Pamela Anderson, pals around with ex-United States President Barack Obama, is on a first-name basis with race car driver Lewis Hamilton etc. but a real favorite of his notable pals is Bill Murray.

The iconic comedian has delighted for years, from Saturday Night Live to Caddyshack to The Life Aquatic, though was just viciously accused by actor Seth Green of abuse who told Variety:

When I was nine years old, I did a spot on ‘Saturday Night Live’ when Mary Gross was one of the on-the-scene anchor people for the news, and she did a whole thing about what kids think about the Christmas holiday,” Green said, adding that he killed time backstage by watching television. Murray was the host of that particular “SNL” episode.

“[Murray] saw me sitting on the arm of this chair and made a big fuss about me being in his seat,” Green said. “And I was like, ‘That is absurd. I am sitting on the arm of this couch. There are several lengths of this sofa. Kindly eff off.’ And he was like, ‘That’s my chair.’”

Although Green’s mom suggested that her son move so that Murray could sit wherever he wanted, Green remained steadfast and refused to give up the seat. The comedian said, “Are you this much of a jerk? This rude to tell a nine year old to get out of your chair. What is this power play?”

“He picked me up by my ankles,” Green said. “Held me upside down…He dangled me over a trash can and he was like, ‘The trash goes in the trash can.’ And I was screaming, and I swung my arms, flailed wildly, full contact with his balls. He dropped me in the trash can, the trash can falls over. I was horrified. I ran away, hid under the table in my dressing room and just cried.”

Hmmmmm.

To be honest, I’m totally with Murray on this one. It seems like Green was being annoying and very much deserved some hazing. More importantly, though, do you think Kelly Slater will rush to the defense of his friend or just let the tabloids tear him up?

Currently more questions than answers.

Who wants to be a multi-millionaire?

If you could get into a time capsule, shoot back to 2001 and tell those around you that in the future Mick Eugene Fanning would someday staggeringly wealthy, “one of the most successful post-retirement business athletes in Australia,” and an inspiration to business people everywhere what do you think they would say?

But here we are in 2022 and it is true.

A just-released News Corp feature estimates Fanning’s fortune to be somewhere north of $20 million. “The 41-year-old,” the piece goes, “has revealed details of his surprising wealth in an interview with The Daily Telegraph, where the 41-year-old opens up about the savvy decisions that have turned him into a business genius. The three-time world champion in April made a shock cameo return to professional swimming when he competed in the Bells Beach Classic — but he has had more important things bubbling away well outside his surfing career.”

Besides professional swimming, those things include flipping Balter Beer to Carlton Brewing for somewhere between $150 to $200 million, netting him $4 million, re-flipping that into real-estate and “undisclosed projects” and doubling down on FS8 fitness chain.

He is also alleged to have “business interests in a number of local restaurants and venues” on Australia’s Gold Coast.

$20 million smacks.

If you had those sorts of resources what would you do first?

I would go the the travel agent, purchase an airplane ticket and leave Australia’s Gold Coast.

Excess, scandal, athletic achievement.

Is there anything Jonah Hill can’t do? The one-time funny sidekick, good for bawdy laughs, has transformed into a leading man, able to carry films as diverse as Sausage Party to Don’t Look Up. More importantly for us, though, the 38-year-old Capricorn has become the face of modern surfing.

Bleach blonde hair, fine longer board, kitted Mercedes Sprinter, surf instructor ex-girlfriend, oceanfront Malibu estate.

A man of the people and so it should come as no surprise that our body positive hero has just been announced as playing John Daly in an upcoming, yet to be named, biopic.

Per CBS Sports:

Daly is known as the “bad boy of golf,” and he is a controversial figure in the sports world. According to Above The Line, the film will cover “the excesses, scandals, and athletic achievements” of Daly throughout his career.

Hill has shown versatility throughout his acting career, doing everything from comedies to dramas. Hill has earned Academy Award nominations for supporting roles in The Wolf of Wall Street and Moneyball. Most recently, Hill played a role in 2021’s Don’t Look Up.

The movie will be directed by Anthony Maras, who directed 2018’s Hotel Mumbai.

But do you golf?

A handful of years ago, the world’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater became interested in the game and seemed to infect all of surfing. Many outings to the links, much putting. Photos of Benji Weatherly, Shane Dorian, Rob Machado hitting off tees etc. I’ve wondered for years why Slater hasn’t become semi-professional, there, on the masters’ circuit but I also wonder many things that carry little value or importance.

I, personally, think golf is the poor man’s polo.

Can’t be bothered.