Yikes!

Any surfer worth his, or her salt, has certainly made pilgrimage to Oahu’s Waikiki. Oh, I know that the strip of fine sand, fronted by crystalline waves, abutted by a menagerie of hotels from various eras, on Honolulu’s southwest is not everyone’s cup of tea but its historical importance is without shade or shadow. Kings and queens used to ride those soft lulls breaking in the shadow of Diamond Head. Duke Kahanamoku, and various beachboys, establishing the very idea of “surf culture” on the sand.

Well, as Waikiki grew into a very popular tourist destination with more and more and more steaming, then flying, across the Pacific to relax and maybe try some of the surfing for themselves, the beachboys became savvy businessmen, paddling the corn fed into the soup, giving them a taste of real life.

Those who provided surf, canoe or catamaran lessons had, for decades, been required to carry a “blue card” provided by the State that ensured they were qualified in “first-aid, safety and hospitality” though, days ago and in a shock decision, Hawaii Land Board has repealed the stipulation.

Per Hawaii News Now:

Testifiers at Thursday’s board meeting said the beach needs regulation and experienced operators.

“Businesses can be created in months,” said Clyde Aikau, surf legend and Waikiki Beachboy. “Waikiki beachboy expertise, which we have, has been going for over 50 years.”

Brian Adam of Moku Hawaii Surf Shop said, “The beach has turned into a bit of a free for all. There’s guys renting surfboards umbrellas doing cash deals.”

The Division of Boating and Ocean Recreation now plans to work with operators to develop new regulations.

But what do you think will happen on those sands have descended into anarchy? Iowa VALs drowning en masse?

Erik Logan becoming beachboy himself?

Yikes.

Wedding candles!

Surf fans could not believe this turn of events, this radical shift. Weeks ago, they were sitting by their windows, lighting candles as it was revealed that Gisele Bündchen and her husband Tom Brady were having a rocky go. Oh, there was no implied sadism, no hope for the destruction of a grand union, but there was an even grander union to repair.

Namely with Kelly Slater.

The Brazilian supermodel and world’s greatest surfer had dated over the 2005s and 2006s, forming up the grandest power couple in surfing history. She at the height of her art. He winning two Association of Surfing Professionals World Titles.

Aspirational.

As fate had it, though, Bündchen fell into the arms of a dashing quarterback, married, built a life but, now, all that is officially in the rearview.

Per People:

Gisele Bündchen and Tom Brady will file for divorce after 13 years of marriage, PEOPLE confirms.

Sources tell PEOPLE that they will both file in Florida on Friday morning. (Update: Brady and Bündchen have since finalized their divorce, according to court documents obtained by PEOPLE.)

“The settlement is all worked out,” a source with knowledge of the situation tells PEOPLE. “They’ve been working on the terms this whole time.”

The source adds: “They agreed to joint custody of the kids.”

The couple’s split comes after months of reports that the couple had been struggling, and that Bündchen, 42, “is done with their marriage,” another source previously told PEOPLE.

“She was upset about it for a long time and it’s still difficult, but she feels like she needs to move on,” the source said in early October. “She doesn’t believe that her marriage can be repaired.”

Though what, exactly, was Bündchen upset about? Surf fans worried that it might be Brady’s refusal to retire as Slater also plans to surf, professionally, forever. But no! According to an Us Weekly source, “Gisele told Tom either he leaves football to spend time with the family or she is gone for good. She doesn’t want him to continue to get injured and not be able to enjoy life in the future. She is doing it for her family.”

And there we go.

Injury worry.

Ouchies are extremely rare in professional surfing. Slater, for example, hurt his foot a long time ago and, again, foot. Not head or anything important.

The Kid from Cocoa Beach will be fit as a fiddle for years to come and talk about having cake and eating it too.

Bolo de Rolo.

Divorce, anyhow, becoming official. The next step, for surf fans, is a sort of Parent Trap bit of intrigue.

Ideas?

Battle of Brazil.

Professional surfing, at its second tier, is back upon us and are you relieved? Thrilled for man-on-man, or woman-on-woman penultimate action? Oh, I’m certain the Challenger Series has been wildly successful for our World Surf League, millions, like tennis icon Billy Jean King, ready to tune in to see who will head to the Big Dance, who will stay home.

And let us turn our eyes toward Brazil and its days’ away Corona Saquarema Pro. There are many surfers of note in the draw, including Miguel Pupo and Jadson Andre, but none bigger than Gabriel Medina who is making a return from mental injury and, if I recall, a knee injury too.

Fire burning in belly.

Missing is sitting champion Filipe Toledo though he currently rules the region.

King of Saquarema.

You, certainly, remember when Toledo marked his conquest with a tattoo featuring the town, some palm trees, a gaping barrel and the years 2018, 2019 and 2022, applied to his lower calf by a competent artist. By all accounts, the population has been pleased with Toledo’s reign and doesn’t chafe under his yolk.

A light burden.

If Medina wins the event and steals the throne, will he be as benevolent?

Cheery?

Or will he invite friend Neymar Jr. in and turn the place into a den of iniquity with droit du seigneur etc.?

Classic bad guy stuff.