A farewell to arms.
A real problem for the VAL, or vulnerable adult learner, is paddling a surfboard. Oh he, or she, might be able to pop to feet with little problem, may be able to point eight feet and six inches of foam in one direction or another. Hop off at the end of the ride, tug the leash and bring their board back to them, but paddling.
Paddling is a tricky one.
First there is the balance, laying not too far back, nose sticking straight into the air, not too far forward, nose dipping in the water. Then is, then the “feeling,” knowing when a swell will take over and the arms are no longer needed. Mostly there are those arms, noodle-esque and not very strong.
Silly little water slappers.
Most difficult but a new company, Jetson Surf Technology, has maybe cracked the paddling code, giving he VAL the keys to every lineup in the world.
Per Robb Report:
The Florida startup’s board features a built-in jet drive motor like the rest of its peers, but it only runs for short bursts, according to New Atlas. This helps creates an experience closer to that of traditional surfing, and also allows the rider to go longer periods of time between charges.
Most electric surfboards let you control their motor via a squeeze throttle or handheld remote. On Jetson’s board, it’s controlled by a waterproof touchpad integrated into the top deck. From the pad, you can select one of four surf modes: Take Off/Boost (which temporarily gives you access to 100 percent power), Impact Zone (75 percent), Paddle Out (50 percent) and Eco Mode (25 percent). Select a mode, stand up and you’re ready to go.
Specs are:
Shortboard 6’8″x 21.5″ x 3.3″, Volume 45 L, 19 lbs.
Fun Shape 8’0″ x 23″ x 3.5″, Volume 61 L , 21 lbs.
Longboard 9’0″ x 23″ x 3.5″, volume 76.5 L, 23 lbs
Short bursts of power, no fussy throttle. Too good to be true? Get yours here.
nice. no real purpose but really well said. nice nice.
I only want one if I can steer it with my erect penis.
Freaking Parkmonkeys, 1st it was sup monkeys who could paddle but not surf for damn then that evolved to a more sinister dark art.. The FoilFreaks with there bucket hats and otherworldly styles of foiling ,once again most can’t surf to save theirs dangling mangos n tradewinds but still a step above suping (quite literally) but still not really itching the freedom of a vertical hacks and debaucherous sprays and now.. Now we come to this thing that will let those who..” oh fuck it, just paddle out and smile to be alive with the offshore at back..until you look around and see a sup parkmonkey with Dangling Mangos with a pink Bucket hat that’s says “small wave charger beware” and that wasn’t offshore winds but the little cheeky bastard gleefully zig and zagging around the lineup…. Fuck what a nightmare.. glad its over.. wait no it’s not .. this is real! IT’s everyone ocean 100% but the surf and waves that’s for another time and place … Kooks will always take scraps and ain’t no way you’re going to get real waves worth surfing on, without having the power to make it on your own .. be dependent on the battery of your boardS power s.. halfassed/dumbBlock head attempt .. I’m jealous yet prudently pumping my High aspect past all the grazing surf-tourists waiting for there instructor to tow them back out .. convince at a cost of a plastic experience ..Waikiki used to be dirty sex and clean waves now it’s dirty water and cleaner sex..
Elo told me that electric SUP’s are a sure thing , as you can fit a wheel chair on them and still surf . So getting older , 90 is the new 40!
Ah, finally I can join the lineup at Pipe!
Why put the motor in the board? How about adding a battery and propeller to the obviously oversized buttplugs these assclowns already use?
Haha
They should come with a neck rope.
Like that INXS dude
I have depressed ex- girlfriends laying on the couch who aren’t 45 liters …..
near beer
My fantasy would be to get tangled up in the whitewater with some douchebag on one of these boards and wrap my leash around his neck (chicks get a pass) and choke him out before the foam subsides. Ahh one can dream.
……then after a great session u see the corpse lying next to that hideous craft in the sand. The curiosity overtakes, stepping over corpse and removing leg rope from the cold fat body you take the monstrosity home. U can’t let go of the troubling thought of just one ride. So in the middle of the night u take that heavy toy out for a spin. Your so overjoyed with excitement you can’t help but explode! Suddenly your in-laws walk in and see you coming all over some dead guy. Then its jail or them. So you have necro orgy. Jet board kill family and rider is the headline on the morning paper.
Disgusting. Just what’s needed, another way for someone who can’t paddle worth a shit to clog the lineup and steal waves. The $4500 price may keep a lot of people away. The noise and electric energy from something like that can attract sharks, and perhaps that’s a self-limiting feature.
$4,500 is NOTHING to a tech-bro who is going to be all over the this abomination.
This just saved countless Insta accounts of the Kook Slams variety no doubt…
Unless it’s a pintail, which I’m assuming it’s not, who the fuck rides a 6’8 shortboard?
VALs
Struth! I send any kook trying to join my lineup on a barge over 23L straight back in.
Please explain how 23l relates to 90s speck. Is it like a 23″ wide 6’8″ and do u send tall and fat guys who rip on fat boards in. Like if Shawn Briley padles out on a fat 7″0′ and it’s head high r u fighting?😃
Well if you’re 6’6 then 6’8 is your shortboard 🙂
A 6’8 shortboard? What is this, 1969?
Chas’ Razzmattazz Joins The Long line of Iconic Snags…is the headline for one of the best catches in baseball history (MLB)
Some of the most memorable plays in October are made in the outfield. Range, speed and agility lead to some of the most exciting moments — many of which are game- and season-saving.
Is Jetson’s really the name of the surf company trying to swing us forward from the age of The Flinstones? Since when are core fanatics unsure of whether the season is just ending, or just beginning?
((I just made myself laugh and fall out of chair. That’s on you blog author…and the PSDT…(post surf diatribe trauma))
Top speed- 6 MPH
Pathetic
The founder has an uncanny resemblance to Mr. Spacely https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Great book
Though instead of just reporting on someone else’s report Chas, how about you get ya hands on a variety of these powered contraptions and take them for a test ride.
Not for actual surfing though.
More to test their suitability for use as a coastal commuter vehicle.
See how far up the coast you can travel till the battery runs out etc.
(they might have potential to be used for transporting valuable contraband, especially if they can be operated by remote control)
P.S.
I can come and help you test them.
Between your finely honed media nous and my infinitely superior athleticism we’ll be able to test their general usefulness and (nose)beer carrying capabilities, all the way from Swamis to San Clemente, and beyond…(before taking them south of the border)
Emailing now!
Extremely boring shark attack in Del Mar .
Have extensively tested the 9’0 jetson.It is a serious piece of shit, mostly because the battery life is maybe an hour if you just use it to assist catching waves. Also, the 23 pound claim is way out of line, it weighs at least 45 pounds. These things will never become popular, overpriced, poor shapes, and all around junk. Wavejets were way better and somehow these guys who used to make them have not improved anything with their new jetson company.